Cen Lingqiu felt that something was off with Yu Mingjiao these past few days. She was no longer clingy. To be more precise, she seemed to be throwing a tantrum over something; her face was dark, her expression gloomy and sullen, and she always intentionally or unintentionally pushed away Cen Lingqiu’s attempts to get close.
Those eyes, which had always been moist and soft in front of her, were no longer docile. Instead, they held a hint of nameless hatred.
Besides the inexplicable hatred, what Cen Lingqiu could feel most intensely from her was the grief in her pupils.
There was hatred in her eyes, but also a deep sorrow.
That cold grief made it impossible for Cen Lingqiu to feel even a bit of anger.
She didn’t know what had suddenly happened to Yu Mingjiao. Nothing had happened at all.
Today, Cen Lingqiu wanted to take her to work as usual, but Yu Mingjiao calmly refused.
“I’ll go by myself.”
“I’ll take you.” Cen Lingqiu grabbed her hand. “It’s very windy and cold outside.”
Who would have thought that Yu Mingjiao would wrench her hand free, grit her teeth, and glare at her hatefully. “Leave me alone.”
Pushed back a step, Cen Lingqiu asked in a helpless tone, “Jiao Jiao, what’s wrong with you?”
Yu Mingjiao bit her lip until it turned white. She stared intently at Cen Lingqiu, her eyes red-rimmed, but said nothing and headed for the door on her own.
She moved in a hurry, as if wanting to leave as quickly as possible. The wheelchair bumped into the corner of the sofa, and due to the momentum, Yu Mingjiao’s body pitched forward, and she fell to the floor.
Cen Lingqiu’s eyes widened, and she rushed forward. “Jiao Jiao!”
Just as she was about to touch her, Yu Mingjiao said coldly, “I told you to leave me alone!”
Her tone was cold and stiff, like ice hanging from the treetops, so frigid that it prevented anyone from getting close.
Cen Lingqiu froze her hand. She watched as Yu Mingjiao used the sofa to pull herself up, getting back into her wheelchair in a clumsy and difficult manner. This simple action took her nearly ten minutes, leaving her slightly out of breath.
From beginning to end, she rejected Cen Lingqiu’s help.
Yu Mingjiao panted softly and shot her a glare, her eyes red-rimmed and moist, as if she were about to cry.
Then she turned her head and went straight for the door, never looking back.
Cen Lingqiu quietly watched her retreating back, a faint premonition rising in her heart. A wave of weariness washed over her, accompanied by a needle-like pain in her heart that spread through her entire body.
She blinked, forcing back the stinging sensation in her eyes, and then silently followed behind Yu Mingjiao. Only after seeing her arrive safely at the company did Cen Lingqiu leave.
In the evening, Cen Lingqiu was waiting for Yu Mingjiao to get off work early at her company. Her phone chimed a few times. She glanced at it; it was Ning Jia asking if she wanted to have dinner together.
Cen Lingqiu refused.
Ning Jia was a strange person who made one feel very uncomfortable. She had no intention of getting too close to her.
x.r closed early in the winter. After waiting for a short while, Cen Lingqiu saw Yu Mingjiao coming out of the company. She got out of the car and went to her.
“Get in the car.”
Yu Mingjiao’s expression was gloomy, and she said nothing.
Cen Lingqiu’s tone was a bit forceful. “Be good. I’ll get angry, Jiao Jiao.”
These words struck a nerve with Yu Mingjiao. Her eyelids trembled, and she silently headed toward the parked car.
The two sat in the car. Yu Mingjiao kept looking out the window, her posture unchanging, as if she were deliberately avoiding looking at her.
A dead silence flowed through the air.
Cen Lingqiu didn’t go back home. She parked the car in the park’s parking lot, then unbuckled her seatbelt. “Let’s get out and take a walk.”
Yu Mingjiao glanced around. This was the same seaside park they had visited last time.
She didn’t refuse.
