Cen Lingqiu said in a light tone, “Can’t you live for yourself?”
Yu Mingjiao lowered her eyes and didn’t answer.
The two didn’t continue with this question. After they had more or less finished touring the school, the weather suddenly turned overcast as if it was about to rain, so Cen Lingqiu took her back. Before going home, they went to the supermarket. Cen Lingqiu planned to cook dinner herself to celebrate Yu Mingjiao’s graduation.
While cooking, Yu Mingjiao helped out by her side. Cen Lingqiu had originally wanted her to just wait quietly in the living room for dinner, but Yu Mingjiao was unwilling and insisted on staying in the kitchen with her.
Cen Lingqiu vaguely felt that she had become a bit clingier, but she didn’t think much of it and just let her prepare some vegetables.
It had already started raining outside. The rain pattered against the windows, creating a scene of dim, damp cold, yet the kitchen was bright and warm.
Cen Lingqiu glanced at the heavy rain outside, then at Yu Mingjiao quietly preparing vegetables beside her, and inexplicably felt a kind of warmth that could be called home.
She gave a helpless smile inwardly.
Am I getting old?
Otherwise, why would I include Yu Mingjiao in my fantasies of family?
She had always been the most indifferent to the concept of “family.” Abandoned by her parents as a child, she struggled alone at her grandmother’s house—that wasn’t a home. And now that she was grown, she had never thought about wanting a family.
It was probably because she was getting older that such a strange thought had inexplicably emerged.
After finishing cooking, Cen Lingqiu ate with her. Although she didn’t have the habit of eating at the dining table, this quirk of hers was nullified only when she was with Yu Mingjiao.
It was very strange. Only when she was with Yu Mingjiao would she not think about those hidden shadows.
Yu Mingjiao, on the other hand, was the same as before, only eating the dishes directly in front of her. So, Cen Lingqiu took on the task of serving her food.
After half a year, the two were eating together again.
Cen Lingqiu would chat with her a little. Yu Mingjiao no longer remained silent; she had learned to respond to her topics. Although her replies were brief, Cen Lingqiu was no longer performing a one-woman show.
Outside, a torrential storm raged, while inside, warm yellow light filled the room as the two chatted casually.
Cen Lingqiu: “Is this dish spicy?”
Yu Mingjiao: “No.”
“My mom’s cat bites. Its claws left several scratches on my hand.”
“Clip its claws.”
“My mom would get angry.”
“Clip them secretly.”
“I want to cut my hair.”
“You can.”
“I’m afraid it’ll be ugly.”
“It won’t.”
Cen Lingqiu couldn’t help but chuckle. Yu Mingjiao’s words came out a few characters at a time, sounding cold, yet Cen Lingqiu found a unique kind of cuteness in these brief phrases.
Her laughter was a bit rushed, making her throat itch. She turned her head and coughed heavily a few times.
Yu Mingjiao looked up at her, her eyes unblinking.
Cen Lingqiu coughed for a moment before recovering. Meeting Yu Mingjiao’s dark eyes, she explained, “I just choked.”
“Mm.” Yu Mingjiao lowered her head as if indifferent, but her hand pushed a cup toward her, gesturing for her to drink some water.
Cen Lingqiu took in her small gesture, her eyes curving into a smile. She didn’t refuse, taking the cup and sipping some water.
After dinner, Cen Lingqiu took out her medicine from her bag. The doctor had prescribed a powdered mix that was very bitter. Cen Lingqiu frowned and drank it all in one go, her face scrunching up from the bitterness.
She wanted to find something sweet, when a pair of pale, slender hands reached out in front of her, a piece of candy resting in the palm.
Cen Lingqiu looked over. Yu Mingjiao’s expression was calm as she silently waited for her to act.
“Is this for me?” Cen Lingqiu asked, already knowing the answer.
Yu Mingjiao nodded.
“Thank you.”
