As soon as he asked, Liang Ruixi regretted it. Zhou Yan sat there, his gaze piercing, practically boring through him.
“I just asked casually…” Liang Ruixi’s heart pounded. “It’s fine if you don’t want to answer.”
Zhou Yan looked at him for a long while before saying, “Xiao Zhi and I never did it.”
“Pfft…!” Liang Ruixi unexpectedly spat a mouthful of vermicelli back into the bowl. “Cough, what? Never did it? Why?” With three exclamatory questions in a row, he then asked, “Did she not let you?”
Zhou Yan looked up, enunciating each word: “I didn’t want to.”
“Why?!” Liang Ruixi was utterly perplexed. Xiao Zhi had such good looks and a great figure. If Zhou Yan didn’t want to, there could only be one possibility. Liang Ruixi said in shock, “Could it be that you really…”
He held his bowl, and in a very short time, he conjured up a dramatic scene in his mind: “Xiao Zhi, deeply in love with Zhou Yan, subtly tried to initiate intimacy several times, yet Zhou Yan remained as calm as Mount Tai before a collapse, his expression unchanged. When Xiao Zhi sought intimacy, he righteously refused her, saying, ‘You and I are not yet married; it’s not appropriate to do things that violate propriety before marriage.'”
Zhou Yan tapped his forehead with the other end of his chopsticks, amused and exasperated. “What are you thinking about?”
Liang Ruixi feigned pain and cried out, “Ouch!”
“But what does that have to do with you?” Zhou Yan didn’t bother arguing with him.
“Huh?” Liang Ruixi was puzzled.
“Didn’t you say they were making fun of you?” Zhou Yan looked at him. “Is my ability in that area related to you too?”
After all that, Lawyer Zhou hadn’t even forgotten the preceding context!
Liang Ruixi’s mouth twitched. “They were just joking about us, you know.”
Zhou Yan scoffed with a smile. “I also find it strange. Back in sophomore year, you were bold enough to sneak into my bed and compare sizes, but now, after a couple of jokes, your face is practically buried in the duck bowl now?”
Liang Ruixi: “……”
Zhou Yan finished his taunt and stood up. “I’m going to take a shower first.”
As soon as Zhou Yan entered the bathroom, Liang Ruixi immediately pulled out his phone and rapidly typed a string of messages: “Guys, you really guessed right!”
Wei Ran: “What, what?”
Liang Ruixi went straight to the point: “Their breakup was probably due to an unharmonious sex life.”
Lu Jingcheng: “Damn, did you just go verify it?”
Wei Ran: “So, who’s the one who can’t perform?”
Liang Ruixi: “Zhou Yan can’t.”
Liang Ruixi: “[Wu Jing Da Mie.jpg][mfn]It’s a popular meme image on the Chinese internet. It features Wu Jing, a well-known Chinese actor. Ppl captioned it with 达咩, which is ‘Dame’ meaning not allowed in JP[/mfn]”
Wei Ran: “Holy sh*t.”
Lu Jingcheng: “Holy sh*t.”
“Shen Hui” invited “Zhou Yan” to join “326 Gossip Group.”
Shen Hui: “[Screenshot]”
Shen Hui: “@Zhou Yan, President Zhou, Campus Heartthrob says you can’t perform.”
Shen Hui: “Can you tolerate that?”
Liang Ruixi: “……”
F*ck! Is this Shen Hui cursed?!
Fifteen minutes later, Zhou Yan came out of the bathroom to find Liang Ruixi had finished the vermicelli soup, put the empty bowl back in the plastic bag, wiped the coffee table clean, and was sitting properly on the sofa, clutching his phone.
“Are you going to wash?” Zhou Yan asked.
“En, but I didn’t bring a change of clothes… do you have any?”
Zhou Yan went into the bedroom again and got him a new pair, quipping, “Looks like I’ll have to place an order tonight and buy a whole bunch of underwear specifically for you.”
Liang Ruixi didn’t say anything, took the pants, and quickly darted into the bathroom.
Zhou Yan heard his phone buzzing. He opened it, and a few seconds later, he let out a “hissing” laugh. He glanced at the bathroom, then replied on his phone.
