PTBLSI chapter 55

 

The mirror was cold and slippery. With his back pressed against it, Qi Xi was worried he would fall. Since Fu Yanchuan refused to hold him tighter, he could only distract himself by holding onto Fu Yanchuan more tightly and thinking about his words. His brain couldn’t quite process it, so he answered on instinct.

“I want you to only like me!”

“I only like you.”

But he felt it still wasn’t enough. Fu Yanchuan always spoke like this, as if coaxing him. In the past, no matter what Fu Yanchuan said, he believed it was real. Now, however, he didn’t know what was wrong with him. Whenever Fu Yanchuan said he liked him, he couldn’t help but think about it first. Was he coaxing him to be happy? Was he not really the one he liked? For no reason, he suddenly felt uneasy, his heart feeling sour and uncomfortable as if it had been soaked in lemon juice.

“What’s wrong?”

Fu Yanchuan noticed that Qi Xi’s eyes had suddenly dimmed. He touched Qi Xi’s face and asked, “What did I do wrong this time?”

“I don’t know.”

Qi Xi leaned over and buried his face in the hollow of Fu Yanchuan’s neck. “Brother Yan, am I becoming more and more greedy? You’re already so good to me, yet I still want more. I want you to be good only to me. I know I shouldn’t be jealous, but I can’t help it. Will you hate me?”

A few scalding tears rolled into Fu Yanchuan’s neck as if burning straight into his heart. He instinctively felt that Qi Xi had heard someone mention Qiao Ye. However, he was also afraid that wasn’t it. Bringing it up himself might make Qi Xi sad.

He also didn’t deny that he was unwilling to talk to Qi Xi about Qiao Ye. Regardless of his initial reasons, he ultimately noticed Qi Xi because Qi Xi reminded him of Qiao Ye at that moment.

At first, he didn’t want Qi Xi to discover his shamelessness or his ulterior motives. He didn’t want to stop being a “good person” in Qi Xi’s eyes. Even more than that, he didn’t want Qi Xi to change his feelings toward him because of this.

He turned and kissed Qi Xi’s ear, saying with deep affection, “Xixi, whatever you want is fine. I’ll only be good to you. I only like you. You don’t need to be jealous of anyone. I could never hate you. Believe me, okay?”

Qi Xi refused to lift his head to look at him, only giving a very soft “mm,” as if he had suffered all kinds of grievances.

Fu Yanchuan didn’t know what else to do. He lifted Qi Xi up a little, held him tightly, and carried him to the bedroom. On the bed, Qi Xi held onto him tightly and wouldn’t let go. He stiffened and asked, “Tell me, what do you want?”

After a long while, Qi Xi finally loosened his grip. He glanced at Fu Yanchuan, then closed his eyes, lifted his neck, and kissed him, intending to please him.

At that moment, Fu Yanchuan felt as if Qi Xi had clenched his heart. He truly didn’t know what to do. He felt that no matter what he did, he would make Qi Xi sad. Heartbroken, he kissed him back, using his lips and tongue to express the feelings he couldn’t put into words until Qi Xi was kissing him back, panting. He then slightly withdrew from Qi Xi’s lips and looked at the person who was finally willing to look at him.

“Do you feel a bit better?”

Qi Xi didn’t answer. He kissed him again, this time much more gently. His hand tugged at Qi Xi’s tight sportswear and pulled it off. He moved from Qi Xi’s lips down to his Adam’s apple. Qi Xi finally grabbed his hair. His cheeks reddened as he said, “I didn’t shower. I sweated.”

“It’s okay. I like everything about you.”

This sentence was like a drum beating inside him. Qi Xi’s heart beat chaotically. He stared at what Fu Yanchuan was doing to him. The combination of vision and sensation made it impossible for him to think about anything else; he was completely consumed by Fu Yanchuan’s actions.

In the end, he didn’t eat dinner and slept in Fu Yanchuan’s room.

The next morning, Fu Yanchuan skipped his morning run again. Propping his head up, he stared at the sleeping Qi Xi without blinking until the person in his arms moved. He lifted his head and smiled when he saw Fu Yanchuan.

“Brother Yan, morning.”

Seeing Qi Xi return to his usual self, Fu Yanchuan quietly let out a breath. He leaned over and kissed Qi Xi on the lips. “I like you, Xixi.”

