On the way, Su Xinghe was still muttering, “You’re openly letting outsiders give your own brother a hard time, do you really think that’s okay?”
The Crown Prince glanced at her impassively. “Why wouldn’t it be? I’ve wanted to do this for a long time. Now that the opportunity’s finally come this way, I can make sure Huo Qingluan doesn’t get her way, and also win over Huo Yan. Killing two birds with one stone, why not go for it? As for brothers… sometimes they’re like married couples get along, and you’re family; don’t, and you’re enemies. And those so-called brothers of mine have tried to kill me more than once. If I still treat them like brothers, I’d have to be a fool.”
Su Xinghe knew, of course, that in his position, speaking of emotions and desires was pure luxury. She had already guessed that his sudden visit to the Privy Council today wasn’t out of goodwill. But since Huo Yan, for better or worse, was an elder, he couldn’t do much to him yet.
This man was truly something else. Instead of focusing on planning for an heir like he should, he always found ways to ruin her plans. She’d gone through all that trouble to time it just right and sneak into the Privy Council for a free meal. She’d only had a couple of bites when he showed up.
She was annoyed, and her mind kept circling around the same question: Who exactly was that “designated Crown Princess” he had in mind? If he really had someone, would he still have this much free time? Wouldn’t he be running to her every chance he got?
“I don’t believe it,” she muttered to herself. “What am I, useless? There’s something in this world I can’t find out?”
She was thinking in bits and pieces, her thoughts completely disconnected from what he had just said. The Crown Prince found it odd. “You’re muttering to yourself again. What sort of mischief are you up to this time?”
She shot him a glance. “Nothing. I was just thinking about the cases at the yamen. Commander Nan Yushu got off easy this time. All the mess landed on me, and I’ll have to start the investigation from scratch. There’s going to be a stretch of busy days ahead. I’m afraid I won’t be able to serve by your side as often. You’d better find someone to replace me, otherwise you’ll have no one around.”
He scoffed, “With all the people in the Eastern Palace, if I’m left with no one just because you’re gone, that’d be pretty pathetic.”
She gave an awkward laugh. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just mean, what if you get in one of your moods and want to do something outrageous? Someone’s got to keep you company, right? Honestly, I can’t keep playing that game with you anymore; it’s really getting out of hand. You should seriously find someone else. Like that girl you mentioned before, the one you’ve been eyeing for a while, the one you said you wanted as your Crown Princess. You should give her a proper place…”
She bit her lip and tilted her head, hesitating a moment. “Actually, I still want to know who she is. If you won’t tell me, I might just use the Ministry of Military Control to investigate…”
“I dare you!” he immediately cut her off. “The Ministry of Military Control is under my jurisdiction. How dare you use my own people to investigate me?”
She responded with the patience of someone trying to reason, “Well, I’m managing it on your behalf, aren’t I…”
“Even you are mine,” the Crown Prince snapped, raising his voice. “You’d better behave. You’ll know when it’s time for you to know. As for that case you said you’re busy with. I thought about it carefully, and it won’t work. I’ll have to appoint a Commander to share your workload.”
Now she was anxious. “I haven’t even had time to warm the seat as the head officer, and you’re already going back on your word?”
His threats were always blunt and undisguised. With a mocking smile, he said, “Leave the petty tasks to the minor officers. I’ll promote someone you like to take full responsibility. But you still need to put me first, got it? If you don’t even know how to please your master, and you still think about rising in rank and making a fortune? You think the world’s all set up for your convenience?”
So no matter how high she climbed, she could never escape his grasp. She puffed up her cheeks in frustration, stewing silently for a long moment, before finally saying:
“Stop pretending to be more important than you are. That person you keep mentioning? She doesn’t even exist. You’re just bored out of your mind, that’s why you won’t let go of me. I’m the only one, who can’t marry, can’t fall in love, and still has enough free time to get dragged around by you endlessly. Isn’t that right?”
Anyway, she’d finally gotten that off her chest, and the gloom in her heart quickly lifted. She walked several steps ahead before suddenly realizing he was no longer beside her. She turned around sharply and saw him standing motionless in the bustling crowd, dressed in resplendent robes like a flagpole. With looks and bearing like his, even the shop signs along the street seemed to lose their luster in comparison.
She walked back toward him. “What’s wrong? Did I hit a sore spot?”
