Covered in cat fur, she repeatedly recited the synopsis of The Delicate Wife’s Seventy-Two Transformations twice, confirming that this was indeed an authentic Mary Sue novel.
David truly was a cat that could cater to all tastes.
[Xiaobai: No… I still prefer the author of Men’s Plaything.]
[David: You should’ve said so earlier. She has a few other works. I’ll check the titles for you.]
Just as Xu Ye was about to decline, David sent over three titles.
[David: Women’s Soft Breaths, Carnal Desires, The Royal Advisor.]
Living up to expectations, the first book was about the journey of a patient with asthma, filled with warmth and healing, ending with a call for more care and understanding of patients. The second told the inspiring story of a barbecue stall owner who built her way up from nothing to reach the pinnacle of life.
[Xiaobai: And what about The Royal Advisor?]
Xu Ye straightened her posture slightly, ready to receive an intellectual and noble message.
[David: It’s about a female protagonist who transmigrates into a royal advisor of a small nation and has romantic entanglements with five handsome generals from enemy countries. The author said the book’s “pace is very fast.” What does that mean?]
[Xiaobai: …]
[Xiaobai: Don’t read that one. It’s not suitable for young, innocent cats like us.]
David didn’t press further about what those terms meant but didn’t click the novel links Xu Ye had declined either. Instead, she sincerely recommended four Chinese classics to him.
[Xiaobai: These books will definitely suit you.]
David carefully added them to his reading list, promising to savor them starting tomorrow.
[David: Done. Wait a bit. I’ll go check if he’s finished washing his hair. Talk later.]
Xu Ye replied with an “Okay,” then dug out a lint roller she had bought years ago to collect the cat fur on her.
This coat and pants combo had unparalleled lint-catching ability. Dai Dai’s white fur clung to her like she was a moldy piece of chocolate.
Once gathered, the fur clump was so compact it was the size of a fist. No wonder so many people said raising cats was troublesome.
She gazed worriedly at the bundle of fur. At this rate of shedding, wouldn’t Dai Dai eventually go bald?
She couldn’t imagine how the feline beauty Dai Dai would look with a receding furline.
After setting aside the fur, Xu Ye was about to toss her clothes into the washing machine when David’s message arrived again.
David said his owner had just finished washing his hair and climbed into bed, telling Xu Ye to get ready to log in.
Logging into the game, Xu Ye noticed David’s icon was still grayed out. The empty friends list felt particularly lonely.
After thinking for a while, Xu Ye spotted a new skin in the store. She opened David’s game profile.
Since today was their Jungle King showdown, as a loyal supporter of David, she had to ensure he was properly outfitted!
Rubbing her hands, she selected two of David’s most-played heroes and purchased both the limited-edition and legendary skins for them.
Sitting by the shoe rack, Xu Ye proudly grabbed a pack of melon seeds, leaned back with crossed legs, and waited for David’s praise while munching on seeds.
A few minutes later, a game message popped up from David.
[I’m Not David: Did you gift me skins again?][mfn]Tl’s Note: Just a reminder, David’s in-game name (ign) is I’m Not David while his forum name is simply David.[/mfn]
[I’m Not David: Four of them?!]
[Grandpa Is Here: Yes.][mfn]Xu Ye’s ign Grandpa is here, is a famous cultural slang in China wherein, especially the younger generation, call themselves as grandpa or any older generation to assert superiority in an argumentative situation.[/mfn]
[I’m Not David: ヾ(o′▽`o)ノ°° Thank you!
[I’m Not David: I won’t sleep tonight until I carry you to 100 stars.]
Xu Ye was momentarily charmed by David’s emoji and accepted the room invite he sent.
Calculating how far she was from reaching 100 stars, she thoughtfully replied for the sake of everyone’s sleep:
[Grandpa Is Here: Boss David, that goal is a bit ambitious. Let’s save it for later.]
The avatars of the two humans and one cat lined up neatly in the game lobby. David’s owner briefly typed out the duel rules: one jungle role per player in each round, the final Jungle King will be determined by KDA.
[ievieygh: Player 3, I know you’re friends with player 2, but you can’t favor him in the game. The duel must be fair, okay?]
[Grandpa Is Here: OK, OK. I definitely wouldn’t do things like secretly taking your small jungle camps, selling you out during team fights, giving the dragon to the enemy, or intentionally letting the first tower fall.]
Xu Ye’s overly detailed list left David’s owner a bit alarmed.
[ievieygh: …You better not!]
Despite his unease with Xu Ye, he was confident in his skills and eagerly started the queue for a match.
In the first round, every player but Xu Ye selected the jungle role. Player 4 ignored requests from the other players and locked in Monkey King with unwavering determination. Xu Ye went as a support pig, while player 5 picked Golden Cicada out of respect.
In the second round, hero selections were more reasonable. David managed to secure the jungle role, Player 5, who had mage avatars in their preferences, instantly picked a jungle hero and explained, “Oops, misclicked.”
When the game couldn’t be reset because two players had already selected tank heroes as their primary roles, David’s owner was livid: “I said pick jungle-priority heroes!!”
Feeling guilty, Xu Ye hunched over slightly in front of her screen, having locked in the pig again.
All five players charged into the enemy jungle with smite spells equipped, forcing the opposing jungler to type in tears: “Please, leave me something!!”
In the third round, a teammate claimed their boss was about to give birth, forcing yet another reset.
The hero selection phase within the team went smoothly, but the opposing team chose to reset the game.
The three of them silently returned to the game lobby. Xu Ye typed in the chat:
[Grandpa Is Here: I don’t think this is working.]
