Liang Ruixi wasn’t without apprehension about what happened over the summer. But when he returned to school for sophomore year, he discovered Zhou Yan also had a girlfriend, named Xiao Zhi, who had just enrolled. He heard they were childhood sweethearts.
Upon learning of their relationship, Liang Ruixi breathed a huge sigh of relief.
Perhaps because he hadn’t really responded to Zhou Yan over the summer, Zhou Yan’s attitude towards him was quite cold at the start of the semester. Liang Ruixi put in some effort to win him over, eventually breaking the ice between them.
Not long after, they were eating in the cafeteria one day. Xiao Zhi was there too and brought them two yogurts.
After finishing his own, Liang Ruixi noticed Zhou Yan hadn’t touched his and asked, “Why aren’t you eating yours?”
“You want more?” Zhou Yan glanced at him, tore open the lid, scooped a spoonful of yogurt with a plastic spoon, and very naturally brought it to Liang Ruixi’s mouth.
Liang Ruixi opened his mouth and ate it without resistance, leaving Xiao Zhi wide-eyed: “You two are so ambiguous!”
Xiao Zhi’s comment sent a jolt through Liang Ruixi. He thought back to his usual interactions with Zhou Yan and realized they were indeed a bit too intimate. He didn’t know when he had become so accustomed to it.
Yet, Zhou Yan’s behavior towards him never drew comment from his other roommates, including Lu Jingtong and Wei Ran.
That evening, back in the dorm, Liang Ruixi quietly asked Wei Ran if he felt Zhou Yan was being too ambiguous with him.
Wei Ran said, “That’s normal. Didn’t you say you don’t have a father? Zhou Yan probably feels more sympathy for you and takes care of you.”
Liang Ruixi thought, That’s right. Maybe after he told Zhou Yan about his background on Yanlu Mountain, Zhou Yan’s paternal love overflowed and he wanted to be his dad.
Coupled with Zhou Yan’s mature personality, he might just be treating him like a child, expressing care and affection.
Interpreting it from this angle, Liang Ruixi easily accepted it.
After that, no matter what ambiguous gestures Zhou Yan made towards him or how he looked at him with loving eyes, Liang Ruixi no longer resisted.
It was great paternal love, how could he misinterpret his “dad’s” intentions with the heart of a petty person?
……
At the dinner table, the last soup dumpling rotated in front of Liang Ruixi, who was still holding his chopsticks, lost in thought.
“Why are you spacing out? Why aren’t you eating?” Qi Qiurui reminded him.
“En…” Liang Ruixi picked up the soup dumpling, then casually asked, “Oh, right, you and Xiao Zhi are pretty close, aren’t you?”
“Why do you ask?” Qi Qiurui countered.
Liang Ruixi pondered for a moment, then couldn’t help but inquire, “Then do you know why Xiao Zhi and Zhou Yan broke up?”
“You don’t know?” Qi Qiurui asked, incredulous. “You and Zhou Yan are so close; he didn’t tell you?”
Liang Ruixi frowned slightly and said, “I saw a post from Jinwai that someone sent me, it was said that Xiao Zhi got back with her first love. I asked Zhou Yan about it, and he knew about Xiao Zhi’s first love too, but I’m pretty confused by it…”
Liang Ruixi felt that Zhou Yan wasn’t the type to eagerly play the fool, knowing Xiao Zhi already had someone in her heart.
Qi Qiurui looked at him, confirming he wasn’t joking, then said after a moment, “It’s not convenient right now. Let’s talk after we finish eating.”
The most sensational news at F University recently was about Xiao Zhi and Zhou Yan. The people at the dinner table heard them mention the two and also asked Qi Qiurui what was going on. Qi Qiurui calmly handled the questions, using the same explanation Xiao Zhi and Zhou Yan had publicly given in their group chat.
After the gathering, Liang Ruixi walked to the subway station with Qi Qiurui. Just before they parted ways, Qi Qiurui finally gave him the answer: “Actually, President Zhou and Xiao Zhi were never truly together in a real sense.”
Liang Ruixi frowned: “Never together? What do you mean?”
Qi Qiurui: “Xiao Zhi has always liked her first love, Xu Xinzheng, but her family disagreed. Xiao Zhi’s parents wanted to set her up with Zhou Yan even more because they had a good relationship. So Xiao Zhi simply asked Zhou Yan for help… the two of them were always pretending to be a couple at F University. Of course, Xiao Zhi only told me this last year.”
Liang Ruixi asked, puzzled, “Then didn’t Xiao Zhi waste Zhou Yan’s time all these years?”
Qi Qiurui: “Not really. Xiao Zhi said they were covering for each other because Zhou Yan also has someone he’s liked for many years but can’t be with…”
The subway rattled loudly as it pulled into the station.
Qi Qiurui’s last half-sentence was shattered by the noise and scattered into the air, as if it also stirred Liang Ruixi’s soul, sending it traveling back through the past seven years.
In the eyes of outsiders, his tragic background made Zhou Yan’s special attitude excusable, and their respective girlfriends became the perfect cover for their intimate relationship.