He snorted coldly. “Sore spot? Let me tell you this person absolutely exists. Just wait. When she becomes the Crown Princess, you can be her nanny. Raise my son, and raise him for the rest of your life!”
That was harsh. A nanny wasn’t something you could just declare someone into and for life, no less. Serve the father, then serve the son? What a self-serving plan.Su Xinghe realized this couldn’t go on, she had to negotiate for some basic rights. “Fine, I can be the nanny. But I have to get married first. Only if I have my own child can I nurse yours.”
He looked down at her from above and said, “Thinking about getting married all day shameless! Don’t worry. I’ll make sure you have a child. However many you want, I’ll give you that many.”
Then he turned and walked off.Su Xinghe stood there for a long while, fuming inside: What a black-hearted man. Wants me to bear children and still be a nanny? At least give me a Baolin title or something.
The Eastern Palace really was becoming harder and harder to stomach. The Privy Council was much better, steamed buns stuffed with meat, now that was something worth sticking around for.
He had already walked quite a distance when she snapped back to her senses and hurried to catch up. “Master, wait for me!”
The Crown Prince was still simmering with anger. Don’t think he didn’t know her constant visits to the Privy Council clearly hid some unspeakable motive. Huo Yan, really? An old man, widowed in middle age. Sure, he looked decent, but he was nearly forty. Spent his early years stationed at the border did she think the northern winds out there were just for show? The cold probably seeped into his bones, he might not even be able to have children anymore. That’s probably why he so “kindly” took in General Cao Zhan’s son, to secure someone to look after him in old age.
And that Su Xinghe what a pig-brained girl. Ignoring him, a man as handsome as a flower in full bloom, and chasing after someone like that. Always eyeing the pot while still eating from the bowl. He hadn’t had the heart to confront her before and didn’t want people to say he was jealous of an older generation. But she just had to push her luck, trying to pull away from the Eastern Palace, trying to get rid of him…
Why should she? Had he indulged her all this time just so she could go man-hunting everywhere?
The more he thought about it, the angrier he became. When she caught up and grabbed his hand, he flung her off without a trace of mercy.
“I’m angry right now. Don’t come near me, or I might hurt you without meaning to.”
She trailed alongside him in small steps, cautiously saying, “Don’t be like that. Why are you so angry? Look how nice the weather is today, see the fresh green leaves on the branches? That’s what you told the Emperor once to cheer him up.”
The Crown Prince turned and shot her a fierce look. “I can’t even get myself a wife you tell me, should I be mad or not?”
Well, wasn’t that exactly what she’d called out earlier? Still in good spirits, she replied playfully, “There’s another round of consort selection coming up soon you’ll still have a chance.”
Sometimes, the way she acted, so stubborn and infuriating, made him really want to hit her. Her slim neck peeked out from the round collar of her official robe, and it looked like if he reached out and gave it a squeeze, it might just snap. If only he could harden his heart enough to kill her, then everything would be over, and he could go after the Su family without hesitation. But for now? He still had to hold back. He had to wait for the right moment.
This girl was, in truth, the biggest obstacle on his political path. Those so-called brothers of his? They weren’t even worth mentioning.
He turned his gaze away from her, just looking at her stoked his anger. And she, still lingering by his side, kept trying to make conversation.
“Master, you really are kind-hearted, going out of your way to see Princess Xialing’s burial.”
He replied through gritted teeth, “What else was I supposed to do? She was, after all, my sister by blood. The Emperor doesn’t care, Princess Xialing is already dead, if I didn’t take charge, would you all just toss her body in a ditch somewhere? When she was alive, she looked down on the Gao family, but in the end, only the Gao family’s ancestral tomb was willing to take her. Luckily, she was smart enough to die before she was convicted. If she’d died after that, even the Gao family wouldn’t have let her into their burial grounds.”
In all seriousness, Zuo Zhaoyi and her daughter were pitiful. Just yesterday they had stood tall and proud; today, their bones were already dust. The Zuo family had once flourished because of her glory now? The entire household had been implicated. Not being executed to the ninth degree of kinship was already a great mercy.
