ATPCN – Chapter 33

In the end, it all came down to one question, Gu Ximian thought. What did Zhuang Chi think of her… That was the only thing she cared about.

In this world, the feelings of those around her were usually quite simple. It wasn’t that no one disliked her, but that malice had always been shallow and obvious, clear at a glance. So, this was the first time Gu Ximian had faced such ambiguity, and she couldn’t help but consider the worst-case scenario—

—to Zhuang Chi, was she just a nuisance that was hard to refuse?

Gu Ximian never knew she would one day have such thoughts. Once they emerged, they were difficult to cast aside, suffocating her. When she had cut in while Olivia was inviting Zhuang Chi to dance, it was likely a subtle attempt to deny these thoughts, forcing Zhuang Chi to choose between them to seek some form of proof.

It was as if her worries would vanish on their own if she could just win against Olivia. Gu Ximian lowered her lashes, hiding the self-mockery in her eyes. She didn’t even know what she was secretly competing for against someone Zhuang Chi had known for less than an hour. It was ridiculous. What would winning even prove?

And even that choice was never completed. It was interrupted by Olivia’s voluntary withdrawal. Zhuang Chi hadn’t chosen—even so, Gu Ximian still felt a faint joy when she took Zhuang Chi’s hand. She didn’t know where it came from, but it couldn’t be faked.

Growing a little frustrated by her own inexplicably fluctuating emotions, Gu Ximian was very unfamiliar with such an uncontrollable situation. For some reason, she subconsciously called out, “…Zhuang Chi.”

“Hm?”

Zhuang Chi responded quickly, the end of her syllable rising in a short, sharp note, still betraying her nervousness. Why is this person so tense just from dancing with me? Gu Ximian couldn’t help but speculate negatively again, causing her to frown slightly. The words that followed were abrupt and impolite: “If Olivia hadn’t backed out just now, who would you have chosen in the end?”

“…” Seeming completely unprepared for such a question, Zhuang Chi nearly missed a dance step for a moment. Fortunately, she corrected herself in time. When she spoke, she sounded hesitant. “…That’s so sudden.”

It was indeed sudden. A minute ago, Gu Ximian herself didn’t know she would ask this question. But now that she had asked, she was determined to hear an answer. So she said nothing, just looked at her. Zhuang Chi probably realized from her expression that this was a question she couldn’t dodge. She lowered her eyes awkwardly, but her response came much faster than Gu Ximian had expected, as if she had known the answer all along: “…I would have chosen you.”

Indeed, she had expected to hear such an answer, Gu Ximian thought. It could be explained by social etiquette or common sense—and again, what did it matter if she won against someone Zhuang Chi had just met?

She wasn’t satisfied with this. Even though Gu Ximian herself felt this was a bit too malicious, she continued to ask, “If I told you—that you’re not allowed to dance with Olivia at all today, what would you do?”

“Not allowed to dance with Olivia…” Zhuang Chi repeated slowly, her expression a little dazed, as if she didn’t fully understand. Gu Ximian was waiting for her to react with wide-eyed panic, but all she got was a very obedient nod. “Okay, you can go dance with Olivia. It just so happens I’m not a very good dancer, and Olivia’s dress is so long… it would be bad if I stepped on it.”

…She accepted that so quickly. Zhuang Chi’s frank and decisive manner actually left Gu Ximian a little stunned. This person seemed to have assumed on her own that Gu Ximian had said such a thing because she wanted to dance with Olivia. Gu Ximian frowned slightly, and before explaining, she subconsciously asked, “…If I dance with Olivia, you wouldn’t feel… unhappy at all?”

“Of course not!” Zhuang Chi finally showed a bit of panic, saying hurriedly, “I have no objections to anything you want to do. You don’t have to… anyway, you don’t need to worry about me.”

She probably wanted to say, “You don’t need to worry about me because of the whole Official Pairing thing,” Gu Ximian thought.

Even after differentiating into a so-called “top of the pyramid gender” Alpha, she didn’t have a shred of superiority. The way she treated people was no different from before she differentiated. Even towards an Omega like her, who was “very likely her Official Match,” she showed not a hint of possessiveness or any other impolite thoughts. She was good-tempered, listened to her, and was unbelievably docile.

She should be happy about this, that Zhuang Chi was such an “Alpha who isn’t like an Alpha.”

That’s what she thought, yet her mood didn’t quite lift. Gu Ximian closed her eyes, suddenly feeling that all her questions had been so childish. She sighed softly. “…Just pretend I didn’t say any of that. You can dance with Olivia. I was just talking nonsense.”

As she spoke, she lowered her eyes, but she could feel Zhuang Chi’s gaze hadn’t moved away, still looking at her as if at a loss. Just as Gu Ximian was thinking of something to say to move past the topic, she heard Zhuang Chi speak up hesitantly, “…What’s wrong? Did I… say something wrong just now? Did I make you unhappy?”

Gu Ximian wanted to say she wasn’t unhappy, but she couldn’t get the words out immediately. She herself was a little startled by this.

…So she really was unhappy, Gu Ximian thought. But why? Zhuang Chi had behaved so well. Why was she so agitated—

—Yes, it was agitation.

