[Zhou Yan’s Poetry Collection] and [Impression]
Against the backdrop of the noisy chattering from the neighboring dorm, Zhou Yan’s Dorm 326 exuded a distinct sense of detachment.
The last conversation within the dorm had occurred half an hour ago. The male student whose surname was Wei chatted with them—
“Why did you choose law?” Asked student Wei.
“My first choice, finance, didn’t work out, so I just filled in law casually.” Said student Shen.
“Oh, I see…” Student Wei turned to Zhou Yan. “What about you?”
“I didn’t have any other major I wanted to study.”
“……”
After a few brief exchanges, the topic ended, and the air grew even more stagnant.
Zhou Yan was in a bad mood and lacked the enthusiasm to be an atmosphere booster. It was already dinner time, and he wondered if he should follow the example of student Lu, who had said, “An old friend is looking for me”, and then just left.
Just then, the dorm room door suddenly pushed open.
A handsome young man at the doorway called out to him, “Zhou Yan, going to eat?”
Zhou Yan was startled. Wasn’t this Liang Ruixi, the guy who ran into the wrong dorm earlier this morning when reporting?
Although this fellow didn’t seem too bright, at least he was someone who could pull him out of this stalemate.
He grunted “En,” put down his book and stood up, only to see Liang Ruixi meet Wei Ran’s gaze. “Are you coming along?”
“Huh?” Wei Ran quickly nodded, “Okay.” And stood up too.
The three thus left the dorm together. As they went down the stairs, Wei Ran asked them, “You two know each other?”
Zhou Yan wanted to say “No,” but Liang Ruixi had already blurted out the silly story of running into the wrong dorm this morning, then added, “I’m in room 325, right across from you guys.”
Seeing that they were also just getting acquainted, Wei Ran felt much more at ease and then asked Liang Ruixi, “Aren’t we calling Shen Hui?”
“No need.” Liang Ruixi quickly descended the stairs. “I just saw him; he didn’t seem to want to go.”
Zhou Yan also noticed that Shen Hui seemed somewhat unsociable, but this conclusion came from his afternoon of observation. So, hearing Liang Ruixi say it, he was quite surprised, especially since Liang Ruixi seemed to have just met Shen Hui.
Although Zhou Yan wasn’t lacking in social skills, he wasn’t enthusiastic about them either.
As a child, he was relatively introverted and quiet, even getting nervous when speaking a single word to others. His mother, upon discovering this, deemed it a flaw. From then on, she required him to practice reciting and speaking in front of a mirror for an hour every day and occasionally took him with her to social engagements.
It took many years for Zhou Yan to gradually learn how to read people and understand what to say in different situations.
However, he knew his interactions with others were somewhat artificial. He would use his mastered social skills to deal with people, even only saying what others wanted to hear to achieve his goals and maintain superficial harmony.
Zhou Yan had initially thought Liang Ruixi was also someone who was good at reading people, but after a few days, he realized that guy was different from himself.
Liang Ruixi’s interactions with others relied on an instinct, much like a wild animal. He often knew with just a glance whether to integrate or keep his distance.
Only him, Zhou Yan didn’t understand why that guy, despite having such strong social intuition, always failed to sense that he, too, didn’t want any special interactions with anyone at the moment.
He always came to find him. Even after he started calling Wei Ran “brother,” the first person he called out to in room 326 was still him.
Half a month after starting university, Zhou Yan received another call from his mother. On the other end of the line, she lectured him, trying to brainwash him: Can you meet friends worth making there? Can they help you build the connections you’ll need in the future? Go look at how many famous alumni F University’s law school has produced over the years. Are their current paths consistent with what you want?…
“Ah Yan, I know you can’t accept this fact for a while, but even if you’re holding a grudge against me, this impulsive decision to change your major is too foolish. You’re joking with your own future…”
“Stop talking.” Zhou Yan interrupted her impatiently.
“Hey, everything Mom does is just for your own good. You should reflect on it some more.”
After hanging up, Zhou Yan couldn’t let it go for a long time.
What future? What is a future? If his initial ideals had no place to stand, what was the point of blindly pursuing them? Did she want him to stop thinking and just be a machine that followed orders?
……
“Zhou Yan! What are you doing here?” Liang Ruixi’s voice appeared behind him. “Want to go out and wander around this afternoon?”