At this hour, the park was bathed in the afterglow of the sunset. The cold wind howled, and the warm yellow sunlight brought no warmth at all.
They stood by the railing, their gazes fixed on the vast sunset. A golden halo dyed their figures, creating a hazy sense of solitude, far removed from the bustling crowds.
Neither of them spoke first.
It wasn’t that they had nothing to say; in fact, there was much to be said, but the words wouldn’t come out.
The wind by the sea was too cold. Cen Lingqiu put her hands in her pockets. Her peacock-blue coat accentuated her slender and graceful figure. Her features were cool and detached, her eyes tinged with the gold of the seaside, like a dream, like mist.
“The sunset, it’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Cen Lingqiu spoke first.
Half of Yu Mingjiao’s face was hidden in her scarf, revealing only a pair of dark, grim eyes.
She didn’t speak.
Cen Lingqiu continued on her own, “I wonder how many more times I’ll get to see it.”
She said it casually, as if it were nothing, yet it was deliberately obvious.
Yu Mingjiao’s eyes suddenly turned cold, and her fingers curled into a fist.
“What are you trying to say?”
She was finally willing to speak.
Cen Lingqiu shrugged, her tone flat. “I’m not trying to say anything. I just think the sunset is beautiful, that’s all.”
“If you think it’s beautiful, you can naturally come here whenever you want in the future.” Yu Mingjiao suppressed the sinister hatred in her eyes, her voice fighting back a sob rising in her throat as she tried her best to sound calm. “Why do you sound so regretful?”
Cen Lingqiu lowered her head and smiled, her expression unreadable.
“Jiao Jiao, what I want to say… do you really not know?”
“I don’t know.”
Yu Mingjiao was like a child, stubborn and unreasonable. “Why should I know?”
“If you don’t tell me, how would I know?”
Faced with these riddles that went around in circles, Cen Lingqiu gave a helpless smile. “If I tell you, will you listen?”
Yu Mingjiao’s long hair was blown about by the wind, hiding her expression.
“Don’t tell me.”
She lowered her eyelids, her long lashes hiding a pair of moist eyes. The words she spoke were both harsh and aggrieved.
“I don’t want to know, and I won’t listen.”
“Why are you acting like a child?” Cen Lingqiu stroked her head, looking down at her dejected state. “Are you going to start being unreasonable now?”
Her light and gentle voice was like the sea, a coolness mixed with a bitter taste.
That surge of anger rose in Yu Mingjiao’s heart again, and she pushed Cen Lingqiu’s hand away like a child throwing a tantrum.
Cen Lingqiu was just about to say a few more coaxing words when someone called her name.
“Lin Qiu.”
Ning Jia walked toward them, smiling. “You’re taking a walk in this park too? What a coincidence.”
Cen Lingqiu glanced at her and frowned. “What are you doing here?”
She always managed to run into her so coincidentally, as if… she were deliberately following her.
Ning Jia laughed twice and intimately linked her arm with Cen Lingqiu’s. “This park is very famous. I haven’t been here in a long time, so I thought I’d come for a walk.”
Ning Jia was wearing makeup today, but even so, it couldn’t hide the withered, sickly air about her face. In just a few short days, she had lost more weight. Although she wore a smile, her overly thin body and deathly sick complexion made her look extremely creepy and strange.
Cen Lingqiu pretended to casually pull her hand free. “Is that so?”
“Yes.” Ning Jia looked at the sea and spoke with an ambiguous meaning. “I don’t know why, but I get scared whenever I see water now. Lin Qiu, do you think I’ve been traumatized?”
Cen Lingqiu didn’t speak.
Ning Jia’s eyes curved into a smile. “I’m just kidding.”
Cen Lingqiu was in no mood to chat with her. She just wanted to take Yu Mingjiao back and have a proper talk, but Ning Jia blocked her, constantly trying to find topics to talk about.
And she was talking about things Cen Lingqiu didn’t understand.
“Lin Qiu, do you think people can forget the wrong things they’ve done in the past?”
