I don’t even know how I fell asleep last night. I woke up in the middle of the night, finding myself half-leaning against the wall, utterly cold. I lazily slid into the bedding, pulled the quilt over myself, and my consciousness sank back into the water.
When I woke up the next day, before my eyes were even open and my mind was just stirring, I immediately sensed something was off.
Something heavy lay across my waist, it was an arm. A warm, burning chest pressed against my back, its steady, strong heartbeat penetrating through the thin barrier, transferring to me.
I instantly stiffened all over.
It was Shen Jianqing.
I almost instinctively closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep. After a good while, there was no movement from him; his breathing was even and long.
When did he come in last night? I didn’t notice him at all. But now, my mind became active.
Since he was in the room, the door definitely wasn’t locked! Even if it was, he must have the key!
I could get out.
This thought filled my heart with ecstasy, but then I reconsidered; no, even if the door wasn’t locked, given my current situation with my injured leg, I certainly couldn’t run far. Unless…
I gently lowered his arm and slowly, very carefully, turned around in his embrace. My movements were light; he wasn’t disturbed during this, still deeply asleep.
I almost held my breath.
Turning around, Shen Jianqing’s tranquil, peaceful sleeping face suddenly entered my view.
His eyes were closed, all traces of his madness hidden, revealing a false appearance of docile innocence. Only at this moment did Shen Jianqing resemble an eighteen-year-old naive youth. Outside, at this age, he would probably just be starting university.
If fate truly allowed, he could even be my junior, my friend, able to enjoy the myriad wonders of this world.
But there are no “ifs” in this world.
As I thought this, I slowly raised my hands and reached towards Shen Jianqing’s slender neck.
An evil, desperate thought clawed at me.
If he were dead, no one would ever bother me again. I could return to my old life and forget everything here. All I needed was for this culprit, Shen Jianqing, to die.
Swallowing hard, my hands began to tremble uncontrollably, freezing mid-air, unable to complete the action.
He was asleep, defenseless, at his most vulnerable state. Do it now, Li Yuze!
Don’t you want to be free of him? Just do it. It wouldn’t take long, just five minutes, maybe three, no, even a single minute, and you’d be rid of this trouble forever!
No!
A voice suddenly screamed from deep within.
What are you doing? Murder?!
Nothing in this world stays buried forever; there’s no such thing as a completely secret wall. You have a bright future ahead. How could you destroy it with your own hands?
And Shen Jianqing…
A furious battle raged inside me, my heart lost and struggling, my hands shaking more and more violently. I knew I couldn’t go through with it.
“Phew—”
I exhaled deeply, trying to withdraw my hand in disheartened reluctance, only for it to be unexpectedly caught and wrapped up before I could pull away.
Shen Jianqing had abruptly grabbed my hands and pressed them against his chest!
I was scared out of my wits, my spine stiffening. It took a long moment before I dared to look up, meeting Shen Jianqing’s clear eyes, utterly devoid of sleep.
His eyes were full of amusement, the corners of his mouth subtly turned up. For a moment, I couldn’t tell if he had sensed my earlier intention or not.
“I’m so happy, Li Yuze!” He said, unceremoniously lowering his head and burrowing into my embrace. His soft, fluffy head rubbed against my chest, and then he looked up at me.
He was taller than me but still just a youth, slender in build, so the gesture didn’t seem feigned.
I asked, “What are you happy about?”
Shen Jianqing said very earnestly, “You couldn’t bring yourself to kill me! You couldn’t bring yourself to kill me. Is it because you finally like me a little?”
He knows.
If I had really gone through with it and choked him, I dread to think what would have happened next.
He seemed to notice my prolonged silence, so he lifted his head from my embrace, raised one eyebrow, and let out a prompting “Hm?” from his nose.
I averted my eyes guiltily, saying nothing.
Rationally, I should have said “yes.” Coaxing him and lowering his guard would give me a chance to escape. But emotionally, I found it incredibly difficult to say.
I’m naturally reserved and don’t like to talk about love. And someone like Shen Jianqing… How could I, how could I possibly fall for him?
I turned over and sat up, pretending to get dressed and ready to leave the bed, creating distance between us. He frowned but didn’t stop me.
The room was filled with a cold silence.
Daylight filtered through the window, casting a fractured golden light onto the floor. Neither of us spoke again.
After a long time, I suddenly whispered, “Shen Jianqing.”
He responded casually with a sound.
I chose my words carefully, finally softening my tone, and said, “My foot hurts so much.”
Shen Jianqing lay on his back, his semi-long hair fanned out on the pillow. His ink-dark hair didn’t make him look like a young girl; instead, it made his skin appear even fairer, his face as beautiful as jade. Now, with that innocent, handsome face, he said, “I’ve been waiting for you to speak for a long time.”
