Yu Mingjiao thought she was joking and let out a cold laugh.
“Are you insane?”
Wen Zhi smiled bitterly. “She’s not exactly dead. She was in a car accident. Although they fought hard to save her life, she ended up in a vegetative state. The doctor said she might never wake up.”
“What’s the difference between that and being dead?”
Yu Mingjiao’s expression was dazed.
Wen Zhi seemed to remember something and handed her the bag she was holding. “This is from her, for you. Lin Qiu was probably on her way to get this when she had the accident. Take it.”
Yu Mingjiao’s fingers trembled slightly as she slowly took the bag.
Wen Zhi walked past her, opened the door, and went inside.
Yu Mingjiao returned to her own room and took the box out of the bag.
It was a wooden box, stained with old, dried blood.
She opened the box. Inside lay a diary that looked quite old. The first page bore the name “Chen Ming.”
This was her mother’s diary.
She opened it.
【I hate this child. Because of her, my body is damaged, leaving me with a host of ailments.】
【She’s always crying. I want to cry too. Why did I have to give birth to her?】
【Her crying is always in my ears. Why can’t I get rid of it?】
【I can’t design jewelry anymore. My mind is not right.】
【She calls me ‘Mom.’ I want to strangle her.】
【She saw me crying and tried to wipe my tears with her little hand. Her finger poked my eye. So clumsy.】
【My body is in so much pain. I really want to die.】
【I can only lie in bed now. She sits by my bedside all day, and she even smiled and called me ‘Mom.’】
【I truly hate this child. Because of her, I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in so long. But why is she so cute when she smiles and calls me ‘Mom’?】
【I’m so tired. I’m going to end it.】
【Yu Mingjiao, I hate that you were born.】
【But, Jiao Jiao, Mom loves you.】
【I’m sorry for giving birth to you and then hating you. Jiao Jiao, Mom hopes you can have a happy life. Goodbye.】
Reading these words, Yu Mingjiao’s tears flowed uncontrollably.
She had always thought her mother hated her, blamed her for being born. Over the years, she had broken down more than once over her mother’s death, always feeling that she shouldn’t have been born.
If it weren’t for her, her mother would surely have had a good life.
She must have detested her.
Yu Mingjiao had always thought this way.
This thought was like a persistent nightmare, tormenting her at every moment of her twenty years of life.
But now, she finally saw the words her mother wanted to say.
Her mother hated her, but she also loved her.
She wasn’t completely hated by her mother.
She had also, for a brief time, possessed a little of her mother’s love.
There was also a small note in the bag. She picked it up.
【Happy birthday, Yu Mingjiao. Please live well. —Lin Qiu】
Countless emotions inside her body turned into a damp rain, making her feel incomparably cold.
Was it because Cen Lingqiu wanted to give this to her that she got into a car accident?
Stupid woman.
Why did she still do these things?
She had spoken so harshly to her, so why didn’t she stay away? Why didn’t she hate her? And why did she still give her a birthday present?
Why did she have to leave again?
Yu Mingjiao clutched her hair in agony, her pale lips trembling violently. She covered her face with her hands, her struggling whimpers like those of a young animal, broken and sorrowful.
Her heart felt as if it were being crushed by a heavy weight, sending waves of suffocating pain through her.
Her breathing was constricted by some unseen emotion, making it almost impossible to draw a breath.
She knew she was grieving.
Grieving for someone who had hurt her. Reason told her this woman’s death was not worth mourning, but her body and emotions were forcing her into sorrow.
She was truly and deeply feeling this anguish.
But why was she feeling this way?
Ever since her mother’s death, she had never felt such an emotion again.
【Yu Mingjiao, I won’t deceive you again.】
In a daze, she suddenly remembered what Cen Lingqiu had said in the past.
She really hadn’t deceived her again.
Yu Mingjiao’s back bent deeply, tears dripping down. The writing on the note was smudged, melting into a dark, damp patch.
Yu Mingjiao asked Wen Zhi for a favor. She wanted to see Cen Lingqiu.
⊙
She still couldn’t believe it.
Wen Zhi took her to a high-end sanatorium.
She led Yu Mingjiao to a room in the corner and pushed the door open. The man inside heard the sound and looked toward the door.