“I’m going to the library.” Zhou Yan turned around irritably and walked towards the library with his books.
“No way, it’s just the start of the semester!”
“Does that matter?”
“Of course it does! If I were the top scorer in our batch to get into F University, I’d definitely play for half a semester!” Liang Ruixi bounced over to his side.
“That’s you.” His mother’s words involuntarily echoed in Zhou Yan’s mind again — Can you meet friends worth making there?
So annoying. He wished he’d known F University had so many idiots; he really shouldn’t have come.
“I don’t get it. Is there something you’re unhappy about with F University? You got in with such a high score, yet you’re so unhappy.”
“I just came to F University to clear my head.” Zhou Yan only wanted to speed up and shake the guy off.
“Clear your head? You actually have something sad going on?” Liang Ruixi bounced two steps closer to him, saying in a half-joking tone, “Come, come, come, tell me about it so I can cheer up!”
“Liang Ruixi!” Zhou Yan stopped, glaring fiercely at him. “Are you so thoughtless because you’ve never encountered any setbacks since you were little?”
“Huh?” The guy was clearly taken aback by his bluntness. After a moment, he responded, “Are you kidding? How could anyone have never encountered setbacks…”
“Then do you have any ability to read people’s expressions? Or can’t you see that I’m very annoyed right now?”
“I can see that,” Liang Ruixi chuckled, seemingly trying to coax him, then quickly added a piece of utterly unhelpful platitude, “Isn’t life just like that? It’s impossible for everything to go your way. You’re already at F University, there’s so much good food and fun both on and off campus, and you have me, the campus heartthrob, accompanying you. Why can’t you be a little happier?”
“Not everyone is as optimistic as you, and not everyone wants to blend in with all their classmates the moment school starts!” Zhou Yan said through clenched teeth.
“Even so, you don’t have to be so bitter and resentful, like everyone owes you money either…”
“Since you see me as so bitter and resentful, you don’t have to follow me either. I’d be happier if you just talked less!” Zhou Yan roared at him.
Liang Ruixi’s expression finally changed. His forced smile quickly vanished, and suppressed anger churned in his eyes. He clenched his hands into fists at his sides, didn’t say another word, looked at Zhou Yan for two seconds, then turned and left.
Chasing Liang Ruixi away didn’t bring the relief he expected; instead, Zhou Yan’s mood plunged to a deeper low.
Although he was still somewhat annoyed that the guy had provoked him when he was most agitated, Zhou Yan began to realize that Liang Ruixi had just been trying to care for him, and he clearly had been willing to let the other party stay with him.
It was like a week ago when the guy tricked him into eating spicy hot pot. Even though it wasn’t tasty, arguing with Liang Ruixi had made him feel relieved and he managed to let the steam off.
Zhou Yan only stayed in the library for half an hour before returning to the dorm absentmindedly.
Liang Ruixi wasn’t there. Shen Hui said he went to play basketball with Wei Ran. Zhou Yan stayed in the dorm reading, glancing at the clock every ten minutes, listening for sounds outside.
It was the longest afternoon he’d spent since school started. Without that guy’s noisy voice, the entire dorm building felt unsettlingly quiet.
It wasn’t until 5:30 PM that the basketball players returned together.
Amidst the shuffling footsteps, Zhou Yan effortlessly distinguished Liang Ruixi’s — such a big person, yet still bouncing every two steps like a child.
“Hey? Class monitor, you’re still here ah…” Wei Ran greeted him first upon entering.
Zhou Yan responded almost imperceptibly, still straining his ears to catch Liang Ruixi’s reaction. Both dorm room doors were open. He heard Liang Ruixi laughing and joking with others next door; his mood seemed quite good.
Zhou Yan breathed a sigh of relief, then his heart immediately clenched again.
Dinner time was approaching. If Liang Ruixi didn’t come to call him, would others notice they had a conflict? What if Liang Ruixi really stopped talking to him after this…
Just as he was feeling anxious, a familiar figure appeared at the door of Dorm 326.
“Hey…”
Zhou Yan froze, unsure if Liang Ruixi was calling him or someone else. He slowly turned his stiff neck and saw Liang Ruixi standing there, looking at him.
For a moment, Zhou Yan’s fingers were stuck between the pages of his book, and he forgot to move.