“…”
“But how can people forget? Wouldn’t that be too unfair to others?”
Cen Lingqiu felt her words were pointed and asked calmly, “Are you trying to ask me what I’ve forgotten?”
Ning Jia stood between her and Yu Mingjiao. Hearing this, she laughed out loud. “Oh no, I’m just making small talk. What, Lin Qiu, do you think you’ve forgotten something?”
Cen Lingqiu answered perfunctorily, “Too many things have happened, I can’t remember.”
Ning Jia’s smile grew even brighter. “I was just saying. No need to be so nervous.”
The louder she laughed, the more fake her expression became.
“You don’t mind if I have a smoke, do you?” Ning Jia asked suddenly.
“Suit yourself.” Cen Lingqiu took a small step, wanting to go to Yu Mingjiao’s side.
“Don’t be in such a hurry to leave.” Ning Jia grabbed Cen Lingqiu’s hand with one hand while trying to fish a cigarette out of her pocket with the other. Her phone accidentally came out with it and fell to the ground.
Ning Jia picked up the phone. Her finger touched the screen, and it lit up. Cen Lingqiu only glanced at it casually, but she vaguely saw her lock screen wallpaper.
It was a photo of two women nestled together. Ning Jia’s face was clear in the photo, but the other woman looked both unfamiliar and yet like someone she had seen before.
The way they were pressed together did not look like the distance between ordinary friends.
From the moment Ning Jia arrived, Yu Mingjiao seemed to have been forgotten, left behind the two of them, with no one’s gaze upon her.
She sat in her wheelchair, silent and repressed, her hands gripping the armrests tightly, her eyes dark and cold.
She hated being ignored by her.
She hated everyone who got close to her.
She wanted to possess Cen Lingqiu completely.
But it seemed Cen Lingqiu wasn’t hers. She might not even care about her as much as she imagined. She was even going to leave her.
Unbearable.
How could she completely get her attention and sever her thoughts of leaving?
What should she do?
As long as there was a way, she was willing to do anything.
Yu Mingjiao suddenly remembered something. In her memory, the moments she had completely captured her attention were when she was injured.
Only at those times could she fully feel her overwhelming concern.
Only then would her misty eyes ripple, her calm emotions thrown into turmoil.
And only in those moments could Yu Mingjiao see Cen Lingqiu’s feelings for her.
Only then did she know that she was important to Cen Lingqiu.
So, as long as she got hurt, she would feel heartache, right?
And once her heart ached, would she not leave?
Yu Mingjiao thought, naively and pathologically.
She was a madwoman. What she thought, she did.
And so, after Cen Lingqiu hastily glanced at Ning Jia’s phone and was about to walk around her to Yu Mingjiao’s side, the next second she saw Yu Mingjiao fall down the slope in front of them.
The slope wasn’t very steep, but Yu Mingjiao was a disabled person with limited mobility. The wheelchair was hard to control, and she couldn’t manage its force, so it kept rushing forward.
Bang—
Yu Mingjiao fell from the wheelchair, rolled quickly on the ground a few times, and her head hit a decorative stone on the roadside, knocking her unconscious.
Cen Lingqiu’s heart felt like it was about to burst.
For a moment, she felt like she couldn’t breathe.
Ning Jia, with a cigarette between her lips, watched with a cold expression as Cen Lingqiu ran frantically toward Yu Mingjiao.
So you can love someone this much too? Lin Qiu.
That’s just wonderful.
After all, the more you love someone, the more painful it is when you lose them.
Because Yu Mingjiao was wearing a hat, and she had shielded her head with her hands when she fell, there wasn’t a major problem. She was just bleeding and needed a few stitches. Afterwards, she just needed to rest well and not let her emotions fluctuate too much.
Cen Lingqiu breathed a sigh of relief, and her stiff body slowly relaxed. She sat in the hospital for a while, her legs weak and her body faint; she couldn’t walk at all.
