Xia Xinghe had seen Bai Qingzhou drink before.
At a previous class reunion, Yan Cai and the others had pushed plenty of alcohol on him. While the others had gotten completely drunk, Bai Qingzhou had remained calm and composed, to the point it was almost absurd—like alcohol had no effect on him at all.
But the Bai Qingzhou standing before him now was clearly different from that day. With his arm braced against the wall beside Xia Xinghe’s head, the usually cold gaze in his eyes was hazy, and the cool sharpness of his breath was tinged with alcohol. He was clearly drunk.
So Bai Qingzhou could get drunk, after all?
Xia Xinghe had always thought Bai Qingzhou would never lose his composure or sense of boundaries.
A subtle feeling flickered through his mind, but reality didn’t give him time to react. In the next instant, Bai Qingzhou’s kisses fell.
His brow, his eyelids, his lips.
The kisses were so light they were almost restrained, carrying no carnal desire, not even clear emotion. Yet when those cold lips touched his skin, Xia Xinghe could feel them trembling.
“Xia Xinghe…”
“Xinghe…”
“Xingxing…”
The low voice murmured in his ear, gentle in a way Xia Xinghe had never heard from him before, as though he were clinging to him like driftwood in a stormy sea, the lone branch at the edge of a bottomless abyss.
The endearments shifted one after another, until finally, Bai Qingzhou’s Adam’s apple bobbed, and he whispered:
“…Baby.”
Xia Xinghe was stunned.
He had never imagined Bai Qingzhou could have such a side.
“What’s wrong?”
Xia Xinghe asked softly, “Why did you suddenly drink? Are you angry… because I misunderstood you?”
“…No.”
Bai Qingzhou lowered his eyes and shook his head. He no longer pinned Xia Xinghe to the wall but pulled him tightly into his arms, pressing him hard against his chest, as though afraid he might slip away.
“Not angry…” he said. “I was afraid you’d be angry.”
“I never meant to leave without saying goodbye.”
“I bought the house because you said you wanted to bring your parents to live here.”
“I just never found the chance to tell you.”
Xia Xinghe had cried as he hung up the phone in the past—anxious and helpless. He had called so many times, but Bai Qingzhou hadn’t answered any of them. He couldn’t find him anywhere, didn’t know what to do. He truly thought he had lost him.
Bai Qingzhou had always hated alcohol for how it numbed the nerves. But in this moment, it became his final comfort.
One glass, two glasses.
For the first time, he realized how strange alcohol could be. It left people dazed, weightless, as if all troubles could be forgotten.
But he still couldn’t forget.
With liquor burning through his veins, he finally abandoned all restraint. Casting aside his pride, he had run straight to Xia Xinghe’s house to corner him. And the moment he saw him, he could no longer hold back.
He didn’t want to lose him.
Bai Qingzhou’s voice was low, carrying a trace of grievance. The hoarseness of it brushed against Xia Xinghe’s ears, leaving him completely dazed.
Reality and imagination were worlds apart. Xia Xinghe had never considered that Bai Qingzhou wanted to buy a house because of him.
“Why didn’t you tell me all this earlier?” he asked.
Bai Qingzhou’s tone grew even more aggrieved. “You won’t even introduce me to your parents… I was afraid you wouldn’t want me to.”
A sudden ache bloomed in Xia Xinghe’s heart. He realized that maybe he hadn’t given Bai Qingzhou enough security, either.
He had been trapped in old memories, assuming Bai Qingzhou was still the same as before—distant, indifferent. But maybe Bai Qingzhou had been suffering, too.
Xia Xinghe’s movements softened. He leaned in and kissed the corner of Bai Qingzhou’s lips. “It was my fault… Let’s go inside and talk, okay?”
Drunk, Bai Qingzhou was especially obedient. The cold façade was gone, and he seemed more like a child. Xia Xinghe led him inside by the hand, settled him on the sofa, and said gently, “Wait here, I’ll get you some water.”
