It was another snowy winter in Lan City. The temperature kept dropping, and it had snowed several times already.
Cen Lingqiu’s hands could never seem to get warm. She was growing more and more afraid of the cold, and this body felt like it was getting weaker and weaker. Cen Lingqiu would catch colds and get sick every few days. Even though her icy hands were held by Yu Mingjiao’s warm ones every day, it was difficult for her to feel any warmth.
No one knew that her state of mind was already a great fog. She was bewildered about many things.
She had inadvertently learned many things. Those hidden truths were difficult for her to cope with, leaving only a handful of cold embers in her heart, making her feel incomparably cold.
The weather had finally cleared up these past few days. Wen Zhi suggested a trip to a nearby ancient town, since it was a rare day of good weather.
Cen Lingqiu had been feeling depressed lately. The prolonged dampness and cold had made her feel completely drained. Thinking she could use the chance to relax, she agreed.
After she finished her call with Wen Zhi, Yu Mingjiao, who was sketching, looked up and asked her, “Where are you going?”
“To an ancient town for a stroll.”
“Can you take me with you?” Yu Mingjiao watched her quietly.
Ever since recovering from her allergic reaction, her clinginess towards Cen Lingqiu had reached an almost pathological level. Wherever Cen Lingqiu went, she would follow. Sometimes, when Cen Lingqiu had to go out for work on the weekends, Yu Mingjiao would wait for her near her workplace.
Whenever Cen Lingqiu thought about the reason behind Yu Mingjiao’s clinginess, she felt a headache coming on. It wasn’t that she was disgusted or annoyed. Cen Lingqiu had lived for nearly thirty years, and although she had never been in a relationship, she wasn’t completely ignorant about matters of the heart.
She had been briefly shocked by Yu Mingjiao’s feelings, but beyond the surprise, what washed over her more was a sense of bewilderment and sorrow.
She was bewildered, terrified by the fact that there was no future for the two of them.
She was sorrowful, an uncontrollable melancholy born from the fear that a certain someone would get hurt.
She found it hard to be happy.
She couldn’t be happy, but she didn’t want to make Yu Mingjiao unhappy.
Looking at the hopeful expectation Yu Mingjiao was trying to hide in her eyes, Cen Lingqiu suppressed the bitterness in her heart and smiled. “Of course, Jiao Jiao.”
Yu Mingjiao pursed her lips into a smile, a devastatingly beautiful one. She had been showing Cen Lingqiu little smiles like this these past few days.
The more beautifully she smiled, the sadder Cen Lingqiu became.
She couldn’t help but raise her hand to pat her head, but an invisible restraint in the air made her pause. Yu Mingjiao saw her intention and obediently moved her head closer, taking Cen Lingqiu’s hand and placing it on her own hair. She looked up at her with clear, calm eyes.
Her gaze was moist, like a puppy’s.
Cen Lingqiu couldn’t help but smile as she stroked her hair.
“Being this cute isn’t good, you know,” Cen Lingqiu said, as if to herself.
Wen Zhi had called two or three friends from her band. They took one car, while Yu Mingjiao and Cen Lingqiu took another.
The ancient town was a two or three-hour drive away, and they arrived quickly. They checked into the guesthouse they had booked in advance.
Wen Zhi had originally wanted to share a room with Cen Lingqiu, but with Yu Mingjiao there, she knew the two of them would definitely stick together.
Lately, they did almost everything together. Wen Zhi teased her, “You two act like you’re dating. Even couples aren’t as clingy as you are.”
Cen Lingqiu just smiled, her eyes placid, her smile a bit forced. She said nothing.
The long drive was tiring, so they all decided to rest for a while and go out for dinner in the evening.
Cen Lingqiu and Yu Mingjiao returned to their room. The room they had booked turned out to be in a cat-themed guesthouse. As soon as they opened the door, they saw a Silver Shaded cat lying obediently on the rug, its dark green eyes staring straight at them.
Cen Lingqiu hadn’t been particularly fond of cats before, but because Zhang Li had one that was very cute and loved to stick to her, she had been influenced and started to like kittens too.
Besides, every time she saw a kitten, she would unconsciously think of Yu Mingjiao.
