The house was empty, and the clamor downstairs was separated by an invisible barrier. All I felt was that my surroundings were as quiet as death.
I huddled on the sofa, all my strength drained, my limbs limp. I wanted to get up, but I was too lazy to move.
The air still carried the scent of Shen Jianqing’s presence. Just yesterday, he was sitting on this sofa; yesterday he was leaning by the window, looking down at the crowds below; yesterday he was kissing me intimately; yesterday he was looking at me with his moist eyes.
I didn’t dare go back into the bedroom; I was afraid I would recall even more.
A wave of helplessness washed over me, and that helplessness was regret.
I thought, perhaps I would never again meet someone who loved me the way Shen Jianqing did.
And perhaps no one else would ever make my heart race the way he did.
I used to be accustomed to solitude.
I could eat alone and go to school alone, and I even held my own parent-teacher conferences.
To me, loneliness was just a constant companion.
But after experiencing what it meant to have a “home”, even if only for a short while, being asked to return to that loneliness felt especially cruel. It had all been too brief.
It’s okay, Li Yuze. I took a deep breath and comforted myself. Aren’t many people saying that time is the best medicine for pain?
Perhaps if you just bear it for a while longer, everything will pass.
I collapsed onto the sofa, closing my eyes.
When I woke up again, it was already afternoon, my phone showed five o’clock. I had actually slept through my afternoon specialized class.
But it didn’t matter anymore.
The living room lights weren’t on, and outside the window, it was gloomy. The clouds were dark and very low, probably brewing a heavy downpour.
They… they should have arrived by now, right?
Just as I was about to get up, my peripheral vision caught a glimpse of a vibrant red in the corner of the sofa.
It was like the only splash of color in a black and white film, out of place yet captivating.
My heart pounded twice. “Hong Hong?”
Honghong’s front limbs were draped over its head. Hearing my movement, its two dark eyes swiveled to face me.
How was Hong Hong still here? Had it been left behind? But when we left today, I hadn’t seen Hong Hong. Its color was striking; unless it was deliberately hidden, I would have seen it at a glance.
Hong Hong lifted its front limbs, listlessly rubbed its eyes, and then crawled towards me.
Tentatively, I extended the back of my hand, imitating Shen Jianqing. Sure enough, Hong Hong climbed onto it without hesitation, its slender, long front limbs caressing the back of my hand, sending a slight tingle through me.
Was it Shen Jianqing’s pet? I should send it back. But… privately, I wanted to keep Hong Hong. If, if there wasn’t even a sliver of a memory, how could I prove that someone had once loved me so deeply? And, if Hong Hong were here, perhaps Shen Jianqing… might come to see me again.
A thousand thoughts swirled in my mind, and in every thought, there was a name: “Shen Jianqing.”
So, this is what it’s truly like to love someone. My love wasn’t as fervent and bold as his, like the most dazzling sun of this summer. I was always one to easily shy away. I didn’t even know if I should go look for him. I followed the rules, stuck to tradition, only silently hoping he would come to see me again, just like that night when he unexpectedly appeared at my door, covered in dust, but with eyes still full of me.
“Will you stay?” I asked softly, almost to myself.
Although I didn’t expect Hong Hong to actually answer, Hong Hong moved its limbs and crawled into my sleeve, gripping the fabric, and became completely still.
So, it was willing? I couldn’t help but smile.
After that, life returned to its calm routine. Only, I often thought of Shen Jianqing.
Deep autumn passed, and winter’s first snow arrived. Yancheng is a southern city, so it rarely snows, but this year was an exception. The fluttering snowflakes weren’t large, only accumulating in a thin layer on the ground, but they still caused a huge stir at school.
After all, most of the students in the school were southerners who had never seen snow. The sports field was packed with students engaging in snow fights with little snow to work with, each face filled with novel smiles. There were also northerners who spoke of vast northern landscapes, where thousands of miles lay sealed in ice, evoking a deep yearning in countless hearts.
I wonder if Shen Jianqing had ever seen such heavy snow?
I walked alone past the back lake, brushing past the surging crowds. The lotus leaves in the lake were completely gone, only a few dried flower stalks stood upright, describing the summer scenery of the past.
Shen Jianqing hadn’t seen a lotus pond like this, he hadn’t even seen lotus flowers. Oh, and he hadn’t heard poetry either. He wouldn’t understand the line, “The autumn gloom lingers, frost comes late; withered lotuses remain to hear the sound of rain.” What a pity. If he had stayed one more day, he could have gone to listen to the ancient literature class, perhaps he would have liked it…
I stopped for a moment on the pontoon bridge, my thoughts drifting far away. Suddenly, a young couple walked towards me from the front. The pontoon bridge wasn’t wide, and they were walking side-by-side, so I had to turn sideways to let them pass.
As they drew closer, the girl subconsciously glanced at me and then stopped. I looked at her, puzzled, and realized she looked very familiar.
“Senior, it’s you.” She brushed the hair from the side of her face, revealing her delicate features from beneath a black hat. The style of the hat looked like a man’s.
I paused for a moment, finally remembering her name: “Zhao Rugu.”
Zhao Rugu had a tall boy by her side, who was looking at me warily. He frowned, his eyes holding a subtle warning, and he hugged Zhao Rugu’s waist even tighter, as if declaring his ownership.
Zhao Rugu gave him a helpless yet smiling glare but didn’t pull away from his embrace.
The boy slightly raised his chin and said, “Senior Li.”
Zhao Rugu said, “He’s my boyfriend, and he’s also from the Department of Literature.”
So, he was also my junior.
I remembered how I had rejected Zhao Rugo that day; although she was disappointed, she wasn’t sad. She had repeatedly claimed to have liked me for many years, but now it seemed that it was merely an admiration for appearance, not genuine affection.
The boy lowered his head, gazing tenderly at Zhao Rugu, his body slightly turned. It was a protective stance, also blocking some of my view.
Zhao Rugu smiled and waved at me. “We’re leaving.”
The boy subtly let out a sigh of relief.
I watched their figures slowly move away. Zhao Rugu seemed to slip on some ice or snow, her foot sliding. The boy immediately protected her waist.
Now, it seemed she had found her true ideal type.
“Ding—ding—”
Just as I was about to continue walking, my phone in the pocket rang.
