TOYA chapter 56

Beside the venue, in a restaurant.

Quiet and bright.

Inside a private room, the four of them sat facing one another. Xia Xinghe coughed lightly and was the first to speak. “Dad, Mom, when did you get here? Why didn’t you tell me in advance?”

Qiu Guiyue gave an awkward laugh. “We just arrived, haha. We were just wandering around, about to come find you.”

After that phone call the other day, Qiu Guiyue had felt something off in the way Xia Xinghe spoke about his “doctor partner”—like he was hiding something, cautious, secretive. She couldn’t put her mind at ease.

Then, a few days ago, Xia Xinghe messaged her again, saying he was holding a signing event in Liaohu. Qiu Guiyue suddenly thought it would be a good chance to visit her son—and also meet this “son-in-law.”

Liu’an was far from Liao Lake, so coming wasn’t easy. Wanting to surprise Xia Xinghe, she hadn’t told him in advance. But she hadn’t expected her son to give her an even bigger surprise. Just as she and her husband arrived at the signing venue, they saw their son on tiptoe, arms wrapped around a man’s neck, kissing him tenderly. It was so sticky-sweet that even someone of her age couldn’t help but blush.

The atmosphere at the dining table was somewhat delicate. Qiu Guiyue cleared her throat twice, then tentatively looked at Bai Qingzhou. “Um… and this is…?”

“Oh,” Xia Xinghe quickly introduced, “Dad, Mom, this is my boyfriend.

‘Bai’ as in cypress tree, ‘Qingzhou’ as in a boat floating on clear waters.”

“Bai Qingzhou,” he added calmly on the side.

“Ah, Xiao Bai, hello, hello.”

Qiu Guiyue smiled and nodded. But Xia Anguo’s face was stern as he began questioning Bai Qingzhou.

“When did you two meet?”

“How long have you been dating?”

“Do your parents approve?”

“What’s your occupation?”

“Have you thought about the future?”

…

Xia Anguo’s tone was aggressive, relentless. Several times Xia Xinghe wanted to cut in to ease the tension, but the moment he opened his mouth, Xia Anguo would unhesitatingly interrupt him, leaving all his words stuck in his throat.

Xia Xinghe of course understood what his father was thinking. When he first came out, Xia Anguo had scolded him so harshly it was as if he wished he’d never had such a son. But not long afterward, awkwardly, he reconciled with him, having long talks late into the night.

Loving someone of the same sex was not easy. Besides the ups and downs of life, there was also the pressure of the outside world. Xia Xinghe knew Xia Anguo was only thinking of his well-being, but he also worried. This sharp, interrogative tone was precisely the kind of thing Bai Qingzhou hated most.

Bai Qingzhou was proud to a fault. Back in school, when an elective teacher said something that displeased him, he had dropped the class outright—even if it meant losing credits he was about to earn.

Now one side was his father, the other his lover. Xia Xinghe’s heart trembled with unease, fearing conflict between them. But after the whole dinner, despite Xia Anguo’s near-relentless questioning, Bai Qingzhou’s face remained calm and smiling, answering politely to every question.

Two hours slipped by before Xia Anguo finally ran out of words. He nodded in satisfaction. “Live well from now on.”

That was as good as agreement. Xia Xinghe quietly let out a breath of relief and secretly hooked his fingers with Bai Qingzhou’s under the table.

The meal had been eaten in constant unease, but in the end, everything turned out smoothly. After sending his parents back to the hotel, Xia Xinghe and Bai Qingzhou strolled slowly home together.

On the way back, Bai Qingzhou asked, “Why were you staring at me the whole time during dinner?”

“I was just afraid you and my dad would clash.”

Xia Xinghe’s eyes curved with a smile as he explained, “My dad’s actually a good person. He… he usually…”

He wanted to say that Xia Anguo usually wasn’t like that, but worried Bai Qingzhou would think he was just making excuses. He stammered for a moment, not knowing what to say, when Bai Qingzhou let out a quiet laugh.

“I know,” Bai Qingzhou said. “Your parents are just worried about you.”

Xia Xinghe’s heart warmed. After thinking for a moment, he corrected seriously, “No. Our parents.”