Seeing the cat lifted Cen Lingqiu’s spirits a little. She put down her bag, picked up the cat, and played with it for a bit.
The kitten was very well-behaved and even licked the back of Cen Lingqiu’s hand with its tongue. Cen Lingqiu’s eyes curved into crescents as she watched.
Yu Mingjiao’s tone was calm. “You like cats?”
⑦
“I like them quite a bit.” Cen Lingqiu held the cat up to her. “Isn’t it cute?”
Yu Mingjiao had no interest in any pets, especially cats and dogs. No matter how cute they were, she couldn’t feel it.
But now, looking at Cen Lingqiu’s gentle smile, she suddenly felt that the cat in her arms seemed a bit cuter.
Yu Mingjiao raised her hand and gently stroked the kitten. “If you like, we can raise one together.”
She didn’t think there was anything wrong with her words. It was clearly a simple yet ambiguous statement, like another form of declaration: “We can always be together and do anything.”
A dark glint flashed in Cen Lingqiu’s eyes. She smiled and deftly changed the subject. “We can talk about that later. There’s no rush.”
Yu Mingjiao was an incredibly sensitive person and immediately sensed the evasion in her words. A flicker of panic crossed her face, not knowing what Cen Lingqiu was thinking.
She hummed softly in agreement and said no more.
A strange silence fell over the room.
Cen Lingqiu held the cat, stroking its soft fur, her gaze lowered, looking at nothing in particular.
Yu Mingjiao sat by the window, silently looking outside. Although it was a clear day, the temperature was still low. When the wind blew, it was a dry cold.
The wind made Yu Mingjiao’s face turn pale. She remained silent, as if she were sulking.
Her quiet demeanor was just like the Silver Shaded cat in Cen Lingqiu’s arms.
Proud and silent.
In the end, Cen Lingqiu couldn’t bear the ache in her heart. She put down the kitten, walked over, and properly wrapped the loose scarf around Yu Mingjiao’s neck.
“Do you want to take a nap?” Cen Lingqiu asked. “The car ride was quite tiring.”
“Will you be with me?”
Cen Lingqiu fell silent for a second, then chuckled a few times. “Why are you so clingy? Are you a child?”
Yu Mingjiao wrapped her arms around Cen Lingqiu’s waist, her voice muffled.
“I don’t care.”
“Stay with me.”
Cen Lingqiu stroked her soft, long hair. Her misty eyes were as mournfully placid as water. She didn’t speak, just looked at Yu Mingjiao’s long, dark hair.
If only…
If only she were really Lin Qiu.
Cen Lingqiu thought, absurdly.
The group decided to eat at the guesthouse before heading out. On their way to the restaurant, they passed a garden where a middle-aged woman sat with a vacant, hollow expression. She was surrounded by pink flowers, but since it was winter, a closer look revealed they were all realistic-looking fake flowers.
The scene was inexplicably eerie.
One of their companions said gossipingly, “Hey, I heard this woman is the wife of the guesthouse owner. Their daughter drowned herself in the river here, and she couldn’t handle it, so she waits here every day. Those fake flowers were made because her daughter liked pink flowers.”
Wen Zhi frowned. “Where did you hear that?”
“I forgot where I heard it. It’s probably fake.”
Everyone was tired, so they didn’t dwell on the matter.
After dinner, the two men in their group couldn’t resist drinking. Wen Zhi had a few glasses as well, so driving was out of the question. They decided on the spot to just hang out at the guesthouse and go out tomorrow.
Cen Lingqiu and Yu Mingjiao didn’t mind. As long as Yu Mingjiao could be with Cen Lingqiu, she didn’t care where they went.
While they were drinking, Yu Mingjiao leaned against Cen Lingqiu’s shoulder. They were eating at an outdoor restaurant with heaters around. The air here was very fresh, and they could even see the stars.
Yu Mingjiao slipped her hand into Cen Lingqiu’s pocket, holding her cold hand. Cen Lingqiu’s hand stiffened for a moment, but she couldn’t bring herself to push her away.
She held Yu Mingjiao’s hand with one hand and a wine glass with the other. The wine was brewed by the owner himself and was delicious.
“I want to drink too,” Yu Mingjiao said.