Qi Xi froze for a moment, his face turning red. He slapped Fu Yanchuan’s face. “Why say that right after waking up?”

Fu Yanchuan caught his hand and kissed his fingertips. “I’m afraid you won’t know that today, I like you even more.”

In an instant, his reddened face bloomed like a peach blossom. He pounced over and hugged Fu Yanchuan tightly. “You’re making my heart jump out again.”

Fu Yanchuan felt that something else of his was about to burst out. The person in his arms was completely unaware, rubbing and squeezing against him.

He pushed Qi Xi away, bent forward, and asked, close to his face, “Do you like that I like you?”

Qi Xi couldn’t hold back his laughter and asked back, “Do you like that I like you?”

“I like it. I like it very much.”

“Me too.”

Qi Xi finally felt a trace of certainty in his heart. He pounced over again and clung tightly to Fu Yanchuan, deciding to stop thinking about Qiao Ye. Even if Fu Yanchuan liked him because of Qiao Ye, he was still with Fu Yanchuan now, and Fu Yanchuan had promised not to abandon him.

So he needed to be more generous and not become someone Fu Yanchuan would dislike.

He tried hard to smile, hiding all of his negative emotions. Then, he lifted his head again to look at Fu Yanchuan and scratched his Adam’s apple. He said, “Brother Yan, your beard has grown out.”

“Where?”

He pointed with his mouth. “Here.”

“Xixi, a bit higher.”

“Higher where?”

“You tell me.”

“If you want me to kiss you, just say so. I’ll agree.”

The two of them stayed on the bed together for quite a while before getting up. The sadness Qi Xi had felt the night before seemed to have passed.

Over the next few days, they slept in their own rooms and ate breakfast together every day. Then, Fu Yanchuan went to work while Qi Xi stayed home to draw.

But Fu Yanchuan became busier. Sometimes he couldn’t even come back for dinner. Still, Qi Xi continued exercising alone for an hour every evening. He had become familiar with all the equipment in the gym and had started training properly.

Sometimes, when Fu Yanchuan came home and saw Qi Xi exercising, he couldn’t help but feel heartache. Qi Xi would give up something as simple as a walk the moment Fu Yanchuan said so. Fu Yanchuan didn’t know why Qi Xi was doing this or what he still needed to do to make Qi Xi feel secure enough to stop trying to please him.

He had told Qi Xi to stop training before, but the idiot asked him pitifully if he disliked how poorly he trained. In the end, Fu Yanchuan decided that exercising to improve his physique was a good thing and let him be.

Today, Fu Yanchuan came back early and ran into Qi Xi doing sit-ups. He took off his coat and went into the gym, sitting on Qi Xi’s feet. Qi Xi sat up and complained unhappily, “You’re interfering with me again.”

“It’s been several days since you’ve eaten with me. Don’t you miss me?”

“I do.”

Qi Xi couldn’t help but smile. Fu Yanchuan took Qi Xi’s feet out, hugged him, and sat down on the mat beside him. Lying in Fu Yanchuan’s arms, Qi Xi asked, “Brother Yan, are you busy with work?”

“There have been some things recently. It’ll be better after a while.”

After quite some time, Fu Yanchuan heard Qi Xi answer, “I can’t help you at all. I’m so useless.”

He suddenly pushed Qi Xi and said seriously, “Xixi, you don’t need to help me with anything. I’m with you because I want to be with you, not because I want you to help me with anything or because I’m exchanging anything with you. Do you understand?”

Qi Xi didn’t understand. All he knew was that Fu Yanchuan was too good, too good for him. He was afraid that one day, Fu Yanchuan would think he couldn’t do anything and that he was too far behind Qiao Ye. He was afraid that Fu Yanchuan would dislike him and stop liking him.

He hugged Fu Yanchuan tightly, burrowed his head into his arms, and suddenly asked, “Brother Yan, when should we go see Auntie?”

Fu Yanchuan didn’t know why Qi Xi brought up his mother, but he nodded anyway. “Okay.”

Qi Xi immediately let go and ran out with clattering steps. After a moment, he returned and handed Fu Yanchuan a painting.

The painting showed him and Lin Xianjing on a gorgeous, dreamlike stage. Lin Xianjing wore a red dress and danced while Fu Yanchuan played the cello beside her, just like in his memories.

