RPDPHW Chapter 39

After exploring Gu Qingyin’s mouth, Zhong Shujin finally pulled away slightly from her lips and murmured, “Good wine.”

“Hmm… have you guessed it?”

Gu Qingyin’s face was flushed, her breath uneven as she asked.

Their breaths intertwined, and Zhong Shujin’s breathing was also slightly disordered.

“Mm!”

Zhong Shujin brushed his lips against hers again before saying, “It has the taste of Luofu Spring—delicious!”

Well, well, he sure knows how to be seductive.

Gu Qingyin felt a surge of amusement at his uniquely teasing way of stealing a kiss. If not for the fact that her hands were tightly restrained at her sides by Zhong Shujin, and that she had no strength left to resist, she would have pulled him into her embrace and showered him with affection.

Since she couldn’t fight back, she simply went along with it and teased, “Not bad, but there’s one more type of wine. Can you guess what it is?”

Her slightly upturned eyes carried an alluring charm, filled with the vibrant warmth of spring—utterly captivating.

Zhong Shujin couldn’t help but lick his lips.

“Then I’ll have to taste it again.”

The rich fragrance of wine lingered between their lips as their breaths tangled. As their lips and tongues entwined once more, Zhong Shujin felt a hint of intoxication himself.

What could the other wine be?

At that moment, with Gu Qingyin responding so passionately to this deep kiss, how could Zhong Shujin possibly focus on guessing the taste of another wine?

Right now, she is completely lost in this lingering embrace!

What kind of wine it was no longer mattered.

Amidst the haze of passion, Zhong Shujin’s hands had moved—not to restrain Gu Qingyin’s wrists anymore, but to her waistband.

Their battle of lips and tongues had yet to end, yet she was already reaching to untie Gu Qingyin’s sash.

However, freed from her restraint, Gu Qingyin followed her movements and pressed down on her hands.

That gentle resistance was nothing to Zhong Shujin.

Still, she did not force Gu Qingyin. Instead, she pulled back slightly, resting her forehead against hers, and softly asked, “May I?”

It was a question of respect.

In her eyes shone a rare light, so bright that it made Gu Qingyin’s heart stir with joy.

It was rare for Zhong Shujin to take the initiative like this.

Of course, Gu Qingyin was pleased.

“Ah Jin.”

Yet, she neither gave a direct answer nor refused outright.

Her hands remained on the backs of Zhong Shujin’s hands, which still rested on her waistband, unwilling to let go.

“Do you know what this means?”

Gone was the earlier teasing allure—now, Gu Qingyin looked utterly serious. Even though the lingering flush on her face betrayed her emotions, her tone left no room for Zhong Shujin to take this lightly.

What did it mean?

If this final barrier was undone, there was no question about what would come next.

But for a woman, nothing was more important than her chastity.

If she took Qingyin’s innocence on impulse—could she truly take responsibility for her future?

If she wasn’t certain, yet she still went through with it, wouldn’t that be too reckless?

At that thought, the heat surging through Zhong Shujin’s body was doused as if a bucket of cold water had been poured over her. Her fervor faded instantly.

The brightness in her eyes gradually dimmed.

She hesitated.

Could she? Was she truly ready?

Even she couldn’t be sure—so how could she still ask Gu Qingyin?

After a moment of contemplation, Zhong Shujin took a deep breath, calming her racing heart.

Once she had steadied herself, she reached out and adjusted Gu Qingyin’s collar, covering the exposed skin. Then, in a playful tone, she said, “I was just messing with you. Why take it so seriously?”

“Messing with me?”

Gu Qingyin’s own simmering heat was also extinguished by those words. As Zhong Shujin’s hand slowly withdrew from her collar, Gu Qingyin suddenly grabbed her wrist.

The grip was far too strong.

Zhong Shujin felt slight discomfort and frowned slightly.

She didn’t struggle, allowing Gu Qingyin to clutch her wrist tightly. Instead, she met her gaze calmly.