Men, really, sometimes you couldn’t trust them for anything. It was said that when the Emperor ordered the Ministry of Military Control to arrest Princess Xialing, Zuo Zhaoyi had come knocking at his door, begging to see him. But what of it? Once a man who once whispered sweet nothings into your ear no longer wants to see you, no longer wants to hear your pleas, then everything that came before becomes meaningless. The shared bed, the intimate whispers, the moments where you couldn’t tell where he ended and you began, none of that mattered. When the bigger picture comes into play, the one who holds the power of life and death can still decide your fate. If he wants you dead, then you’ll die no matter what once was.
So what’s love worth in a royal household? Be it the Emperor or the Crown Prince, all feelings are built on one condition: they must never endanger the interests of the state.
Just like Zuo Zhaoyi said, since the Su family had already made a misstep and couldn’t undo it, it was only a matter of time before the reckoning came.
Su Xinghe lowered her head and let out a soft sigh. If only she could truly burn all her bridges and kill the Crown Prince everything would be so much simpler.
But she couldn’t bring herself to do it.
And it wasn’t just her, even if her father or brother had such a thought, she could never agree to it.
Sometimes she realized just how conflicted she really was: power in one hand, and childhood affection tightly clutched in the other.
Trying to hold on to both… perhaps in the end, she’d lose them both.
Who could say?
He looked at her official cap pulled low, hiding her face. He reached out and removed the hat, lifting her chin gently at the same time. “What are you thinking about?”
She had just blinked away her tears, and in the sunlight, her eyes looked especially bright. He was momentarily entranced, those eyes held the shimmer of countless stars across the sky, and the glimmer of moonlight rising over rippling seas. When she looked at you like that, it could melt your heart.
She forced a faint smile. “I just think court intrigue is terrifying. If I were in Zuo Zhaoyi’s place, I wouldn’t know what to do either. Aside from drinking gold-laced wine, I don’t think there’d be any other way out.”
He was silent for a moment, then took her hand into his, slipping it into his wide sleeve. “You’re smarter than she was. You won’t let yourself end up like that. And even if you were foolish I’m still here. I’ll look after you.”
But it was only her he promised to look after never once had he said he’d look after her family. She’d nearly blurted it out a few times, and wanted to just ask him directly. But each time, the words stopped at the edge of her lips and were swallowed back down.
This was the knife lodged in her heart, a truth both of them feared to confront. As long as they didn’t touch it, they could still maintain a surface-level peace. But if it were spoken aloud… how could she even say it?
What? tell him that the Su family once aligned with Prince Jianping’s faction? Wouldn’t that be a confession in itself?
She had no idea what he truly thought. The bond they shared since childhood, was that enough for him to forgive and let go? And if he used it against her in a fit of anger… what then?
Su Xinghe thought sorrowfully that she’d been overthinking everything lately, no longer charging forward the way she used to. She didn’t like the person she was becoming; hesitation and indecision weren’t in her nature. And it was all his fault, every bit of this internal struggle was because of him.
The man she wanted to love but didn’t dare, wanted to hate but couldn’t bring herself to.
He was still dragging her along when she asked, a bit aggrieved, “What kind of fabric are you even looking for? The palace stores have leftover tribute cloth from previous years that no one’s touched. Why bother looking outside?”
The Crown Prince had only mentioned it in passing earlier, to show just how close they were, so Huo Yan would back off. He even brought up something as personal as underwear to make a point. Now that they’d left the Secretariat, he couldn’t exactly walk it back. Just then, he spotted a silk shop on the roadside and pointed casually.
“This place. Let’s go in and take a look.”
No matter the era, shopping together has always been a great way to build intimacy between a man and a woman.
Women no matter how sharp tend to lose focus when faced with rows of beautiful, intricate trinkets. They go a little dazed, almost like fools.
The Crown Prince watched as she twirled amid the colorful belts and fragrant sachets, calling back to him, “You pick yours, I’ll pick mine. We’ll compare after.”
She picked out what she liked, held it up in front of a mirror, and struck playful poses, still dressed in the fearsome uniform of the Ministry of Military Control. In the eyes of others, she was practically a grim reaper, but now her little bout of vanity was like a pig wearing a flower, absurd enough to make one laugh out loud in horror.
The Crown Prince ignored her and turned to actually browse through the rolls of silk. The shop was a modest one catering to commoners, not much in the way of luxury goods.
But after flipping through bolts for a while, he suddenly discovered something good. Surprised, he called out:
“Su Xinghe, come here! quick!”
Su Xinghe walked over with a string of sachets in hand, peeked over curiously, and said:
“Crabs?”
