Ten minutes later, Liu Shuo replied with both a message and a video.
[Liu Shuo: @Huo Shuyan, I’d like to know too. Trust me, I’m even more anxious than you are right now.]
[Liu Shuo: (Video)]
Xu Ye opened the five-second video and was nearly blown away by the cacophony of meows and barks in the background.
The cats and dogs at the pet store were calling back and forth, and though each individual sound wasn’t loud, the combined noise was overwhelming.
Like a golden retriever and a toy poodle chatting in a homeowners’ group chat, these cats and dogs were engaged in a lively exchange. Meanwhile, two quieter participants chose to communicate through their gazes.
Xu Ye couldn’t understand the sounds, but she knew one thing—they wanted to go online.
The only exception was a small dog with golden pigtails standing on a brand-new toilet, looking around nervously. Its four little paws had nowhere to rest, and the confusion on its face was unmistakable.
Finally, not long after the video was sent, the familiar forum interface reappeared. Huo Shuyan also announced in the group chat.
[Huo Shuyan: The repairs are done.]
[Liu Shuo: @Xu Ye, you can browse the forum now. I’m off to buy a hearing aid next door. Don’t worry about me.]
Xu Ye gave a half-hearted word of sympathy for Liu Shuo’s eardrums, then comfortably leaned back on the sofa and picked up her old phone.
Before she could check the posts, private messages from David and I’ll Carry Mid to Victory came through.
[David: I was just watching that part about the real and fake Monkey Kings, and then the forum suddenly went down. Girl, I finally understand how infuriating it is when a novel character dies mid-sentence without revealing the murderer.]
[Xu Ye: Big bro, you’re so eager to learn. I thought you’d be grinding peak matches at this time of day.]
[David: I was grinding, but thankfully the crash happened right after my match settled. Anyway, not chatting for now. I’ll finish this chapter and take a nap. Let’s game later.]
[Xu Ye: Alright. Rest well this afternoon.]
David was different from other users. While most people “bought villas” in the forum,[mfn] Tl’s note: I’m assuming that this is a metaphor for uploading posts with a certain benefit in the forum.[/mfn] he had settled into the apps Huo Shuyan posted. When he wasn’t gaming, he was reading novels. He hardly even browsed forum threads anymore and probably didn’t know about the new name-change feature.
Feeling sentimental, Xu Ye closed the chat with David and opened the messages from I’ll Carry Mid to Victory.
Unlike David, I’ll Carry Mid to Victory had no interest in her pseudonym or the name-change function.
[I’ll Carry Mid to Victory: Are these users crazy? Why are they reacting so dramatically to a mere name-change feature? Unlike us, who cleverly realized during registration that you could skip setting an ID. When the forum went down just now, my brother and I deeply reflected on how short a dog’s life is and how we must seize the day. So, are you up for a five-stack tonight to hear my revenge plan?]
[Xu Ye: Sure. Where did you learn that phrasing?]
[I’ll Carry Mid to Victory: Copied it from the game lobby. The original text was KFCVME50. I don’t understand those letters, but someone in the lobby said KFC is a type of edible off-road vehicle.]
[I’ll Carry Mid to Victory: It’s interesting. If you want to eat KFC, just give Snowball’s name and have the clerk reimburse you.]
After agreeing on a 9 PM gaming session with David and the eSports dogs, Xu Ye clicked into the forum homepage. A system message popped up, apologizing for the crash and announcing the new name-change feature.
Now, every thread across the forum revolved around two topics.
One half lamented their despair during the crash:
[Who else knows the feeling of waking up to a blank mind? All I could think was: Er Kang, I’m blind.][mfn] Tl’s Note: Er Kang Hand – A very well-known Chinese meme featuring a still of Fu Erkang (福尔康) from My Fair Princess (还珠格格). In the still, Fu Erkang is reaching out and saying “Don’t go!”, which pretty much sums up the meaning of the reaction meme.[/mfn]
[We three almost cleared this level of Gold Miner, and then you hit me with this?]
The other half enthusiastically discussed the name-change feature:
[Finally, I can change my name. I was so young and reckless when I put my real name in.]
[Finally, I can change my name. I’m switching to my real name and embracing online authenticity.]