Cen Lingqiu took it. It was the candy she usually ate, very sweet. She asked casually, “How come you like this kind of candy now? I remember you liked sour things.”
Yu Mingjiao’s lips moved, her voice very faint. It took Cen Lingqiu a moment to make out what she was saying.
“Because you like it.”
Cen Lingqiu froze for a moment, seemingly unable to process that those words had come from Yu Mingjiao’s mouth.
She smiled with an unreadable expression. “Because I like it, you always keep it on hand? Is that it, Mingjiao?”
Yu Mingjiao gave her a nonchalant glance before looking away, staring at a point in the void.
“When you were in the hospital, I always kept it with me.”
Her tone was overly calm, as if she were stating something perfectly normal.
She had always kept Cen Lingqiu’s favorite candy, as if waiting for the day she would wake up so she could give it to her personally.
Cen Lingqiu held the candy and looked at her for a long time. A butterfly was fluttering in her heart.
Of course, she understood the meaning behind Yu Mingjiao’s words.
It was precisely because she understood that she was stunned.
She had always thought that Yu Mingjiao still held a guarded and distant attitude toward her, that no matter what she did, Yu Mingjiao’s frozen heart would never crack and melt.
But now, it seemed she had been wrong. After half a year of separation, many of Yu Mingjiao’s actions clearly showed she was slowly getting closer to her.
She wasn’t distant; she was starting to soften toward her.
The little cat she had raised in the past was now showing its soft belly.
So pretty and so well-behaved.
In that instant, Cen Lingqiu forgot that Yu Mingjiao was her mission target. In her eyes, she and Yu Mingjiao were like a perfectly normal pair of friends.
No rifts, no harm, nothing.
Cen Lingqiu hadn’t felt this long-lost feeling of truly getting along with someone for a long time. She had no friends, no lover, no family. Only with Yu Mingjiao was the familiar numbness and loneliness buried deep underground.
Cen Lingqiu felt a strange pleasure from being cared for.
It was a feeling she rarely experienced.
“Ha…”
Cen Lingqiu turned her head, a smile playing on her lips, and stroked her hair. Yu Mingjiao didn’t dodge, obediently letting her touch it.
Like a little puppy again.
“Thank you, Mingjiao,” Cen Lingqiu said softly.
“For what?”
Cen Lingqiu couldn’t articulate the reason for her thanks. There were always many complex emotions in this world that couldn’t be described with words. Cen Lingqiu simply wanted to thank her.
For many, many reasons.
She didn’t speak, just stroked her long hair.
The rain outside grew heavier, showing no signs of stopping. Cen Lingqiu had originally planned to wait for the rain to lighten before heading back, but after waiting for a long time, the rain showed no signs of weakening.
It was already quite late. Cen Lingqiu decided to just drive back. She told Yu Mingjiao, picked up her car keys, and stood up to leave.
Yu Mingjiao suddenly grabbed her wrist, her voice holding a slight tremor.
“Don’t.”
“What’s wrong?”
Seeing her face turn slightly pale, Cen Lingqiu bent down to look at her. “Are you feeling unwell anywhere?”
Yu Mingjiao’s pale lips moved, her thin eyelids trembling slightly. “It’s raining… there could be a car accident.”
Cen Lingqiu was silent for a second. “Are you afraid I’ll get into a car accident if I drive now?”
“Mingjiao, are you afraid I’ll get into another car accident?”
Yu Mingjiao was just silent.
Cen Lingqiu comforted her, “I won’t. I’ll drive slowly. Mingjiao, I have to go back. It’s very late.”
“You can…” Yu Mingjiao seemed to find it difficult to speak. She lowered her head, suppressing it for a long time before finally saying it.
“…You can sleep at my place.”
Cen Lingqiu had lost count of how many times she had been shocked by her words today.
“Mingjiao, do you know what you’re saying?” Cen Lingqiu didn’t take it to heart and teased, “Aren’t you afraid I’ll do something bad? You used to always call me a bad woman.”
