That night felt unusually long.
Clearly, it was midsummer—the time of year with the longest days and shortest nights—yet the darkness seemed endless, as though no light would ever come.
When he first lay down, Xia Xinghe had turned on the air conditioner, but half-asleep, he felt cold and got up to switch it off. Soon the sticky heat seeped back in. He turned it on again, then off, tossing and turning all night, never comfortable.
Perhaps it was also because, in the past, he was always used to having someone by his side when he slept here. Now that Bai Qingzhou wasn’t there, it felt strange.
After a whole night of tossing, Xia Xinghe finally gave up on sleep. At five in the morning, he stood on the balcony, letting the wind blow over him.
It felt like rain was coming. The air was stuffy and oppressive, like being steamed in a sauna.
Cicadas chirped tirelessly in the trees. Gradually, people began appearing on the streets, and breakfast shops in the distance grew lively.
After who knew how long, daylight finally broke, followed by a heavy downpour. Rain hammered down, drenching the ground in moments.
Bamboo was awake, pawing at the bedroom door and barking—probably hungry. With a sigh, Xia Xinghe went to fill its bowl.
There was still some leftover bread in the fridge from two days ago. Too lazy to heat it, Xia Xinghe bit into a slice, stuck it in his mouth, and headed out.
[Little Bamboo: I’m going home~]
Bai Qingzhou didn’t reply.
On the crowded subway, holding onto the handrail with one hand, Xia Xinghe thought for a moment, then sent a message to Nie Xingchao.
[Little Bamboo: Dr. Nie, are you there?]
[Xiao Nie Says Every Day: Yo, Xia, long time no see!]
[Xiao Nie Says Every Day: What’s up? Something wrong?]
[Little Bamboo: Um… have you all been really busy lately?]
Xia Xinghe hesitated, wanting to ask if Bai Qingzhou had run into some difficult problem, wanting to ask if he could help. But before he could decide on the right words, Nie Xingchao’s message had already come through.
[Xiao Nie says every day: Hm? Really?]
[Xiao Nie says every day: We’re basically like this every day, we’re used to it.]
[Xiao Nie says every day: Oh right, Qingzhou seems pretty busy lately. I often see him swapping shifts with others, and he even went to the archives room to photocopy a bunch of materials.]
The moment he saw the message, Xia Xinghe’s pupils contracted sharply. Then Nie Xingchao’s next message came in, sending his heart plummeting.
[Xiao Nie says every day: What, are you two planning to go abroad to get a marriage certificate?]
Preparing materials?
Going abroad?
Suddenly Xia Xinghe thought of that old Moments post of Bai Qingzhou’s.
In fact, these past few days, he had thought about that post more than once—consciously or unconsciously—like a thorn lodged in his heart.
He had wanted to ask Bai Qingzhou why, back then, he could be so ruthless, why he could suddenly decide to leave the country without any warning. But then he would tell himself, the past is the past, why bring it up again and cause pain?
But that wound was still there, making him constantly restless, and now the situation felt eerily similar to back then, dragging his mood straight down to the bottom.
The subway soon reached his stop. Xia Xinghe casually replied to Nie Xingchao with an emoji, lowered his head, and walked out of the station.
Water had already pooled on the ground, raindrops the size of beans fell into the puddles, rippling outward. The sound of rain hitting leaves rustled in his ears, and the scene from that day kept replaying in his mind. Over and over, he tried to comfort himself.
It’s okay.
He thought.
They had started over. He knew now that Bai Qingzhou loved him.
Things would be different this time.
Carrying this fragile reassurance, Xia Xinghe went home. He collapsed onto the bed without even taking off his shoes.
His head was a mess, his chest heavy. With his arm draped over his eyes, he took several deep breaths. Only after a long while did the suffocating emotion ease a little.
This won’t do.
He thought, maybe he needed to talk to Bai Qingzhou.
Things couldn’t go on like this—something would break sooner or later.
Once he made up his mind, Xia Xinghe quickly sat up, reaching for his phone to message Bai Qingzhou. Just then, Bai Qingzhou’s call came through.
That tiny moment of synchronicity melted away Xia Xinghe’s unease. He pressed accept, a smile unconsciously forming on his face.
“Hello? What’s up?”
The smile returned to Xia Xinghe’s face.
Bai Qingzhou’s voice came through the receiver: “Did you get home yet?”
“Just did,” Xia Xinghe said. “Why? Do you need something?”
“Mm.” Bai Qingzhou paused. “Could you come back and get something for me? I’m busy right now and can’t get away.”