My heart sank.
“Are you going to make another ‘fair deal’ with me now?”
The mention of “fair deal” made the back of my head tingle, and my mind uncontrollably replayed that unforgettable, unbearable day.
Shen Jianqing’s bloodshot, lust-filled eyes, the world turned upside down, and the tearing pain in my body.
“I’m a person, how can I be considered an object? And…” I paused, gritting my teeth as I continued, “Can you please not think about those things all day long?!”
“What things?” Shen Jianqing innocently sat up as well, his eyes clear and pure, like an ethereal immortal untouched by the mortal world.
He!
My cheeks slowly began to heat; I didn’t need to look to know they were bright red. I couldn’t help but secretly seethe. He spoke as if, as if all those past events weren’t his doing!
“Hahahaha!” Shen Jianqing burst into laughter, the red mole on his eyelid seemingly coming alive. “I just wanted to hear you say ‘I like you’. Where did your mind wander?”
Me: “……”
Now he was turning the tables on me.
Shen Jianqing threw off the covers. I flinched, but he already had my right foot in his hand. I tried to pull it back, but his grip was strong, and his expression stubborn.
“So swollen, how pitiful,” Shen Jianqing said. “If you limp like this, it’ll be inconvenient for you to go anywhere in the future. You’ll definitely have to rely on me for the rest of your life.”
His voice grew lower and lower, as if he was genuinely considering the feasibility of this. My heart sank. I had long guessed his intention, but hearing him say it out loud still brought a strange sense of disappointment.
I didn’t know what expectations I still harbored for him.
The next moment, Shen Jianqing looked up, raised an eyebrow, and asked, “So, do you want to make a deal?”
He looked at me with wet, pleading eyes, like the stray dog I often fed at school. But I knew he was no pathetic stray dog.
Shen Jianqing was probably a beautifully patterned snake, with the most perfect camouflage, but sharp, deadly fangs.
Shen Jianqing shook my foot again, urging me with his eyes: Deal?
Truth be told, this was the most cost-effective deal possible. I only needed to move my lips to get what I wanted.
There was no need to be shy; I wasn’t some little girl anyway. Although I had never confessed to anyone before, I had heard those words plenty of times.
I took a deep breath, looked Shen Jianqing directly in the eyes, and said, “I like you.”
The moment the words left my mouth, my heart seemed to tremble along with them, and an unprecedented feeling surged through me.
Before I could fully process it, everything went black as Shen Jianqing lunged forward, one hand supporting the back of my neck, the other caressing the side of my face. I froze. A cool breath, like morning mist in the mountains, washed over me, and something warm and soft covered my lips.
It was Shen Jianqing’s lips.
I was so startled by his sudden movement that I stiffened, my teeth clenched tight. But he just clumsily pressed against me, then bit my lower lip.
It didn’t hurt; instead, it was a tingling, numbing sensation. Our breaths mingled, turning into a hot current that rushed straight to my heart.
I thought I should push him away, but I didn’t. I stared wide-eyed at his face so close to mine, watching that red mole appear and disappear.
I don’t know how long it lasted, maybe a minute, maybe a whole morning. Who knows, Shen Jianqing finally let go of me.
His face was flushed, his lips red, and his eyes were frighteningly bright.
I looked away, feeling a bit uneasy.
Shen Jianqing leaned close to my ear, murmuring, each word incredibly clear: “Li Yuze, I like you too! The moment I saw you, I knew I had to be with you this lifetime.”
He said it with such genuine fervor, as if I had truly just confessed my feelings to him, and we were indeed a pair of mutually adoring lovers.
I had no words to answer him, so I just nodded haphazardly.
Shen Jianqing sat close to me for a while longer, and I let him hold me. After a long moment, he said, “I’ll dispatch someone over soon. Don’t worry, your foot won’t be crippled.”
My heart swelled with joy. Although Shen Jianqing had lied to me about many things, I believed this one. He had no reason to lie to me now, not after exposing his true self and all his intentions.
Once my emotions settled, I noticed something else in his words.
Maybe it’s because I studied literature, but I’m particularly sensitive to words. When he said, ‘I’ll dispatch someone over,’ there was a faint air of superiority in it, a phrase like that doesn’t belong to ordinary folks like us. I’ve never used words like that in my life.
What kind of person talks about ‘dispatching someone’ to the people in a village?
Could Shen Jianqing’s status in the Shidi Miao village be more complex than it seemed? But he was clearly just an eighteen-year-old boy.
I suddenly remembered when we first arrived, the day the Miao villagers brought us bedding, their gazes towards Shen Jianqing were very strange.
They looked at him with awe and apprehension.
At the time, I dismissed it as overthinking, but now, recalling it, it just felt wrong.
My understanding of Shen Jianqing was far too limited.