“Besides, I’m not fully recovered yet. Aren’t you afraid of getting infected?”
Yu Mingjiao looked up, meeting her gaze. “I trust you.”
“And I won’t get infected by you. Even if I do… it doesn’t matter.”
Her expression was calm yet held a certain stubbornness.
Cen Lingqiu was inexplicably reminded of their last meeting half a year ago, when she had asked Yu Mingjiao, “Don’t you trust me?”
Yu Mingjiao’s answer had been negative.
That had been a rather unpleasant conversation before they parted ways.
Now, today, Yu Mingjiao would, in certain moments, inadvertently emphasize those words, as if affirming her question from half a year ago again and again.
Just like a stubborn child who had done something wrong, silently admitting their mistake with a hidden attitude.
Cen Lingqiu covered her face and laughed.
She had been laughing more and more recently.
She kept laughing, her chest rising and falling slightly, her long, narrow fox-like eyes curving into two thin crescents.
Yu Mingjiao, perhaps not understanding her laughter, tilted her head and looked at her in confusion.
When Cen Lingqiu had laughed enough, she brushed back a stray strand of hair. “You said it. I’ll be troubling you tonight, then, Mingjiao.”
Yu Mingjiao’s room was very large. The display cabinets were filled with jewelry, and there were piles of design sketches on the desk. Cen Lingqiu casually observed her surroundings. Yu Mingjiao had already changed into her pajamas.
A thin, white nightgown revealed a large expanse of cool, pale skin on her chest. Her collarbones were delicate and prominent, and her long, dark hair cascaded down her front. The contrast of black and white made her look just like that bouquet of white platycodon, simple, elegant, and beautiful.
Just too thin.
Cen Lingqiu walked over and couldn’t resist stroking her collarbones, murmuring, “It’s not good to be too thin.”
Her fingers were cool, and when they lightly touched Yu Mingjiao’s skin, it sent a shiver through her. Yu Mingjiao felt as if many insects were slowly crawling on her neck. Her neck was extremely sensitive; a light touch was all it took.
Cen Lingqiu noticed something was off and looked over. She saw Yu Mingjiao biting her lip, her brow slightly furrowed. The rims of her eyes were red, her pupils moist, like decadent, vibrant petals after the rain. A suppressed blush spread across her pale cheeks.
Her shoulders were also trembling slightly. She looked both fragile and alluring.
“Mingjiao…”
Yu Mingjiao looked up. The corners of her beautiful peach-blossom eyes were damp and red, her gaze watery and dazed. Her lips were also a vibrant red. With her fair skin, stray strands of black hair sticking to her cheeks, and her inherent beauty, the coldness on her face faded away, making her look devastatingly gorgeous.
Cen Lingqiu’s heart was pierced sharply. She snatched her hand back as if burned. “…I’m going to change.”
She took the pajamas Yu Mingjiao had prepared for her and went to the bathroom.
Once in the bathroom, she leaned against the door, trying to calm her racing heart.
This is crazy.
How can she be so beautiful?
Although she had long known that Yu Mingjiao was beautiful, sometimes her beauty was just too exaggerated.
She looked at herself in the mirror.
The original owner’s face bore some resemblance to her own, but her own face had monolids, thin lips, and sharper features, giving her a perpetually sullen look.
She wasn’t as delicate as the original owner.
Cen Lingqiu had lived for nearly thirty years, and this was the first time she had compared her appearance to someone else’s.
It wasn’t her fault. Who could blame her when Yu Mingjiao was just too beautiful?
After showering and changing, she found Yu Mingjiao already sitting on the bed, drawing something. Her expression had returned to its usual gloominess, as if that fragile state from just now had been an illusion.
Cen Lingqiu stood in front of the bed, momentarily finding it difficult to move.
This was the first time she had ever shared a bed with someone. It was a bit strange.
Yu Mingjiao seemed to be acting quite normally.
