Ye Xi’s tears stopped.
He froze, his mouth slightly open, staring at Bai Yue, tears still clinging to his lashes, his eyes red and the area under them flushed and pitiful.
Although he had vaguely sensed Bai Yue’s feelings for him before, hearing it with his own ears was different.
He hadn’t even dared wish, the first time he prayed at the temple, that Bai Yue would fall for him—only that Bai Yue wouldn’t hate him, would treat him like an ordinary junior.
But now he’d heard Bai Yue say he liked him—heard him say he wanted more than a year or two, he wanted mornings and nights, every year together.
Ye Xi stared at Bai Yue’s face, blinked twice, and felt another wave of soreness in his nose.
He remembered that quiet night when he’d sneaked into the empty teaching building, just to slip an apple pie into Bai Yue’s desk.
That apple pie later ended up in the trash.
Bai Yue had never even seen it.
The Ye Xi who had worked alone on that pie late at night would never have imagined that one day he’d be sitting in Bai Yue’s arms, boldly receiving Bai Yue’s confession.
Thinking of this, he couldn’t help but let out a small laugh.
Because his eyes still held tears, his vision was slightly blurred.
He thought: this is enough.
No matter how far they could go, whether they’d reach a perfect ending or not—
At least for this moment, Bai Yue truly liked him and had imagined a future with him.
That was enough to satisfy him.
Ye Xi laid a hand on Bai Yue’s shoulder.
The faint scent of sandalwood essential oil lingered between them, failing to soothe and instead making him more restless.
He was still uneasy, but he carefully tilted his head down.
He was asking Bai Yue for a kiss.
But he was awkward and restrained, able only to manage this much.
Fortunately, Bai Yue understood him easily; the next moment he kissed him.
At first it was light—Bai Yue didn’t dare to press too hard, afraid Ye Xi might not be used to it and pull away.
But Ye Xi behaved obediently, one hand gripping Bai Yue’s sleeve, his tongue winding up on its own.
When the kiss deepened he only made two soft muffled sounds and didn’t try to retreat.
“Say it to me again, please?”
Between kisses, Ye Xi softly made his request.
He sat on Bai Yue’s lap, and at some point had shifted from sitting sideways to facing him.
The gray bathrobe had loosened from the kiss, revealing one snow-white shoulder.
He seemed shy, felt clingy, and when he made the request he looked down, speaking in a low voice.
“Say you like me again.”
Bai Yue cupped his face.
Ye Xi’s lips looked a little sore, and the side of his neck was pink.
He should show restraint.
But he couldn’t help himself—he let a kiss fall lightly on Ye Xi’s lips.
“I like you. I can say it as many times as you want.” He hugged Ye Xi’s waist, embraced the one he’d longed for day and night, and sighed from his heart.
He buried his face in Ye Xi’s shoulder.
“You don’t know how long I waited—how long I’ve been waiting.”
“From the summer when you were sixteen until now, I’ve been waiting for you to love me.”
Like Ye Xi, he couldn’t clearly say on which day his hidden love had begun.
But he always remembered that summer solstice when he watched Ye Xi in the garden all afternoon from the upstairs study.
Zheng Yang sat across talking about the school basketball team, about going camping together, complaining the competition was too tough, but Bai Yue didn’t hear a word.
His gaze had stayed on Ye Xi in the garden the entire time.
He watched Ye Xi’s fingers turn the pages of a book.
Watched the wisteria cast a faint, wind-blown shadow on Ye Xi’s face.
Saw a bird land not far on the grass, and Ye Xi break off some crumbs to feed it, smiling adorably.
At that moment, standing upstairs and watching through the glass, he realized—he liked him.
He realized that for so long he’d found himself staring at Ye Xi without meaning to.
Always worrying what Ye Xi was doing, whether he’d been bullied.
All because he liked him.
That simple truth rose like an answer surfacing from the water, clearing everything in his mind.
And now, the person he had longed for sat in his arms, eyes wet as he looked at him.
Bai Yue thought—how could this not be a blessing from above?
Before his confession, the person he loved had already taken the initiative to confess.
Everything felt like a dream.
So much so that he wasn’t eager to probe the reason—he only wanted to enjoy the warmth of the moment.
Bai Yue tilted his head, about to kiss Ye Xi’s cheek.
On such a drizzly, lingering night, everyone should be with their loved one.
But he didn’t notice that from the moment he said, “From your sixteenth year…” Ye Xi had widened his eyes in disbelief.
No?
Wait?
Did I hear that right?
Seeing Bai Yue about to kiss him, Ye Xi’s hand moved faster than his mind and he shoved him away.
Thud.
Bai Yue, caught off guard, fell onto the bed.
