Chapter 32: Confirming Feelings
Jin Yanliu suddenly stood up, having thought of something.
“Log off,” he told Xiao Ai.
Xiao Ai didn’t ask questions: “Okay!”
Jin Yanliu left his room and immediately went to Zhou Beiyang’s, knocking on his door.
He knocked for a long time without Zhou Beiyang opening it. He then slapped the door twice and heard Zhou Beiyang shout from inside, “Who is it?!”
His tone was very aggressive.
Jin Yanliu didn’t reply, continuing to slap the door. The door suddenly opened, revealing Zhou Beiyang with red eyes, clutching a can of beer.
Zhou Beiyang looked at him in surprise: “Brother.”
Jin Yanliu nodded and entered.
Zhou Beiyang, likely confused about his return, looked flustered. Jin Yanliu smelled a strong, pungent odor of smoke. Several empty beer cans littered the coffee table in the living room, and a cigarette still burned in the ashtray.
He bent over, took a cigarette, and put it in his mouth. He glanced at Zhou Beiyang, who quickly put down his beer and picked up a lighter to light it for him.
Like a little cigarette-lighting lackey.
Jin Yanliu frowned, took two deep drags, then sprawled on the sofa, crossing his legs and stretching his arms behind his head.
His gloomy mood instantly lifted.
This was the Jin Yanliu he should be.
Zhou Beiyang stood before him, staring.
Jin Yanliu said, “I just cleaned you up, and you’re smoking again, reeking of smoke. Lost your sense of cleanliness?”
Zhou Beiyang said, “Why are you back? I told you not to worry about me. If you keep doing this, I’ll cling to you to death.”
Jin Yanliu truly felt perverse. Hearing the word “death” excited him.
Crazy to death, love to death, hate to death. His heart felt the same as that day at the Zhou family home, listening to “Bringing in the Wine” through the window.
But it wasn’t enough. He needed Zhou Beiyang to be even more frantic.
“Let’s sleep,” he said after finishing his cigarette, then stood up.
Zhou Beiyang took two steps back, assuming he was leaving again, and reached out as if to stop him.
Instead, Jin Yanliu stubbed out his cigarette and walked towards Zhou Beiyang’s bedroom.
Zhou Beiyang was dumbfounded.
A secret thrill ran through Jin Yanliu, a thrill of complete control. His heart raced. He seemed to have been infected by Zhou Beiyang’s obsession and madness tonight. He took off his t-shirt and pants and got into bed.
Zhou Beiyang stood at the bedroom door, not coming in, just watching him.
Jin Yanliu ignored him and closed his eyes.
He didn’t know how much time passed. He’d fallen asleep when he vaguely felt someone climb into bed. He turned over, opened his eyes, and realized the bedroom light was off, the room pitch black.
But he could feel the burning heat of Zhou Beiyang’s skin, incredibly close.
In the darkness, his heart suddenly pounded. A sense of fear washed over him, both of Zhou Beiyang and of his own actions.
But Zhou Beiyang’s familiar scent comforted him.
This was Zhou Beiyang, perhaps the person he loved most in the world.
Not real brothers, but closer than brothers.
He’d once asked Xiao Ai, “After I was transmigrated, did no one notice? Is there no one in this world who realized I was gone?”
Xiao Ai had replied, “I regret to inform you that any normal person, even if your appearance changed completely, your personality flipped, and you had no memory of the past, they would only think you had amnesia or a mental breakdown. No normal person would believe you were transmigrated. No one would realize you were gone.”
Jin Yanliu’s nose stung. He reached out and touched Zhou Beiyang’s hot neck. Zhou Beiyang trembled and grabbed his arm.
He thought, Zhou Beiyang must be able to tell, right?
He closed his eyes, his hand resting on the back of Zhou Beiyang’s head.
At that moment, Zhou Beiyang’s breathing suddenly grew rapid. He lunged onto Jin Yanliu, practically gnawing at him.
Truly gnawing, urgent and intense. Jin Yanliu, startled, pushed him off. Zhou Beiyang groaned in pain. Jin Yanliu scrambled up, turned on the light, and saw Zhou Beiyang clutching his arm, face flushed, letting out another pained groan.
“I think your injury isn’t serious enough. You can still think about this kind of thing when a simple movement causes you pain?!”
Hmph, men!
The tenderness that had just filled his heart vanished completely.
Zhou Beiyang’s chest heaved: “I… I misunderstood.”
He couldn’t be blamed for misunderstanding. Jin Yanliu had made it clear, yet he had returned, undressed, and gotten into his bed. Wasn’t that tacit agreement to sleep with him?
Zhou Beiyang had also agonized at the bedroom door for over half an hour, ultimately unable to resist the temptation before crawling into bed.
Even just once, he’d die happy.
Jin Yanliu pointed to the doorway: “Go sleep in the living room.”
Zhou Beiyang lay on the bed, unable to fully sit up, and fell back down, seemingly in great pain.
He tried again, but the pain seemed to prevent him from moving.
Jin Yanliu was about to get out of bed himself when Zhou Beiyang said, “Don’t go.”
Jin Yanliu asked, “Will you behave?”
“Yes, I’ll behave,” Zhou Beiyang said.