“Alright.” Bai Qingzhou didn’t argue. He followed along and repeated, “Our parents.”

He had grown up with only his father. His father was always so busy that sometimes he wouldn’t see him for weeks. Over the years, he had long forgotten what familial affection felt like, and thought he didn’t need it. But he knew Xia Xinghe cared, so he was willing to accept another pair of parents, even if unrelated by blood.

“Xia Xinghe.”

Bai Qingzhou’s voice was low.

“Hmm?”

“Move in with me.”

He wanted a home, too.

The moonlight was thin, the streetlamps cast scattered shadows on the ground, and after a pause, Xia Xinghe’s voice sounded in the quiet night.

He said, “Okay.”

…..

Another winter came.

Xia Xinghe gave up his small apartment and officially moved into Bai Qingzhou’s place.

It happened to rain on moving day. A hazy curtain of rain blurred their sight. The dampness soaked through the sealed boxes, and after a while, the drizzle turned into falling snowflakes.

It was the first snow of the winter.

There was no central heating in the south, but the air conditioning indoors was warm and cozy. The movers delivered the boxes, and Bamboo immediately trotted over curiously.

“Bamboo, be good, don’t chew on things!”

Bamboo had always liked burrowing into boxes. Xia Xinghe quickly hurried over, and as if understanding, Bamboo only sniffed at the boxes before sitting obediently by the side.

Xia Xinghe tilted his head toward Bai Qingzhou. “Your son is so smart!”

Bai Qingzhou came over, slipped an arm around his shoulder, and gave him a look. “My son is your son too.”

He really didn’t know why Xia Xinghe liked equating people with the dog so much.

The two of them played with Bamboo for a while, then when everything was delivered, Xia Xinghe began opening the boxes one by one and unpacking.

He had thought he didn’t have many belongings, but once unpacked, he realized he had accumulated so many odds and ends over the years.

There were the expected manuscripts and books, but he had also kept every single high-speed train ticket from all the times he went home over the years—an entire thick stack, recording his whole youth. And the person he had loved through all those years was still by his side.

Xia Xinghe glanced at Bai Qingzhou, who was helping him unpack, and secretly laughed to himself.

“What are you laughing at?”

Bai Qingzhou noticed his look right away.

“Nothing.” Xia Xinghe’s eyes sparkled even more as he bounced away with a heavy box of papers into the next room.

He had too many things and couldn’t bear to throw them out, so Bai Qingzhou specially cleared out the storage room for him.

It was called a storage room, but in reality, it was filled with Bai Qingzhou’s awards and trophies from over the years.

An entire storage room—nothing but those.

The first time Xia Xinghe learned this, he was completely stunned. He had thought the wall of awards in Bai Qingzhou’s study was already excessive, but there was actually another whole room full of them.

Now finally seeing this room, which was usually kept locked, Xia Xinghe was overwhelmed. Thinking about putting his messy little knick-knacks in with all that glittering gold and silver, he felt uneasy.

He asked, “Is it really okay for me to put my random junk in here? Won’t it dirty your awards?”

His tone was cautious, but Bai Qingzhou didn’t even lift his eyelids. “They’re not important. You can throw them out if you want.”

“…”

Xia Xinghe fell silent.

Once again, he felt the vast gap between a big shot and an ordinary person.

They say moving houses can wear you out half to death, and now Xia Xinghe understood. From packing, contacting movers, unpacking, arranging everything, and cleaning—it was endless. They had started before dawn and were still working past midnight.

Even Bamboo, who had been trotting circles around Xia Xinghe, had long gone back to its nest to sleep. Exhausted, Xia Xinghe carried another box of books into the storage room, then sat down on it to catch his breath.

Leaning against the large bookshelf, he set his arm on a shelf, and his hand brushed against something. He pulled out an old phone.

He recognized it—it was the phone Bai Qingzhou had used in college. Xia Xinghe had thought he’d long since thrown it away, but here it was.

“Bai Qingzhou!”

Xia Xinghe came out holding the phone. “Look, your phone! Do you still need it?”

It was several years old. Bai Qingzhou himself didn’t know why he’d kept it.

“Not really,” he said. “But you can charge it and see if it still works.”