“No.” Suddenly, Bai Qingzhou—wasn’t so obedient. He grabbed Xia Xinghe’s clothes. “Don’t go.”
The long, elegant hands that had once held countless scalpels now clutched tightly at Xia Xinghe’s shirt, refusing to let him leave.
“Just for a moment, I’ll be right back, okay?”
Xia Xinghe coaxed him softly, prying open his fingers before heading off to pour some water. But after only a couple of steps, Bai Qingzhou pulled him back again, this time by the wrist, holding on tight.
“Don’t go…”
Bai Qingzhou whispered.
“I’m not going. I’m just getting you some water.”
Xia Xinghe couldn’t help but laugh. He hadn’t expected Bai Qingzhou to be this clingy. Leaning down, he planted a soothing kiss at the corner of his lips. Just as he was about to get up again, Bai Qingzhou yanked him firmly into his arms.
“…Fine.”
Xia Xinghe had no more temper left in him. He knew Bai Qingzhou was completely drunk now, and he even thought about laughing at him for it the next morning. He shifted his shoulder, trying to find a more comfortable position, but Bai Qingzhou seemed to misunderstand that he was trying to leave and suddenly tightened his arms.
A moment later, a familiar yet strange sound came by his ear: “…Woof.”
A dog’s bark?
Xia Xinghe froze.
“Woof.”
Another one, low and clear.
There was no visible expression in Bai Qingzhou’s eyes, but his deep voice carried an uncharacteristic awkwardness and grievance.
“Xia Xinghe,” he pressed a kiss into his hair, aggrieved and murmuring, “I even barked like a dog—why are you still trying to leave?”
It was as if Xia Xinghe’s heart had been dipped in lemonade—aching, swollen, and sour. Suddenly, he remembered something.
“Why… would you bark like a dog?” His voice trembled.
“…I regret it,” Bai Qingzhou mumbled. “I don’t want you to leave.”
So that was it.
Xia Xinghe was stunned, then suddenly laughed through his tears, like a child who had just found back his favorite candy.
Back when they broke up unhappily, he had angrily thrown out the words, “Whoever regrets it is a dog.” At the time, it was just an angry remark, one he had almost completely forgotten—but Bai Qingzhou had held onto it for all these years.
Thinking back to the bark Bai Qingzhou had let out when they reunited, Xia Xinghe’s nose suddenly stung. He had always thought Bai Qingzhou only started liking him again sometime after their reunion. But now, did this mean Bai Qingzhou had never stopped holding onto their past relationship?
Xia Xinghe’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he drew a deep breath. Summoning his courage, he finally reopened the scar that had long ached inside him. His lips trembled as he asked:
“Why did you leave for abroad back then without saying a word…? Did you ever think about our future?”
“I did think about it!” Bai Qingzhou replied without hesitation, then faltered a little. “I applied to schools that allowed dependents. I even helped you prepare for English exams. But… you had so many friends around you. You got along so well with everyone. I… I was afraid you wouldn’t want to leave them behind because of me.”
Drunkenness finally made Bai Qingzhou honest. Uneasy and vulnerable, he laid his heart bare before Xia Xinghe. Xia Xinghe’s chest felt heavy and sinking, and only now did he finally recognize all the details he had ignored—those things buried deep in the years gone by.
All his confusions suddenly found their answers.
Bai Qingzhou was not some cold, untouchable idol. He too could feel panic, unease, jealousy, fear of loss. He had only grown used to hiding it under indifference, never once voicing his grievances. That was why he had seemed contradictory, cold, unreasonable.
Aunt Zhang’s words echoed in his mind, and Xia Xinghe suddenly understood the truths he had missed back when helping Bamboo recover.
Communication and openness are lessons both people must learn together—one cannot do without the other.
He had blamed Bai Qingzhou for being cold and reserved, unable to express himself. But was he himself any better? They had both loved cautiously, hiding grievances and insecurities in their hearts. What they thought were compromises and concessions had, in truth, only pushed each other farther away.
