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JM Chapter65

Motivation

He lowered his eyelids, seeming a bit uncomfortable. After a moment, he finally spoke, “Nanlin… sixteen.”

 

“You’re two years older than me, and you’re already this tall? Nanlin… your name sounds really nice.” Seeing his reserved nature, I sensed he wasn’t trying to push me away, so my courage grew. “Your eyes are really beautiful too, they’re as blue as the sea. I’ve never seen eyes like that before.”

 

“You’ve seen the sea?” He lifted his gaze, curiosity evident in his eyes.

 

I’ve never been outside of Southern Jiangsu, so I’ve never seen the sea. But I’ve flipped through the Illustrations of Sea Creatures on my master’s bookshelf countless times, and it has long been etched in my mind, even appearing in my dreams. Wanting to keep the conversation going, I lay back beside him, propping my head up with my hand, lazily lifting one foot. “I have. The sea is as blue as your eyes, as vast as the sky. The fish in the sea are as many as the birds in the sky. If you look at those clouds, they look like the waves of the sea, and the fish fly on those waves.”

 

He tilted his head back, gazing up at the sky.

 

I looked into his eyes, and the clouds in the sky were reflected in the depths of his gaze.

 

Those pure, untainted eyes, in that moment, seemed to contain the sea from my dreams.

 

“I want to see it.” He said.

 

I sat up suddenly, looking into his eyes: “I’ll draw it for you, is that alright? I’ll come here every day and paint the sea for you, as long as you’re willing to be my friend.”

 

He was taken aback, and a yearning that he couldn’t hide flickered in his eyes.

 

After a long silence, he finally asked, “Why do you want to be friends with me?”

 

“Because…”

 

I naturally couldn’t say that I fell for him at first sight.

 

A man liking another man, such a fondness, coupled with the vast difference in our statuses, I wouldn’t dare say it out loud, not even in death.

 

“Because I have no friends, and I feel lonely. You seem to have no friends either. We can keep each other company, it’s a perfect match.” I lowered my head, not daring to look at him, afraid that if I met his gaze, the secret in my heart would slip out.

 

“Oh, right, this is for you.” I nervously pressed my lips together and handed him the scroll I had been hiding in my chest. “It was an assignment from the private academy master, we had to draw a person. You’re my only friend, so I drew you. It’s not very good, but I hope you’ll accept it.”

 

His hand hovered in the air for a long moment before finally taking the drawing.

 

“When you come, if you see Bai Ha’er perched on that tree when you come, don’t come down.”

 

Does this mean he’s allowing me to come again!?

 

That night, I was so excited that I couldn’t sleep a wink.

 

Starting from the second day, after finishing my lessons at the private academy, I would take a detour on my way back from the mines to visit Nalin, bringing him copies of Illustrated Marine Creatures that I had been practicing. Over time, as we were of the same age, we grew familiar with each other. He was quiet, while I was talkative, chattering nonstop about everything I had learned that day, the poems and characters my master had taught me, the flowers blooming along the road, the ripening fruits, an anthill washed away by the rain, or how many eggs the bird I rescued had laid. I told him everything. He never found me annoying and always listened in silence. Sometimes, he would ask me questions, and sometimes, he would even laugh at my stories.

 

In the blink of an eye, it was the end of the month, and my father, who was a merchant and had been away, came back.

 

Father was in the funeral business, and taking advantage of the recent border war between the two countries, where many had died, he made a fortune from the war. The main wife held a banquet to welcome him back, and even my younger sister and I, the two neglected illegitimate children, were fortunate enough to be allowed at the table to dine with them.

 

During the banquet, Father mentioned that he had joined the Tusheng Sect. He said that in recent years, he had felt the approach of old age and that his health was deteriorating. No matter how much wealth he possessed, it was meaningless. From now on, he intended to devote himself sincerely to the gods, follow the sect’s teachings, and cultivate in the hopes of one day attaining immortality.

 

The first madam tried her best to dissuade him, but Father wouldn’t listen at all. He only spoke of how he had witnessed the cultivation achievements of the high-ranking elders and royal nobles within the sect. Then, he even scolded her in anger.

