ITC Chapter 38

Despite still having a fever, Bai Xizhou quickly got out of bed. From the way Wen Ruqing had just looked, he could tell he was startled—maybe even scared enough to run or avoid him.

He had to explain. Say anything—even lie if needed—but first, he had to make sure the other didn’t leave.

Bai Xizhou rarely got sick, but this time it hit like a mountain. The fever made his whole body uncomfortable; he felt dizzy and weak. Even walking a few steps to the door was difficult.

Just as he reached for the door, it opened from the outside. Light from the living room spilled into the bedroom, and Wen Ruqing stood there holding a bowl of congee. He looked surprised to see Bai Xizhou at the door, maybe even a bit flustered, but he didn’t leave.

Their eyes met, both holding back unspoken emotions. The scent of rice porridge spread quietly through the air.

“You shouldn’t be out of bed,” Wen Ruqing was the first to break the silence. “I made you some porridge. Eat it while it’s hot.”

Avoiding Bai Xizhou’s gaze, he walked into the bedroom and set the bowl on the nightstand. He didn’t look at him, but he could still feel Bai Xizhou’s gaze on him—watching.

For no reason at all, the scene from earlier came flooding back.

Bai Xizhou’s kiss had been hot and a little forceful, not giving Wen Ruqing a sliver of room to resist. Every part of his lips and teeth had been overwhelmed by Bai Xizhou’s taste.

The thought was completely untimely. The heat in his body, which had just subsided, now threatened to rise again.

He couldn’t stay here any longer.

“I… I should head home if there’s nothing else…” Wen Ruqing turned to leave.

But Bai Xizhou was still by the door. Leaning against the wall, he reached out and grabbed Wen Ruqing’s arm as he passed, easily pulling him back into the room.

The sound of the door locking echoed in Wen Ruqing’s ears. He turned around, stunned, looking at Bai Xizhou in disbelief.

“Why are you running?” Bai Xizhou bent down slightly, leveling his gaze with Wen Ruqing’s. The panic in Wen Ruqing’s eyes was clearly visible—and for some reason, Bai Xizhou felt like teasing him.

“I’m sick. My memory’s fuzzy. Did something happen earlier?”

Being so close, Bai Xizhou noticed the wound at the corner of Wen Ruqing’s mouth. Of course, Wen Ruqing noticed too. Thinking about how it got there, he just wanted to run away.

“It’s nothing. Your mom came by, and I sent her away.” He avoided mentioning the kiss, because that would be way too awkward. Using Yan Mo as a scapegoat seemed easier.

But Bai Xizhou saw right through it. He reached out and—suddenly—began rubbing Wen Ruqing’s earlobe.

“Well done. If she comes again, do it the same way.” He stopped after a moment, just enough to make a point. “She and Bai Hesong finished the divorce proceedings yesterday.”

And not just that. That very afternoon, Bai Hesong had taken that woman straight to the Civil Affairs Bureau to register their marriage.

After scheming for years, they were finally officially a family. That woman must be happy. Yan Mo must be happy too—after all, she had a boyfriend overseas.

Everything seemed to be going well for everyone… right?

“Then what about you…” Wen Ruqing wanted to ask if he was okay, but it felt pointless.

Did he look okay?

“Qingqing, my head’s spinning.”

Bai Xizhou clutched his head, pretending to faint. Wen Ruqing didn’t finish his sentence and instinctively reached out to support him, helping him back to bed and tucking him in.

“Are you going home tonight?” Bai Xizhou asked casually, picking up the bowl of porridge.

He was actually a bit hungry. After sipping a few mouthfuls—bland, tasteless, but it didn’t matter—he secretly glanced at Wen Ruqing.

“I have stuff at home…” Wen Ruqing felt uneasy but tried to stay rational. Staying over didn’t seem like a good idea.

“Alright then, I won’t keep you.” Bai Xizhou smiled gently, sounding completely reasonable. “It’s just… I’m not sure if I’ll have another fever in the middle of the night. I’ll have to deal with it myself. But it’s okay. You go home, I’ll try not to get sick tonight.”

Something about the way he said it felt… off. Wen Ruqing frowned. It sounded pitiful, but also fake.

“…Forget it. I’ll stay.”

He just couldn’t bring himself to leave Bai Xizhou alone while he was sick. Wen Ruqing sighed, took the empty bowl, and turned to leave.

The room dimmed again as the door closed behind him. Bai Xizhou leaned against the bed, gently touching the cut on his lip.