“Mingjiao,” Lin Dong asked, puzzled, “what are you doing here?”
Yu Mingjiao couldn’t hear him at all. All her attention was on the woman in the hospital bed.
The woman’s body was hooked up to tubes, and she was on a ventilator, surrounded by all sorts of machines. She lay on the bed as if dead, her breathing faint, her eyes shut tight.
Her face was wrapped in thick gauze, making it almost impossible to see her features.
She was so quiet, as if she were truly dead.
Lin Dong wanted to pull her, but Wen Zhi grabbed his hand. “You should go out first.”
Lin Dong frowned.
“Hurry up.”
Wen Zhi and Lin Dong had grown up together, so she was like another older sister to him. He didn’t want to argue in front of his sister, so he left.
Only Wen Zhi and Yu Mingjiao remained in the room.
Yu Mingjiao stared straight at Cen Lingqiu, her dark eyes bottomless and empty.
She saw Cen Lingqiu’s wound-covered hands and wanted to touch her.
But after just a second of contact, she snatched her hand back as if pricked by a needle.
An icy coldness.
“Almost all of Lin Qiu’s organs have failed. Right now, only this machine is keeping her breathing.” Wen Zhi’s eyes were filled with sorrow. “The doctor said the chances of her waking up are slim, but we all know she’s never going to wake up.”
Yu Mingjiao lowered her head, her silence as still as death.
Wen Zhi looked down at her. “Seeing her lying in bed like a dead person, how do you feel?”
“She bullied you so much in the past. You must hate her, right? Now that she’s dead, do you feel any so-called happiness?”
Wen Zhi’s calm voice carried a hidden blame. If she hadn’t gone crazy wanting to give Yu Mingjiao some gift, why would she be lying here?
If only she still hated Yu Mingjiao, she wouldn’t have done these things.
Yu Mingjiao just stared at Cen Lingqiu, her eyes unmoving.
“…She’s not dead.”
After a long silence, she finally spoke these three words.
Her voice was extremely hoarse.
Wen Zhi gave a bitter smile. “To think those words would come from your mouth. Yu Mingjiao, are you sad too?”
She didn’t speak.
“But why would you be sad?”
Yu Mingjiao let out a cold laugh, but it sounded like she was crying.
“I’m not sad.”
Wen Zhi regained a bit of her senses. “That’s true. Lin Qiu wasn’t a good person. She had a terrible personality, and after what she did to you, you have no reason to be sad for her. You don’t need to come see her either.”
“Perhaps this is the consequence of Lin Qiu’s own evil deeds.”
“Mm.”
The depths of Yu Mingjiao’s pupils were a dead silence, as if she were deceiving herself.
“I won’t come to see her again.”
“I hate her.”
After that, Yu Mingjiao never went to see her again.
Just as Wen Zhi had said, there was no need for her to feel sad for Cen Lingqiu.
Yu Mingjiao continued to live alone.
After passing the second round of interviews, she was able to start an internship at x.r. She had taken a step toward the life she wanted, just as she had hoped.
She began her internship at x.r, training and learning.
On the outside, Yu Mingjiao appeared normal, as if the person who had broken down upon hearing about Cen Lingqiu’s accident was someone else entirely.
She had lost more weight, her chin becoming a sharp, thin line because she never felt hungry.
Yu Mingjiao still didn’t like going out and preferred to curl up in her room as before. The only difference was that she now pulled the curtains open. The room was no longer the suffocatingly dark space of the past; bright daylight always filled the entire room.
Seeing that she was beautiful yet quiet, a few colleagues from x.r invited her to eat with them.
Yu Mingjiao went.
A female colleague noticed that she was almost exclusively eating the shrimp in front of her and couldn’t help but ask curiously, “Mingjiao, do you really like seafood?”
Yu Mingjiao shook her head.
“No.”
“Then why are you only eating this dish? You haven’t touched anything else. Is it not to your taste?”
Others chimed in, “Yeah, why are you only eating the dish in front of you?”
Yu Mingjiao froze.
Why?
Because eating too much would get her beaten. When she was little, if she took even a little bit of another dish, her stepmother would be unhappy. And if her stepmother was unhappy, her father would hit her.
Later, she discovered that as long as she only ate one dish, her stepmother wouldn’t be unhappy. So she only ate the food closest to her, which saved her from many beatings.
