By the time Cen Lingqiu brought Yu Mingjiao back to the hotel, it was already nighttime.
Yu Mingjiao was unusually quiet the entire way, her whole being dazed and empty, as if her soul had been crushed, leaving only a cold shell of a body.
Cen Lingqiu wasn’t much better off than Yu Mingjiao. Her heart was still pounding with alarm. She didn’t dare imagine what might have happened to someone with limited mobility like Yu Mingjiao in such a dangerous place.
“Are you hungry?” Cen Lingqiu knelt in front of her and asked softly.
Yu Mingjiao didn’t speak. From crying constantly, her long, thick lashes were clumped together, and her eyes were moist and slightly red. She kept her head bowed low, not saying a word.
Cen Lingqiu saw her still-trembling hands and took them in her own. Her hands were no longer warm.
In the silent room, she parted her lips, looking straight into her eyes. “You went to that place because you were worried about me, and you didn’t answer your phone because you kept calling me until the battery died, right?”
Yu Mingjiao’s eyelashes trembled, and tears streamed down again.
Cen Lingqiu quickly pulled her into an embrace, feeling both heartbroken and helpless. She soothed her in a gentle voice, “Why are you crying again? You’ll ruin your eyes.”
Cen Lingqiu thought about how terrified Yu Mingjiao must have been, calling her again and again with immense dread, only to get nothing in return. And a woman, a woman in a wheelchair at that, coming alone to a crime scene straight out of a horror movie. The dangers and threats to her life were all unknown disasters. And just because she was worried about someone, she disregarded everything else.
Cen Lingqiu was deeply shocked by her willfulness and recklessness, but even more so, she felt relief and heartache.
Thankfully, nothing had happened to Yu Mingjiao.
She would probably never forget the sight of Yu Mingjiao crying silently amidst a disaster scene filled with wails and screams. It was like a violent lightning strike, forever carving a mark on her heart that could never be erased.
Yu Mingjiao finally raised her hands to hug her back, wrapping them around her waist. She held on so tightly, as if trying to touch her very bones, her shoulders trembling fragilely.
One after another, small, faint whimpers escaped her, like the desperate sorrow of an abandoned young animal.
Cen Lingqiu’s chest felt tight. She forced a small smile. “Where do all these tears come from? I didn’t know you were such a crybaby.”
Yu Mingjiao didn’t speak, her grip only tightening.
She had always been someone who cried easily. Many times, she didn’t want to cry, but the tears would fall uncontrollably. But she rarely cried anymore, not because she had become stronger, but because years of suffering had buried her emotions. She had experienced so many different kinds of pain that she had become immune and indifferent.
Before meeting Cen Lingqiu, she had already forgotten what it felt like to cry.
But after meeting her, she felt another kind of pain.
Cen Lingqiu was a kind of sickness for her, a new type of ache.
So she cried, shedding tears.
Cen Lingqiu gently stroked her head, listening quietly to her sobs.
Time passed, second by second. The only sounds in the room were the ticking of the clock and the faint sound of crying. Yu Mingjiao didn’t cry for long; she soon stopped shedding tears. Seeing that she had gradually calmed down, Cen Lingqiu called room service to have two dinners sent up.
The staff was very efficient, and dinner was quickly delivered to the room, though it was all Western-style cuisine.
“Just eat a little for now. I’ll cook for you when we get back.” Cen Lingqiu warmed some milk and handed it to her. “Drink something warm first. Your hands are very cold.”
Yu Mingjiao took the milk, sipping it mouthful by mouthful, her right hand still insisting on holding Cen Lingqiu’s.
Cen Lingqiu was helpless. “How can we eat while holding hands?”
Yu Mingjiao’s voice was muffled. “With my left hand.”
Cen Lingqiu had forgotten that Yu Mingjiao could use both her left and right hands.
Yu Mingjiao was very fragile right now; Cen Lingqiu had to indulge her.
Neither of them had much of an appetite. Their emotions had fluctuated too much, leaving them with no desire to eat.
Cen Lingqiu ate a little and then stopped. She used the mealtime to explain to Yu Mingjiao why her phone had been off.