Jin Yanliu felt perversely thrilled by his own cruelty. He was strangely excited by tormenting Zhou Beiyang. He felt no pity. Zhou Beiyang had destroyed the most precious relationship in his heart, and he deserved this punishment.
It was like building blocks, the higher they stacked, the closer they were to collapsing – a mixture of anticipation and fear.
The thought of Zhou Beiyang breaking down excited him.
His chest rose and fell. Suddenly, as if to punish him, he pressed hard on Zhou Beiyang’s arm.
Zhou Beiyang hissed, then suddenly grabbed his leg and cried out, “Brother!”
He wasn’t stupid; he could feel it. He could sense Jin Yanliu’s acquiescence to some degree. Even if it wasn’t a declaration of love, for him, someone so recently in despair, it was like the grace of rain.
Zhou Beiyang kissed his leg, his lips wet.
Jin Yanliu lamented the base nature of men once more.
Because during the day, he had felt that a romantic relationship with Zhou Beiyang was absolutely unimaginable. Now, with Zhou Beiyang clinging to his leg and kissing it, he shamefully felt even more excited.
Ah, he was such a pervert.
He suddenly remembered the year Jin Weinan and Zhou Hong divorced. Zhou Hong took the high-school-aged Zhou Beiyang and left the Jin family, calling and asking him to come home early for one last family dinner.
But he hadn’t gone back, unsure how to face the parting. He stood on the street corner, watching Zhou Hong drive away with Zhou Beiyang. Hands in his pockets, he watched their car with a cool, expressionless face.
As the car passed, Zhou Beiyang saw him and quickly rolled down the window, shouting, “Brother!”
That call had brought tears to Jin Yanliu’s eyes. He waved, and without waiting for them to stop, he turned and walked in the opposite direction with his backpack.
In modern society, with freedom of movement, and Jin Weinan and Zhou Hong divorcing amicably, Zhou Beiyang leaving the house shouldn’t have affected their connection and contact. But they were still so heartbroken. Perhaps from that moment on, they both knew they were no longer truly brothers.
Xiao Ai was right. Maybe their closeness had always been more than just brotherhood.
He tried to imagine being in a relationship with Zhou Beiyang again. Zhou Beiyang holding his leg, their bodies warm against each other. This time, the fantasy was easier, perhaps driven by lust.
Hmph, men.
Xiao Pangzi stared blankly, feeling like he hadn’t woken up.
He had brought breakfast to Jin Yanliu’s room that morning, knocking for ages with no answer, only to discover Jin Yanliu in Zhou Beiyang’s room.
…Had the two brothers reconciled?
He should have been relieved, but now he was just full of questions.
But looking at Zhou Beiyang’s expression, they truly had reconciled.
Because Zhou Beiyang had changed completely, back to his old self. He asked gently through the bathroom door, “Brother, is it okay if I wear your clothes?”
Jin Yanliu, showering, replied, “Why would I wear yours? I’ll wear my own.”
“Okay, I’ll get them for you.”
Zhou Beiyang started to leave, but Xiao Pangzi quickly said, “Yang-ge, your hand isn’t convenient, I’ll get them.”
“No need,” Zhou Beiyang said.
His right arm still looked odd, and his face was tired, his eyes bloodshot, as if he hadn’t slept all night. But his expression was one of extreme joy, his eyes bright.
Jin Yanliu came out wrapped in a towel and gave Xiao Pangzi an awkward smile.
Xiao Pangzi asked, “Have you two… reconciled?”
Jin Yanliu said, “Reconciled.”
Xiao Pangzi: “…That’s great.”
He’d figured it out overnight.
Love was more important than hate. He’d launched his reverse transmigration plan out of resentment and anger, unwilling to be taken advantage of by the imposter. But the true deciding factor was Xiao Ai telling him that Zhou Beiyang might also fall prey to the NP protagonist imposter.
He had initially planned to distance himself from Zhou Beiyang, but now realized that path wouldn’t work.
That lecherous imposter wouldn’t let go of someone as desirable as Zhou Beiyang. Moreover, Zhou Beiyang loved him. He’d be hooked with a snap of the imposter’s fingers.
Furthermore, if he distanced himself from Zhou Beiyang for a while, even if the imposter’s personality changed after transmigrating, Zhou Beiyang might not find it strange due to the prior distance.
Distancing himself would only benefit the imposter and hurt him.
He didn’t have many good days left. He should enjoy his familial affection… or romantic love, whatever it was, before he was transmigrated. Being with Zhou Beiyang was the most comfortable and warmest feeling. Abandoning this final warmth for the imposter’s sake wasn’t worth it.
Perhaps, if they were constantly together, when he was transmigrated, Zhou Beiyang might be the only person in the world to recognize the imposter.
If he couldn’t… then so be it. He would have enjoyed this final warmth before his death, and Zhou Beiyang wouldn’t be heartbroken.
If he could recognize the imposter, Zhou Beiyang would probably be devastated.
But for him, it would be a comfort. He would have finally possessed a love, a love the imposter couldn’t steal. He couldn’t bear Zhou Beiyang’s sadness and tears, yet he selfishly and possessively wanted them.
Everything else belonged to the imposter. Let Zhou Beiyang be his.
Let Zhou Beiyang be his.
And he would give all his feelings, familial or romantic, to Zhou Beiyang.