Looking back now, it made sense. Even if they hadn’t had Bamboo’s cross-species barrier, they had still grown up in different environments, each with over twenty years of independent experiences. How could they expect to instantly read each other’s hearts without misunderstanding or resentment?
They had almost repeated the same mistakes all over again—struggling, confused. But at last, at this moment, they had fully bared their hearts.
Luckily, they hadn’t let go of each other too easily.
Luckily, this time was different.
Xia Xinghe kissed Bai Qingzhou fiercely, breathless and trembling, but it still wasn’t enough. His hands fumbled to undo Bai Qingzhou’s belt buckle, and only when their bodies finally pressed together without a gap did he truly feel his presence.
Blood burned hot through his veins. Xia Xinghe had never craved Bai Qingzhou like this before.
All the rain they had endured together, all the roads walked, the arguments, the grievances—all the love and all the hate—transformed into real desire in this moment.
He wanted him.
He wanted to feel his existence.
Like a little beast, Xia Xinghe bit at Bai Qingzhou’s lips, trembling hands fumbling again at his belt.
They had done such things countless times before, but now Xia Xinghe’s wrists shook so hard that even after several tries, he couldn’t undo the belt.
“What is this thing—why won’t it come off…” Xia Xinghe grew anxious, straddling Bai Qingzhou’s lap, whining softly by his ear, “Bai Qingzhou… I want you, please?”
Urgent, desperate, yearning.
No one could withstand such temptation.
Bai Qingzhou’s gaze suddenly darkened. Grabbing Xia Xinghe’s neck, he kissed him hard.
In this, Bai Qingzhou was always ruthless—merciless when sober, let alone drunk. In just a few rough movements, he tore open both Xia Xinghe’s and his own clothes, marking Xia Xinghe’s pale skin with vivid hickeys. His long fingers slid down Xia Xinghe’s spine, kneading at the full round of his butt.
The calluses on his fingers—left from years of gripping scalpels—scraped over sensitive skin, sending electric jolts that made Xia Xinghe gasp, his toes curling tightly.
But it still wasn’t enough.
His body clamored, his blood boiled. Xia Xinghe wrapped his arms around Bai Qingzhou’s neck, mind ablaze with only one thought.
He wanted him. Wanted him so bad, to pierce through him, to be joined with him without a single gap.
Stumbling and kissing, they made their way into the bathroom. Hot water poured down from above, filling the space with steam. Impatient, Xia Xinghe grabbed the lube from the shelf and started preparing himself.
One finger, then two.
The slick gel dripped down his thighs as he pleaded softly, the corners of his wet eyes tinged red.
“I can’t take it anymore… let’s do it here, okay?”
When the person you love is in front of you, yearning so desperately for you, even a saint would lose control. It was normally difficult to get hard when drunk, but Bai Qingzhou had been suppressing himself for far too long. All those emotions buried deep in his heart that he dared not express now became the fuse that ignited his desire. He grew hard too—achingly so.
He couldn’t endure it any longer. Supporting Xia Xinghe’s back with one hand, he pressed him against the bathroom tiles and thrust into him.
The burning hot shaft slid against the wet, soft inner walls, and both of them exhaled in pleasure at the same time.
Bai Qingzhou habitually kissed Xia Xinghe’s earlobe while reaching down to stroke his equally hard length. But after just two touches, Xia Xinghe shuddered and came.
The sticky fluid clung to Bai Qingzhou’s fingers. Xia Xinghe was so embarrassed his toes curled tightly together.
Bai Qingzhou let out a hoarse, low laugh. “Why are you so sensitive today?”
Xia Xinghe’s ears were crimson, his eyes damp with physiological tears. It was unbearably shameful, yet he couldn’t control himself at all. The moment Bai Qingzhou penetrated him, an overwhelming sense of fulfillment surged from the depths of his brain, making his very soul tremble.
Thankfully, he was still his.
And he too, belonged to him.
They would never be apart again.
Xia Xinghe’s eyes were bloodshot, but he bit down fiercely on Bai Qingzhou’s shoulder.