Later, Cen Lingqiu might have noticed this, because she always put food on her plate, and Yu Mingjiao had gotten used to this gesture.
And now, she had unconsciously reverted to this habit.
Because that woman was no longer by her side.
She would probably never, ever eat with her again.
“Mingjiao, why are you crying!”
A colleague saw her tears and asked in a panic.
Yu Mingjiao was dazed. She touched her face and felt a patch of wetness.
“Why… am I crying?”
She murmured.
Why was she crying?
There was no reason.
She couldn’t think of a reason.
She didn’t know why she was crying.
She didn’t know.
The power went out again today.
Yu Mingjiao huddled in a corner of the living room, a candle that Cen Lingqiu had brought last time lit on the table.
Outside, a storm raged with thunder and lightning. Bright, piercing flashes of lightning shot into the room, illuminating Yu Mingjiao’s pale, terrified face.
She desperately covered her ears.
In the darkness, those voices appeared again.
The endless cycle of insults and blame. Yu Mingjiao was already sick of hearing them.
And amidst the noise, she thought she heard Cen Lingqiu’s voice.
“Yu Mingjiao, it’s all because I had to get you a gift that I’m as good as dead.”
“Mingjiao, I want to wake up, I want to live. It’s all because of you that I’ve become like this.”
Yu Mingjiao shook her head frantically, trying to escape these sharp accusations, but the voices clung to her like leeches.
She couldn’t help but let out a scream and fell from her wheelchair.
Yu Mingjiao was terrified, her body trembling nonstop.
She crawled forward, wanting to hide in the closet in her room.
A bolt of lightning streaked across the night sky.
Yu Mingjiao’s eyes widened slightly. Her head accidentally hit the coffee table with a loud thud, knocking the drawing pens on it to the floor.
Yu Mingjiao couldn’t feel the pain at all; she was just terrified.
Her hands, trembling with fear, tried to grab onto something, but only managed to grasp a pen.
A black drawing pen.
In the dim yellow light, she stared straight at this black drawing pen.
In an instant, the piercing sounds of rats and human voices in her ears slowly faded.
She struggled to prop herself up and sit.
Yu Mingjiao’s posture was stiff, her hands still trembling slightly with fear. As if by instinct, she shakily drew a “:)” smiley face on the palm of her hand.
This was what Cen Lingqiu had taught her.
If you feel uneasy or scared, draw a smiley face on your palm.
The woman’s light, gentle voice echoed in her ears as if it were real.
As if possessed, Yu Mingjiao drew countless 🙂 on her hand.
Dense black smiley faces covered her thin, pale wrist. Like a small dog seeking a sense of security, she drew the smiley faces almost demonically.
Each black smiley face was like a raindrop, instantly forming a downpour on Yu Mingjiao’s body.
She didn’t seem to find any security. She then drew many crooked smiley faces on a piece of paper.
Outside, the storm raged. Inside the dimly lit room, a disabled girl was having an incomprehensible, frantic episode, endlessly drawing the same smiley face without a moment’s pause.
Yu Mingjiao drew so frantically that with a snap, the pen tip broke.
She froze for a second, then, in a complete breakdown, swept all the papers from the table onto the floor.
Yu Mingjiao gasped for breath, a violent rage brewing in her heart. She just wanted to tear this rage apart, to shred it to pieces.
She lowered her head, breathing with difficulty.
As her gaze wandered, her eyes caught a glimpse of red under the coffee table in the faint candlelight.
Yu Mingjiao pushed aside the scattered papers on the floor, crawled under the coffee table, and pulled out that splash of red.
It was a red string bracelet.
She remembered this was the bracelet Cen Lingqiu had wanted to give her, the one she had thrown away.
During this time, she had been trying her best to suppress everything related to Cen Lingqiu.
She didn’t go to see Cen Lingqiu, nor did she think about anything concerning her. She kept telling herself that she didn’t need to pay too much attention to this woman, that all her misery was what she deserved.
She thought she had succeeded, but it wasn’t until today that she realized she had never forgotten Cen Lingqiu at all.
Her wrist, thin as a withered branch; the curtains that were always pulled open; her inability to eat properly; the dense black smiley faces in the dark of night—all of it was mocking her.