Xia Xinghe nodded, plugged it in, and went back to unpacking. When he returned, he saw Bai Qingzhou leaning against the back of the sofa, flipping through it.

“Why are you slacking off here?”

Xia Xinghe leaned close to him, grinning as he asked, “What, do you have something shady in your phone?”

He reached out, pretending to be stern. “Confess and be lenient, resist and face strict punishment.”

“It’s all from a long time ago. If you want to see, go ahead.”

Bai Qingzhou lowered his eyes but still handed the phone over to him.

“So there really is something?”

Curious, Xia Xinghe blinked and took Bai Qingzhou’s phone.

After so many years, the phone already felt antique. Back then, smartphones had only just started becoming popular, and what was once considered a slim and trendy model now felt thick and heavy. The screen’s colors had dulled over time, and when Xia Xinghe saw the contents on that yellowed display, he froze.

It was the outbox of this old, worn phone.

[Whoever regrets it is a dog.]

[Leaving.]

[Not coming back.]

[It’s snowing at Liaohu]

The outbox was filled with short messages like these. Without exception, the recipient was always Xia Xinghe.

“When did you send these?”

Xia Xinghe asked, “Why didn’t I ever get them?”

Bai Qingzhou lowered his eyes and answered lightly, “I threw away the SIM card.”

When he went abroad, he had decisively canceled his SIM. Yet across the ocean, he couldn’t stop himself from typing message after message to him on a phone with no card.

Looking back now, it seemed a little laughable. But at the time, it was his last scrap of pride.

Scrolling through the long list of unsent messages left Xia Xinghe’s eyes damp. Back then, they were both too stubborn, circling around each other, wasting so many years. Fortunately, they still reached a springtime ending.

His finger swiped down again, and the final message appeared on the screen.

—“2016/09/05”

—“Happy fourth anniversary.”

Scrolling further, after a string of blank spaces, came two more words: “Miss you.”

In an instant, his vision blurred uncontrollably with tears.

Xia Xinghe finally remembered what September 5th was.

That day, Bai Qingzhou had explained the meaning of those letters to him, but not that number.

September 5th— the day they met, the start of their freshman year.

It was the beginning of everything.

So Bai Qingzhou had remembered all along.

Xia Xinghe tossed the phone aside, suddenly wrapping his arms tightly around Bai Qingzhou’s waist, burying his whole self in his chest.

“Bai Qingzhou,” his voice was muffled, half-laughing, half-crying, “how many secrets do you still have that I don’t know?”

His body trembled slightly, his eyes and nose red. In Bai Qingzhou’s embrace, he seemed like a little creature begging for affection, yet he burned like a furnace—so warm, the brightest flame in the cold winter.

“There’s one more.”

Bai Qingzhou’s Adam’s apple shifted. He dropped a kiss into Xia Xinghe’s soft hair.

“I don’t think I’ve ever told you— I love you.”

Back then, they had been childish, twisted up, unable to express themselves, loving awkwardly and clumsily, pouring out all their feelings only to wound each other with their sharp edges.

On the road of growing up, falling is inevitable. Communication is a lifelong lesson, the path difficult and long. But after all the twists and turns, the one who walked this path with me, fumbling forward together—was always you.

At some point, the snow outside had stopped. A blanket of white covered the ground. The sky was still dark, yet faint light was rising from afar. In the warm room, the two of them held each other tightly—

The End.

 

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Author’s Note:

It’s finished—thank you to everyone who read all the way here!

Halfway through my previous story, my mindset completely collapsed. I felt like I couldn’t write anything I truly liked anymore, so I wanted to return to my very first intention and write something plain and simple. That’s how this story came to be.

It’s not perfectly written, the main characters aren’t perfect either. Maybe because the story is a bit ordinary, the feedback and comments weren’t that many. But I still really love this story. The two main characters are learning how to love, and I, too, am learning how to make peace with myself.

Next, I’ll take a few days off. If you’d like to see any extras, you can let me know and I’ll give it a try. Also, as usual, I’m asking for a collection—click to follow the author and receive a growing version of Chuan Chuan. I’ll keep working hard in the future as well! With a grateful heart.

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