Zhou Yan: “Can’t tolerate it.”
Zhou Yan: “I will take care of him tonight.”
Liang Ruixi was utterly mortified to be talking smack behind someone’s back and then have it immediately exposed. He hid in the bathroom, dawdling for a while, wondering what he should do if Zhou Yan decided to confront him.
But then, he thought again and felt that he hadn’t said anything wrong. Zhou Yan and Xiao Zhi confirmed their relationship in their sophomore year, and it has been six years now. Even if they broke up due to distance, they had also been together for at least four or five years as well.
After four or five years of dating, if Zhou Yan “didn’t want to” and hadn’t even done it once with her, then even if he could tolerate it, Xiao Zhi certainly couldn’t either! How could that be! Was he even a man!
The more Liang Ruixi thought about it, the more righteous he felt. Anyway, things weren’t great with him and Xie Wenmu before they broke up either. At worst, to comfort Zhou Yan, he’d confess everything too, and they could find solace in each other.
After this mental preparation, Liang Ruixi pulled on his underwear and strode out, stark naked.
He entered the bedroom to find Zhou Yan already asleep.
Only a bedside lamp was left on in the room. Zhou Yan was lying on his side in the dim light, his face turned away from Liang Ruixi’s view, and the blanket pulled up high, looking as desolate as a clay figure about to be buried.
The “Wu Jing Da Mire” image in Liang Ruixi’s mind shattered instantly. At this moment, his mind was filled with “Oh no,” Zhou Yan was hurt and was sadly hiding under the covers, secretly shedding tears!
Aiyo, you poor dear…
Liang Ruixi flung aside the bath towel, climbed onto the bed, and quietly called out to him, “Zhou Yan.”
Zhou Yan stirred slightly but didn’t respond.
A wave of guilt washed over Liang Ruixi. He knelt behind Zhou Yan, tremblingly reached out, and patted him: “Zhou Yan, I… I was just joking, Zhou Yan, Yan Ge… Ah… Ahh!!”
Zhou Yan suddenly pulled the two-meter-wide blanket, rising from the bed like a net, and threw it over Liang Ruixi!
Before Liang Ruixi could react, Zhou Yan had completely covered him with the blanket, wrapping him tightly like a spring roll. He then pressed down on him from behind with half his body weight, and only then did he say, “I heard you think I am incapable?”
Liang Ruixi urgently yelled, “You’ve been with her for so many years, and you didn’t even want to, you… holy crap!”
Zhou Yan slapped him hard on the butt through the blanket, not giving him a chance to argue, and extended his “demonic hand” to tickle his waist.
“I ha, haha…” Liang Ruixi was like a rabbit trapped in a sack; he couldn’t break free or get up, so he could only let Zhou Yan have his way with him. “You’re f*cking cheating! Hahaha, damn…”
“Capable or not?” Zhou Yan found his most ticklish spot and specifically targeted it.
Liang Ruixi dodged left and right in the limited space, gasping and begging for mercy: “Stop tickling, stop tickling! I was wrong, Big Brother, I was wrong!”
Zhou Yan didn’t let go of him even after hearing that. He just pulled the blanket down a bit, exposing Liang Ruixi’s head, then tossed his phone in front of him: “Clarify it.”
The screen displayed the “326 Gossip Group” chat interface. Liang Ruixi glanced at Zhou Yan’s message and everyone’s teasing, cursing inwardly, What the hell is this?!
Still unwilling, the ticklish spot on his waist was pinched again. Liang Ruixi, startled, quickly pressed the voice button and yelled, “Zhou Yan is capable! Very much so!”
Zhou Yan finally released him, and Liang Ruixi flapped out of the blanket.
“Put your clothes on.” Zhou Yan took some clothes and threw them over him, his voice a bit hoarse, but his expression utterly cold.
Liang Ruixi quickly slipped into his pajamas. His face was a bit red from the recent struggle, and even after getting dressed, he didn’t forget to scold Zhou Yan: “You’ve become bad, Lawyer Zhou! You weren’t like this in university!”
Zhou Yan didn’t respond to that. He went to the fridge for a bottle of iced mineral water and drank it, casually bringing Liang Ruixi’s phone from the living room and tossing it to him.