“Idiot.”

That night, Wen Ruqing didn’t sleep well—partly because he was worried Bai Xizhou might have another fever, and partly because of that kiss.

Later that night, he snuck into Bai Xizhou’s room, touched his forehead—his temperature had dropped. He was sleeping soundly, completely unaware of Wen Ruqing’s presence.

Wen Ruqing sat on the edge of the bed, staring at the cut on his lip, thoughts in chaos.

Does he really not remember anything?

But the kiss… had emotion. He’d called Wen Ruqing’s name. His fever hadn’t been high enough to completely confuse him. And he’d already taken medicine.

Even the best disguise has cracks. Wen Ruqing stared at Bai Xizhou’s sleeping face in the darkness, a flicker of sadness in his eyes.

“Bai Xizhou… do you like me?”

His voice was soft, almost as if asking Bai Xizhou—but also as if asking himself.

---

The next day, Wen Ruqing left before Bai Xizhou woke up.

He hadn’t slept well, showed up to the department with dark circles under his eyes, and was clearly in poor spirits. Coincidentally, Song Yang was also there. He gave Wen Ruqing a once-over from head to toe but didn’t say anything.

Seeing the state he was in, Chen Qi immediately handed him a cup of coffee and asked what he’d been up to the night before.

“Chen Qi, do you think it’s possible for two people who’ve always treated each other as friends to suddenly fall for one another?” Wen Ruqing asked as he sipped his coffee.

His mind was a mess—not just from waking up early, but also because of Bai Xizhou’s feelings for him.

But it didn’t make sense to him. He couldn’t understand what someone like him could possibly offer that would attract Bai Xizhou. He didn’t have much experience in love and honestly didn’t understand it very well.

“That’s pretty normal, I think,” Chen Qi said thoughtfully, stroking his chin. “If you spend a lot of time together and build a strong emotional foundation, it’s natural for that to shift into romantic feelings. Of course, sometimes people confuse friendship with love.”

Wen Ruqing nodded. That actually made a lot of sense to him.

Not far away, Song Yang had heard the whole conversation clearly. Before leaving, he cast another glance at Wen Ruqing.

“There’s an interprovincial exchange opportunity coming up soon—remember? Has anyone from our department signed up this year?”

After Song Yang left, Feng Yuhua brought it up.

“Sister Feng, I went last year.”

“I went the year before.”

“Most of us have already been.”

This exchange happened once a year, and nearly everyone in the department had participated—everyone except Wen Ruqing, who had only joined this year.

“Ruqing, do you want to go? The conditions and resources over there aren’t as good as ours, but they do have a lot of ancient books we don’t have here, plus some master craftsmen who’ve been in this field for decades. My own mentor is there—it’s honestly a great opportunity to grow.”

Being called out by name, Wen Ruqing was still zoned out from earlier, and looked at Feng Yuhua blankly. His reply came out in a dazed mumble, full of uncertainty.

“Take your time and think it over. The exchange lasts two months. If you decide to go, make sure to handle your personal affairs beforehand.” Feng Yuhua was an understanding supervisor. Seeing the sleep-deprived look on Wen Ruqing’s face, she could tell he had a lot going on.

Wen Ruqing nodded with an apologetic smile.

He actually did want to go. But right now, his mind wasn’t in the right place to make that decision. All he could think about was—if Bai Xizhou confessed to him… should he accept?

Bai Xizhou was truly good to him—always attentive, considerate in every little thing. Since being around Bai Xizhou, both his mental and physical health had improved so much.

He really enjoyed the way things were now. But if they started dating… would it be better than this?

If he rejected Bai Xizhou… could they still go back to what they had now?

So frustrating. Why did he have to like him? Wen Ruqing didn’t think he was worth it. Bai Xizhou clearly deserved someone better.

---

As usual, Wen Ruqing got off work on time and was heading toward the subway station. But just as he stepped out of the building, he saw Song Yang—who also spotted him and waved.

Ugh. I don’t want to see him. Maybe I’ll just pretend I didn’t.

Wen Ruqing thought stubbornly, but Song Yang had already walked over and stopped in front of him.

“Got a moment? Let’s grab a meal. I’ve been back for so long, and we haven’t even had dinner together once,” Song Yang said with a smile. “Don’t turn me down. I come in peace.”

“you paying?” Wen Ruqing asked flatly, without even a flicker of expression.

Song Yang paused, then nodded. Wen Ruqing also gave a small nod, accepting.