At every moment, she was living by following Cen Lingqiu’s past.
In this world, there would never be anyone like Cen Lingqiu again.
She hated being alone.
She hated the dark.
She hated having no one around.
Lin Qiu.
Lin Qiu.
Lin Qiu.
She truly couldn’t have anything.
Why was she always being abandoned?
She didn’t want to be abandoned.
Yu Mingjiao bit her lip hard. A bead of blood trickled from the corner of her mouth. Her eyes were bloodshot as she stared fixedly into the void.
Her head hurt so much it felt like it was about to explode, as if several fireworks had been installed inside, the explosions causing a bone-deep ache in her brain.
She clutched her head, and unable to bear it any longer, she slammed it hard against the floor.
Again and again.
Only when her forehead started bleeding did the pain in her mind subside.
Her pupils were numb and muddled. Blood trickled down her cheek as she clutched the red string tightly in her hand.
Lin Qiu.
She called out softly in her heart.
I want to talk to you.
I… still have things I want to say to you.
When Cen Lingqiu woke up again, she found herself lying in a transmigration pod.
It took her a while to realize she was in the mission center.
A small robot approached her, its voice a mechanical electronic sound: “Qiuqiu, your mission is complete.”
Cen Lingqiu sat up, confused. “I just died like that?”
System 77 said, “Yes. Although it was a sudden incident, it didn’t affect the mission’s progress. You can rest well now. The system center will verify the ending later. Once it’s approved, you can go back.”
System 77 had been with her for a long time and couldn’t help but be happy for her. “Qiuqiu, isn’t it exciting? You can finally go home.”
Cen Lingqiu emotionlessly pulled at the corner of her lips.
Her death had been too sudden, and far too painful.
In her past missions, even when she died, it was quick and she didn’t feel much pain.
But this time, it was truly painful.
Even now, Cen Lingqiu could still recall the feeling of her entire body being crushed.
Besides the pain, there was mostly a sense of bewilderment.
She had promised to celebrate Yu Mingjiao’s birthday, but she hadn’t even given her the gift yet.
She hadn’t said goodbye to Yu Mingjiao.
Forget it.
∞
The diary should have been delivered to Yu Mingjiao’s hands.
The original owner wasn’t important to Yu Mingjiao. She probably wouldn’t be too sad even if she died.
This was her first time doing a redemption-type mission, and for her, it wasn’t very successful.
She had made a complete mess of it. Although she had barely met the mission objectives, she didn’t feel the same sense of relief she usually did after finishing a mission.
Cen Lingqiu had to wait for the main system to verify the results, so she spent this time resting.
Her days of rest were boring. Besides reading, she would occasionally cook.
Life was barren and uninteresting.
She was already used to these stagnant days. She didn’t like interacting with people at the Book Transmigration Bureau; she preferred to be alone.
It was just that sometimes, when she ate, she would inexplicably feel a little lonely.
Today, she made a rare trip out, planning to go to the system center to ask about the results.
As soon as she walked into the system hall, she saw a woman with her back to her from a distance.
Long, straight black hair, a slender and tall figure—it all looked so much like Yu Mingjiao.
The woman suddenly turned her head. It was a stranger’s face.
Cen Lingqiu thought she must be going crazy from all the rest. How could Yu Mingjiao possibly appear here?
She shook her head, walked to the mission center, and asked the system.
The system said that there was a problem with her mission world, so the verification wasn’t successful yet. It would take a little more time.
Cen Lingqiu didn’t pay it much mind. It took some time for the system to verify a mission’s success—sometimes a few days, sometimes as long as a year.
Once, a colleague had waited for a whole year before the system could successfully verify the mission. It was said that her mission target, who was supposed to die, hadn’t died and had been holding on, waiting for her. In the end, when she didn’t return, the mission target finally decided to die.
Unexpected situations always happened during missions, so this was normal.
Cen Lingqiu didn’t mind and continued to wait.
She didn’t know how long she waited. She waited from winter to summer before her system urgently informed her.
【Qiuqiu, your mission has failed!】
The system said that for the past few months, the verification center had detected that Yu Mingjiao’s self-destruction value had been steadily rising, basically never dropping. Recently, it had even reached seventy percent.
