Red silk ribbons adorned the bridgehead, fluttering in the mountain breeze, as if carrying countless souls to a distant, free world.
I had initially thought Shen Jianqing meant we would offer respects here at the bridge, assuming one of the ribbons might belong to his mother. But he didn’t even glance at them, leading me directly across the stone arch bridge.
“Not here?” I asked in surprise.
Shen Jianqing replied, “My mother’s red silk ribbon isn’t here.”
“Huh? But didn’t you say…”
Shen Jianqing said, “She’s different. Come with me.”
We continued forward, crossing the stone arch bridge and moving away from the settlement, finally arriving at a bamboo forest nestled against a large mountain.
Beneath the trees, countless graves lay neatly arranged, like well-trained soldiers in formation.
I suddenly remembered I had been here before!
At that time, I was wandering around with my camera and stumbled upon this place unintentionally. Two Miao men had driven me away then, so I quickly left.
I had been curious why Shen Jianqing said Shidi Miao Village practiced cremation, yet there were so many graves here. I never imagined one of them belonged to his mother.
“Isn’t it strange?” Shen Jianqing’s voice was low. “Anyway, you’ll know all this eventually. I’ll tell you when we get back today.”
My mind was filled with curiosity, and I nodded upon hearing him.
Shen Jianqing tightened his grip on my hand.
We turned a small path and found two people already kneeling devoutly before one of the graves, offering prayers.
One of them had white hair and a beard, a hunched back, and an aged face. He had his eyes closed, mumbling something. Beside him was a woman of exquisite beauty with long, cascading hair.
It was the Miao village leader and Wan Ying.
As soon as Shen Jianqing saw them, his previously calm expression darkened. He stood still, watching them expressionlessly.
Strictly speaking, one was his maternal grandfather, and the other his cousin; they should be family. Yet, Shen Jianqing never looked pleased to see them… Well, this was their family matter, and as an outsider, it wasn’t my place to comment.
It wasn’t until the leader and Wan Ying reverently bowed three times at the grave that Shen Jianqing coldly spoke a Miao phrase, as the leader slowly rose with Wan Ying’s support.
The leader paused, his aged face showing no change, and walked out of the bamboo grove with Wan Ying’s help.
As he passed me, the leader turned his head, his gaze momentarily fixed on me. He quickly appraised my clothing, his eyelids drooping loosely, somewhat like triangular eyes. His gaze was murky yet sharp, carving into my face like a knife.
My heart trembled with it.
That was definitely not a friendly look; in fact, I felt malice and a murderous intent from it.
But the eye contact lasted only a second; soon, I brushed past them. Yet, that sense of oppression didn’t disappear; instead, it pressed down on me like a giant boulder.
“What’s wrong?” Shen Jianqing leaned down and asked me. Only then did I realize my right hand was tightly gripping his left, so hard that his hand had turned white.
“I’m sorry.” I quickly let go of his hand, but unexpectedly, he firmly clasped it again, his palm dry and warm, as if possessing a calming power.
He softly said, “Don’t be afraid, I’m here.”
I looked up, meeting Shen Jianqing’s clear eyes. The surging affection hidden within them was undoubtedly real.
He looked at me so intently, as if I were the only person in the world, as if no matter what happened, he wouldn’t let go of my hand.
Thump, thump, thump!
My heartbeat didn’t slow down; instead, it grew faster and faster!
Is this love? A faint voice asked in my heart.
No, of course not! Another voice screamed wildly.
I quickly averted my gaze.
Shen Jianqing really likes me; of course I know that. But liking isn’t stubbornness, isn’t imprisonment, isn’t coercion. This kind of liking is self-serving harm, a one-sided illusion. I don’t even know when I might anger him and make him go crazy again.
I absolutely wouldn’t allow myself to fall for Shen Jianqing, not like this. I calmed down, suppressing the slight flutter in my heart, and said, “Go see your mother quickly.”
Shen Jianqing led me to the grave that the leader and Wan Ying had just paid respects to. The tomb was very simple, just a plain stone tablet inscribed with winding Miao script, likely his mother’s name.
There were also a few fresh fruits placed before the grave, still beaded with water, brought by the leader and his group. Shen Jianqing, however, glanced at them with disdain, picked them up, and threw them aside. How… childish.
Shen Jianqing knelt down properly, took out the offerings he had prepared, and began to murmur.
“Li Yuze, come here.” Shen Jianqing suddenly turned and beckoned to me.
I cooperated and took a few steps forward.
When I got closer, he grabbed my hand, forcefully and undeniably pulling me down to kneel with him. I felt a slight resistance in my heart, but I couldn’t argue with him.
“Ah-ma[mfn]Mother[/mfn], this is Li Yuze. Usually, I come alone, but this time I brought someone. Are you happy?” Shen Jianqing’s voice was uncharacteristically gentle, carrying a hint of the coquettishness a child has when facing their mother. I had never seen Shen Jianqing like this.