Some combined the two topics:
[I was just about to change my name when the forum crashed. Now it’s back, but I’ve forgotten what name I wanted.]
Xu Ye clicked on a post titled “I Used My Real Name.” She glanced at the poster’s ID: “Honey Tangerine”—a cute name. The attached picture showed a light-yellow dog with silky fur, looking just like a fresh honey tangerine.
[2F: I’ve updated my name. It now reflects my status as the most elegant and beautiful Labrador.]
[3F: Pardon my curiosity, but what was your old ID?]
[4F: Isn’t it impolite to ask a lady about her former name?]
[5F: I’ll trade you the latest dog food for your answer. I’m really curious, Miss Honey Tangerine.]
[6F: Da Huang.][mfn] Tl’s Note: Big Yellow[/mfn]
Xu Ye couldn’t help but recall Huo Yu’s wise words: “Every ten steps, there’s a Xiao Bai, and then every five steps, there’s a Da Huang.”
Fortunately, Honey Tangerine claimed the ID Da Huang first otherwise, how many beautiful young dogs or cats in the forum would cry over missing out on such a name?
She clicked on a thread about implementing real-name internet usage.
[2F: Me, Pearl, officially using real-name internet from now on. Please remember me.]
[3F: What was your previous username?]
[3F: My master is a dog. This isn’t a sentence; it was literally my username. Every time I saw it, I felt like I was insulting myself.]
Xu Ye wasn’t sure whether to pity this netizen or their owner more.
Then there was a post by Lele, the newly appointed photo administrator. Lele had changed their ID from “Lele” to “Officially Authorized Genuine Photo Administrator Lele,” with a red “Photo Administrator” badge granted by the forum next to their ID.
[I comforted the little poodle next door who was on the verge of a breakdown because the forum crashed. What a great day to do good deeds as a dog. Life is peaceful.]
The accompanying image was a close-up of a golden retriever lying on a sofa, its eyes half-closed. The sofa arrangement was identical to the one in that homeowner lady’s video.
So, the emotionally stable golden retriever from the homeowner group was Lele after all. As expected of the photo administrator she had personally recommended—talented not only in naming but also in calming others.
The second floor of the post featured a user with a similar ID: “Officially Authorized Genuine Photo Administrator Tiantian,” who also had a red photo administrator badge and was praising Lele’s good deeds as a dog.
Xu Ye quickly skimmed the forum’s current trends and gave up on finding the IDs of the netizens listed in her memo. Even the composed photo administrators had changed their names; those quirky netizens definitely wouldn’t miss this opportunity.
Aside from the small minority who were either satisfied with their IDs or indifferent to them, most users had chosen to change their names and were now posting to discuss the best names to pick.
[Crowdfunding ideas for an ID that’s aloof with a touch of mischief, mischievous with a hint of stability, stable with a dash of liveliness.]
[Friends, check out my new name: Meow Cat Little Reversed Name.]
[Any recommendations, sisters? There are seven of us, and we want ethereal, fairy-like IDs.]
During this time, Xu Ye read the ID of the second post’s author aloud and amusingly evolved into a cat herself.
While scrolling, she saw a photo in the cat section.
It was a beautiful black-and-gray striped cat lying quietly in front of the camera. On either side of its face were two kitten replicas of itself.
The kitten on its left had a squished face from being pressed against it, yet it was still trying to keep its eyes open to look at the camera.
Xu Ye clicked save and added the photo to her newly created album titled “Kitten Selfies,” then made another album called “Doggo Selfies.”
[New Mom and Baby Diaries.]
[2F: Just gave birth to my babies, posting to document this moment. Three photos a day to record the beauty of life.
She looked at the user’s ID—New Mom Miao.
Xu Ye: …
It really was Miao Miao. This naming style made Xu Ye feel like she had accidentally joined a parenting group.
The third and fourth floors of the post featured different angles of the mom cat and her kittens. Xu Ye saved these photos as well but couldn’t find where to bookmark the thread.
She simply couldn’t resist a cute mom cat and a litter of kittens.
She thought about asking Huo Shuyan to add a thread bookmarking feature but felt she had already disturbed his life too much today. After much deliberation, she sighed and jotted down in her memo, “Find a chance to suggest to Shixue to add a bookmark function.”