It was their first time sleeping together. Did Yu Mingjiao really have no reaction at all?
Cen Lingqiu admired her mental fortitude. She secretly mocked her own state of mind, quickly composed herself, and walked to the other side of the bed. As soon as she climbed in, her eyes glanced at Yu Mingjiao’s drawing board.
She was scribbling something randomly, who knows what, even drawing the eyes outside the body.
Cen Lingqiu reminded her, “You’ve drawn it wrong, Mingjiao.”
Yu Mingjiao’s movements stiffened. “…I did it on purpose.”
Cen Lingqiu held back a laugh. So she was just pretending.
She must be quite nervous too.
Cen Lingqiu immediately stopped feeling nervous, her mind relaxing at once. She lay down. “Stop drawing. Let’s sleep.”
The light was turned off, leaving only a small night light on.
The room instantly fell silent, with only the sound of the rain outside.
Yu Mingjiao had her back to her. Cen Lingqiu stared at the ceiling. They were both strangely silent.
Perhaps it was the new bed, or having someone next to her, but Cen Lingqiu felt no sleepiness at all.
She turned over to face Yu Mingjiao, accidentally lying on her hair.
“Ngh…”
Yu Mingjiao couldn’t help but let out a soft moan and said in a low voice, “You’re on my hair.”
“Sorry.” Cen Lingqiu moved.
Yu Mingjiao’s hair was very long and thick, spreading across the bed like seaweed when she lay down.
Cen Lingqiu really liked her hair. Since she couldn’t sleep anyway, she started playing with it. “Your hair is so long. Don’t you want to cut it?”
Yu Mingjiao suddenly turned over to face her.
She asked, “Do you like my hair?”
Cen Lingqiu: “Mhm, it’s very pretty.”
Yu Mingjiao touched her own hair. “Do you want me to cut it?”
Cen Lingqiu thought for a moment. “You look very good with long hair.”
“Is that so?” Yu Mingjiao murmured.
Cen Lingqiu looked at her face, her gaze sweeping over the red string on her wrist. She asked, “I forgot to ask, do you like the birthday present I gave you?”
Yu Mingjiao didn’t hide it. “I like it.”
Cen Lingqiu smiled. “That’s good. A twentieth birthday is very important. You must receive a gift you’re satisfied with.”
“What about you?”
“What?”
Yu Mingjiao liked Cen Lingqiu’s light, clear voice. In the darkness of the night, it was inexplicably reassuring, so she chatted with her casually. “What was your twentieth birthday present?”
It was a simple question, but Cen Lingqiu fell silent.
A twentieth birthday present.
How could she tell Yu Mingjiao that she had never even lived to be twenty? She hadn’t even lived to be eighteen; she had died the day before she became an adult.
In her short, bleak childhood, she had never received a single gift. Her grandparents, her father, her mother—not a single person remembered her birthday. She never got presents.
In the past, she had wanted a tenth birthday present like her cousin. She called her mother and told her the next day was her tenth birthday.
Her mother was probably at an amusement park with her younger brother at the time. It was very noisy, and she didn’t quite hear what she said, only found her annoying and impatiently scolded her.
“I’m very busy right now. If you have something to say, say it quickly. Don’t call me unless it’s something important. You better behave, you annoying thing!”
Then she hung up.
Not giving up, she called her father.
Her father also berated her. “What birthday present! What does a kid need that for!”
Cen Lingqiu replied weakly, “Younger Brother gets presents.”
Her father sneered, “Can you compare to him? You’re the older sister, what are you comparing yourself to your younger brother for? You’ve really studied yourself stupid, always wanting this and that. You spendthrift girl, you useless thing! No wonder your grandma always hits you!”
Her father spat at her in disgust and hung up.
Cen Lingqiu stared blankly, holding the phone, unable to come to her senses for a long time. Her grandmother saw her daydreaming and not working, grabbed her by the ear, and dragged her to the river, making her finish washing the family’s clothes.
