“Now you remember you have an Alpha?”
In the chaos of half-consciousness, Zuo Nian heard this sentence.
No, it was useless. His Alpha didn’t like him. His Alpha rejected him, avoided him. He even left the country just to shake him off. How could he possibly dare to trouble him again?
His glands had recovered. Going into heat was only a matter of time. Even before going to the United States, he had already shown signs of it. The doctor said it was a good thing, and he believed it. He thought he had become a normal Omega. He could bear children for the one he loved; he could entangle with him until death. But he was wrong. Utterly, laughably wrong.
His lover had never thought that way. It wasn’t because he was sick that Duan Baisui didn’t touch him. It wasn’t because his glands were damaged and their compatibility was too low that he failed to attract Duan Baisui. It was him. He, as a person, did not please Duan Baisui.
No wonder all this time, Duan Baisui had never once thought about marking him. Even during susceptibility periods, he said he didn’t need him. It wasn’t because Zuo Nian couldn’t soothe him. It was because Duan Baisui never wanted to accept him in the first place.
He didn’t want to accept him as a person, and he didn’t want to accept his pheromones either.
If Zuo Nian hadn’t come to his door with a ring, “forcing” him into marriage, if Duan Baisui hadn’t been facing a mandatory match at the time, this marriage likely never would have happened.
He could still remember the look in Duan Baisui’s eyes when he brought up the idea of marriage—confused and complicated. As if still caught in the helplessness of fate, as if regretting the promise he once made, as if blaming him, why did you still remember?
Zuo Nian couldn’t stop crying. It hurt so much. His heart hurt, and so did his body. When Duan Baisui asked him if he had overheard something, he didn’t dare admit it. He was scared. Scared that Duan Baisui would take this as an opportunity to tell him the cruelest truth. Even more afraid that now that this thin veil had been torn, Duan Baisui would simply cast him aside. He could only curl up like a quail, hide his emotions away, and pray not to be found out.
After learning the truth, Zuo Nian found Duan Baisui more and more unreadable. Clearly, he would hold him, would kiss him, and yet deep down, he so thoroughly loathed him.
Before all this, Zuo Nian had no experience. He didn’t even know what he had done wrong to make Duan Baisui so disgusted with him.
He looked it up online. On Alpha forums, there were many cases like this. They said that for the sake of family, for the sake of appearances, they would keep up the facade. But in reality, just the scent of the other person’s pheromones made them so nauseous they wanted to vomit. On top of that, they had to deal with the partner’s heat periods. Honestly, it was exhausting.
Zuo Nian felt that he and Duan Baisui were probably just like that.
Both of their godfathers were dignified men, and Duan Baisui was very well-mannered too, so their closeness was nothing more than Duan Baisui putting on an act. If he took advantage of his heat to bother Duan Baisui again, to force him into accepting him through pure biological instinct, that would be truly shameless.
Zuo Nian forced his eyes wide open, trying to keep his gaze on the person in front of him. The Alpha’s sharp, handsome features were so close, the space between his brows lightly furrowed—clearly a sign of displeasure.
Just as he thought, he hated him.
Zuo Nian panted heavily, struggling to stay conscious. Then, he suddenly pushed the person in front of him away and said, “Don’t…”
“Don’t what?” The man’s voice was low and heavy.
Zuo Nian braced himself against the doorframe, bending over and whispering, “Don’t… gege…”
He heard the man laugh. Low, chilling, laced with suppressed anger: “Then who do you want? That Dr. Jin? Hm?”
The surrounding air was thick with the Alpha’s pheromones. Zuo Nian felt his body becoming strange—his legs weak, his skin longing for touch, aching to be rescued. He couldn’t hold back the faint, broken whimpers that escaped his lips. Unable to support himself any longer, he collapsed to his knees.
The floor was cold, yet it somehow brought relief. Then a pair of large hands scooped him up. That was the source of the pheromones. He sought it madly, uncontrollably, desperate to get closer.
“What is it? Do you like my pheromones that much? Do they smell better than Dr. Jin’s?”