Aside from Miao Miao, the replies under the post were equally amusing.
[4F: /Rose/Thumbs up. Miao Miao, you look great, and your babies are adorable.]
[5F: /Like. Miao Miao’s babies are as cute as their mom.]
[6F: /Salute. Even as a mom, Miao Miao is still so beautiful.]
Xu Ye felt these comments seemed oddly familiar. They reminded her of the comments her second uncle received under his “When the flowers bloom” video: “Second Brother is still so handsome /Salute,” “Second Brother looks great /Like.”
She checked the IDs of the users in the post.
New Mom Na, New Mom Bai, New Dad Hao…
And then there was one named New Grandma Hu, of all things.
Xu Ye clicked into their profiles one by one. Na was a mom cat, and her posts were all about her kittens. Xu Ye saved every single photo into her album, feeling immensely satisfied with her growing collection.
Bai and Hao were a married couple of fluffy pomeranian-like dogs. Their post featured a family photo of five dogs titled.
[A Family of Five, All Dogs.]
This caption paired with the photo gave Xu Ye the feeling of “listening to a wise man’s words is like hearing a wise man’s words.”
As for Hu, the grandma, she was a black dog surrounded by her grandkids. Her expression was both fierce and kind, dignified yet playful.
[Me and My Grandkids.]
The connections between moms, dads, and grandparents were truly fascinating. Cats and dogs could calmly share parenting tips with one another.
Xu Ye was moved to tears, feeling that the day they fully accepted her as a human was just around the corner.
To save time, she scrolled through posts while doing planks and switched to squats when she got tired.
By the time she finished her workout, it was evening. After showering, she sat on her bed to chat with her cat and dog friends.
David said his owner was bringing two strangers to play with them, which, when combined with Xu Ye and the Cake Brothers, would make a seven-person team.
He graciously gave his owner the freedom to bring guests, stating he could team up with Xu Ye and the Cake Brothers, then randomly pick a lucky audience member from the lobby for a five-person game.
But plans couldn’t keep up with changes. The Cake Brothers had four unexpected friends join them. Now wary of two-person teams, David also wanted to play with new friends. After some discussion, no one could part ways, so Xu Ye suggested:
[Xiao Bai: I think I saw a thread earlier about multiplayer mini-games. Why don’t we try that?]
Xu Ye browsed through her game library and finally picked the only eight-player game.
[Multiplayer Gold Miner: Accommodates up to eight players! Click to start your gold-mining journey and hone your patience and perseverance!]
She found the game premise ridiculous—what did playing Gold Miner have to do with patience?
But it was the only game that could accommodate eight players.
The group of eight readily agreed and loaded the game.
Xu Ye created a room, and seven other users flooded in, filling the tiny room to capacity.
[David: Cake, move over a bit. Your butt’s in my face.]
[I’ll Support Carry to Fly: Sorry, sorry.][mfn] Tl’s Note: So if you’ve noticed, the Cake Hand dog brothers’ forum names are different than their in-game name. I’m assuming from what we’ve read so far that “I’ll Carry Mid to Victory” is Big Dog Cake Hand while “I’ll Support Carry to Fly” is Little Dog Cake Hand.[/mfn]
With little hope, Xu Ye clicked “Start Game.” The eight users then entered the game, where one human, one cat, and six dogs crowded around the lone mining pit like campers around a campfire.
Above Xu Ye’s avatar in the central position was a line of text: “Current miner: Xiao Bai. Next miner: David, please prepare.”
Xu Ye glanced up at the game description:
[Gold Miner: Brain-Dumbing Edition. An innovative, mind-numbing twist on the classic game. Take turns mining with up to eight friends and cultivate your patience from scratch!]
Author’s Note:
Xu Ye: Close to blowing her cover because she’s bad at lying + a master of time management (already ordered How to Tell a Good-Natured Lie).
David: A time management master who only cares about games and novels. So what if Xu Ye’s a pig?
Snowball: Occasionally recalls Good Ye.
Other netizens: Distracted by new things and re-cloaked Xu Ye’s identity.
Huo Shuyan: The one knitting Xu Ye’s cloak and reaping a bounty of Brazilian goodies.
Liu Shuo: Added a layer of plastic armor to Xu Ye’s disguise.