After that, she never asked anyone for a birthday present again.
Let alone a twentieth birthday present.
Yu Mingjiao didn’t get a response. She only sensed a faint sadness from her and started to panic a little. “What’s wrong?”
Cen Lingqiu smiled. “It’s nothing. I just forgot what gift I received that day.”
Yu Mingjiao held the red string on her wrist, thought for a long time, and then asked, “What date is your birthday?”
She wanted to give Cen Lingqiu a gift too.
But unexpectedly, Cen Lingqiu said again, “I forgot.”
Yu Mingjiao frowned.
Seeing that she was about to ask again, Cen Lingqiu said, “Alright, it’s time to sleep.”
Yu Mingjiao heard the perfunctory tone in her voice, but she didn’t understand why Cen Lingqiu was unwilling to tell her her birthday.
She couldn’t help but overthink it. Does she think I’m not worthy of knowing?
This kind of evasiveness that created distance made Yu Mingjiao very unhappy. Her eyes turned gloomy and sullen, taking on a dark, chilling look in the dim light.
Her nails dug fiercely into her palm, and she didn’t stop even when she felt the pain.
Cen Lingqiu noticed her silence and vaguely sensed her low spirits. She moved a little closer to look at her face. “What’s wrong with you now?”
She got too close. Yu Mingjiao could smell the scent of her body wash and feel her warm, soft body. The two of them had never been so close.
Yu Mingjiao could even feel Cen Lingqiu’s leg touching hers. The slight contact of their skin made her fair earlobes turn red, and she instantly forgot her earlier displeasure.
She leaned back, trying to put some distance between them. Seeing that she was about to fall off, Cen Lingqiu wrapped an arm around her back.
“Hey, you’re going to fall.”
She used a bit of strength to pull her back. “Don’t sleep so close to the edge, you’ll fall.”
Yu Mingjiao was close to her again. Her eyes saw something and widened slightly.
As Cen Lingqiu had turned over, her clothes had slipped down a bit, revealing several scars near her chest.
Yu Mingjiao gently touched them with her hand. “Are these… from the car accident?”
The sensation of her touch was a bit strange. Cen Lingqiu grabbed her wrist to stop her from touching them again and said nonchalantly, “Maybe. It’s not important.”
Yu Mingjiao didn’t even realize that the distance between them was shrinking. From afar, it looked as if she were nestled in Cen Lingqiu’s arms.
Her body stiffened, her thoughts drifting far, far away. She fell silent again, exuding a gray aura of sadness.
Yu Mingjiao’s heart ached, as if a heavy stone was pressing on her bones. Whenever she recalled the sight of Cen Lingqiu lying in the hospital bed half a year ago, a throbbing pain would emanate from her suppressed bones.
She knew she could no longer equate the woman before her with the person from the past. Ever since that day at the manor when she had stopped her from attempting suicide, she had become a different person to Yu Mingjiao.
She had already forgotten this woman’s past.
Perhaps she really was a soft-hearted fool who forgot past suffering. Reason told her that no matter what, she couldn’t forget the unbearable past.
But her emotions and physical actions were a paradox. Whether it was repeating the same mistakes or being deceived again, she could no longer bear the breakdown of this woman leaving her again one day.
During the half-year she was hospitalized, Yu Mingjiao clearly realized that she hadn’t felt happy. On the contrary, she felt an even greater loneliness and exhaustion.
Only in the time since she had woken up did Yu Mingjiao feel that she was alive.
A very ironic reality.
She was actually suffering for a woman who had hurt her in the past.
But Yu Mingjiao didn’t care about that anymore. She had always done as she pleased; no person or thing could sway her thoughts and attitude.
She just wanted to get what she wanted.
Yu Mingjiao suddenly spoke, breaking the silence.
“Lin Qiu.”
Cen Lingqiu was getting sleepy and hummed drowsily.
“Move in with me.”
Cen Lingqiu was suddenly wide awake again.
Startled awake.
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