“I…”
His voice was hoarse. “Move, move… I want more.”
His lover’s dependence and desire fulfilled Bai Qingzhou’s hidden longing to the utmost. He kissed Xia Xinghe’s cheek tenderly, then gripped his waist and began to thrust without restraint.
His shaft ruthlessly rubbed against the sensitive, fragile inner walls, filling the bathroom with wet, squelching sounds. Amid the storm, Xia Xinghe was like a leaf drifting on the ocean waves—yet he still clung tightly to him.
The standing position wasn’t very comfortable. Bai Qingzhou was ten centimeters taller than Xia Xinghe, who had to stand on tiptoe just to barely touch the floor. The half-suspended feeling soon left Xia Xinghe’s legs trembling uncontrollably.
“Want to go to the bed?” Bai Qingzhou asked hoarsely, kneading Xia Xinghe’s plump butt.
“No.”
Xia Xinghe shook his head, lifted his hips, wrapped his legs around Bai Qingzhou’s waist, and sank down onto him again.
He couldn’t bear to be apart from him for even a moment.
Sticky water sounds and muffled moans spilled from between their lips, echoing in the damp, narrow bathroom along with the pounding of their hearts. Bai Qingzhou held Xia Xinghe’s ass in both hands and pounded into him fiercely in that position.
Xia Xinghe soon trembled and came a second time, and Bai Qingzhou also released. He pulled off the condom and tossed it into the trash, then covered Xia Xinghe’s body with fine kisses until his emotions calmed.
They dried themselves, kissed, and returned to the bedroom—only to quickly entangle once more.
The second time was much gentler. Having already climaxed twice, Xia Xinghe was sensitive, and Bai Qingzhou restrained himself, kissing him tenderly and carefully caressing every sensitive spot—his earlobes, nipples, the sore scrotum that had already released twice, and his smooth back. He even massaged Xia Xinghe’s waist and spine.
“Feeling better?” Bai Qingzhou asked, biting his neck.
“Mm…” Xia Xinghe whined softly, eyes wet as he clung to him again. “Still… want you.”
“Okay….”
Bai Qingzhou kissed him once more, grabbed a second condom from the nightstand—but before he could tear it open, Xia Xinghe caught his wrist.
“No… don’t use it.”
Bai Qingzhou’s hand froze, his eyes darkening to bottomless black. “Do you know what you’re saying?”
Xia Xinghe’s eyes shimmered as he snatched the condom from him and tossed it aside. A soft thud sounded under the bed as he whispered, “Cum inside me.”
That one line shattered all control.
Bai Qingzhou had never cared much about internal release, but being asked directly by his lover was entirely different. At that moment, the always-restrained Bai Qingzhou became a beast, unreasonable and unrelenting, marking Xia Xinghe over and over again from within.
Even when Xia Xinghe sobbed and begged for mercy later, he didn’t let go.
“Bai Qingzhou…”
Sitting on Bai Qingzhou’s lap, trembling, Xia Xinghe kissed him again and murmured, “Thankfully, you’re still here.”
….
The next morning, Xia Xinghe was awakened by a call from Yan Cai.
They had gone at it almost the whole night, leaving his limbs weak and powerless. When the phone rang, Bai Qingzhou still had his eyes closed, so Xia Xinghe dragged his exhausted body to the balcony to answer.
“Hey, Xiao Xia!”
Yan Cai’s voice on the other end was anxious. “What happened yesterday? I called you so many times and you didn’t answer, I was worried sick!”
“It’s fine, it’s fine,” Xia Xinghe hurried to say. “I just didn’t have my phone with me yesterday.”
“That’s good then.”
Yan Cai let out a breath of relief, but then Xia Xinghe heard another voice behind him: “See, I told you he was fine, but you wouldn’t relax.”
“Only because you said Xia Xia texted you… I thought they might’ve had a fight.”
Yan Cai muttered to the person beside him, then turned back to ask Xia Xinghe: “Really nothing happened?”