On the bed lay the watch Bai Yue had not yet taken off just now…
It was the second time that day Bai Yue hit his head.
…
“Sorry.”
Ye Xi hurried to pull him up, apologizing perfunctorily.
But compared to the earlier apology, this one felt insincere.
He only halfheartedly rubbed Bai Yue’s forehead and then impatiently asked, “Bai-ge, what did you mean just now?”
He repeated Bai Yue’s words in confusion: “…what do you mean you’ve been waiting since I was sixteen?”
Even if Bai Yue had secretly liked him, it couldn’t have been that long, could it?
Bai Yue rubbed his head—the diamond-set watch had quite a thump to it. If he didn’t know Ye Xi hadn’t meant it, he might suspect murder.
But he understood why Ye Xi was so shocked.
He smiled a little, looking at Ye Xi with some puzzlement. “Is it so surprising that I’ve liked you for a long time?”
He toyed with Ye Xi’s pale slender fingers like playing with a kitten.
He said, “I find it stranger that you suddenly woke up to realize you liked me and actively came to seduce me. But actually, if you hadn’t confessed tonight, a few days from now, on the summer solstice, I would have invited you to stay in the mountains. I had prepared a little ceremony—I was going to confess properly.”
He looked at Ye Xi—who had grown taller, bright as the sun—and yet he always remembered one late autumn when Ye Xi stood under the Zheng family’s eaves wearing a simple gray sweater, thin and slight.
He had thought then that if he could take Ye Xi home and take care of him, that would be enough.
He said softly, “I don’t know if this will scare you, but I don’t want to hide it. Over the past few years I used Zheng Yang as an excuse to come to your house. I took you for Christmas, took you skiing, tutored you over this past year, arranged to celebrate your birthday—those were all deliberate.”
“I said I’d been waiting since you were sixteen because that’s when I discovered how I felt for you. Maybe I fell in love even earlier. I wanted to confess, but I was afraid of frightening you, so I could only stay by your side pretending to be a brother figure.”
“I even thought about staying away, so I wouldn’t have to carry such heavy feelings—wearing a false mask and staying by you like that…”
Bai Yue paused and remembered those dark, unspeakable nights.
He thought of the tie kept in a box and a shirt Ye Xi had once taken off.
He said softly, “But I couldn’t do it. I desired you more than anyone in the world.”
That was who he was: no matter how gentle and polished the mask, however well he pretended—
Inside he remained greedy and reckless.
He wanted to possess Ye Xi wholly.
Bai Yue’s fingers brushed lightly across Ye Xi’s fingertip.
He saw Ye Xi staring blankly at him, as if so shocked he couldn’t speak.
Bai Yue couldn’t help but smile, still carrying that same gentle, good-tempered look.
“What’s wrong, did I scare you?”
He asked softly.
Ye Xi dazedly nodded, then shook his head.
“No, I…”
His brain completely short-circuited, buzzing loudly. If his thoughts could take shape, the only thing visible would be a tiny figure running around, screaming frantically.
He stared at Bai Yue for a long time, unable to say a single word.
Only when Bai Yue leaned in to kiss him again did he slap his hand against Bai Yue’s face.
“Wait…”
He said weakly.
Bai Yue obediently stopped, but looked at him in confusion.
“What’s wrong?”
His gaze sank slightly. They’d already come this far—was Ye Xi about to say that everything just now was a prank, and he wanted to run away?
The smile at the corner of Bai Yue’s lips faded slightly. One of his arms circled around Ye Xi’s waist—
a posture meant to keep someone from escaping.
But Ye Xi didn’t notice.
He clutched at Bai Yue’s clothes, his mind hazy, only feeling as though the heavens had played a huge joke on him.
When he confessed just now, he already vaguely understood.
Bai Yue hadn’t only just started liking him.
But he thought maybe it was just a secret stirring of the heart—hazy, fleeting, uncertain.
Perhaps even Bai Yue himself wasn’t sure.
But what had he just heard?
The dazzling, radiant Bai Yue, who always seemed as untouchable as the moon in the sky…
had also secretly and painfully loved him in silence.
On those lonely, sleepless nights tormented by secret longing—
he had never been alone.
Ye Xi slowly loosened his grip on Bai Yue’s clothes and leaned against his shoulder.
Softly, he said,
“When I just told you I didn’t know exactly when I fell in love with you, what I meant was—I don’t know what moment could serve as proof that I loved you.
But I know very clearly—throughout all of high school, I spent it almost entirely in secretly loving you.”
He gave a faint laugh, though his nose stung.
“I don’t mean anything else by saying this. I just want you to know, it wasn’t that I suddenly realized I liked you.
In places you never saw, I had already loved you for a very, very long time.”
And so, just like this, they had spent their whole youth secretly loving each other.