If it weren’t for the kiss he jokingly provoked Zhou Yan to give him at a graduation banquet and the subsequent events after Zhou Yan took him to the hotel, he might never have conceived the notion that “Zhou Yan might have liked him.”
At that time, he had already sensed that his dependence on Zhou Yan had reached a very dangerous level, so dangerous that for a moment or two, he even wondered if he had fallen for Zhou Yan himself.
But this idea was quickly dismissed by Liang Ruixi; he believed it wasn’t love, but habit.
He had grown accustomed to Zhou Yan’s care and tenderness, and he couldn’t let go of it easily.
After graduation, Zhou Yan returned to Nanshi. Liang Ruixi no longer had reason to depend on him for everything; he didn’t even tell Zhou Yan about his grandfather’s sudden death from a cerebral hemorrhage.
Because he knew that as soon as he told him, Zhou Yan would undoubtedly rush to his side immediately.
He couldn’t just let that situation continue because he was greedy for Zhou Yan’s tenderness. After all, Zhou Yan was still with Xiao Zhi then, and he had his own girlfriend too.
It was better to draw a perfect end to this friendship at graduation.
From now on, when he looked back, everything would remain pure.
……
As he exited the subway station, a light drizzle began to fall again.
Liang Ruixi shielded his eyes with his hand and hurried home. He sank onto the sofa, his chest still heaving.
If Zhou Yan and Xiao Zhi had never truly been together, then what was the point of him deliberately keeping his distance from Zhou Yan all these years?
That badminton racket keychain, those rabbit-head slippers, the kiss in the small cabin on Yanlu Mountain, and Zhou Yan’s attitude when he mentioned Xiao Zhi after they reunited…
-“Xiao Zhi’s fiancé isn’t me.”
-“I didn’t want to.”
-“She’s never been here.”
Deep within, a subtle “crack” echoed. It was Liang Ruixi’s psychological barrier, built over many years, slowly crumbling after a tiny fissure appeared.
-“Can I come find you anytime in the future?”
-“Come whenever you want.”
When Zhou Yan said those words, Liang Ruixi didn’t look at him, but he could effortlessly imagine the look Zhou Yan might have had, because there were too many such memories.
-“Do you think I’m still going to cling to you every day like in college?”
-“It’s not like that wouldn’t be possible either.”
-“Next time you come, I’ll make time to be with you.”
Beneath the collapsing wall, he discovered that the seed of doubt had quietly branched out and taken root, and with its re-emergence into the light, it suddenly burst into vibrant life.
Liang Ruixi was confused as to why Zhou Yan had never been honest with him about the truth, and at the same time, he was bewildered by the strange, nascent, restless feelings in his own heart.
They, like the flourishing spring grass, revived, prodding and urging him to uncover the truth.
Liang Ruixi wiped his face, pulled out his phone, opened Zhou Yan’s chat, and asked, “What are you doing?”
Zhou Yan: “Just got home from work.”
Zhou Yan: “You?”
Zhou Yan: “Have you eaten?”
The other party replied with three messages in a very short time, as if he had been waiting for his message all along.
“I already ate.” He clutched his phone, his fingers trembling almost imperceptibly as he typed.
“Typing…” showed at the top of the screen. Liang Ruixi’s heart was aflutter, wondering how Zhou Yan would reply.
After a long wait, two messages appeared, making Liang Ruixi’s heart skip a beat once more.
Zhou Yan: “It’s a holiday, I’m not working overtime.”
Zhou Yan: “Do you want to come over?”
Liang Ruixi turned off the screen.
If, if Zhou Yan really felt that way about him…
Would he be willing to accept that kind of feeling?
He was very confused; after all, he had never tried being with a man.
But when he thought that Zhou Yan might have silently liked him for many years, Liang Ruixi actually felt a wave of pity.
This feeling of pity spread through his limbs, making it impossible for him to discern what kind of emotions he truly held for Zhou Yan…
Right now, he might also have a bit of overwhelming paternal love.
Liang Ruixi took a deep breath, reopened his phone, and replied with one word: “Coming.”
Without waiting for Zhou Yan to say anything else, he got up to pack his things.
He didn’t have a definite answer in his heart to the question he’d just posed. All he knew was that at this moment, he really wanted to see Zhou Yan.
He shoved a few pieces of underwear into his backpack, stepped out the door into the late spring drizzle, his heart as anxious as if he were meeting his future bride, yet as resolute as a soldier marching to the front lines.
The author has something to say:
[Little Interlude]
Liang Ruixi: Brother, Dad’s here! A true warrior dares to face a gay man who loves him! o(￣ヘ￣o)
Zhou Yan: No need to be so on guard.
Or are you already prepared to be screwed? (￣_,￣ )
T/N: I’m really struggling not to give up on this, especially since I already purchased the entire story and I kinda like the story. But I had trouble downloading the text :3 lots of words were missing, and I had to manually fill them in one by one. Even then, there are still some gaps left, which is really frustrating. So apologize in advance for any inaccurate translation.
