“Why should the matter between you and me involve the safety of the people? Xu Shaotang, you are not that kind of person.”
The Shaotang he knew would help beggars with their illnesses, would try medicines for the poor, and would be willing to go to see patients no matter what the weather was like, as long as there were patients.
The Shaotang he knew would not say comforting words or give a pretty smile, but he would carefully consider and ponder the dosage of the medicine.
But he didn’t know that the Shaotang he knew was now struggling with himself. He had already bitten himself until he bleed and swallowed it with saliva, just to make himself look “normal”.
He also didn’t know that the Shaotang in front of him would probably kneel down without any dignity if someone gave him some opium or morphine and let him smell the scent of relief.
Duan Yelin, who never left, almost made Xu Hang collapse. His words became as sharp as a knife, hurting people without knowing it: “Everyone has the potential to become a demon, it’s just a matter of timing. For me now, what I want to hear most is that you swear that you will never appear in front of me again!”
“What if I don’t?”
“You try.”
Xu Hang’s eyes were red, and he looked like a little beast that had sucked blood.
“You really understand me. You know that at this time, using the people to threaten me is the most effective. You really tried your best to make me leave. But Xu Shaotang, you underestimated me!” Duan Yelin grabbed his collar and used brute force to pull him in front of him, staring at him, and said, “I’m going to make a bet with you, Xu Shaotang! Within a month, I will not set foot in Jinyan Tang, but you don’t expect to leave Jinyan Tang as well. I’ll show you that I can get that batch of medicine without you, Special Commissioner!”
After saying this, he let go with great pain. Xu Hang lost his balance and took two steps back, hitting his waist on the tea table. The table shook, and the porcelain vase on the table fell to the ground and broke into powder.
“What if you win the bet? And what if you lose? Do you think that even if you win, I can still pretend to be flawless and continue to stay by your side like before? Duan Yelin, from the moment you get my name back, I am no longer ‘Xu Hang’.”
“Whether you win or lose, the result is the same. For you, you are free. But it’s different for me.” His voice was a little hoarse. “I will leave you, but not because of your coercion. It’s just because… I want to give up on you.”
Winning this bet might be a way of getting angry, getting angry with Xu Hang, as well as himself.
He didn’t want to recall this love affair in the future, which ended in such an embarrassing way. He just lied to himself, telling himself that it was not because of Xu Hang’s desperate escape but because he was willing to let go.
Xu Hang just held on to the table, neither standing up straight nor looking up. Duan Yelin’s dark eyes wandered over him, then he closed his eyes heavily, turned around, and left.
As soon as he stepped out of the door, Xu Hang shouted at his back, “Then you must keep your word! Have some courage and don’t step into my Jinyan Tang again! Don’t humiliate yourself in front of me!”
Duan Yelin’s jaw was taut, he didn’t look back, his chest heaving violently. It was obvious that he was breathing very hard, even his shoulders were moving slightly up and down.
People can be sad because the opposite of sadness is happiness. Everyone is essentially the type who forgets the pain once the wound has healed. As long as there is something sweet, the sadness of the past will be forgotten.
But people cannot be disheartened. If the heart is cold, it cannot be warmed up again.
Duan Yelin’s warm heart that was covering Xu Hang, this icy lump, did not move him but instead cause himself to be completely cold. Like the icicles hanging on the frozen treetops in the early morning when the cold wind blows south in December, it is completely cold.
The moment he stepped out of Jinyan Tang, he felt like a tree, pulling his roots out from deep in the soil and walking out step by step, bleeding with every step.
Giving up this bond is no less than breaking himself in half. Xu Shaotang is a festering sore in Duan Yelin’s heart, and he wants to dig him out along with the rotten flesh around him so as to avoid being riddled with holes and having no healthy flesh left.
After all, he and he were never able to achieve the harmony of spirit and body and could only exist in mutual growth and restraint.
Watching Duan Yelin walk out of the door of Jinyan Tang, Xu Hang finally breathed a sigh of relief. His knees went weak, and he fell to the ground like a boneless piece of tofu, his whole body convulsing uncontrollably.
If that guy had gone out a moment later, he would have made a fool of himself already.
Every part of his body was craving the salvation of morphine. He dug his ten fingers into the ground and pounded hard with his fists, as if this could relieve some of the pain.
Morphine… morphine… He needs morphine.
He crawled forward with his hands, moving little by little, until he reached the threshold.
“Chan… Yi, Chan Yi!”
Chan Yi, who was in the side hall, had actually been listening carefully to what was happening in the main hall and only rushed out when she heard Xu Hang’s hoarse and strange cry. Seeing Xu Hang’s miserable state, she was frightened out of her wits.
“Head of the Household! Head of the Household!”
She rushed forward, helped Xu Hang up, and let him lean on her arms. She touched his forehead, it was not hot, and even cold. His whole body felt as if he had been electrocuted, and his hands and feet were twitching.
“How could this happen? Did Commander Duan hit you? Huh? Are there any wounds?”
Chan Yi lifted up Xu Hang’s sleeves and was startled by the large and small pinholes on them.
“Ah!”
His arms were all bruised, just like Shen Jingmo’s at the beginning, or even worse. The densely packed pinholes made one’s scalp numb.
“Shh… Chan Yi, don’t, don’t scream…” Xu Hang curled himself up into a small ball, nestling in Chan Yi’s arms. His forehead was sweating, but he kept muttering, “Get me the medicine… medicine…”
“What’s the point of taking medicine? You need to go to the hospital!”
“No… I can’t let him… know… I can’t…” His pride was so strong that he wouldn’t allow himself to beg for mercy from others.
Especially… Duan Yelin.
“Then tell me, where is the medicine?”
“Drawer… drawer…” Xu Hang pointed weakly in a direction. Chan Yi carefully put Xu Hang down, held a handkerchief to cushion his head, ran over hurriedly, pulled the drawer, and pulled out the whole drawer at once. She looked at an iron box, opened it, and saw several rows of injections. Although she was surprised, she still gave it to Xu Hang.
“Head of the Household, is this the one?”
Xu Hang grabbed an injection rudely, like a hungry man seeing food, rolled up his sleeves, and injected the injection into his own vein with a “whoosh”!
That movement was so powerful that Chan Yi grimaced in pain just by watching it.
The liquid was slowly injected into Xu Hang’s body, and his breathing slowly calmed down. His shoulders stopped shaking, and drops of sweat slid down his chin and dripped.
If she still couldn’t figure out what Xu Hang’s illness was, Chan Yi would have done all these years for nothing. But she couldn’t believe that the master she had been protecting with all her heart would end up like this!
Before she could even say anything, tears started to fall. She spoke carefully, “Head of the Household…”
Xu Hang pulled out the needle, threw it away, and smiled weakly at Chan Yi: “Don’t tell… anyone…” Then he collapsed forward and fainted.
Chan Yi reached out and hugged the unconscious Xu Hang, already bursting into tears.