“Really nothing.” Xia Xinghe quickly reassured him, but then realized something odd.
“Yan-ge,” he asked, “why are you with Nie-ge?”
Normally, Yan Cai was away working in another city, and Nie Xingchao lived in Liaohu. After their last trip together, Xia Xinghe had wondered whether the two might have something going on—but he hadn’t expected they’d really get involved.
This early in the morning… had they slept together?
“Ahem.” Yan Cai’s tone changed instantly at Xia Xinghe’s question. “Uh, I just went home to grab something, happened to meet him… Anyway, not talking about this. Hanging up now!”
Yan Cai hurriedly hung up the phone, and in the last second before the line was cut, Xia Xinghe faintly heard Nie Xingchao say: “Am I really that shameful to be seen with?”
The busy tone beeped in his ear. Xia Xinghe smiled knowingly, and with that smile still lingering, he returned to the bedroom.
When he opened the door, Bai Qingzhou was already awake, his light-colored eyes fixed on him.
“Where did you go?”
“Yan-ge called,” Xia Xinghe replied with a smile, climbing back into bed. “It’s still early—want to sleep a little longer?”
Bai Qingzhou gave a slight nod, saying nothing, and simply pulled him into his arms, tightening his hold.
They had done it many times before, and were intimately familiar with each other’s bodies. But maybe because of the misunderstanding they had just cleared up yesterday, Xia Xinghe felt a rare bit of shyness. Hearing Bai Qingzhou’s steady, powerful heartbeat by his ear, he couldn’t help pressing his lips together.
“Bai Qingzhou?”
“What is it?”
“Were you really looking at houses for my parents?” Xia Xinghe asked.
“Mm.”
Bai Qingzhou lowered his eyes slightly. “Didn’t you say you wanted to bring your parents here?”
Xia Xinghe’s heart softened.
So he had heard the phone call with Qiu Guiyue.
“I’m sorry…” Xia Xinghe kissed Bai Qingzhou’s cheek apologetically. “I wrongly blamed you.”
“Mm.”
Bai Qingzhou responded softly, turning his face away a little awkwardly.
Xia Xinghe blinked, puzzled by his reaction. After a moment, he heard Bai Qingzhou ask stiffly, “Yesterday… did I say a lot of strange things?”
“Strange things?”
Bai Qingzhou lowered his eyes again. “…Mm.”
Actually, he had woken up long ago, lying there with his eyes closed for quite a while.
The memories of last night still echoed in his mind. That rare loss of control left him unsure how to face it now that he was sober.
Bai Qingzhou’s lips moved, wanting to tell Xia Xinghe not to take it seriously. But before he could speak, Xia Xinghe leaned up of his own accord and kissed the corner of his lips.
“They weren’t strange words.”
Xia Xinghe corrected him seriously.
His reaction was completely different from what Bai Qingzhou had expected. Xia Xinghe gazed at him earnestly, enunciating each word: “I’m really happy you said those things to me. Really.”
He asked: “Can we keep doing this from now on? If there’s anything you feel I’m not doing well, tell me. And I’ll tell you too. No more hiding or keeping things bottled up, okay?”
His beautiful eyes were filled with expectation—the bright color Bai Qingzhou had dreamed of for so long.
So it only took this to make him so happy?
Bai Qingzhou froze slightly.
No one had ever told him that love needed to be expressed. No one had ever responded to his grievances. Since he was young, he had understood the simplest truth—that words were useless, only actions mattered.
To him, showing weakness to the one he loved was nothing but incompetence, an ineffective gesture. He had always despised that part of himself that wasn’t calm, wasn’t steady. Yet Xia Xinghe’s words shattered that belief completely.
Seeing Xia Xinghe’s radiant expression, the awkwardness in his heart unconsciously melted away. Like the sun driving off dark clouds, all that was left was warmth and light.
After a moment, Bai Qingzhou’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he whispered, “…Alright.”
He thought, if this could make him happy—
Maybe it wasn’t so hard after all.