“I’ll get you a new glass and pour you some.” Cen Lingqiu said, about to pull her hand away to get a glass, but Yu Mingjiao held on tight. “Too much trouble.”
She took the glass from Cen Lingqiu’s hand, took a small sip, and frowned slightly, sticking out her tongue. “So sweet.”
She pushed the glass back into Cen Lingqiu’s hand.
Cen Lingqiu: “…”
If she wasn’t mistaken, the spot Yu Mingjiao had just drunk from was the exact same spot she had.
Was she doing it on purpose or…
Cen Lingqiu glanced sideways at her. Yu Mingjiao looked back at her innocently.
Alright, she did it on purpose.
Cen Lingqiu saw through her little trick and felt a sliver of pleasure.
She didn’t know what her feelings for Yu Mingjiao were. It was a difficult thing to figure out, something she couldn’t yet fathom.
She only knew that she didn’t reject Yu Mingjiao’s abnormal feelings.
She even felt a secret pleasure.
She was both excited and terrified.
These two extreme emotions made it impossible for her to truly understand.
Wen Zhi saw their interaction and clicked her tongue in amazement. “Lin Qiu, can you two be any more lovey-dovey?”
The guy sitting next to Wen Zhi joked, “Wen Zhi said you two are like a couple, and you know, you really do look like one. At first glance—” The guy made a frame with his fingers. He was a bit drunk, so his words were unfiltered. “You two are quite a match, hahaha, it’s a pity you’re both women.”
“You’re too narrow-minded,” another guy retorted. “So what if they’re two women? Aren’t they both human? What’s wrong with falling in love?”
Wen Zhi was speechless. “What are you two talking about? You’ll say anything.”
“Yu Mingjiao, don’t take them seriously. They’re just talking nonsense,” Wen Zhi said, explaining to her for fear she might be upset.
Yu Mingjiao shook her head. “It’s fine.”
In fact, she wished they would say more.
Dating.
What did being in love feel like? Could she and Cen Lingqiu be in love?
Was that possible?
At the thought, an inexplicable flutter rose in Yu Mingjiao’s heart.
Thump, thump, thump—
Her heart was beating very fast.
Cen Lingqiu spoke up. “You’re drunk. Don’t talk nonsense.”
Wen Zhi chimed in, “Did you hear that? Talk less. You say anything when you drink.”
Yu Mingjiao’s eyes darkened. She lowered her eyelids, and her hand holding Cen Lingqiu’s began to stiffen.
The group drank until midnight before heading back to rest. Yu Mingjiao was a lightweight and felt dizzy after just a few glasses. The moment she was on the bed, she dazedly grabbed Cen Lingqiu and pulled her down. Caught off guard, Cen Lingqiu fell on top of her, her nose hitting Yu Mingjiao’s sharp chin, almost bringing tears to her eyes.
“Lin Qiu.”
Yu Mingjiao’s voice was tender and husky as she called her name.
Cen Lingqiu froze.
“Don’t ignore me.” Yu Mingjiao wrapped her arms around her neck and said in a low voice, “Give me a little more love.”
“I don’t hate you anymore. Can you stay by my side forever?”
“I want…”
Cen Lingqiu asked, “What do you want?”
“I want to live,” Yu Mingjiao said softly. “If you’re by my side, I won’t want to die.”
“Let me live, Lin Qiu.” Yu Mingjiao nuzzled Cen Lingqiu’s neck.
Cen Lingqiu blinked. For some reason, her eyes suddenly stung. She asked, “Do you have to have me to be able to live?”
Yu Mingjiao nodded sluggishly.
“But Jiao Jiao—” Cen Lingqiu’s voice was low and hoarse, her tone very soft, as if she didn’t want her to hear. “Is it Lin Qiu you want, or Cen Lingqiu?”
Yu Mingjiao had fallen asleep. Her snow-white cheeks were flushed, her eyelashes trembled, and her long, dark hair spread across the bed like seaweed. Her sleeping face was quiet and beautiful.
Cen Lingqiu watched her like this for a long, long time.
Finally, she gently pinched Yu Mingjiao’s cheek.
“Ah, Jiao Jiao, this is something I cannot promise you.”
