TW: Mention of self harming.
When they returned to the inn, the rain still hadn’t stopped. Bai Xizhou entered first, and Wen Ruqing followed after putting away the umbrella.
Even though they had walked close together on the way back, one side of Bai Xizhou’s body was still soaked, rain spreading in a large damp patch from his shoulder. The wet clothes clung uncomfortably to his skin.
“You should go up and change your clothes first,” Wen Ruqing said, handing him a tissue to wipe his face.
His own condition wasn’t any better—his pant legs and shoes were basically soaked. Suddenly, something came to mind, and he quickly took off his watch. He hadn’t realized before that he’d kept wearing it in the rain and didn’t know if water had gotten in.
Bai Xizhou watched him check the watch repeatedly, like it was some kind of treasure, his thoughts unreadable.
“That watch has been broken for a long time. Even if water got in, it wouldn’t matter,” he said.
“Well, I can’t just let it go from bad to worse,” Wen Ruqing replied, carefully inspecting it until he was sure it was dry, then let out a breath of relief. “Besides, it was a birthday gift from you.”
It was the first birthday gift he’d ever received from someone else. Even though the watch didn’t work anymore, it was still his treasure.
There were no customers in the store—everyone was out for their lunch break—so Wen Ruqing, now more at ease, placed the watch on the table. The scar on his wrist had healed a lot, but it was still quite visible.
Bai Xizhou knew that Wen Ruqing still had no plans to tell his family about what had happened, so he didn’t bring it up again. He just reminded him to remember to order lunch before heading upstairs to shower.
Wen Qing arrived after Bai Xizhou had gone upstairs. At that moment, Wen Ruqing had just changed into dry pants and came out, bumping right into her. Almost instinctively, he moved his hands behind his back—but to anyone else, that action only looked more suspicious, like trying to cover one’s ears while stealing a bell.
“What are you hiding behind your back?” Wen Qing placed something on the table and asked casually, “What could possibly be so secret I’m not allowed to see it?”
“Nothing at all. You’re imagining things, Auntie. It’s still raining—why did you come over?” Wen Ruqing quickly changed the subject, though the expression on his face was a bit unnatural.
He was wearing short sleeves, the watch was on the table, and there was nothing to cover the scar on his wrist. He wasn’t ready for anyone to see it yet.
“I came to grab something. Am I not allowed?” Wen Qing walked toward the front desk, but out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Wen Ruqing subtly moving aside, as if trying to maintain distance.
“Are you heading back right after that?” Wen Ruqing asked again.
“Hmm? What’s with you? Got into trouble? You’re trying to rush me out so fast.” Wen Qing began to feel something wasn’t right. If there really was nothing going on, Wen Ruqing wouldn’t be acting so jumpy. It felt like her timing was all wrong.
Something was definitely up. Wen Ruqing was hiding something—maybe even what he had tucked behind his back.
She frowned and stepped around to the side, approaching him slowly. When she stopped just a step away, she looked him up and down. Wen Ruqing grew visibly uneasy, retreating two steps, his expression showing a rare panic. He didn’t even dare look her in the eye.
“What are you hiding? Let your aunt have a look…” Seizing a moment of distraction, Wen Qing grabbed his hands and pulled them in front of him.
Her voice cut off abruptly.
The room went dead silent. Only the sound of wind and rain hitting the windows echoed in the background. Wen Qing stood there frozen, speechless. Her lips parted and closed again, but she couldn’t get a word out.
She saw it—a brutal scar on Wen Ruqing’s wrist.
In that moment, countless thoughts rushed through her mind, only to collapse into a blank void.
In her eyes, Wen Ruqing had always been the most worry-free child. Ever since he came to live with her, he’d been obedient to a fault. As his aunt, she had always believed she’d done her best. She never interfered too much in his hobbies—whatever he wanted to study, she let him—and Wen Ruqing had always been driven and capable. She never had to worry about his schoolwork.
She never claimed to be an exceptional guardian, but at least she thought she hadn’t raised him wrong. And yet, faced with this, she couldn’t help but question herself—had she given him too little attention? Had something slipped by her?