He didn’t even know how the conversation had shifted to Dr. Jin. Zuo Nian thought he was acting so strangely. Clearly, he looked impatient, yet he still used those highly compatible pheromones to tempt him, towering over him as he watched his miserable state. More like a punishment than affection, more like bullying.
Hearing those mocking, sharp-edged words, Zuo Nian grew both angry and wronged. Through his sobs, he mumbled, “Mean… gege, I hate you…”
“You hate me?” The man placed him on the bed and leaned in, pressing down. “What did I do to make you hate me?”
Zuo Nian clutched the bedsheet tightly in discomfort. Sweat and tears soaked his hair, and his body, chilled from soaking in the bathtub, was dripping wet, like a pitiful little cat fished out of water.
He couldn’t speak. He could only sob nonstop, so upset it felt like he might faint.
Duan Baisui’s heart softened. He was no longer ruled by that ridiculous possessiveness, nor did he want to dwell on why Zuo Nian didn’t need him during his heat.
He gently lifted the smaller body into his arms, releasing calming pheromones. He kissed Zuo Nian’s damp hair and whispered, “Alright, don’t cry anymore. Say whatever you want. This is all my fault.”
Zuo Nian’s body was burning hot, instinctively rubbing against him, seeking relief. Duan Baisui cupped his face, kissed his eyes tenderly, licked away the tears slipping from the corners of his lips, and said, “You hate me right now. How could I possibly take you like this?”
Two streams of pheromones collided, tangled, and gradually began to blend in the room.
Duan Baisui kissed the back of Zuo Nian’s neck and saw two faint scars near the gland. He knew that those were left from the correction surgery. Zuo Nian was terribly afraid of pain. He wondered if he had cried back then.
His kisses slowly trailed over the scars, ambiguous and lingering. Zuo Nian let out a soft moan, eyes half-closed in pleasure.
Duan Baisui judged that the timing was just about right. He licked Zuo Nian’s gland and said, “It might hurt a little the first time, but it’ll be over soon.”
He didn’t know if Zuo Nian heard him. Duan Baisui aligned with that tiny spot and gradually bit down, starting lightly and then pressing deeper. A faint taste of blood filled his mouth, and Zuo Nian screamed sharply in his arms, his toes curling tightly from the pain.
Duan Baisui held him firmly, not allowing him to escape. He kept injecting his pheromones, making the mark especially deep.
Zuo Nian, who had reacted violently at first, slowly calmed down. His entire body was like a fish out of water. He was completely drained of strength, limp in Duan Baisui’s arms, breathing softly.
“Gege…” he murmured softly.
“Mm?”
“Stinky gege.”
Duan Baisui chuckled. “Mm.”
Zuo Nian was completely exhausted and drifted off to sleep with his eyes closed.
Duan Baisui tucked him into the blanket. Seeing the dark, damp patch on his own suit pants, he knew it had been left behind when Zuo Nian was aroused. Damn it.
He went to the bathroom to take a shower, then wrung out a wet cloth and carefully wiped down Zuo Nian’s body, especially his damp lower half, slick and messy, making it hard to breathe just looking at it. Duan Baisui restrained his urges and gently, bit by bit, cleaned Zuo Nian up.
Whenever he touched the sensitive spots, the person on the bed would whimper like a little kitten, utterly seductive.
Duan Baisui leaned down, kissing his face as he complained in a soft, aggrieved tone: “Dare to say you hate me? Didn’t you say before that you liked gege the most?”
Even in sleep, Zuo Nian’s brows were still tightly furrowed. Who knows what kind of dream he was having to make him so unhappy.
Duan Baisui tossed the cloth aside, climbed into bed, and pulled Zuo Nian into his arms. “This time, I’ll let it slide.”
—
Zuo Nian had a long, drawn-out dream.
In the dream, he was back in high school. He still hadn’t made any real friends, and his things were still being taken—sometimes money, sometimes school supplies… He felt helpless. He had gone to the teacher twice, but the result was only worse bullying.