That scene just now had nearly scared her to death. Her heart was still pounding erratically.
Thinking of that scene, Cen Lingqiu covered her face, her back bending deeply. Her entire body felt as if its bones had been removed, leaving only a limp shell.
She bit her lip, her expression one of desperate repression.
Amidst the bustling crowd, Cen Lingqiu covered her face as tears streamed uncontrollably from her eyes.
She cried silently and repressively, without making a sound.
When Yu Mingjiao woke up, Cen Lingqiu was standing by her bed. Seeing her, she said calmly, “You’re awake.”
“Are you uncomfortable anywhere?”
Yu Mingjiao clutched her head and frowned. “My head hurts so much.”
“You got five stitches, so it’s normal for it to hurt.” Cen Lingqiu handed her the medicine in her hand. “Take this first.”
Yu Mingjiao’s head was wrapped in a thick layer of gauze, and her wrists also had various cuts that hurt with the slightest movement.
She hissed softly.
“Careful.” Cen Lingqiu’s expression was placid as she brought the medicine to her lips. “Open your mouth.”
Yu Mingjiao stared at Cen Lingqiu without blinking, obediently opened her mouth, and took the medicine.
After she took the medicine, Cen Lingqiu said, “Get some rest. I’m leaving.”
As she was about to turn, Yu Mingjiao panicked and grabbed her wrist. Cen Lingqiu turned back and looked at her quietly.
Yu Mingjiao didn’t get the reaction she had imagined.
Cen Lingqiu’s words and actions were extremely calm, with a kind of business-like distance. This was different from the heartache and concern she had imagined from Cen Lingqiu.
She felt an inexplicable panic.
Yu Mingjiao stammered, “I’m in a lot of pain… Why, you… Why aren’t you saying more?”
“What do you want me to say?”
“I…” Yu Mingjiao was at a loss for words.
“Are you in a lot of pain?” Cen Lingqiu asked her in return.
Yu Mingjiao nodded.
Cen Lingqiu slowly pulled Yu Mingjiao’s hand off her own, her eyes perfectly calm. “Do you really feel pain?”
Her hand was slowly pulled away, and her unease deepened. When she tried to take her hand again, Cen Lingqiu dodged it.
Her expression froze.
She only heard Cen Lingqiu say in a distant, sighing tone, “You say you’re in pain, so why do you deliberately create this pain?”
Yu Mingjiao’s mind felt as if it had been doused with ice water. Her reason froze in an instant, and she couldn’t think at all.
“I…” she murmured, “I didn’t…”
“You’ve been lying to me all along, Yu Mingjiao.”
“Is lying to me fun?”
She no longer called her Jiao Jiao.
Cen Lingqiu wasn’t completely in the dark. She had heard everything from Yu Mingjiao’s conversation with He Hanzhou that day. This time, when Yu Mingjiao fell down the slope, she also knew it was intentional.
The slope was some distance from her. If no one had deliberately pushed her, she wouldn’t have fallen so easily. And she didn’t think Yu Mingjiao would be so foolish as to recklessly charge forward, knowing full well that a slope was a dangerous place for a disabled person.
She was cautious and meticulous; she wouldn’t have done that.
Besides, there was no reason to go to that slope. Cen Lingqiu was right here, so why would she move forward?
She did it on purpose.
Combining this with her past self-destructive tendencies, after careful thought, this was the only possible conclusion.
Sure enough, Yu Mingjiao’s expression instantly became deathly pale, her eyes staring blankly.
“No—” Yu Mingjiao explained pallidly, “Lin Qiu, no, I didn’t… I’m not deceiving you again. I… I had a reason. I wasn’t toying with you…”
Cen Lingqiu’s expression was sad and disappointed. “Yu Mingjiao, how could you do this? You clearly know I don’t like it when you get hurt, yet you do it again and again. Do you think—”
She suddenly found it hard to continue. She took a deep breath and then spoke with difficulty, “Do you think I don’t feel pain?”
Cen Lingqiu was in great pain.