Cen Lingqiu didn’t sleep all night. The next morning, she went downstairs early to get breakfast. As she rounded a corner, she bumped into a woman.
The woman had long, curly pink hair and wore a mask, revealing only her eyes.
Those eyes were calm, without a ripple.
They looked just like Yu Mingjiao’s eyes.
Cen Lingqiu was stunned and subconsciously murmured, “Jiao Jiao?”
The woman nodded at her and walked past.
Cen Lingqiu came to her senses, realizing she had mistaken the person. It was just that the woman’s eyes looked very similar to Yu Mingjiao’s.
Was she thinking about Yu Mingjiao too much?
Otherwise, why would she see someone and think it was her?
After breakfast, the group went for a stroll in the ancient town.
Along the way, Yu Mingjiao kept feeling like someone was following her, constantly looking back.
Cen Lingqiu noticed her strange behavior. “What’s wrong?”
Yu Mingjiao frowned. “Someone is following me.”
“Really?” Cen Lingqiu looked around but didn’t see anyone suspicious.
“Did you see wrong?”
Yu Mingjiao shook her head, her voice cold. “Impossible.”
The ancient town was crowded, and soon the group got separated. They had no choice but to agree to go their separate ways and meet up for lunch.
Cen Lingqiu pushed Yu Mingjiao to a slightly less crowded street. Beside them was an old bridge over flowing water, with rows of ancient, retro-style buildings. With the New Year approaching, all sorts of lanterns hung along the street.
As they were wandering aimlessly, a commotion suddenly broke out nearby. Cen Lingqiu glanced over. Behind them, an electric scooter had hit a girl. The scooter’s owner was aggressive, grabbing the girl’s sleeve and cursing.
The girl’s expression was cold, and she looked very impatient. Her eyes darted around as if looking for someone. When her gaze met Cen Lingqiu’s, she looked inexplicably flustered and quickly looked away.
Yu Mingjiao followed Cen Lingqiu’s gaze and, upon seeing who it was, her expression darkened.
Cen Lingqiu asked, “She looks like she’s in trouble. Should we go help her?”
Yu Mingjiao’s expression was cold. “Let’s go.”
She started to push her wheelchair to leave.
When Yu Sui’an saw she was about to leave, she broke free from the man and limped towards her.
“Sister—”
Yu Sui’an’s knee was scraped and hurt when she ran, but she seemed not to feel it at all as she ran straight for Yu Mingjiao.
She blocked Yu Mingjiao’s path, her eyes full of grievance. “Sister, can you not go?”
Yu Sui’an had grown much taller and thinner. Her face was scraped, and she reached out to stop her, her expression aggrieved.
Yu Mingjiao didn’t want to deal with her and tried to go around her.
The scooter owner caught up, grabbing Yu Sui’an by the collar and cursing, “You dare to run? You suddenly rushed out and made me crash my scooter. Why are you running without paying compensation?”
Yu Sui’an didn’t want to be embarrassed in front of Yu Mingjiao and said impatiently, “How much do you want? Just say it.”
The man named a figure.
Yu Sui’an sneered, “Why don’t you just go rob someone, you idiot.”
The man’s eyes widened. “You dare to curse at me—”
The man saw Yu Mingjiao. He had heard Yu Sui’an call her sister, and from her appearance, she must have money. The man shifted his target.
“You’re this girl’s sister, right? Your sister crashed my scooter. What do you think we should do about it?”
Yu Sui’an was furious. “Don’t bother her! It was clearly you who rushed over and hit me! I was just walking normally! You idiot, how dare you bother my sister!”
Yu Mingjiao was getting annoyed. Seeing the growing crowd, she just wanted to leave quickly.
“How much?” Yu Mingjiao’s voice was icy.
“Wait.” Cen Lingqiu suddenly spoke up. “We can pay, but let’s call the police first. It’ll be more fair.”
She glanced around. “There should be security cameras here, right?”
The man was just trying to extort money, thinking Yu Sui’an was young and easy to fool. But the two women before him—one with a cold expression, the other with a mature air—didn’t look easy to swindle. He knew he was in the wrong and scurried away.