Except they were both in their current appearances yet also different. Lin Xianjing looked confident and elegant, and he seemed to have returned to his childhood—to the first and only time he had seen her dance. It was the first time he had seen his mother’s completely different side, and he realized that she could smile so happily.

Fu Yanchuan’s eyes moved from the painting to Qi Xi. This scene could no longer happen in reality; yet, Qi Xi’s painting made him feel as if it had truly existed.

“Brother Yan, you don’t like it?”

Qi Xi leaned closer to Fu Yanchuan. “That day when I saw Auntie dancing, this image appeared in my mind.”

“I like it, Xixi. I like it very much, whether it’s you or the painting.”

Fu Yanchuan pulled Qi Xi close and hugged him tightly. Qi Xi finally smiled with relief. “Auntie will like it, too, right? I think she’ll definitely like it.”

“Mm.”

He made a soft sound, cupped Qi Xi’s face, and kissed him. After intense entanglement, he pulled a silver thread from Qi Xi’s mouth and said, “Xixi, you’re really good.”

Qi Xi had never been praised like this before. A bit embarrassed, he asked, “What’s good?”

“Everything.”

Happily, he lunged forward. Fu Yanchuan was pressed down onto the mat. Qi Xi looked down and met Fu Yanchuan’s eyes. He stayed completely still in that position.

Suddenly, Fu Yanchuan lifted his neck and leaned close to Qi Xi’s lips. “Xixi,” he asked, “when will you draw me? Didn’t you say you wanted me to be your model? What about that painting you drew before?”

Qi Xi immediately thought of the painting Fu Yanchuan was referring to. He had finished it, but it was completely different from the original, and he was too embarrassed to show it to Fu Yanchuan.

He guiltily looked away. “You don’t have time. How am I supposed to draw?”

Fu Yanchuan didn’t believe him. “You really didn’t draw it?”

Qi Xi’s ears instantly turned red. Embarrassed and annoyed, he replied, “So what if I drew it? I’m not showing it to you.”

Fu Yanchuan chuckled softly. “I’ll show you. When will you draw it? I want you to draw—”

The last two words were only mouthed by Fu Yanchuan. What appeared in Qi Xi’s mind was Fu Yanchuan pressing him down and holding his hand. Something rushed straight to his head, and his entire face turned red. Instead of saying no, he asked, “When do you want it?”

Fu Yanchuan felt that the way Qi Xi was both shy and straightforward was irresistibly tempting. He hooked an arm around Qi Xi, who was bracing himself above Fu Yanchuan, and said, “This weekend? After we come back from seeing my mom.”

“… Okay.”

By the time the weekend arrived and Fu Yanchuan drove Qi Xi to the rehabilitation center, the outside world was already in chaos. Qi Xi never read financial or current affairs news, yet even the entertainment sections were filled with stories about the Fu family.

With the boss’s phone turned off over the weekend, Zhou Zhiwei received countless calls instead. She felt as though her life had reached a crossroads. Though she couldn’t be considered Fu Yanchuan’s confidant, she was indeed the one in the group who understood his work best. Lately, however, the things Fu Yanchuan was doing were becoming harder and harder for her to understand.

If Fu Yanchuan was preparing to oust Fu Zhenrong early and take control himself, why was he getting so close to Fu Jinshen, who also wanted to be in charge?

But if that wasn’t the case, then Fu Yanchuan was clearly targeting Fu Zhenrong at every turn. Over the past few days, the group’s stock price had been volatile due to the father-son conflict, making the entire group feel as though it was teetering on the brink, uncertain of what the future held.

Zhou Zhiwei suspected that Fu Yanchuan had been stimulated by something and that he didn’t have a real objective—he simply wanted to stir up the board and watch the game unfold.

If that were the case, she would have to consider resigning early. If Fu Yanchuan flipped the entire board, her résumé would bear its biggest blemish, and it would be hard to find a good job afterward.

However, Fu Yanchuan seemed completely unaware of any of this. Lin Xianjing wasn’t feeling well today and was resting in bed.

When he and Qi Xi entered, Lin Xianjing only glanced at them. It was as if she had seen a stone—there was no reaction at all.

Even when they reached the bedside, she still seemed unable to see him. Fu Yanchuan had already framed Qi Xi’s painting. He took it out and held it up in front of her.

“This is a gift from Xixi.”

At first, Lin Xianjing’s eyes were vacant, but they gradually focused on the painting. Suddenly, she began to cry.