She was in pain because her arrival in this world caused pain.
She realized that it was her appearance that had driven Yu Mingjiao to become even more frantic. She knew about Yu Mingjiao’s feelings for her, and she knew that Yu Mingjiao had deliberately hurt herself to get her attention.
This incident itself left Cen Lingqiu utterly exhausted.
She was fond of Yu Mingjiao; that was undeniable.
Yu Mingjiao was an important person to her. She wanted Yu Mingjiao to live well, well in every aspect.
Not a madwoman who used extreme and radical methods to gain concern.
Cen Lingqiu didn’t even dare to think about how many times Yu Mingjiao had been hurt because of her.
When you like someone, you feel their pain along with them.
So she, too, had felt pain many times.
And the source of all this pain was actually her, the main culprit. It was because of her appearance that Yu Mingjiao had unknowingly become this kind of person.
She hadn’t even left completely, and Yu Mingjiao was already this neurotic. If she were to leave for good, what would happen to her?
She would die, wouldn’t she?
Cen Lingqiu didn’t want that ending.
Countless repressed worries piled up one after another: her reluctance to part with Yu Mingjiao, the helplessness of not being able to stay in this world, the destined ending of separation—each one crushed Cen Lingqiu to the point of being unable to breathe.
And yet, she couldn’t solve a single one of these problems.
She had never felt so useless.
“Jiao Jiao,” Cen Lingqiu stood before her, her expression calmly numb. “Tell me, why did you do that?”
“Do you want to know?”
Yu Mingjiao took a deep breath, her eyes fixed on her. “Because I don’t want you to leave.”
“I want you to stay with me for the rest of my life!”
This answer was like a verdict for the worst-case scenario in Cen Lingqiu’s heart. Her heart sank heavily, and a damp, weary coldness pervaded her entire body.
“That’s impossible, Jiao Jiao.” Cen Lingqiu shook her head, her tone empty. “I can’t stay with you forever.”
“Do you have to leave?”
“Yes, I must leave.”
“Why.” Yu Mingjiao gritted her teeth, her eyes instantly turning red. In a flash, tears fell, streaming down her face.
Cen Lingqiu was silent.
But Yu Mingjiao was utterly disgusted by her silence. Her nerve endings began to twitch frantically, all reason gone. She grabbed Cen Lingqiu’s hand, her voice filled with a hoarse, desperate cry.
“Why!”
“Lin Qiu, I’m asking you why!” Her face was covered in tears, her head still wrapped in gauze. She sat up in bed, gripping her hand tightly, her shoulders trembling, her eyes so red they looked like they were bleeding.
“Why do you have to leave me!”
“Am I not important to you? Don’t you feel sorry for me? I’m a useless cripple with no legs, I can’t do anything right, I need you, Lin Qiu!”
Yu Mingjiao was extremely sensitive about her disabled legs. She almost never brought them up; for her, it was tantamount to exposing her own scars. With her strong pride, she would never use her legs to make a point.
But now, in order to gain Cen Lingqiu’s sympathy, she didn’t hesitate to use her own legs to win her pity.
Cen Lingqiu closed her eyes tightly. Her heart ached as if someone were relentlessly carving at its tip with a knife.
“Jiao Jiao…” Cen Lingqiu’s throat was so tight she could barely speak. Her expression was a struggle of repression. “Don’t… say that.”
Yu Mingjiao no longer cared what she said. She continued, “Don’t you pity me?”
She looked at her with moist, crimson eyes, tears crawling all over her face, her tone low and pleading. “Lin Qiu, don’t you pity me?”
“Pity me. I can’t leave you. If you go, I’ll die.”
She pressed her forehead against Cen Lingqiu’s arm, her voice choked with sobs. “I want to live… Lin Qiu, don’t you want me to live?”
“Cen Lingqiu, I’m begging you, don’t leave me.”
“I admit defeat. Without you, I won’t live long.”