Maybe she hadn’t been a good parent at all. And she couldn’t understand—why, even after something like this, would Wen Ruqing still choose to hide it from her?
Wen Ruqing was the first to react. He quickly pulled his hand back and covered the scar, as if doing so could undo what had just been revealed—as if nothing had happened.
But he knew very well—this couldn’t be hidden anymore.
Wen Qing looked up at him. Her eyes were full of complicated emotions—shock, pain, and most of all, guilt.
She had done her best to take care of him all these years. Wen Ruqing hadn’t wanted to make her worry more—that’s why he chose to hide it. He didn’t want to see guilt on her face, because in his heart, the one who should feel guilty was him.
“How much longer were you planning to keep this from me?” Wen Qing finally spoke, her voice choked with emotion. Her eyes shimmered with tears, on the verge of falling. “When… when did this happen?”
“The day you called and asked if I was coming back,” Wen Ruqing answered honestly.
That had been two months ago.
Two months… and she hadn’t noticed a thing.
“Ruqing… was it because I didn’t care enough about you? Why did it have to come to this? Why didn’t you tell the family? I thought you were doing fine in Xincheng… but that wasn’t true, was it? If I had called a little later that day, would I… have lost you?”
Wen Qing tried her best to hold herself together, but her body slumped into the chair as if all the strength had drained out of her. She couldn’t believe it—something that usually only happened in TV dramas had happened to someone in her own family. Just a little more… and that call might not have gone through. Just a little more, and she might have lost the child in front of her.
“If life in Xincheng was too hard, why didn’t you come back? This place will always be your home. Or… was it that you never really saw it as home?”
“No, that’s not it. That’s not true.”
His mind was unusually clear. From the very first day he came back, he knew this moment would come—he just hadn’t expected it so soon. He had planned to tell her before leaving for Xincheng again.
“Auntie… after my parents passed, you became my only family. Wherever you are, that’s home for me. And I do know that home is a safe harbor. But I can’t stay in the harbor forever.”
He leaned down slightly, gently reaching up to wipe the tears from the corners of her eyes. A faint smile touched his lips—in that moment, he felt a deep sense of relief.
The heavy weight pressing on his chest had finally been lifted. He could finally breathe again.
“I really was doing fine in Xincheng. I didn’t lie to you. But no one’s life goes smoothly all the time. That period… I wasn’t in a good place. I felt numb every single day, like I was drifting through fog. But I promise—I never wanted to die. I just needed a little pain to help me feel something again. That’s how I ended up with this scar.”
When he first came back, he shut himself in his room every day. The wound, once scabbed over, was torn open again and again. He kept repeating the cycle until he could finally breathe again. He never wanted to die—hurting himself was just a desperate way to keep from falling any deeper.
Wen Ruqing was very aware of his state back then—pain was the only thing that could snap him awake. But even in that, he had his limits. He knew what he was doing.
“Even so, that’s not okay. What if—just what if—you hadn’t held back?” Wen Qing’s voice grew more agitated. “What if something happened to you? How would I ever explain that to your parents?” No matter how Wen Ruqing tried to justify it, hurting oneself wasn’t normal. “No matter how much pressure you’re under, you can’t take it out on yourself.”
“It’s okay now, Auntie. I went to see a doctor, and I’m doing much better. Trust me, I’ll take care of myself,” Wen Ruqing said as he hugged her. The embrace was brief, but enough to bring comfort. “Look, the wound’s already healed. That means I haven’t done anything like that in a long time. Don’t worry.”
“If you don’t pass that exam, it’s fine to come home. Your parents in heaven wouldn’t want to see you like this either.”
“Auntie, just one last time. Let me take the exam one more time. If I still can’t pass it, I’ll come back. For good.” Wen Ruqing raised his hand and promised solemnly.
Wen Qing talked to him for a long time, repeating again and again that he had to take his health seriously, that he must never hurt himself again, no matter the reason. She also asked about his visits to the doctor. Wen Ruqing didn’t go into too much detail—he didn’t want to make her sad all over again.