“What is it?”
“There’s a bag on the coffee table. I already packed it. Inside are my ID card, household registration booklet, and my recent bank statements…”
Bai Qingzhou’s tone was cool and detached, calm to the point of betraying no emotion. But Xia Xinghe’s breathing suddenly sped up. In an instant, his mind was filled with the memory of how they had broken apart back then.
The sinking feeling, the suffocation—as if something was choking his throat, making it hard for him to breathe.
His blood ran cold, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he forced himself to speak: “You… what do you need those things for?”
Bai Qingzhou’s reply pushed him straight into hell.
“To buy a house.”
His voice was faint, almost indifferent.
Xia Xinghe’s heart plunged into the abyss. The crushing weightlessness crawled down his spine, filling his whole body.
“Buy a house? Why all of a sudden?”
His breath grew ragged. “Are you moving? Why didn’t you tell me beforehand?”
“I…”
Bai Qingzhou hesitated, as if he wanted to explain. But Xia Xinghe suddenly cut him off, not giving him the chance.
“Why do you never think about me when you make decisions?” Xia Xinghe gasped, his voice trembling. “Now you asked me to grab your things, so I found out. But if you hadn’t called today, were you planning to just disappear again without a word, like before?”
“You’ve never considered me. You always make decisions alone… Have you really put me in your future? Have you really thought of me as the person you’ll spend your life with?”
Xia Xinghe’s voice cracked, carrying a trace of sobs: “Why do you always leave me behind like this?”
With a sharp “click,” Xia Xinghe hung up the phone.
His head was in chaos, he couldn’t think anymore. The scene from back then replayed before his eyes.
Calm down.
The last shred of reason told him so.
Xia Xinghe took a few deep breaths, tossed his phone on the sofa, grabbed an umbrella, and rushed out the door.
The downpour hadn’t stopped. The rain was like a curtain, blurring his vision. Raindrops pattered against the umbrella, cold splashes landing on his skin, like needles piercing one by one straight into his heart.
Why had it come to this again?
Was history really about to repeat itself so soon?
Xia Xinghe’s mind was blank as he wandered aimlessly down the street.
The road stretched on endlessly. The rain was too heavy, blown sideways by the wind, soaking through his clothes even with the umbrella.
The weather had turned cold.
“Oh, isn’t this Xiao Xia? What are you doing out here alone?”
A familiar voice called out from not far away. Xia Xinghe snapped back to his senses, realizing he had somehow walked all the way to the stray animal shelter he used to help out at.
“Come in, come in!”
Auntie Zhang warmly beckoned him inside, handing him a clean towel. “What’s going on? Why are you wandering the streets in the pouring rain?”
“Auntie Zhang, I…”
Xia Xinghe’s lips trembled, unsure of what to say. Without waiting for an answer, Auntie pulled him into the house. “You must be freezing. Come inside and have some water first.”
Her warmth—both in her grasp and in her radiant smile—soothed Xia Xinghe’s trembling heart a little. He whispered a soft “thank you” and followed her into the shelter.
The shelter wasn’t large, but it was cozy. The animals all rested quietly in their cages, comfortable and at ease.
Once inside, Auntie invited Xia Xinghe to sit down and handed him a steaming cup of water. Smiling, she said, “Sit and rest a bit, I’ll just sweep the floor.”
The homely atmosphere gradually calmed Xia Xinghe. Feeling bad about letting Auntie do all the work, he quickly stood up: “Are you cleaning the cages? Let me help you.”
“No, no need.” Auntie waved him back into his seat with a laugh. “I’ll just sweep a little. I’ll leave the rest for your uncle when he gets back.”
Only then did Xia Xinghe notice the absence of that familiar busy figure.
“Where did Uncle go?” he asked.
Auntie glanced toward the door, her tone tinged with irritation. “Who knows?”
She said, “We just had a fight. He stormed out.”
Xia Xinghe froze. “You… you two fight?”
In his impression, Auntie and Uncle had always been a deeply affectionate couple. He had never seen them speak harshly to each other, and in their occasional glances, there was always care.
Even such a loving couple fought?
“Of course. We argue all the time—half our lives we’ve been at it.” Auntie snorted, clearly displeased. “Never seen such a stubborn old man. Stubborn and tight-lipped! Always running off at the slightest thing. Might as well not come back one day.”