Song Yang picked a private dining room. It was quiet—once the food was served, no one would disturb them. Honestly, for just the two of them, it was overkill. But since Wen Ruqing wasn’t paying, he didn’t care.

“How have you been lately?” Song Yang eventually asked.

If he hadn’t spoken up, the meal probably would’ve passed in total silence.

“Fine,” Wen Ruqing replied casually.

“I meant romantically. I heard from your coworkers… someone’s got a crush on you?”
Song Yang peeled a shrimp, dipped it in sauce, and popped it in his mouth. He looked up at Wen Ruqing, clearly waiting for a reaction.

Wen Ruqing froze mid-motion. After a long pause, his chopsticks finally moved again.

“Song Yang, let me ask you something. When we were dating… what did it feel like for you?”

“Huh?” Song Yang blinked, surprised. But he quickly regained his composure and smiled. “I guess it felt… boring.”

“I’m boring?” Wen Ruqing muttered, poking aimlessly at the food in his bowl. His eyes stayed fixed on the flower pattern in the corner of the tablecloth.

“Well, think about it,” Song Yang said, voice still calm. “At first, I really liked you. But you were just so dull. Whatever I said, you barely responded—or didn’t even listen. You were always busy. Even when you weren’t working, you were fixing your research projects. I used to wonder why you even bothered dating. Might as well just marry your career.”

He paused, then added, “Seriously, looking back—did you ever actually like me? I couldn’t feel it at all. Not when we kissed. Not when we slept together. You were like a block of wood. At one point I really thought, maybe you just can’t love anyone. You only love yourself. Maybe you’re just inherently selfish.”

Wen Ruqing said nothing. He stayed quiet, staring at the same spot on the tablecloth like he hadn’t heard a word.

“See? This is exactly what I mean!” Song Yang suddenly raised his voice, slamming his hand lightly on the table.

Wen Ruqing flinched and looked up in surprise.

“Every time I try to talk to you, you just sit there in silence. I hate that about you the most! It crushed every last bit of feeling I had.
Let me give you some advice—don’t drag anyone else down with you. Look at yourself—who would feel anything romantic from you? Even someone as patient as me couldn’t take it. Forget anyone else.”

With that, Song Yang got up and stormed out of the private room.

And as he left, Wen Ruqing thought quietly to himself: Did he even pay the bill…?

---

“What did you say?!” Teng Yuan slammed the table and stood up, face full of disbelief. “You forced a kiss on him?”

Bai Xizhou nodded. He honestly had no idea what to do now. From the look on Wen Ruqing’s face, it was clear he’d made up his mind to avoid him. But Bai Xizhou didn’t want things to end that way.

“Wow, okay. I didn’t expect this from the Bai Xizhou, the big-shot lawyer,” Teng Yuan burst out laughing. “You’ve been so calm and celibate all these years, I thought you were becoming a monk!”

He laughed so hard he almost fell off the sofa—if it weren’t for Qu Qingchen catching him in time.

Both he and Qu Qingchen happened to be off work today. They’d come by to check on the sick guy and maybe ask about yesterday. What they didn’t expect was for Bai Xizhou to hit them with a “sounds-fake-but-it’s-real” kind of news.

Teng Yuan never imagined something like forced kissing would actually involve Bai Xizhou of all people.

“So what now? What do you plan to do next?” Qu Qingchen asked calmly. “Are you going to confess?”

“I don’t know.” Bai Xizhou looked unsure. When it came to confessing, he didn’t feel confident. “Maybe… just stay friends for now, wait a while—”

“Friends?” Qu Qingchen suddenly laughed before he could finish. “Trust me. If you like him, there’s no way you’ll be satisfied with just being friends. You’ll want more. Even the smallest bit of distance from him will drive you insane.”

When it came to things like this, Qu Qingchen always had the most to say.

Bai Xizhou lowered his head, deep in thought. He knew perfectly well—he didn’t want to just stay friends with Wen Ruqing.
But he really couldn’t figure out what Wen Ruqing was thinking.

After all, Wen Ruqing always had a way of surprising him.

---

Frozen Starlight (author’s note):
Spoiler alert—at this point in the story, Wen Ruqing still hasn’t fully figured things out. His feelings for Bai Xizhou are hovering in a very blurry, undefined space.

Bai Xizhou:
“I just feel like… if I confess, according to what my mom says, I’ll lose my wife.” (crying T﹏T)