They talked for a long time, long enough for the rain outside to stop. The sun broke through the clouds, casting a warm orange-red glow across the sky.
“Remember what I said. Take it to heart. Don’t let it go in one ear and out the other.” Wen Qing stood up and repeated herself several times before leaving. “You’re grown up now—I can’t keep an eye on you all the time. Don’t make me worry anymore.”
“Got it.”
After grabbing what she came for, Wen Qing left the inn. Wen Ruqing watched her go, only sitting down once her figure disappeared from sight. He looked out the window at the deepening dusk and sighed.
Something suddenly came to mind. He got up and headed upstairs.
During his conversation with Wen Qing, Bai Xizhou hadn’t shown up at all.
At the end of the corridor was a small rooftop terrace. As soon as Wen Ruqing got upstairs, he saw Bai Xizhou leaning there. He’d changed shirts—his shirt hem and hair were being tousled by the wind. The faint smell of cigarette smoke drifted over, making Wen Ruqing frown slightly, but he still walked over.
Bai Xizhou glanced at him and stubbed out the cigarette.
“Why are you smoking out here?” Wen Ruqing leaned on the railing beside him, gazing out at the distant sunset. “Got another one? Give me one.”
The orange-red clouds blazed like fire, warm and passionate.
He heard Bai Xizhou chuckle softly. “Should’ve said so earlier. The cigarettes are in the room.”
“Then never mind.” He hadn’t really wanted one anyway.
Neither of them spoke again. They simply stood there, watching the sky turn from orange-red to pink-purple, until the sun finally dipped below the horizon, leaving only a dusky afterglow.
“Do you know why I gave you that watch, even though it’s already broken?” Bai Xizhou suddenly asked.
It was the first time since receiving it that Wen Ruqing had heard him speak about the watch.
“It was my first client who gave it to me,” Bai Xizhou said. “Back then, it meant a lot to me. For a long time, I wore it to court every time. But you probably wouldn’t believe this—the case it came from, I did a terrible job. So bad that my client almost replaced me midway.”
His voice was soft, like he’d sunk into old memories. Before he became who he was now, when he’d just entered the field, he too had questioned his choices countless times.
“If it meant that much to you, why give it to me?” Wen Ruqing asked, puzzled. When Bai Xizhou had given him the watch, they hadn’t even been that close.
“Because I guessed you were going through the same stage I once did. I hoped that something which gave me strength back then could also give you a little bit of it.”
At the time, he hadn’t even prepared a birthday gift for Wen Ruqing. But something in his heart told him he should give something, and somehow, he thought of the watch.
Later, he realized that the watch suited Wen Ruqing better than it did him.
“The process of trial and error is long,” Bai Xizhou murmured, also looking out at the horizon. No matter how beautiful a sunset was, it would always fade eventually. And people who didn’t belong in a place would have to leave someday.
“Wen Ruqing… I’m going back to Xincheng.”
“Mm.” He didn’t sound surprised—just a little lost, especially now, after learning the watch’s story.
“What about you? Are you going back to Xincheng too?” Bai Xizhou had overheard parts of the conversation with Wen Qing. She had mentioned Wen Ruqing used to be in Xincheng.
He wasn’t sure why he was asking. Wen Ruqing’s return or not didn’t have much to do with him… but somehow, he still wanted an answer. He wanted to be remembered once he left.
“Maybe. It’s hard to say.” Wen Ruqing turned his head slightly away.
“You mentioned there’s a park in the city, right? Take me there tomorrow morning.” Bai Xizhou looked at him, the dim light making his expression hard to read. “My train’s at noon. Think of it as seeing me off.”
At that point, Wen Ruqing had no reason to refuse.
“Okay. I’ll take you.”
Because he didn’t know if they’d ever see each other again, Wen Ruqing didn’t want to say no this time.
Frozen Starlight:
Tomorrow will be the final chapter in Cloud Town (finally reached the last chapter—soon I can start writing the story in Xincheng!).