Silk printed with crab patterns was truly a rare sight. The shopkeeper hesitated before stepping forward to explain: “Replying to the lord, this is meant to represent ‘Huang Jia Chuan Lu’ (Top Scholar in Imperial Exams).”
Su Xinghe, having worked in the palace and often dealing with the Bureau of Imperial Manufacturing, knew a thing or two about traditional auspicious motifs. She raised an eyebrow, saying, “But ‘Huang Jia Chuan Lu’ should have reeds and ducks too, shouldn’t it? Without those, the symbolism doesn’t hold up.”
Clearly, this was a civilian imitation of palace design, and in the copying process, some key elements had been left out.
Su Xinghe ran her fingers over the crab, amused. “It’s an odd little pattern, let’s buy a bolt. We’ll make you some underwear with it, sounds good?”
The Crown Prince stared at those crab claws, already imagining the faint pain. Su Xinghe couldn’t care less about his misgivings; she cheerfully paid, hoisted the roll of fabric over her shoulder, and strode out.
The Crown Prince followed behind and muttered with growing dread, realizing just how wicked this woman was.
“I never said I wanted underwear…”
Su Xinghe was completely unfazed. “What else could a pattern like this be used for, if not underwear? It’s not exactly something you’d want to wear as full trousers in public, is it? You just said ‘make pants’ and then left the rest to my imagination, with your particular taste, what was I supposed to do?”
“I only told you to take a look at the pattern, I never said to buy it.”
She glanced back at him. “Didn’t you say you had your eye on it for a while and wanted my opinion? The fabric might not be top-grade, but it’s clever and unique. Using it to make a pair of underpants well, why not?”
The Crown Prince had no defense left against her wild ideas. A dignified prince, and yet here he was, made to look completely ridiculous. He clasped his hands behind his back and muttered, “Had I known this would happen, I should’ve just said in front of the Grand Marshal that it was for underpants. At the time I spared your dignity, and didn’t want them laughing at you.”
Su Xinghe, not to be outdone, waved her hand nonchalantly. “I’m your lady official. I handle everything from politics to chamber pots. Even if you had said it was for underwear, I wouldn’t have minded.”
By then, the sun was setting, and the market vendors were closing shop, locking up and sliding in their wooden boards. In the golden light of dusk, two silhouettes, one tall, one short, walked side by side toward the palace gates. After some playful jostling, the roll of cloth on the shorter one’s shoulder ended up on the taller one’s.
So the Crown Prince strode through the northern gate, crab-patterned underwear fabric slung over his shoulder, and under the astonished gaze of the palace attendants, laid the bolt of cloth right on the throne in the main hall.
“I’ll make it for you tonight,” Su Xinghe declared with great resolve. “I’ll sew it myself and make sure it fits perfectly.”
The Crown Prince folded his arms across his chest, face full of doubt. “With your needlework?”
She clicked her tongue. “I can’t embroider, sure but I can handle basic stitching just fine.”
She pulled out one of his old pairs of underpants and laid it flat over the new silk fabric. Since the pattern needed to be matched, she kept flipping and adjusting it back and forth. The Crown Prince watched as his intimate garment was tossed and tugged so much, he grew increasingly agitated and restless. In the end, he couldn’t take it anymore and waved the white flag. “I’m going to read some memorials, come check in later.”
She didn’t even respond completely absorbed in her task. When others offered to help, she refused. Carefully, she traced the original size, adding a little extra along the seam, then threaded the needle and set to work. Sitting cross-legged under the candlelight, she was so focused she even forgot to eat dinner.
The Crown Prince stood at the door watching her for a while, and an odd, quiet warmth stirred in his chest. For a moment, it felt like a glimpse of married life with Su Xinghe. If they really did become husband and wife, she’d probably spend more time like this though expecting her to tailor proper garments was a stretch. She could barely cut the fabric straight. But mending and patching maybe that she could manage.
She flipped and turned the Crown Prince’s new underpants in her hands, and suddenly raised them to her lips, biting off a loose thread. Her bright red lips brushed against the fabric, and in that instant, the Crown Prince felt a sudden heat surge below his navel, a dizzy rush clouding his mind. He hurriedly grabbed the doorframe just to keep himself steady.
Moments like this, when the paper-thin line between them was about to tear but hadn’t yet, were excruciatingly sweet and torturous. The Crown Prince felt like a vessel, slowly filling to the brim. If it burst… it would be a flood, sweeping everything away.
