Xu Ye quickly skimmed through three closely-related posts and closed her phone with a hum.
She had only accidentally turned on the flash, clumsily meowed in the cat language, and then attempted to share a bowl of snail rice noodles with the cat. Yet, this cat went on to post three entire threads complaining about her!
Xu Ye walked to the shop’s entrance, peeked out, and glanced toward the shop where the film technician worked. She quickly caught sight of half a dog-chewed fringe from behind the wall.
The handsome fringe cat was glaring, slightly opening its mouth, forming a shocked inverted triangle shape.
Its eyes conveyed three parts anger, three parts confusion, and four parts worry—after locking eyes with it, Xu Ye confirmed that the posts had indeed been made by this cat.
Xu Ye and the cat stared at each other for a few seconds, both retracting their heads in unison.
She reopened her phone and carefully read the three critical posts from the cat.
The poster’s ID was “The Beautiful Cat with a Reputation for a 10-Mile Radius.” This unique ID was unfamiliar to Xu Ye, likely because the cat had recently changed its name.
Xu Ye clicked on the first post, where the Beautiful Cat angrily criticized her for not turning off the flash while taking photos.
【2F: As a generous cat, I tolerate the minor disrespect to my beauty from humans. But that bad woman, turning on the flash during the day—was she trying to blind me?]
【3F: Are there really so many humans taking pictures of you? Your profile doesn’t even have any photos. I don’t believe it, unless you post a selfie for me to see.】
【4F: Haha, I’ve seen more cameras than you’ve eaten cat food. My little brother’s house is full of my photos. You all are leftovers from my playtime.】
【5F: One cat’s blood-letter request, please show us the poster’s photo.】
【6F: Two cats’ blood-letter request, please show us the poster’s photo.】
After several curious comments from other users, the Beautiful Cat finally posted its photo in a pompous manner.
【11F: (Image)】
【12F: Don’t be too obsessed with me, I’m just a legend.】
However, the other cats didn’t react aggressively when they saw the photo. Instead, they were disappointed and quickly left.
【13F: I’ve seen four cats that look like you, next.】
【14F: My opinion is that you’re not as good as the Xixi with that… that human hairstyle. What’s it called again? Next.】
【15F: To the person above, that hairstyle is called a middle part. You don’t even know it? Truly a fate twisted by the cat gods.】
【16F: Fifteen’s cat language has a bit of an accent, huh? It’s called a center part.】
It seemed that this Beautiful Cat wasn’t very skilled in surfing the internet, as it had never even seen the four great hairstylists from the salon.
Xu Ye sighed and lamented it for a while.
She then clicked on the post about the “banana turns into a cat after eating dragon fruit” translation request.
【2lF: As the title suggests, a human told me this today. So does this mean there are some traitors among us, and now some cats are bananas? Or is this some kind of mysterious spell, recite it ten times, and I get ten dried fish snacks?】
【3F: Although the poster’s question is tricky, I have a different idea. If bananas turn into cats after eating dragon fruit, then by reverse reasoning, if cats eat dragon fruit, they’ll turn into bananas.】
【4F: What kind of karma did I accumulate in my past life to have to see your two brilliant comments today?】
【5F: After reading your comments, I quickly spent five dried fish snacks to sign up for a preschool class.】
Aside from the poster’s and the third commenter’s ideas, which were quite meaningful for study, the rest of the comments revealed the true nature of this mysterious spell.
【6F: Did the poster and third commenter just turn one month old and come online? No malice, but you two are so silly and cute, I like you, want to pet /heart】
【7F: I’ve found the blind spot, poster, you’re already a famous internet cat. Haven’t you heard humans speak cat language when they tease you?】
【8F: Replying to the person above, humans do two things when they see me. First, they laugh loudly, second, they take out their phones to take my picture.】
The Beautiful Cat wasn’t lying—Xu Ye’s first reaction when she saw it was also to take out her phone and snap a picture.
【9F: I’m an honest cat, let me explain. When humans tease us, they like to mimic cat language, but they’ve never actually learned it, so what they say is all nonsense.】
【10F: Indeed, I once met a human who wanted to hug me. He squatted down, stretched out his hand, and lovingly said, “Go away, go away, you go away.”】
【11F: My sister always likes to say “damn it, damn it” to me. I didn’t think much of it back then, but after joining this forum, I realized she was scolding me. So now I’m teaching her cat language, and she finally changed “damn it” to “meow it.”】
Based on replies on the ninth and tenth floors, other cats also chimed in, sharing their stories about the strange things humans have said to them in broken cat language.
Xu Ye read on with great interest, and after seeing such nonsensical phrases as “The refrigerator isn’t my sister,” “My ears were turned into my butt,” and “The sun fries eggs,” she realized that the phrase she meowed wasn’t so bad after all.
At least two cats started a philosophical discussion on that very phrase.
She closed the thread and opened the last post made by this cat. The second comment was a sincere question from another user.
【2F: I’ve been watching apocalypse movies lately. Don’t scare me, OP, I’ve stocked up on ten packs of dried small fish and haven’t finished them yet.】
【3F: I don’t know, just look at this, this is the taste in it.】
The beautiful cat on the third floor also attached a picture, which was a distant shot of Xu Ye.