Liang Ruixi caught it steadily and asked strangely, “Drinking ice water late at night?”
Zhou Yan took a few sips to moisten his throat, then placed the bottle on the bedside table. He got back into bed, but instead of lying down, he leaned against the headboard and started looking at his phone.
Liang Ruixi also opened the group chat. He had used Zhou Yan’s phone to send that last voice message, and it seemed to confirm Zhou Yan’s “words becoming actions,” as it predictably caused a sensation in the group.
Wei Ran: “Holy crap!”
Lu Jingcheng: “Holy crap!”
Shen Hui: “Normal men last 3 to 5 minutes. From the time Zhou Yan said he’d ‘take care of the campus heartthrob’ until now, it’s been forty minutes. Zhou Yan’s impressive.”
Wei Ran: “Shen Hui’s precise! [thumbs up] Zhou Yan’s impressive! [thumbs up]”
Lu Jingcheng: “Shen Hui’s precise! [thumbs up] Zhou Yan’s impressive! [thumbs up]”
Liang Ruixi: “……” Those damn bastards!
He indignantly flipped his phone face down on the pillow. After lying there for a while, he turned on his side and looked at Zhou Yan. He saw Zhou Yan’s two thumbs tapping on the screen, replying to someone, definitely not to that bunch of meanies in 326.
The two of them were now sleeping on the same bed, but each had their own blanket.
A man living alone having two blankets suggests that even when a girlfriend visited, they slept with separate blankets, and Liang Ruixi still found that quite problematic.
He wiggled a bit, wrapped in his blanket, and recalled that gossip post, growing curious again: “Did Xiao Zhi really get back with her first love?”
Zhou Yan’s fingers paused.
Liang Ruixi quickly explained, “Wei Ran shared a gossip post from your Jinwai earlier, it was about Xiao Zhi and that guy Xu…” He briefly summarized the content of the post and asked, “Is all of that true?”
“It’s true.” Zhou Yan did not deny it.
“So you knew all along that Xiao Zhi had a first love she couldn’t let go of?” Liang Ruixi’s feelings were complicated.
“I knew.” Zhou Yan’s expression didn’t change.
Many more questions popped into Liang Ruixi’s mind, such as “You knew and didn’t care?” “Did Xiao Zhi really break up with you because she rekindled her old flame with Xu?” “Don’t you feel resentful?”
“You…”
But just as he was about to press further, he met Zhou Yan’s direct gaze, as if asking another question would reveal something else entirely.
Liang Ruixi, like a snail, immediately retracted his feelers again. After the word “you” came out, he feigned sleepiness and said, “Aren’t you sleeping yet?”
“You sleep first.” Zhou Yan reached out and turned off the light. “I’ll sleep in a bit.”
Liang Ruixi also turned over and quickly drifted off to sleep.
In the dark bedroom, only Zhou Yan’s phone screen still glowed faintly. Two hours earlier, Xiao Zhi had sent him a screenshot. The image showed two sentences from Liang Ruixi fiercely defending him in that alumni singer group.
Xiao Zhi: “A senior from another group chat sent this to me. He’s so protective in private.”
Zhou Yan: “Did you get someone to write that Jinwai post?”
Xiao Zhi: “Why would I get someone to write it? Could someone else write with such literary flair and clear organization? This was clearly from this young lady’s own hand!”
Zhou Yan: “……”
Xiao Zhi: “He probably saw it too. Did he come to comfort you?”
Zhou Yan: “Forget about comforting, he even suspected I was dumped by you because of my inability in certain areas.”
Xiao Zhi: “…No way!”
“That guy’s slowness isn’t a one or two day thing…” Zhou Yan looked at the sentence he had already typed in the dialogue box but didn’t send it.
Despite the words being full of sarcasm, a clear smile hung on Zhou Yan’s face under the faint glow of the screen.
The author has something to say:
[Little Interlude]
Zhou Yan: Heard you think I am incapable?
Liang Ruixi: It wasn’t me, I didn’t. Big Brother please don’t stare at me. I was wrong (shivering.jpg)…
Zhou Yan: Come here, I’ll let you feel it.