“Yan Yan.”

She lightly touched Fu Yanchuan in the painting, then moved her gaze to him. “You’ve grown so tall. I can barely recognize you anymore.”

In her clear memory, Fu Yanchuan was only eighteen when he left. Compared to now, everything about him seemed different. She couldn’t help but examine him carefully before asking, “Are you happy now?”

“Yes.”

Fu Yanchuan replied softly. Lin Xianjing struggled to sit up. “I don’t even know how long it’s been. Do you have someone you like now? Are you married?”

“Xixi.”

Fu Yanchuan pulled Qi Xi over, wrapped an arm around his shoulder, and said to Lin Xianjing, “Mom, this is Qi Xi.”

Lin Xianjing’s gaze shifted to Qi Xi. She had seen Qiao Ye before and noticed the resemblance between Qi Xi and him. She couldn’t help asking Fu Yanchuan, “Yan Yan, Mom only hopes you’re happy. You don’t need to come and comfort me.”

Fu Yanchuan’s peripheral vision flicked toward Qi Xi. He knew what Lin Xianjing was worried about and answered firmly. “I’m not here to comfort you. I like Qi Xi, and I’ll be with him from now on.”

Qi Xi couldn’t help but look up at Fu Yanchuan. Fu Yanchuan didn’t look back, but the arm around his shoulder tightened.

A trace of surprise flashed through Lin Xianjing’s eyes. In her memory, Fu Yanchuan had never made such a firm promise to anyone before. She couldn’t help but look Qi Xi over again.

“This painting was drawn by Qi Xi. He came to see you before, too. He hoped you would like it.”

Upon hearing Fu Yanchuan’s words, Lin Xianjing looked back at the painting. This time, she truly saw what was in it. Again, tears welled up without her realizing it. The scene in the painting had clearly never happened, yet she felt as though she had found it somewhere in her memories.

“Thank you, Xixi. I like it very much.”

“Really?”

Lin Xianjing wiped away her tears and smiled. “Really? I like it very much. Next time, come see me again with Yan Yan, okay?”

Seeing Lin Xianjing smile made Qi Xi think of his own mother. The day before she left him, she had smiled at him just like this.

He instinctively went over and hugged Lin Xianjing. “Auntie, will you get better? Brother Yan hopes you can dance again while he plays the cello for you.”

“Why is Xixi such a little crybaby!”

Looking at Qi Xi, Lin Xianjing was reminded of Fu Yanchuan as a child. “When Yan Yan was little, no matter what happened, he never cried. He would just tough it out. From now on, let Xixi cry for him instead.”

“Huh?”

Qi Xi hurriedly sat up straight and wiped his tears. “I’m not—I don’t—I don’t like crying.”

“I wasn’t laughing at you! You’re just too cute. No wonder Yan Yan likes you. He’s always had a soft spot for cute things since he was little.”

Fu Yanchuan protested, “I didn’t.”

Lin Xianjing said to Qi Xi, “He did. When he was little, he even insisted on wearing underwear with little bunnies on them. He also secretly built bridges for the snails in the yard to cross the ditches. Isn’t that cute, too?”

An image of Fu Yanchuan as a child popped into Qi Xi’s mind. He couldn’t quite imagine the version Lin Xianjing described, but he could picture it himself. He couldn’t help but look at Fu Yanchuan, disbelief written all over his face.

“I didn’t see that. Nothing like that happened.”

Fu Yanchuan refused to admit it, but Qi Xi had clearly already believed it. He sat at the foot of the bed and listened as Lin Xianjing told Qi Xi more embarrassing stories about Fu Yanchuan’s childhood.

Lin Xianjing didn’t persist for long. A doctor came to give her medication and told Fu Yanchuan that her lucidity might not be good for her, since it meant she remembered the harm she had suffered.

Nevertheless, Lin Xianjing insisted on hanging the painting on the wall opposite her bed. The doctor wasn’t sure if seeing the painting again would make her lucid once more. Maybe this time was just an accident. The next time they came, Lin Xianjing might not recognize Fu Yanchuan at all.

Before falling asleep, Lin Xianjing held Fu Yanchuan’s hand and asked, “Yan Yan, have you really decided to be with him?”

He nodded.

She asked again, “Do you love him?”

After a long while, he replied so softly it was almost inaudible: “Yes.”

“Then don’t become someone like your father.”

“Okay.”

 

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