The considerate cat adhered to the principle of respecting human portrait rights, cropping out Xu Ye’s whole body, leaving only her somewhat sinister chicken claws, which were marked by the plastic bag digging into her hand, and the plastic bag of snail noodles hanging from the claws.
On the plastic bag was a red snail drawing, and although the contents inside weren’t visible, netizens quickly recognized what it was.
【4F: This packaging… this is food from the snail noodle shop at the entrance of the community. Snail noodles smell bad but taste good, it’s not what you imagine.】
A fourth-floor netizen actually said that it smells bad but tastes good. Is this really a cat that knows how to appreciate snail noodles?
It then seriously educated the OP on what snail noodles are, what snails are, the price of a portion of snail noodles, and the extent to which humans love snail noodles, concluding seriously:
【8F: In summary, snail noodles are a specialty from Guangxi, listed as an intangible cultural heritage in 2008, beloved by many people in China, and definitely worth trying.】
This was truly a cat that knows how to appreciate snail noodles! Xu Ye eagerly glanced at its ID — “Fuli Gate, turn right 50 meters · Luomeihao Snail Noodles Shop · Welcome all netizens to bring their humans to taste, delicious and inexpensive, just as tasty as you want.”
So forum IDs can actually be this long?
But that’s not the point. The point is, this cat is advertising its owner’s shop!
What a diligent cat, Xu Ye decided she would visit her owner’s shop more often and recommend it to her friends.
After all, the snail noodles there are really delicious, and the shop owner is very cute, but if this cat stays in the shop every day, won’t it lose its sense of smell from the stench?
A netizen below voiced Xu Ye’s concern:
【10F: Wait, looking at your ID, you’re the cat from this shop, right? You really can’t smell it?】
【11F: I can’t smell it.】
【12F: Ah, you’ve lost your sense of smell, sorry for your loss.】
【13F: No, this is the shop my litter box cleaner’s kid opened, and she lives downstairs from me, so it doesn’t stink me out, hehe.】
【14F: So you said all that upstairs, but you actually think snail noodles smell bad, right!!】
【15F: (Cat sneaking away.jpg)】
The snail noodle cat left an embarrassed meme on the 15th floor and chose to run away.
It didn’t even appreciate the snail noodles! Xu Ye sighed and closed this thread.
The yellow braised chicken rice shop’s chef was so slow that it was suffocating. She finished reading these three threads but still hadn’t gotten her meal. She suspected the chef had just started hatching chicks.
The chef seemed to realize that it had taken too long and shouted to Xu Ye, “Sorry, miss, the rice-steaming pot had a problem. It’ll be ready in five more minutes. Today, I’ll give you extra potatoes.”
“Okay.” Xu Ye happily agreed, took out her phone, and started browsing threads again. David’s message popped up.
【David: The collection has updated several games. The admin said they’ll make multiplayer games, and we can invite some cat and dog friends to play together.】
David actually browsed the admin’s thread to play games. How touching this game friendship is.
Now it doesn’t call for five-player teams every day. These charming casual games are more appealing to it.
【Xiao Bai: ヽ(￣▽￣)。I’ll play with you then.】
【David: I just saw there’s a Plants vs. Zombies in the collection. It looks pretty interesting. Want to try it?】
Xu Ye hadn’t played this famous casual game for a long time. She remembered it could only be played solo.
She used to like planting several rows of sunflowers and felt a sense of accomplishment as they continuously produced sunlight.
So, is this a two-player version of Plants vs. Zombies?
But Huo Shuyan said that only the Gold Miner game had a pirated version. Maybe now, Plants vs. Zombies has developed a new gameplay.
【Xiao Bai: Okay, wait a moment, I’ll join soon.】
A few minutes later, Xu Ye picked up her meal, hurried home, and opened the lunchbox. She started eating while replying to David.
David had already set up the room, and she quickly accepted the game invite. This time, the game page looked very official, with her and David’s IDs on the left and right.
David clicked start, and the familiar background music echoed in the room. Xu Ye breathed a sigh of relief. It seemed this was really a legitimate game.
She had been preparing herself to hear the Happy Match background music earlier.
The music abruptly stopped, and the page froze for five seconds. Just as Xu Ye thought the game had frozen, the two IDs started rolling up and down like a washing machine.
Just as she was about to be dizzy from the words on the screen, the two IDs finally stopped, and the page changed to another set of words.
【Assignment successful】
【Zombie: Xiao Bai】
【Crazy Dave: David】
Xu Ye blinked, two question marks floating in her mind as her hand holding the phone trembled slightly.
Is this really the legit game?
The words on the page changed again:
【Your task is —】
【Eat David’s brain!!!】
Xu Ye raised her hand and “slapped” the game closed.
Support genuine games, starting with Xu.
The author’s note:
Support genuine casual games starting with Xu Ye. The trash software made by Huo Shuyan is unrelated to the author. It will be corrected immediately (caution).
Alas~