“It won’t happen again.” Cen Lingqiu urged Yu Mingjiao to finish her food. “You won’t be unable to reach me by phone anymore.”
The sudden promise soothed Yu Mingjiao’s alarmed emotions. She ate the sandwich very slowly, her lips moving.
“You can’t get hurt.”
Cen Lingqiu smiled. “Okay, I’ll do my best.”
“It’s a must.”
“Alright, alright.” Cen Lingqiu felt that whatever she said was right. “I will. So, please don’t cry anymore.”
She touched the reddened corners of Yu Mingjiao’s eyes. “Look how swollen your eyes are. It’ll be uncomfortable when you wake up tomorrow.”
The skin around her eyes was sensitive. With Cen Lingqiu’s light touch, Yu Mingjiao’s eyelashes fluttered nonstop, and her eyelids closed instinctively.
This unconscious sensitivity undoubtedly made her pale cheeks appear even more fragile, like the fluttering wings of a butterfly.
Cen Lingqiu didn’t pull her hand back. As if possessed, she touched her eyes, then her elegant nose, her full lips, and her snow-white cheeks.
Every touch was like a frozen river breaking in spring, unleashing a great tide, bringing with it the passion of spring wherever it went.
Yu Mingjiao’s grip on the cup tightened slightly. Her eyes remained closed, allowing Cen Lingqiu’s actions.
Cen Lingqiu finally realized her own abruptness. She pulled her hand back, only for Yu Mingjiao to grab it a second later. Yu Mingjiao pressed Cen Lingqiu’s hand to her cheek, rubbing against it dependently, then raised her moist eyes to stare straight into Cen Lingqiu’s.
Direct, fragile, and with an overly calm stubbornness.
There was a drum in Cen Lingqiu’s heart, beating almost deafeningly.
What happened today left both of them with no desire to sleep. Cen Lingqiu wanted to distract Yu Mingjiao, so she suggested they finish watching that movie, The Black Flower, in the hotel.
Yu Mingjiao just wanted to be with Cen Lingqiu; what they did didn’t matter.
Yu Mingjiao paid almost no attention to the movie. The entire time, she held Cen Lingqiu’s hand, her shoulder resting against Cen Lingqiu’s, enjoying the scent of Cen Lingqiu’s body and her unique aroma. This was more captivating than any movie.
In the movie, one day when Feuille went to the prison to visit an old friend, she unexpectedly saw Griens. By then, Griens had already been waiting for her in prison for three years.
Their eyes met. Griens’s eyes were steady and calm. He asked, “Your Highness, are you here to take me out, or do you need me to wait for you longer?”
Feuille was already married to someone else by alliance, completely without freedom.
“How long can you wait for me?”
“A long time. Until death.”
“Why?”
“Because I love you deeply, Your Highness.”
Yu Mingjiao was drawn in by these words and couldn’t help but watch.
“Love—” Yu Mingjiao murmured, “Lin Qiu, what is love?”
Cen Lingqiu couldn’t answer her.
After the movie finished, Cen Lingqiu belatedly felt sleepy, so the two of them slept together.
Yu Mingjiao was especially clingy tonight, constantly leaning against her, hugging Cen Lingqiu’s waist from behind, sticking to her like a piece of sticky candy.
Cen Lingqiu felt their intimacy was a bit strange, not quite like how friends would interact. But she didn’t have many friends, so naturally, she didn’t know what normal friendships were like. She assumed this was normal, just that Yu Mingjiao was a little different from others.
Besides, she didn’t dislike Yu Mingjiao’s closeness, so she let it be.
“Lin Qiu.”
Yu Mingjiao suddenly spoke in the darkness.
Cen Lingqiu turned over, her sleepiness chased away by the call. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m very scared,” she said.
“Scared of what?”
“I always feel like you’re going to leave me again.” Yu Mingjiao murmured, “I’m so scared you’ll be like that time again.”
“Will you do that?” Yu Mingjiao stared at Cen Lingqiu without blinking.
“You won’t, right?”