Dequan peeked around the corner, his head bobbing slightly. “Your Highness, Lord Su is really a fine woman.”
The Crown Prince gave a soft “mm,” and replied, “I think so too.”
“Knows how to kill and how to sew, where would you ever find another one like that…”
Dequan was genuinely impressed, but the Crown Prince caught a different implication in his words. His face darkened, and he turned a sharp glare on him. “What exactly are you trying to say?”
Either way, he couldn’t say a single wrong word, Dequan shrank his neck in fear. “Your servant didn’t mean anything by it, just praising Lord Su. She’s not an ordinary woman, everyone can sew, but not every woman can run an entire bureau.”
Only then did the Crown Prince restrain himself, though he still warned coldly, “Speak clearly. Remember, disaster comes from the mouth. Don’t end up dead without even knowing why.”
Dequan hurriedly agreed, face drawn as he scurried off. The Crown Prince lingered a bit longer, then returned to the study to handle state affairs. After a while, he heard her calling from the side hall, saying it was finished. He rushed over, eager to see, and found her holding up the oversized underpants and giving them a shake. The size looked alright, and he didn’t bother inspecting the stitching, but right in the center, the large crab with raised claws was far too conspicuous. Under the shifting light, it almost seemed alive, claws flailing, ready to strike.
She giggled proudly, seeking praise. “The placement is perfect, an absolute masterpiece!”
The Crown Prince snorted, barely restraining himself from dousing her enthusiasm. She urged him to try them on, but he hesitated. “That won’t be necessary. Anything you make I’m sure it fits just fine.”
But this was the first large piece she had completed entirely on her own, it meant more to her than just another garment. Besides, it was something meant to be worn close to his body, stitched with a thread of her sincerity. She hesitated shyly, then said, “Will you put it on and let me take a look? Just one glance.”
The Crown Prince was helpless against her, and finally agreed. As he walked away, he looked back and said, “I’ll let you look, but you wait outside the screen.”
Su Xinghe followed him happily, her heart brimming with anticipation that far outweighed the thread-thin reserve of modesty. The Crown Prince undressed rather slowly, and she tapped the sandalwood rack. “Your Highness, are you done yet?”
“Almost,” he replied from inside. “Just a moment.”
She waited patiently, and after a long while still didn’t see him come out. She muttered with a mild complaint, “If you take any longer, I could’ve made another pair believe it or not?”
But then came a voice filled with despair: “Su Xinghe, I’m stuck.”
Startled, she couldn’t imagine what he might be stuck on, maybe the buttons, maybe the waistband? She said, “Let me come help you.”
He didn’t object, so Su Xinghe stepped around the screen. Behind it, the Crown Prince stood bare-chested, draped in a thin inner robe, the crab-print underpants awkwardly tugged up to his hips. They wouldn’t go any farther, and the stitches were straining to the point of bursting.
So there he was, his slender, willowy waist laid bare before her, well-defined muscles revealing he’d never slacked on his training.
At moments like this, the eyes were impossible to control, hers naturally drifted downward. A faint shadow caught her gaze, and her heart started pounding like a startled deer. She laughed awkwardly. “I clearly cut it based on that old pair… but I guess the size came out too small.”
The Crown Prince replied, “No, it’s not the underpants that are too small. I’m too big.”
Two people at that age, who’d long since grown accustomed to veiled flirtations and suggestive banter, seemed to understand each other perfectly without needing to say much. Su Xinghe began to study the garment seriously, shaking her head as she examined it. “Shouldn’t have… really shouldn’t have…”
The Crown Prince stood there with legs apart, gave a few more tugs, but the fabric just wouldn’t go higher. He flicked the dangling ribbons at the waist and said, “With a waist this narrow, and you still added a waistband? Did you think I was a woman? Anyway, there’s no way I’m wearing these. Would be a shame to toss them, though, you keep them for yourself, and make me another pair just like it.”
Su Xinghe hesitated. “That’s not really appropriate… It’s a men’s cut.”
The Crown Prince’s view: a woman wears it, and it becomes a woman’s cut. “If it bothers you, just embroider a little vinegar dish and a pair of chopsticks on the side. That kind of simple stitching, if you can’t manage that, don’t call yourself a woman. Wearing men’s styles is perfectly fine.”