Though her voice brimmed with frustration, her eyes still shone with warmth. Xia Xinghe could sense it—beneath the quarrels, they still loved each other deeply, trusted each other completely. They knew the conflict would pass, and they would continue walking hand in hand.
And what about him and Bai Qingzhou?
Could they still keep going?
The hot water rippled slightly in his cup. Xia Xinghe murmured, almost to himself, “That’s really nice.”
“What’s nice about it?”
Auntie looked at him helplessly. Noticing the downcast expression on his face, she sensed something was off. Setting the broom aside, she sat down across from him.
“What’s the matter?” she asked gently. “Not happy? …Did you quarrel with your partner?”
Auntie’s intuition was too sharp. Xia Xinghe opened his mouth, lips trembling, and finally gave a quiet “mm.”
He supposed they were still partners.
He just didn’t know how Bai Qingzhou saw things now.
At this moment, he truly couldn’t understand Bai Qingzhou anymore.
Eyes lowered, Xia Xinghe looked like a small, defeated animal. Auntie’s heart softened instantly. She asked quietly, “What happened? Can you tell Auntie?”
“I…”
Too many emotions were bottled up in his chest. Xia Xinghe really did need someone to confide in. As if finding an outlet, he poured everything out—everything that had happened that day. Once it was all released, he finally felt calm again.
…
…
“He wants to buy a house but didn’t tell you?” Auntie repeated, testing her understanding.
“That’s right.”
Xia Xinghe nodded.
“So you think he plans to leave you but hasn’t told you yet?”
“…”
Xia Xinghe hesitated before nodding, though uncertainly.
The scene had been so similar to their breakup years ago that it gave him the wrong impression. But now that he was calmer and piecing things together again, he began to notice something didn’t add up.
Putting everything else aside, the simplest fact remained—Bai Qingzhou worked here. Where could he possibly move to?
…Could it be he had misunderstood him?
Recalling Bai Qingzhou’s hesitant tone earlier, Xia Xinghe fell silent.
His lips pressed together, not knowing what to say. Auntie, noticing, smiled faintly. “Could it be some misunderstanding? Maybe he’s buying for investment or something?”
After a pause, Xia Xinghe admitted, “…Maybe.”
Perhaps it really was a misunderstanding. But the scars from the past still cut too deep, leaving him reactive and irrational.
“Don’t rush. Go back and ask him what’s really going on.” Auntie paused, then added cautiously, “But…”
“But what?”
Auntie sighed softly. “I’m just saying, don’t think I’m meddling.”
She asked, “Do you two still have some unresolved issues between you?”
Ordinary couples might get upset about not being consulted over buying a house, but rarely would they suspect their partner intended to leave them. The moment Auntie said it, Xia Xinghe realized the truth.
He was still holding on to the old wound—how Bai Qingzhou had once silently prepared to go abroad.
He kept telling himself the past was past, that as long as the present was good, it was enough. But the wound had festered too deeply. Unless it was cut open and drained, how could it ever truly heal?
Xia Xinghe stayed quiet. Auntie patted his shoulder. “Go back and have a good talk with him.”
She gave a small laugh. “No couple goes without conflict. Take me and your uncle—arguing all our lives. If you ask why we can keep walking together, it’s probably because we always tell each other honestly what’s wrong. If one of us is at fault, he apologizes. If there’s a problem, we face it together. Hold in resentment too long, and even the deepest love will fade.”
Aunt’s tone was gentle, and when she mentioned her husband, an unconscious smile lingered in her eyes. Xia Xinghe listened in silence, his gaze dropping with a faint rustle. After a long time, he answered softly, “Okay.”
Even though he still didn’t know how to start, he finally realized that there truly was a problem between them—one that had to be resolved.
…..
When he walked out of the station, he found that at some point, the sky had already cleared. Water still pooled on the ground, but the sun quietly emerged from behind the clouds, its light spilling onto the earth. The glow was still weak, yet it lit up everything before him.
Xia Xinghe hurried home, hesitating as he thought about picking up his phone to call Bai Qingzhou. But as he reached the turn of the staircase, he suddenly saw a familiar figure.
“Bai Qingzhou?”
He froze. “Why are you…”
Bai Qingzhou was sitting on the steps by the door to Xia Xinghe’s home, head bowed. When he heard his voice, he abruptly lifted his head.
“You’re back…”
Bai Qingzhou suddenly stood, pressing Xia Xinghe forcefully against the wall. His warm breath spilled over his neck, cool and sharp, yet with something unusual about it.
There was a certain scent in his breath that startled Xia Xinghe.
“You… drank?”