“Isn’t he good-looking? He looks good in these clothes too, right? I know you’ll like him as much as I do.” Shen Jianqing’s smile was content. “Also, I remember everything you told me. I won’t make the same mistakes.”
He rambled on for a while, and I just listened.
“Ah-ma, I’ll come see you again next year. I’ve done everything you told me to do very well. If you don’t believe me, pick a windy day and come see for yourself on the wind.” After speaking, Shen Jianqing devoutly leaned forward and kowtowed three times before the tomb. After finishing, he stood up and looked at me with an urging gaze.
In the customs of Yancheng, one cannot kowtow and bow to unfamiliar graves. Although I’m not superstitious, I still wasn’t willing. After all, I had no real relationship with Shen Jianqing, so why should I kowtow to his mother? If I did, it would be as if I was acknowledging from the bottom of my heart that there was truly something between us.
Actually, I should have just gone along with him. I don’t even know why I was being so difficult now, after holding back for so long.
Shen Jianqing saw my back straight and sighed through his nose. He suddenly leaned close to my ear and whispered, “Don’t make me angry in front of my mother.”
After speaking, without waiting for my reply, he reached out and pressed the back of my neck, forcefully pushing down! His strength wasn’t immense, but it was undeniable. I immediately leaned forward with his force, my forehead hitting the ground in front of the tomb.
“Let go of me!”
I struggled to get up, but just as my body straightened, I was involuntarily forced down again by his strength. After three consecutive kowtows, Shen Jianqing finally released his grip, satisfied. He helped me stand up from the ground and, with a very intimate gesture, brushed the dust from my forehead.
I pulled away from his hand.
Shen Jianqing didn’t seem annoyed; his face still showed indulgence and helplessness: “Li Yuze, don’t ignore me.”
He said it as if he wasn’t the one who had just suddenly gone crazy and laid hands on me!
We walked out of the bamboo grove in silence, neither of us speaking further. Outside the bamboo grove, two figures still stood. The leader was hunched, while Wan Ying stood gracefully beside him.
Upon seeing us, the leader said something. Shen Jianqing’s expression wasn’t good. His gaze shifted between the leader and Wan Ying several times before he slowly nodded.
He turned to me and said, “I have something to do; wait for me here, don’t go far.”
I didn’t answer him. Shen Jianqing gave my waist a subtle, punishing pinch and then followed the leader. But after a short while, Wan Ying returned alone.
She stepped forward to support me: “Is your foot, better, now?”
I nodded: “It’s already better, thank you.”
Wan Ying smiled and suddenly said, “You look, so good, in this Miao outfit. No wonder, Shen Jianqing likes you. I can’t help but, like you too.”
Miao people are always so warm and direct; I managed a strained smile. Wan Ying then continued, “This must be, the clothing Aunt Ah Qing, left for Shen Siyuan Ah Nai.”
“Ah Qing? Is that Shen Jianqing’s mother’s name?”
I remembered what he said when he introduced himself in Shidi Mountain: “Jian” as in “to see,” and “Qing” as in “Ah Qing.” So, the “Qing” was taken from his mother’s name.
Wan Ying’s eyes suddenly filled with sympathy, and she said, “You and Shen Siyuan Ah Nai, are really alike. Both are like birds, in a cage.”
I turned sharply to look at her. Birds in a cage? Shen Siyuan? In an instant, many things clicked.
Perhaps seeing the shock on my face, Wan Ying explained, “Didn’t he, tell you? Shen Siyuan Ah Nai, died, so pitifully. He never, stepped out of, the stilt house, his whole life.”
That Shen Siyuan, the previous person who entered the Miao village, the one in Shen Jianqing’s story who was deeply in love with his mother? Never stepped out of the stilt house his whole life? Is that love?
I thought nothing could surprise me anymore, but Wan Ying’s few short sentences once again changed my perception.
Just then, Wan Ying leaned close to my ear and whispered something very, very low. My eyes immediately widened.
But the next second, a cool, deep voice sounded from behind us. “What are you two doing?!”
The hairs on my body instinctively bristled. Like a thief caught red-handed, I instinctively pulled away from Wan Ying, too uneasy to turn and look at Shen Jianqing, afraid he would discover the hint of our conversation in my evasive gaze.
Shen Jianqing strode forward, grabbing my arm and wrapping an arm around my waist, then turned a warning gaze towards Wan Ying.
Wan Ying blinked, her beautiful pupils showing no trace of guilt: “He just, fell. I was, helping, him up.”
I have to admit, Wan Ying was quite good at lying without batting an eye.
“Is that right?” Shen Jianqing asked me, looking down.
I tried my best to meet his eyes and nodded firmly: “Yes.”
I did quite well too.