And just yesterday, the system predicted that Yu Mingjiao’s life value was highly likely to plummet in the next few days, meaning her life might come to an end.
【This is your mistake, after all. The center has decided to give you another chance to fix it. Qiuqiu, you can’t fail again.】
Cen Lingqiu was baffled.
Why had Yu Mingjiao’s self-destruction value risen again?
It was clearly stable before she left.
Did someone else in that world bully her?
And what was this about her life value dropping?
Hadn’t Yu Mingjiao been living well?
Today was x.r’s banquet. Since Yu Mingjiao joined x.r, her unique and inspired designs, along with their distinctive concepts, had already earned her a small name in the jewelry circle.
Many in the media knew that x.r had a new young designer. Although she was in a wheelchair, she had a beautiful face and immense talent, but she was very mysterious and didn’t like to show her face in public.
Some of the people at this banquet were here to see what this new designer looked like.
The banquet was held at a private villa. Yu Mingjiao still disliked crowded places. While the crowd was drinking and talking in the living room, she went to the back garden alone.
It was already the height of summer.
Half a year had passed since that woman’s car accident. In these six months, she had never gone to see her.
She didn’t know how she had gotten through this half-year. Yu Mingjiao’s days were filled only with studying and working; beyond that, there were no other pleasures.
She had become even thinner, her skin a deathly pale, with only her hair growing longer and longer.
Her eyes were even darker than before.
Yu Mingjiao was indeed living well, but she was only living. Apart from work, she felt no joy whatsoever.
Her mind was almost numb and indifferent.
It was just that sometimes, when she thought about it, it seemed as if all the joys of this world had bypassed her. The people around her had all abandoned her, and her surroundings were filled with nothing but empty white flowers.
The inescapable loneliness reminded her that she was still alive. A drunk man staggered into the back garden. Seeing Yu Mingjiao’s beautiful profile, he gave a wicked smile and swayed over to her side.
“Hello there, why are you here all alone?” the man said, reaching out to touch her face.
Yu Mingjiao slapped his hand away, her voice cold. “Don’t touch me.”
The man giggled foolishly. “What’s wrong with a little touch? Let’s be friends. I’m from Xinle Investments…”
The smell of alcohol on the man made Yu Mingjiao want to vomit. She pushed her wheelchair to leave, but the man was not pleased. “Hey, let’s just talk for a bit.”
As he spoke, the man lunged forward to grab her, but he had drunk too much and couldn’t even walk steadily. He tripped on a cobblestone underfoot and fell forward, his hand pushing Yu Mingjiao’s wheelchair.
Right in front of them was an artificial lake. The impact sent Yu Mingjiao lurching forward, and she fell into the water.
Her legs were disabled; she couldn’t swim at all.
Lake water continuously flooded her mouth and nose. A sense of suffocation washed over her. She flailed her arms wildly as her body sank deeper and deeper.
No one would come to save her.
She was going to die, wasn’t she?
Dying… should be fine.
It’s not like anyone was waiting for her.
She had caused the deaths of many people.
The water stung her eyes, and breathing became increasingly difficult. In a daze, she saw a familiar figure swimming toward her.
She thought she was going crazy.
How could she imagine Cen Lingqiu coming to save her?
Yu Mingjiao’s eyes slowly closed.
“Cough, cough, cough—”
The first thing Yu Mingjiao did upon waking was to cough frantically. Her throat was very sore.
A pair of hands patted her on the back.
Yu Mingjiao was soaked to the bone. She gasped for air, looking at the person beside her with wet eyes.
“Are you okay?”
The woman looked at her with eyes like clear mist, her voice slightly rushed.
“Are you uncomfortable anywhere else?”
Yu Mingjiao breathed with difficulty, her eyes fixed unblinkingly on the person speaking.
Receiving no response for a long time and seeing her dazed look, Cen Lingqiu thought she hadn’t recovered yet. She took her hand, intending to help her up and back inside.
The next second, Yu Mingjiao suddenly tugged on her wrist, causing Cen Lingqiu to stumble forward.
Then, Yu Mingjiao hugged her neck tightly.
Cen Lingqiu: “…”
Huge thanks to Endless for the support!
Enjoy uninterrupted reading experience with instant access to all chapters at your convenience.