“Ah Jin, do you know? Just now, at that moment, I was willing. I was ready to give myself to you!”

Gu Qingyin stared into her eyes, a trace of bitterness in her voice. “No… that’s not right. Perhaps I should say—I was desperate to give myself to you! I wanted to give you everything, every part of me!”

Hadn’t all her teasing just now been meant to lure Zhong Shujin in?

After a pause, Gu Qingyin lowered her gaze and continued, “But the reason I stopped you in the end is because I’m afraid, Ah Jin. I’m afraid… afraid that, just like before, you’ll leave me behind once again.”

This was what she had been scheming for—yet at the very moment of success, she suddenly regretted it. Fear crept in. She was terrified that if they crossed this line, and one day Zhong Shujin left her again, how would she ever forget?

If Zhong Shujin hurt her like that again, would she still be able to love?

She had drunk too much. The delayed effects of the alcohol surged to her head, pulling forth sorrows she had long buried deep in her heart.

And that simple phrase—”I was just messing with you.”—left her feeling utterly disappointed and drained, dragging her thoughts back to that New Year’s Day years ago.

Even though Zhong Shujin was right beside her, even though she was now sitting atop her in the most intimate of positions, Gu Qingyin still couldn’t escape the pain of the past. Two silent tears rolled down her cheeks.

When the person you love leaves, the whole world feels empty.

Back then, it felt as if a hole had been drilled through her heart. Even now, just recalling it brought back an unbearable ache.

“Qingqing!”

Zhong Shujin, who had been quietly listening, panicked the moment she saw Gu Qingyin’s tears. She had no idea what to do.

“Why are you crying? I’m not leaving! I’m right here, aren’t I?”

Flustered, she scrambled off Gu Qingyin, cupping her face in her hands and wiping away her tears with deep concern.

Gu Qingyin rarely cried. But every time she did, it felt like she was ripping out a huge piece of Zhong Shujin’s heart.

“Don’t cry, don’t cry. I haven’t left, I haven’t abandoned you. If you want me to continue, we will, okay? Please don’t be sad. From now on, I’ll listen to you—anything you say, I’ll do.”

“Zhong Shujin! You bastard!”

Gu Qingyin had been trying so hard to stay strong, to hold it in—but with Zhong Shujin’s coaxing, she completely broke down.

“How could you be so cruel? How could you bear to leave me like that, so decisively—without even a single goodbye?”

At that moment, Gu Qingyin felt as if the sky had collapsed.

The pain in my back then was something that could never be healed.

Even though she told herself she had recovered, that it no longer hurt, that she could face it calmly—the scars still remained at the very core of her heart.

Scars that would never fade.

All it took was a small trigger—a single word, a single moment—and that wound would be torn open again, raw and bloody, spreading inch by inch until it reached the very depths of her soul.

Once again, the pain was suffocating.

“Qingqing, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I’ll never do that again… please, don’t cry.”

Panicked, Zhong Shujin pulled the sobbing Gu Qingyin into her embrace, gently stroking her back as she murmured with heartache, “It’s all my fault, everything is my fault.” If you’re angry, punish me—I’ll accept anything. Just please… don’t cry anymore, okay?”

This was the first time Gu Qingyin had ever cried and spoken so openly about what had happened back then.

And for Zhong Shujin, there had never been a moment that hurt more than this.

So much time had passed, and yet the ever-resilient Gu Qingyin was crying like that. If even now she was in such pain, then how much worse must it have been for her back then?

Before she could finish that thought, Gu Qingyin suddenly a bit hard on her neck.

“Hiss—!”

Old wounds had yet to heal, and now there was a new one.

But what hurt more than the bite was the searing warmth of tears falling against her skin.

With just a sharp inhale, Zhong Shujin stopped caring about the pain in her neck. She simply continued stroking Gu Qingyin’s back, her voice soft and filled with guilt.

“For someone like me—a bastard like me—you shouldn’t hold back anymore. If it makes you feel better, you can bite me all night. I won’t mind.”

