It was hard to describe that moment.
Like standing atop a mountain and plunging into a freefall, landing in water.
Like passing by a place casually and suddenly catching a whiff of an intoxicating fragrance.
Like the moment your eyes open at dawn and sunlight streams in, leaving you momentarily stunned.
Intense. Surprising. Dreamlike.
It was so overwhelming that Yin Xu was left speechless for a long time.
He looked at Yu Zhi, and Yu Zhi smiled back.
A sense of quiet eternity, of timeless peace, surged in his heart. Yin Xu couldn’t help but smile, lightly biting his lip. He whispered softly,
“…Enough.”
To receive a single phrase like that, these three years hadn’t been wasted. That was enough.
What he had been seeking today was nothing more than these words. He had won.
His determination, his perseverance, or rather, his love for this man had won.
The words “You win” meant that Yu Zhi had recognized his sincerity and resolve, and genuinely acknowledged and accepted them.
Three years of persistence, rewarded with one admission of defeat—it truly was enough.
Yu Zhi raised a slight brow and looked at him. “Xiao Xu.”
Yin Xu turned his head slightly, tilting upward. Under the light, his eyes sparkled brilliantly.
His eyes were slightly red, and he smiled softly, speaking slowly, “Sir… actually, all these years, I’ve been thinking about you.”
Yu Zhi watched him quietly, waiting for him to continue.
Yin Xu followed his thoughts, speaking slowly, “I think about the way you look, the things you say, the things you do… I think about everything about you.”
He curled his lips slightly, as if amused. “You probably don’t know, but there were many times when I even hated you.”
Yu Zhi lifted his gaze slightly, yet he wasn’t particularly surprised.
Perhaps because he had already considered that possibility long ago.
It was normal.
When someone is obsessed with something yet cannot obtain it for whatever reason, resentment is only natural—
— even if the reason lies in the thing itself.
“I kept asking myself over and over, why are you so stubborn? Is it because I’m not good-looking enough, or not young enough to attract you? You can accept those young women, so there’s no reason you couldn’t accept me. After all, I’ve never heard you reject me by saying you’re an unchangeable straight man, so that means you’re not that straight, right?”
“If that’s the case, then why wouldn’t you accept me? Especially when I was already throwing myself at you.”
Yin Xu let out a soft laugh, lowering his head slightly as he looked at the shifting light and shadow on the floor, his own silhouette faint and indistinct.
“I even fantasized that if only you weren’t such a good person. If you hadn’t treated me so well, or if your morals weren’t so high, then I wouldn’t have liked you so much… and I wouldn’t have been unable to let you go.”
“To project my unfulfilled desires onto the hope that you’d ruin yourself, those thoughts were selfish and ridiculous. For a time, I despised that version of myself.”
Yu Zhi suddenly felt the teacup in his hand grow hot, and he set it down.
“But no matter how much resentment there was, it couldn’t compare to even a trace of longing. Every sleepless night, I thought of you, not anything specific, just you. Missing you. Wishing I could fly back to your side immediately.”
“All those bets, all that liking—none of it mattered anymore. Just like before… as long as I could stay by your side, watch over you, guard you, that would be enough.”
“For you, I would throw myself in without hesitation; for you, I would toss and turn sleeplessly; for you, I would long for you day and night…”
Yin Xu smiled faintly, as if laughing at his past self.
Yu Zhi’s eyes narrowed slightly, a trace of heartache flashing through them.
“Maybe… I shouldn’t have rejected you back then.” That way, he wouldn’t have had to suffer the pain of longing without fulfillment.
Yu Zhi couldn’t help but think back why had he insisted on rejecting him before? If he wanted it, why not just give it to him, as long as it made him happy?
Pathetically, he himself didn’t fully understand love. Back then, he didn’t understand Yin Xu’s persistence; now, he didn’t understand his own former stubbornness.
Was a lifetime of love really such a big deal?
He had thousands, tens of thousands, countless years ahead of him, but Yin Xu only had a few short decades. Yet he had made him spend several of those years immersed in the pain of unattainable longing.
Yu Zhi’s heart jolted, skipping a beat.
But Yin Xu shook his head, his voice gentle and obedient, completely devoid of the resentment he had just spoken of.
“No, sir. You were right to reject me.”
“I thought of many reasons why you refused me back then.”
“The age gap, the difference in experience, the gap in status, differences in personality… so many.”
“But in the end, I realized the simplest and most fundamental reason was just one sentence—”
“—You didn’t like me.”
Yu Zhi’s heartbeat faltered as he lifted his gaze to meet Yin Xu’s eyes, which are clear, bright, and transparent, like breaking through layers of fog to finally see the truth.
“Or rather, you didn’t like me enough,” Yin Xu added. “Not enough to make you throw everything aside and gamble your future.”
He crouched down, half-kneeling at Yu Zhi’s feet, placing both hands on Yu Zhi’s knees, looking up at him with sincerity and earnestness.