The sound of her crying was a torrential downpour. Cen Lingqiu felt so cold all over that she couldn’t move.
Cen Lingqiu didn’t even have the strength to raise her hand to stroke her head.
In her life, she had rarely felt so distressed by anything. Her emotions were numb, even cold. On the surface, she appeared casual and detached, but deep down, she was still icy.
She didn’t love anyone, nor did she hate anyone.
To her, the people who came and went in her life were as insubstantial as weeds—uninteresting, meaningless.
A long time ago, while on missions, she would occasionally see protagonists feel heart-wrenching pain for each other, sometimes even to the point of death.
Back then, she naturally didn’t understand. She couldn’t comprehend why a person would feel pain for another.
Aren’t humans selfish animals?
But now she knew, and she felt it.
For the first time, for one person, just seeing her tears made her heart ache beyond measure.
Liking someone is the beginning of pain.
Cen Lingqiu wanted to stay in this world more than anyone. She didn’t even want to be Cen Lingqiu; she wanted to be Lin Qiu.
That way, she could justifiably stay in this world.
But that was impossible.
No one could stay in a mission world.
Cen Lingqiu suddenly began to deeply regret taking this mission.
“Say something, Lin Qiu.” Yu Mingjiao, having received no response for a long time, frantically grabbed her clothes. “Don’t ignore me, don’t be silent. I hate your silence.”
Cen Lingqiu raised her eyes and looked at the ceiling, trying to force back the stinging in her eyes.
She opened her mouth, her misty eyes filled with a gray frost. She said nothing, only slowly shook her head.
In an instant, Yu Mingjiao became like a silent film that had lost all its color. Her eyes were vacant, her expression stiff, her face devoid of any blood, and even her breathing stopped.
Cen Lingqiu didn’t want to say any more. It would only be torture for both of them.
“Rest and recover well. Don’t do that kind of thing again in the future.” She spoke softly, “I can’t always be by your side.”
She turned and walked toward the door.
“Lin Qiu.”
Yu Mingjiao called out to her.
She turned around.
She saw Yu Mingjiao grab the art knife from the bedside table, used for sharpening pencils. She pointed the tip at her own throat, the blade only a few centimeters from her neck.
Cen Lingqiu’s clenched fists trembled slightly, but her eyes were calm.
“What do you think you’re doing?”
Yu Mingjiao’s expression was also frighteningly calm. “If you insist on leaving me, I will die right in front of you.”
Cen Lingqiu had been tormented by her twisted mind to the point of near numbness and exhaustion. Her own sanity was fraying, and she didn’t even know what she was saying.
“It’s okay, Jiao Jiao. If you die, I’ll die with you.”
Yu Mingjiao’s expression froze as if she were petrified.
Did she want Cen Lingqiu to die with her?
In the instant she was stunned, Cen Lingqiu strode forward, snatched the knife from her, and threw it heavily into a corner.
She bit the inside of her lip, trying her best to suppress her turbulent emotions. “Jiao Jiao, don’t be so willful.”
Yu Mingjiao slumped as if her bones had been removed. Her shoulders drooped limply, her head hung low, and her long black hair hid her expression.
After a long time, she spoke, her voice hoarse. “You’ve already decided to leave me, haven’t you.”
“Yes.”
“Even if I beg you like a dog, you’re still going to leave me.”
“…”
“I’m leaving,” Cen Lingqiu said. “I’ll come back to take care of you.”
She walked to the door. Yu Mingjiao remained quiet, not saying a word.
Cen Lingqiu opened the door and was about to step out when Yu Mingjiao finally spoke slowly.
“Who are you?”
Cen Lingqiu’s pupils contracted sharply, and she whipped her head around to look at her.
Yu Mingjiao was still in that slumped posture. The earlier frenzy had drained too much of her strength, and she was still injured, unable to muster any energy now.
Without even lifting her eyes, she spoke chilling words in a flat and weak tone.
“What’s your name?”
“Are you a man or a woman?”
“Age.”
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