Faced with this topic, Cen Lingqiu could only be speechless. She couldn’t make a promise to Yu Mingjiao, couldn’t easily give her an assurance.
After all, even she herself was very lost.
She just asked, “If I leave, will you be unhappy?”
Yu Mingjiao slowly blinked, responding with silence.
Cen Lingqiu asked again, “If I leave, will you live on properly?”
Yu Mingjiao pressed her lips together, her tone cold and very unhappy. “Why do you always have to make these assumptions? I don’t want to hear it.”
Cen Lingqiu gave a small laugh.
“Then let’s not talk about it.” Her voice was gentle. “It’s very late, and we have to catch a flight early tomorrow morning. Hurry up and sleep. You won’t be able to sleep if you think too much.”
“Mm.”
After that day, Yu Mingjiao became even clingier to Cen Lingqiu. If a message went unanswered for more than an hour, she would start bombarding her with texts, only stopping and quieting down once Cen Lingqiu replied.
Not only that, but she also insisted on sleeping with Cen Lingqiu at night. What could Cen Lingqiu do but go along with her wishes? Every night before bed, Yu Mingjiao liked to hold her, as if to confirm that she was still alive.
It seemed that day’s events had left a huge shadow on her.
Cen Lingqiu felt helpless and, at the same time, inevitably lost.
The more Yu Mingjiao depended on her, the more alarmed Cen Lingqiu became.
She was afraid that when the day came for her to leave this world, Yu Mingjiao wouldn’t be able to bear it. The longer it dragged on, the deeper the fetters and emotional burdens would become.
It was like a deep abyss shrouded in thick fog lay ahead. She and Yu Mingjiao couldn’t see the path forward, walking step by step. It seemed safe, but who knew if the next second would bring the terror of falling?
This unknown fear deepened as Yu Mingjiao’s almost paranoid dependence evolved.
She had almost forgotten her mission in this world. One night, she couldn’t help but tentatively ask her again: “Jiao Jiao, if I leave, you’ll still live on properly, right? Every day.”
Yu Mingjiao just held her tighter, unable to understand why Cen Lingqiu repeatedly brought up this possibility, as if she really was going to leave.
Yu Mingjiao’s tone was suppressed. “Why must you leave? Why are you always worried about whether I’ll live or not? What are you trying to foreshadow by constantly asking these things?”
Cen Lingqiu opened her mouth, wanting to say something, but Yu Mingjiao held her deathly tight, almost using all her strength. Cen Lingqiu felt as if her bones were about to be crushed.
Yu Mingjiao’s voice held a madness she could no longer suppress. “Do you want to know? Then I’ll tell you. If you leave me, I’ll go die.”
Cen Lingqiu found it hard to breathe, unsure if it was because Yu Mingjiao was holding her too tightly, or for some other indescribable reason.
She also knew that her frequent questioning about these matters was hard for Yu Mingjiao to accept, even annoying, but she was really just uneasy.
She was truly afraid of Yu Mingjiao’s ending.
She was afraid Yu Mingjiao would revert to how she was when they first met. She genuinely wanted Yu Mingjiao to be happy, not for the sake of the mission, but out of Cen Lingqiu’s own selfish desire. She wanted Yu Mingjiao to live a good life.
There was nothing more important than being alive. As someone who had died in her youth, Cen Lingqiu knew better than anyone the fortune of being alive.
She didn’t want Yu Mingjiao to be like her.
She wanted Yu Mingjiao to have a good ending.
Where did it all go wrong?
In the end, it was her fault, wasn’t it?
Cen Lingqiu thought with helplessness and melancholy.
She was the one who had no sense of propriety.
Yu Mingjiao’s emotions were very wrong, but Cen Lingqiu couldn’t bring herself to say any comforting words. No matter what she said, it would be pale and powerless.
She just stroked her hair over and over again, just like she had in the past.
Her long, narrow, misty eyes stared distantly at a point in the void, wrapped in a confusion that was hard to dispel.
For the first time, Cen Lingqiu felt completely at a loss.
She was like a cowardly traveler, not knowing which way to go.
She always felt that no matter which path she took, it would be the wrong one.
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