 

The first madam dared not say anything more, but I couldn’t help recalling what my private tutor had once told me in secret. Though the Tusheng Sect was the state sect, its rituals and spellcasting were all performed through human sacrifices. He had warned common folk like us to stay far away from it. Unable to hold back, I questioned Father about it.

 

As a result, the family dinner ended in a bad mood, and I was punished according to the family rules and forced to kneel in the ancestral hall.

 

It wasn’t until the afternoon of the next day that I was released.

 

During lunch, a priest from the Tu Sheng sect came to visit and asked my father to copy down the birth dates of the four children in our Mi family. He said that every household had to register in order to be protected by the heavenly lord, I didn’t dare to stay at home in case my father got angry when he saw me. I climbed over the wall and slipped out without even finishing my meal.

 

When I arrived at Nanlin’s place, I climbed up the tree and onto the roof. As soon as I poked my head out, I found that he was standing directly below me. When I looked down, our eyes met.

 

“What are you doing standing here?” I was startled and jumped down in front of him.

 

—Could it be… he was waiting for me?

 

He lowered his eyelids, not looking at me. “Where have you been… these past three days?”

 

Naturally, I didn’t want to tell him about being punished by my family. My body ached, but my heart felt sweet as if I had drunk honey. I pursed my lips and smiled, “I haven’t come these past few days. Have you been waiting for me?”

 

He didn’t answer, and the corners of his lips tightened, as if he was upset.

 

It was very pleasing to see the beauty angry, but I couldn’t bear to make him unhappy. I took out the ‘Marine Creatures’ that I had hurriedly copied today and handed it to him: “Today, I drew a whale.”

 

He took it and was about to open it, but his brows furrowed.

 

Seeing him staring at a dark brown bloodstain on the scroll, I quickly snatched the scroll away and wanted to wipe it off, but I felt my collar being grabbed and torn open.

 

Seeing him grabbing my collar, his blue eyes staring at the whipping marks on my chest, his pupils shrank suddenly, I covered the seam of my clothes with my hands: “This is…”

 

“Someone hit you?”

 

I stammered, “I… I made a mistake, and my father punished me. It’s fine, just some minor injuries.”

 

He froze for a long while before speaking: “Where’s the medicine I gave you? Why don’t you apply it?”

 

—Can’t bear to do it.

 

I didn’t say anything and watched him turn around and walk into the corridor.

 

I waited there for a while, feeling a little uneasy, and then I saw him take out a porcelain bottle and a piece of cotton cloth.

 

“Take off your shirt.”

 

I lowered my head and untied my belt, then pulled my shirt down to my waist. I lowered my eyelashes and dared not look at him.

 

After hearing him remain silent for a long time, I guessed that the red and purple lines on my chest might have frightened this wealthy and luxurious prince, so I was about to apply medicine myself, but my wrist was suddenly grabbed very tightly.

 

“Don’t move.”

 

I was startled and lowered my hands. I felt the cool medicine gently applied to my chest. My heart felt like a grass leaf swaying and trembling in the rain. My fingers involuntarily dug into the soil below.

 

My mouth was dry, and I raised my eyes to look at him, but I noticed the changes in my body first. I jumped up and put on my clothes facing the wall, feeling so embarrassed that I wanted to crawl into the crack of the wall.

 

Did he see it?

 

My ears were burning, I dared not look back, nor did I dare to speak.

 

“It’s-it’s so itchy, I’ll do it myself.”

 

Behind me came the soft rustling of fabric, as if he had stood up and approached. His warm breath brushed past my hair, and a medicine bottle was pressed into my hand.

 

Then, his breath faded away again.

 

“Mi Jia?”

 

His voice sounded from just a few feet away.

 

“Hmm?”

 

“If you wish, I can ask my mother to add another attendant to my side so that you won’t have to go home anymore.”

 

Is he asking me if I want to be by his side every day, from morning to night?

 

My heart raced, and I clutched the medicine bottle, lost in thought for a while. After a moment, I snapped back to reality and quickly shook my head. “No, I need to go home.”

 

My mother and younger sister are at home. If I don’t return, how will they manage?

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