Hearing those words, Gu Qingyin’s tears only flowed more fiercely.

People were strange like that—when alone, no matter how painful or unbearable something was, they could grit their teeth and endure it. But the moment someone was there to comfort them, to indulge them, even the smallest grievance could swell into an unbearable sorrow.

Just like Gu Qingyin at this moment.

To her, this had simply been a bitter memory of the past. Yet, under Zhong Shujin’s gentle coaxing and indulgence, it had become an overwhelming injustice, a deep wound that she could no longer suppress.

She had wanted to bite Zhong Shujin hard, to make her truly feel the pain she had suffered. But in the end, she couldn’t bring herself to be that ruthless.

Eventually, she let go, burying herself in Zhong Shujin’s embrace as she choked out, “I should hate you! But what I hate even more… is that I can’t bring myself to hate you at all!”

A sharp sting rose in Zhong Shujin’s nose, threatening to bring tears of her own.

After that, Gu Qingyin continued crying intermittently for quite some time. It wasn’t until Xiao’er knocked on the door that she wiped her tears away and pushed Zhong Shujin aside.

“Stay away from me!”

Zhong Shujin sniffled, feeling wronged, but obediently went to open the door.

“Oh no, miss! Your neck is bleeding so much!”

Zhong Shujin reached up and wiped at her neck, only to find her fingers covered in blood.

She looked at the bright red staining her palm, sighed lightly, and said, “It’s nothing.”

Then she took the copper basin from Xiao’er and blocked her from entering the room.

“Qingqing, at least wipe your face before you sleep.”

Zhong Shujin soaked a white cloth, wrung it dry, and turned toward Gu Qingyin.

But Gu Qingyin only gave her a cold shoulder, remaining silent with her back to her.

With no other choice, Zhong Shujin took off her shoes, climbed onto the bed, and knelt behind Gu Qingyin. Quietly, she pressed the warm, damp cloth against Gu Qingyin’s cheek, wiping at her face in a rather clumsy manner.

She was practically poking herself in the eye!

Annoyed, Gu Qingyin finally turned around, glaring at Zhong Shujin.

Her red, swollen eyes made Zhong Shujin’s heartache terribly.

Scooting closer on her knees, Zhong Shujin carefully wiped the tears from Gu Qingyin’s face, murmuring, “This great sect leader has never served anyone like this before! This is a privilege most people could only dream of! And yet, here you are, giving me attitude?”

Even though Gu Qingyin ignored her, she kept rambling, “Of course, I’m not blaming you or anything. It’s just that, knowing how much you like being clean, if you don’t wipe away those tears and snot before sleeping, you definitely won’t be able to fall asleep properly…”

Under Zhong Shujin’s careful and gentle touch, Gu Qingyin’s expression softened slightly.

She allowed herself to enjoy the rare service of the grand sect leader—letting Zhong Shujin wipe her face, then her hands—before finally undressing and slipping under the blankets.

Now that she had calmed down, she felt a bit embarrassed about crying so horribly in front of Zhong Shujin.

It was all Ziyan’s fault—why did he have to make her drink so much?

Still feeling frustrated, Gu Qingyin kept her face cold and silent.

Zhong Shujin poured out the water, then put out the lamp before lying down beside her.

Outside, the wind howled softly, while inside, silence filled the room.

A long, long time passed.

So long that Gu Qingyin, barely able to resist the pull of sleep from the alcohol, was just about to doze off when Zhong Shujin suddenly scooted closer, wrapped an arm around her waist, and said seriously, “Anyway, there’s nothing urgent happening in my sect right now. Whether I’m there or not doesn’t really matter. So, after I meet up with my subordinates, why don’t I accompany you on your journey to find your family?”

“What did you say?”

Gu Qingyin thought she must have misheard and asked in disbelief.

“I said, I’ll go with you to find your family.” Zhong Shujin clasped Gu Qingyin’s hand gently and said in a warm voice, “So, don’t be angry anymore, alright?”

Gu Qingyin was stunned.