Liang Ruixi met his gaze, then suddenly smiled and asked him, “Are you going to eat?” As he spoke, he lifted his T-shirt to wipe his sweaty neck, revealing an inch of his abs, looking casual and wild.
Zhou Yan turned his head back, pretended to be reserved as he put down his book, and slowly stood up.
Liang Ruixi let out a soft “Hmph,” a mischievous smile that seemed to say, “A great man will not remember the faults of petty men,” but that chuckle brought immense relief to Zhou Yan.
A few days later, after class, Zhou Yan decided to go to the library and proactively asked Liang Ruixi if he wanted to come along.
Liang Ruixi glanced at him and said cheekily, “You’re not annoyed with me today?”
Bringing up the old matter, Zhou Yan said exasperatedly, “You just happened to cross my path that afternoon when I was in a bad mood.”
Liang Ruixi didn’t press him on why he was so angry that day, only teased, “You’re so full of yourself.”
Zhou Yan gathered his books and stood up. “Are you going or not?”
“Going.” Liang Ruixi usually only brought one book and a gel pen to class, so he just grabbed them and followed.
On the way, Zhou Yan couldn’t help but ask out of curiosity, “Why did you call me to dinner that night, even though you knew I was angry? Weren’t you afraid I’d ignore you?”
“You’d ignore me?” Liang Ruixi boasted, “You looked over impatiently the moment I said ‘hey.’ You’re the one who should be afraid I’d ignore you later, right?”
“What if I hadn’t looked at you? Wouldn’t it have been awkward for you to just say ‘hey’?”
“I could call Wei Ran, his surname was also ‘Wei[mfn]It sounds the same as hey[/mfn]’ anyway.” Liang Ruixi was still twirling his textbook in his hand as he said this, looking utterly obnoxious.
“You…” Zhou Yan felt a surge of inexplicable anger.
“Alright, alright,” Liang Ruixi chuckled, coaxing him, “I’ll still call you. What would you do alone otherwise? You look so lonely.”
“Shen Hui is alone most of the time too, why don’t you think he’s lonely?” Zhou Yan was speechless.
“He likes being alone; can you be compared to him?”
“What about me? Is ‘I don’t want to be alone’ written on my face?”
“Pretty much. Anyway, you look quite lonely; someone needs to comfort you.”
“That’s your first impression of me?” Zhou Yan asked, bewildered and amused.
“I also thought you were an artsy type.” Liang Ruixi said, shaking his head.
“Hmm? How so?”
“When I first went to find you for dinner, you were reading, right? Was that cover printed with ‘Modern Poetry Collection’? I was stunned when I saw it…”
“Is that strange?” Zhou Yan rubbed his nose.
“En, I’ve never seen a guy read a poetry collection in my life. What era is this… but you’re very different from the artsy type I imagined.”
“What’s your imagined artsy type like?”
“A bit pretentious? And they’d ask, ‘Who am I?’, ‘Where did I come from?’, ‘Where am I going?’ in broad daylight…”
Zhou Yan chuckled, “Crazy.”
“Right? You only acted crazy with me once, that afternoon we argued. Usually, you seem pretty normal.”
“…………”
“Hey, tell me about your impression of me!” Liang Ruixi looked at him.
“What about you?” Zhou Yan retorted grumpily.
“First impression! Did you think I was the most handsome guy in the universe, unbeatable?” Liang Ruixi winked at him.
Zhou Yan recalled the few impressions this guy had left on him that first day they met — unconventional, reckless, idiotic.
He wondered if saying it out loud would make him bristle.
Zhou Yan didn’t want to cause trouble for himself, so he nodded and said, “En, you’re pretty handsome.”
“Haha,” Liang Ruixi narcissistically ran a hand through his fringe. “No one can resist my charm!”
Zhou Yan saw the guy’s eyes curve into crescents, and his heart inexplicably stirred.
It was likely the first time in his life that someone outside his immediate family had seen through his facade, but back then, Zhou Yan refused to acknowledge it. He still believed Liang Ruixi was just speaking casually, not meaning any of it.
It was much later that he realized the other party’s feelings were all real.
Including his loneliness and the comfort he yearned for.
With just one glance, Liang Ruixi had seen it all.
-“He said I was the least artsy person he’d ever met. That’s because he hasn’t seen these poems.”
—[Impression]
September 22, 2011 (Zhou Yan)