Those people would smile and make excuses in front of the teacher, saying it was just a joke. But the moment the teacher turned away, they would throw his books into the Alpha restroom. He had no way to go in, so he could only wait until class started and no one was around to go retrieve them. The teacher had already gotten used to him always being late to class.
He wasn’t good with words and couldn’t explain things clearly. He wasn’t a top student either, and he didn’t like to talk. Over time, the teacher gradually stopped paying attention to him.
High school life wasn’t pleasant, and his deskmate was an especially nasty person. Just because he hadn’t accepted a love letter, the boy went around telling everyone Zuo Nian was an idiot, leading others to isolate and insult him.
Zuo Nian didn’t want to bother with that person at all. He thought he was like a clown in an amusement park—jumping and flailing about, just making a fool of himself.
His school life was always gloomy. He didn’t want to tell his dads, afraid they’d worry for him, afraid that Grandpa Zuo would say he was being troublesome again. During those hard times, he learned to keep a journal. He placed that faraway person in his heart, thinking about him over and over. He wrote all the warm, loving words into his notebook, quietly expressing his affection. He believed that one day, they would meet again, and just like they’d promised when they were little, they would stay together forever.
Before that day came, he couldn’t complain about life, couldn’t let others affect him. He had to become better. Before reaching a beautiful future, there were always hardships. That was something he’d learned from his textbooks.
He carefully wrote that person’s name in his notebook, stroke by stroke. That was his hope.
He thought he had already gotten used to silently enduring everything. But that day, his deskmate snatched his ring. His most precious ring.
He had worn it on a necklace around his neck. After gym class, he didn’t know how, but the ring ended up outside his shirt, where his deskmate saw it and yanked the chain off, holding it in his hand and playing with it.
Zuo Nian was furious. That was from Duan Baisui. It was their token. How could anyone be allowed to take it?
For the first time in his life, he fought someone.
Even though the other person was a well-built Alpha, he didn’t hesitate. He charged in without a second thought.
Naturally, he suffered a bit. In the end, it was only when someone called a teacher over that they were pulled apart by classmates.
He managed to snatch his ring back, but because of the fight, the school called his guardians in.
He felt very guilty, thinking he had caused trouble for his dad. But instead, his dad praised him, saying he did especially well. He even said, if anyone bullies you again, fight back hard. Don’t worry about anything.
That day in the office, the teacher told him, as the one who struck first, he should apologize. But his dad said, Absolutely not. He made the deskmate apologize to him first. Later on, his godfathers came too—a whole group of people showed up. His deskmate cried as he wrote a letter of guarantee and was moved far away from his seat.
After that, though he still didn’t have many friends, and there were still whispers behind his back, no one dared to openly bully him again. That was when he finally understood why the Director Mom at the orphanage once told him, “You need a good family to stand behind you, so your life won’t be so difficult.”
Zuo Nian felt incredibly lucky. So many people loved him. They gave him the strength and confidence to stand tall.
He kept the ring close to him again, eagerly hoping Duan Baisui would come back soon.
High school, university, internship. Eight years passed in the blink of an eye.
The person he had waited for finally came back.
He’d heard that Duan Baisui had reached the age where he would soon be assigned a forced match. That was when Zuo Nian realized that they could get married now.
He brought the ring and his medical report, joyfully going to find Duan Baisui. He told him he was now very healthy, that his glands had been treated, and asked if he could marry him.
Duan Baisui’s expression was cold, and his eyes were a little strange. He asked, “You still kept this?”
You still kept this?
What did that even mean? Wasn’t this their token of love? Wasn’t he supposed to keep it?
Back then, he thought Duan Baisui was just moved, moved that he had kept the token all these years, moved that he was someone who stayed true to his promises. But looking back now, Duan Baisui’s reaction had been one of helplessness and confusion.
He had used a sentence spoken when they were six to bind him, to pressure him. So it made sense that Duan Baisui didn’t like him, didn’t it?
Zuo Nian awoke from the dream. Once the mist over his eyes cleared, he was met with a pair of deep, clear eyes. Pale irises that always gave off a sense of cold detachment.