“If you liked me… would responding to me really cost you that much?”
Yu Zhi fell silent, unable to answer.
Was it a big price?
Not exactly, but not insignificant either.
Fortunately, Yin Xu hadn’t really intended to press for an answer. He gave a gentle smile, his attitude and expression both calm and warm, without the obsession or sharpness he himself had just described.
Just like Yu Zhi.
Only then did Yu Zhi truly notice the change.
The Yin Xu of the past wouldn’t have been this calm. When he was rejected, he had been intense and hurt, he would look at him with questioning eyes and speak with resentment and sorrow.
But the Yin Xu now, even when recounting his past thoughts and experiences, only spoke quietly and slowly.
With a calm tone, he spoke of things that were anything but calm.
Yu Zhi closed his eyes briefly; his heart was beating fast.
Yin Xu rested his head on Yu Zhi’s lap and closed his eyes as he said softly, “Mr. Yu, I like you.”
Yu Zhi let out a long sigh in his heart; he saw it.
He saw the young man’s feelings, so pure and so gentle.
Like the moon softly shining in the stillness of the night, or like a stream flowing gently over mountain stones.
There are many ways to love someone, and different people make different choices.
And now, Yu Zhi clearly saw how Yin Xu chose to love someone—
—to become someone like the person he loved.
If Yin Xu’s feelings in the past had been more about dependence and comfort, then now his feelings were pure and clean.
He no longer needed comfort, nor did he need to rely on others, because he himself had already transformed from someone who received, into someone who gave.
The gentleness he once received from Yu Zhi, he had slowly passed on in the same way to others he met and interacted with.
When a person is loved, they are happy; when they learn to love others, they become mature.
And now, the already mature Yin Xu still said, “I like you.”
Not love, but like.
One can say “love” to family, but “like” is reserved for the one who makes your heart move.[mfn]“喜欢 vs 爱” (like vs love): In Chinese emotional expression, “喜欢” (like) often carries a more personal, romantic, and heart-stirring nuance, while “爱” (love) can be broader and used for family or deep bonds. The distinction here emphasizes romantic sincerity rather than intensity[/mfn]
This single sentence—I like you—carried feelings that had been tempered over years, refined by time, and not washed away but made even more sincere.
The young man resting against his lap continued speaking softly.
“Sir, you probably don’t know… for a long time after leaving you, I was afraid.”
Having calmed somewhat after the earlier emotional upheaval, Yu Zhi responded gently, “Afraid of what?”
“You scared me.” There was still a hint of annoyance in the young man’s tone, not quite anger, but more like a soft, complaining pout.
Yu Zhi’s brows were gentle, the corners of his lips slightly curved as he chuckled. “How did I scare you?”
“I mean it.” Yin Xu said stubbornly, “Before I left, you said my liking you was just misplaced insecurity, and a desire for comfort.”
“You said that after a few years, maybe even sooner, I’d realize something was off, take back or change my feelings, and meet someone better, someone who would truly make my heart move.”
Yu Zhi really had thought that. Who would’ve expected Yin Xu to persist until now without changing his feelings?
Yin Xu rested his cheek against Yu Zhi’s leg. Even through the thin layer of fabric, he could feel the warmth of his body.
“At the time, I was terrified, terrified that what you said was true. After all, you’re so perceptive, so experienced, you’ve walked so many roads I haven’t. How could what you said be wrong?”
“For a while, I was even afraid to make friends. I was scared that one day, some random person would suddenly appear and make my heart stir for no reason, denying everything I felt for you.”
Yin Xu found it a little amusing and couldn’t help but smile, his eyes curving.
Yu Zhi also couldn’t hold back a smile and softly said, “So foolish.”
Yes, foolish, but to be loved like this by someone… how fortunate he was, as if touched gently by time itself.
“But later, I gradually realized there was no such person.”
“Whether actively or passively, I met many people. But none of them were you, and none of them ever made my heart move.”
It wasn’t that they weren’t good enough. In fact, he had met many outstanding young talents, some of whom had feelings for him and even pursued him, but he felt nothing.
It was like, once you’ve seen the vast, boundless ocean, you won’t stop for a river.
“I only like you.” And only love you.
“So I’m willing to compromise for you.”
Yin Xu lifted his head and took Yu Zhi’s hand, clasping it with both of his as if making a vow. He looked up at him seriously, his gaze sincere.
“I like you, so I’m also willing to wait for the day you like me enough. Not out of pity, not because of an agreement, but because you truly want to be with me.”
I’ve seen mountains and rivers, touched the snow among the clouds, crossed barren deserts. I’ve known success, tasted failure, met many people, and made a few close friends.
But when I look back, you’re still the only one who can give me peace of mind.
I came through countless mountains and waters to reach you. I’ll settle in your heart and wait for the day it quietly opens.
And then…
Let it hold me.
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