[ievieygh: Do any of you know someone to bring in for a five-stack team?]
Thinking about her social circle, which was even emptier than her romantic history, Xu Ye shamefully replied, “No.”
David’s owner said he’d try to recruit someone. Suddenly, Xu Ye thought of the two gaming dogs. She picked up her second phone and browsed the forums.
Coincidentally, the latest post in the dog lovers’ section was from those two gaming dogs. They mainly played mid and support, so they wouldn’t clash with their roles.
[After a long break, anyone in the dog section up for games? 25 stars or higher, random queue teammates are ridiculous.]
Xu Ye hesitated, her fingers hovering over the message box where she’d typed “we need two for a five-stack.” She couldn’t bring herself to send it.
As a loyal follower of David, she couldn’t go against her leader’s will and ask those two dogs to join their game.
Instead, she lurked enviously, scrolling through their forum profiles and marveling at their impressive skills, almost moved to tears by their abilities.
She hadn’t envied them for long before a private message from David popped up.
[David: I just saw on the forums that those two dogs are looking for teammates. Want to invite them? They wouldn’t overlap with our roles.]
[David: After all, the forum mod did say in the pinned post, “Don’t discriminate just because they’re a different species.” Cats and dogs can coexist peacefully, you know. ^_^]
David was actually willing to make such a big compromise for their five-stack effort! Moved, Xu Ye sent the gaming dogs an invitation, crafting a tongue-twisting message:
[4F: Need two for a five-stack, no overlapping roles. There’s a mix of cats and dogs in the team, but the humans don’t know we’re cats and dogs. Just don’t expose our identities. Interested?]
[5F: Yes!!!]
Xu Ye added the gaming dog with the forum ID I’ll Carry Mid to Victory as a friend and told them that everyone except the player with the garbled username was part of their Cat-Dog Association.
The two gaming dogs, Little Dog Cake Hands and Big Dog Cake Hands, cutely occupied the last two slots in the room. David’s owner was stunned.
[ievieygh: A couple?!]
[Little Dog Cake Hands: Don’t tarnish our pure brotherly bond!]
Everyone except Xu Ye was a skilled player, but her old pig wasn’t bad either. She even received praise from David.
On the public chat, David openly complimented her, saying Xu Ye’s pig gameplay had improved significantly.
The two gaming dogs, unfazed by whether Xu Ye was a cat or a dog, showered her with praise.
[Little Dog Cake Hands: Grandpa Is Here, you seem like the reincarnation of Zhu Bajie.][mfn]Zhu Bajie, also named Zhu Wuneng, is one of the three helpers of Tang Sanzang, along with Sun Wukong and Sha Wujing, and a major character of the 16th century novel Journey to the West. Zhu means “swine” and Bajie means “eight precepts”.[/mfn]
[Big Dog Cake Hands: Grandpa Is Here, you’re practically the embodiment of a pig.]
[Grandpa Is Here: …]
Xu Ye felt like she had just been insulted, but she couldn’t ignore the dogs’ genuine compliments. With tears in her eyes, she promised to keep improving and strive to become a top-tier pig player.
Glancing at her absurd username, she finally began to question her decision to pick such a ridiculous name.
As the night went on, the invincible combination of two humans, two dogs, and one cat grew more coordinated. Xu Ye found that as long as she held her rake and participated in team fights, victory was within reach.
When she reached her final star to ascend to Glory rank, David and his owner’s showdown also concluded.
The game between adults, cats, and dogs was as straightforward as it could be. Nobody—nor dogs—betrayed anyone to ensure David’s victory. David’s owner even commended Xu Ye and the gaming dogs for their esports spirit.
No one left the room. Everyone, human and animal, quietly waited for David’s owner to calculate the results.
After much delay, he reluctantly typed:
[ievieygh: You win. I admit you’re the world’s number one jungle king. /Angry]
[I’m Not David: Hah! Thought you could beat me? Bowed before me, didn’t you? /Smirk]
True to his word, David’s owner changed his in-game ID to David Is Number One in the World.
Xu Ye knew they had made a bet but hadn’t expected the stakes to involve altering their game IDs.
[Grandpa Is Here: You guys really went all out.]
After changing his name, David’s owner grumbled in the room: “It’s so embarrassing to have this name.”
Xu Ye was indignant. How dare he feel dissatisfied with a name bearing David’s greatness?
She immediately typed: “Hah! Being able to flaunt my David’s name is a blessing for you!”
David’s owner shot back: “Then why don’t you change yours too?”
With a cold laugh, Xu Ye boldly pulled out one of her last three name-change cards and triumphantly typed in large characters: David the Invincible.
[David the Invincible: All set. How about it? /Proud]
[David Is Number One in the World: I’m impressed.]
[Little Dog Cake Hands: Spectacular.]
[Big Dog Cake Hands: Sophisticated.]
[I’m Not David: …]
Everyone left the room satisfied. The gaming dogs, enjoying the lively atmosphere, promised to team up again next time.
Xu Ye admired her impressive streak of silver tank medals and opened her friends list, noticing her 300 intimacy points with David.
David’s account was already offline, so Xu Ye sent him a private message on the forum:
[Xiao Bai: Want to link an intimacy relationship?]
[David: Sure. Apply for the one you want.]
Xu Ye opened the intimacy menu. Among titles like “Lovers,” “Besties,” and “Brothers,” one unique title caught her eye.
[Establish relationship with I’m Not David]
[Not just siblings, they are my __.]
With a mischievous smile, she clicked on a title that perfectly matched David’s overbearing CEO persona.
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