“Gege…” His mind was still foggy. During the peak of his heat, he had seen Duan Baisui arrive. But he thought that was just a hallucination.
“You’re awake?”
“Mm.”
“Feeling better?”
The man’s large hand was still resting on his waist. Zuo Nian only now realized that he wasn’t wearing a single piece of clothing, and his body was pressed closely against the man in front of him.
His face and ears flushed with heat. He licked his dry lips and murmured, “Much better…”
“So did you really confuse being in heat with a cold?” Duan Baisui questioned, “Or did you deliberately not tell me?”
Zuo Nian lowered his eyes. Yesterday, he really caught a cold. But today, he had already sensed something was wrong the moment he woke up. The heat surging through his body, the restless trembling, made him long to rely on Duan Baisui. When he saw him off at the door, he had nearly blurted out: Don’t go. Stay with me.
Dr. Jin had already explained to him the symptoms and coping methods for a first heat, so… he had intentionally kept it from Duan Baisui.
“Judging by your expression,” Duan Baisui said, “you knew.”
The large palm on his waist applied a little pressure, making Zuo Nian’s body instantly go stiff. He lowered his voice and said, “I didn’t… want to trouble gege.”
What a way to say you didn’t want to trouble anyone. Duan Baisui was so exasperated he laughed. “Then, for something like this, who do you want to trouble? Dr. Jin? Or that pile of little toys you keep? In the end, isn’t it still me?”
“…I’m sorry,” Zuo Nian apologized in a low voice, biting his lower lip in embarrassment.
“What are you saying sorry for?” Duan Baisui reached out to rub his lips, gently freeing that bitten lower lip.
“It’s just… I’m sorry…” Zuo Nian’s eyelashes trembled slightly. “For making you smell such a disgusting pheromone… and for interrupting your work.”
Duan Baisui was momentarily stunned. “What nonsense are you talking about?”
How could that pheromone be disgusting? It was clearly sweet—unbearably sweet—just like its owner. Duan Baisui had liked it very much; that was clear.
“The doctor said… I had surgery before, so for my first heat, I can’t use suppressants. That’s why it happened like this.” Zuo Nian choked as he explained, “From now on, I’ll be better prepared. I won’t let you be caught off guard like this again.”
Zuo Nian thought, no matter what, as long as he didn’t do anything else to trouble Duan Baisui, he could stay by his side. Their marriage wouldn’t fall apart.
He felt like he was truly a selfish and self-serving person. He already knew how Duan Baisui felt, yet he still refused to let him go. He really was awful. Just like those vicious male side characters in TV dramas!
The two of them stared at each other for a long time. He didn’t see any expression on Duan Baisui’s face. He thought that by saying all that, Duan Baisui would be happy, would praise him. But none of that happened.
Duan Baisui let go of the arms that had been holding him and said, “Whatever you want.”
The man got off the bed, opened the door, and walked out. In the dim bedroom, Zuo Nian was alone again.
He reached up to touch the back of his neck. He’d already been marked. His Sui Sui Gege, in the end, had still softened. He’d fulfilled his duty as an Alpha.
He felt so guilty, yet he couldn’t bear to part with this bit of warmth. The conflicting emotions tore at him over and over, pushing him to the edge. He buried his face in the pillow and cried out in pain. He felt like he was both stupid and cruel, selfishly imprisoning Duan Baisui with one-sided feelings, destroying his happiness.
He didn’t know how much time had passed before the door to the room opened again.
The Alpha stood silhouetted against the light, holding a glass of water in his hand, and asked, puzzled, “You said everything you wanted to say, and I went along with it all. So why are you still crying?”
Zuo Nian lifted his tear-streaked face and clumsily wiped at his eyes. He tried to force a smile like he used to, but the corners of his mouth wouldn’t cooperate and kept drooping downward. He lied, “The doctor said… It’s a normal physiological reaction. I didn’t mean to cry.”
Duan Baisui walked over to the bed, helped him sit up, and fed him a bit of water.
Once he had calmed down slightly, Duan Baisui said, “You heard everything yesterday, didn’t you?”