After the man left, Yu Mingjiao didn’t even glance at Yu Sui’an and started to leave. Yu Sui’an followed her dejectedly.
Feeling tired from walking, Cen Lingqiu took Yu Mingjiao to a nearby teahouse to rest.
Yu Sui’an followed them in, but she didn’t dare sit with them, just stood far away, watching them.
Cen Lingqiu found it strange how she stood there, peeking at them timidly, as if they had bullied her. She asked Yu Mingjiao if she could let her come over.
Yu Mingjiao sipped her tea and said calmly, “As you wish.”
Since she said that, Cen Lingqiu waved her over. Yu Sui’an eagerly ran over and sat opposite them.
“Have some.” Cen Lingqiu handed her a cup of tea.
Yu Sui’an could see that Cen Lingqiu and her sister had a very good relationship, so she didn’t dare to be presumptuous. She said politely, “Thank you, sister.”
Yu Sui’an held the cup, her eyes darting glances at Yu Mingjiao.
“It was you, wasn’t it,” Yu Mingjiao suddenly said.
“Ah.” Yu Sui’an sat up straight, looking prim.
“The one following me.” Yu Mingjiao gave her a light, indifferent glance.
Yu Sui’an bit her lip and nodded with difficulty.
Yu Mingjiao sneered. “A lingering ghost.”
Yu Sui’an’s eyes immediately turned red.
Cen Lingqiu tried to mediate. “Why were you following her?”
“Because…” Yu Sui’an pursed her lips. “I really miss my sister. After Dad fell into the river and died, I never saw her again. I… got into Q University, studying history…”
She reported her progress to Yu Mingjiao as if giving a work report, hoping for a reaction, but Yu Mingjiao just ate her pastries, occasionally accepting a bite fed to her by Cen Lingqiu. She didn’t look at her once, as if she didn’t exist.
Although Yu Sui’an had expected Yu Mingjiao’s reaction, experiencing it firsthand was still hard to accept.
She had grown up and knew that her childhood actions were unforgivable. She would never be able to get her sister’s forgiveness.
But she didn’t want to give up on her only family member.
Yet, her only family member had no place for her in her heart.
Yu Mingjiao choked on something. Cen Lingqiu gently patted her back. Yu Mingjiao held Cen Lingqiu’s hand and coughed lightly. The two of them looked so harmonious and peaceful together.
Yu Sui’an couldn’t help but say, “Big Sis Lin Qiu, you’re my sister’s first friend, you know. I’ve never seen my sister be so kind to anyone, not even me.”
The last sentence was spoken softly and quietly.
Cen Lingqiu smiled slightly. “Is that so?”
Yu Sui’an nodded.
So she was still the only one?
Cen Lingqiu’s mind wandered.
“Shut up.” Yu Mingjiao’s voice was flat, devoid of any emotion. “Finish your drink and go back. Don’t come looking for me again.”
Yu Sui’an’s lips trembled. “Sister, can you not send me away? I… I want to take care of you. Your mobility is inconvenient. I’ll always take care of you. No one can take care of you for a lifetime. I’m your family, I can.”
“There will be someone,” Yu Mingjiao said, her eyes fixed on Cen Lingqiu. “Someone will take care of me forever.”
Cen Lingqiu felt guilty under her gaze and lowered her head to pour tea, not meeting her eyes.
Yu Mingjiao’s gaze instantly turned grim.
Avoiding me again.
Why are you avoiding me again?
Yu Sui’an sensed the drop in temperature from Yu Mingjiao and immediately fell silent, quietly lowering her head to drink her tea.
Cen Lingqiu felt the low pressure from the person beside her and sighed internally.
It wasn’t that she was avoiding her; she just couldn’t give Yu Mingjiao the answer she wanted.
The atmosphere instantly became stiff and silent.
Just then, a waiter brought over a plate of osmanthus cakes. Cen Lingqiu said, “We didn’t order this.”
“I ordered it.”
A lazy, clear female voice came from behind them. A pair of hands rested on Cen Lingqiu’s arms, and fingers with black nail polish familiarly scraped Cen Lingqiu’s cheek.
The woman’s smile was bright and casual, her pink hair slightly curled. She spoke with a beaming smile.
“It was me, Ning Jia.”
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