Gu Ximian realized it in a flash. The fumbling words that she wanted to ask but held back, the gentle and easygoing surface that was hard to get past, the feeling of being kept at arm’s length—all of it mixed together and solidified into an unspeakable agitation, weighing heavily on her heart.

“I… when I said I would choose you, I didn’t mean it in any strange way…” Probably frightened by her silence, Zhuang Chi had already started trying to guess and explain, “I meant…”

“A strange meaning?”

Gu Ximian cut in, getting straight to the point, “Do you mean, ‘not choosing me because you like me’?”

“…” She was so direct that Zhuang Chi was at a loss for words for a moment before nodding in semi-defeat. “…At least, I don’t mean that kind of like.”

She felt a little urge to press on and ask what “that kind” meant, but she held back. Gu Ximian looked at Zhuang Chi’s slightly shy eyes and asked slowly, “Then why?”

Zhuang Chi opened her mouth, then paused hesitantly, as if deliberating over what words to use, or perhaps whether she should say it at all. Finally, a complex smile appeared on her face.

“…Because I’m biased, I suppose.”

The music was nearing its end, slowly coming to a stop. Zhuang Chi also stopped her steps as if waking from a dream. She could finally relax her hands, which had grown stiff over the course of the dance, and smiled at Gu Ximian. “Should we head back? Let’s not keep Olivia waiting—”

But the hand she had just relaxed was caught again. Zhuang Chi paused and heard Gu Ximian’s voice, “Biased… what do you mean by that?”

It’s the literal meaning, Zhuang Chi thought. This world was her novel, and every named character in it was created by her own hands. But she knew in her heart that the attention and emotion she had invested in Gu Ximian far exceeded that of anyone else—perhaps even more than all the others combined. That was being biased.

She had actually hesitated, wanting to find a word that would sound less strange in this context, but she couldn’t think of a better description than “biased.” It was only natural that it would arouse Gu Ximian’s curiosity, and Zhuang Chi hadn’t yet figured out how to answer. She felt that no matter what she said, it would sound a bit cheesy.

And she didn’t know if it was her imagination, but she felt that when Gu Ximian asked, her tone seemed to carry a faint nervousness.

But why would Gu Ximian be nervous? For her, receiving preferential treatment should have been commonplace. Zhuang Chi thought this as she looked at Gu Ximian, at her world’s most radiant female protagonist. But for once, Gu Ximian looked away first, her long lashes trembling slightly as if in unease.

Alright, Zhuang Chi thought. I’ll just say it. It’s not that hard to say.

“…No matter who you’re compared with, I will always choose you.”

“That’s what being biased is, Gu Ximian,” Zhuang Chi said softly. “I’m just biased towards you.”

While saying these unfamiliar words, she subconsciously tightened her grip on their clasped hands, only to loosen her hold with a start after she finished speaking. Zhuang Chi’s face began to burn belatedly, and Gu Ximian’s silence only intensified her embarrassment. She glanced around at the people moving towards the edge of the dance floor and suggested to Gu Ximian again, “Sh-should we go back?”

This time, she finally got a response. Zhuang Chi felt Gu Ximian tremble slightly, then raise her head to give her a deep look, and finally nod. “…Mm.”

But on the way back, Gu Ximian didn’t let go of Zhuang Chi’s hand, leaving Zhuang Chi a little at a loss. Her own words from just now kept replaying in her mind, and the more she thought about them, the more uneasy she became—was what she said too much? Should she explain it to be safe? Let Gu Ximian know she didn’t have any strange ideas… but it seemed she had already explained that part before, and bringing it up again and again would also be weird…

“Zhuang Chi.”

Gu Ximian called her name at that moment. Zhuang Chi hurriedly cut off her thoughts and turned to look. She saw Gu Ximian’s eyes slightly lowered as she said softly, “I’ve thought of something to ask you.”

It was a rather abrupt sentence, and Zhuang Chi couldn’t react quickly. She could only listen as Gu Ximian continued, “Will you always be like this?”

“It’s okay if you don’t answer me right away. I just…” Gu Ximian paused. “…suddenly wanted to ask.”

…She seemed to understand. Zhuang Chi thought. Always be like this… it actually means “Will you always be biased towards me?”, right?

It didn’t seem like a question Gu Ximian would ask. She had thought Gu Ximian didn’t care much about such things. No wonder she asked in such a roundabout way. It felt…

A little cute.

Zhuang Chi smiled silently. This question was also very easy for her to answer. She replied quickly, “I will.”

“…Answering so quickly feels like you’re just casually spouting unreliable sweet nothings.”

“Eh?! N-no, that’s not it! I mean—”

“I’m teasing you. I know.”

Gu Ximian broke into a lovely smile and repeated as if to herself, “I know.”

She discreetly tightened her grip on Zhuang Chi’s hand, feeling the other’s stiff and bewildered reaction. In the end, Zhuang Chi didn’t squeeze back, but she didn’t show any resistance either, just letting her hold her hand.

It was still a somewhat ambiguous reaction, but Gu Ximian just blinked and then squeezed even tighter, as if playing a prank.

And the little bit of agitation that had been lingering in her heart had, at some point, been smoothed away.

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