Yu Mingjiao had noticed something was off about Cen Lingqiu a long time ago.
A person couldn’t possibly change so drastically in an instant. Hatred for someone couldn’t just vanish suddenly. Yu Mingjiao didn’t believe her clumsy excuses.
After the car accident, Cen Lingqiu’s body had almost no lingering effects. Someone who had been bedridden for half a year couldn’t possibly recover so completely in such a short time. Her personality, her way of doing things, her speech—they were all vastly different from before.
The woman before her now always wanted her to live, whereas Lin Qiu had wished she would just die.
She was adamant about leaving, as if for some unspeakable reason.
There were too many suspicious things about this woman.
She recalled the things Cen Lingqiu had said the day she was drunk. She had said she’d never received a gift, nor had she experienced life at twenty.
All of this was detached from Lin Qiu herself.
Lin Qiu was a young lady from a wealthy family who had received countless gifts since childhood. She had lived a pampered life for over twenty years. No matter what, she wasn’t the person Cen Lingqiu described.
They were completely two different people.
The suspicion in her heart deepened. Faced with Cen Lingqiu’s almost cold attitude today, those suspicions veered continuously in an absurd direction.
Why was she so good to her?
Why did she never get angry with her?
Why did she have to tolerate and indulge her time and time again?
And why did she insist on leaving?
Just like a year ago, she was always intentionally or unintentionally expressing her intention to leave.
Back then, she hadn’t cared. But thinking about it now, Cen Lingqiu had been subtly telling her from the very beginning that she would leave.
It was like a tourist who stays in one place for a short while and then leaves.
Because that place wasn’t her home, she had to go.
Was she like that too?
She wasn’t actually Lin Qiu, was she?
She was someone else.
The idea was too absurd, but Yu Mingjiao had already been driven mad by torment. Her mind was long past normal; she could think of anything.
So, almost as if giving up on herself, she had inexplicably said those words.
And those words were enough to render Cen Lingqiu motionless.
She maintained her posture, turned to look at her, and remained silent for a long time.
Her silence was enough to confirm Yu Mingjiao’s suspicions.
She was suddenly enlightened, astonished.
This person really wasn’t Lin Qiu.
A fierce, throbbing emotion enveloped Yu Mingjiao. Her eyes were dark and gloomy as she asked her directly.
“You’re not Lin Qiu.”
“I want to know your name.”
“I…”
Cen Lingqiu’s rationality fell into disarray the moment Yu Mingjiao asked these questions. She had never imagined that Yu Mingjiao would discover that this body had a new occupant.
She knew she wasn’t Lin Qiu.
She hadn’t treated herself as Lin Qiu. Her gentleness, her coquettishness, her dependence—it was all directed at Cen Lingqiu herself.
The one she liked… was her.
Not Lin Qiu.
Cen Lingqiu’s barren heart suddenly bloomed with countless flowers, a scene of flourishing splendor.
Her heart was beating too fast.
Her palms were even slightly sweaty.
“My name is Cen Lingqiu.”
She spoke softly. Her reason told her she couldn’t tell the mission target her real name, but her body acted paradoxically.
“Ling as in ‘to listen,’ and Qiu as in ‘autumn.’”
Cen Lingqiu hadn’t spoken this name in a very long time. Since her death, very few people had called her by name. In every mission world, she was a different person with a different name, but never herself.
She had no friends, no family, so there was no one to call her name.
Over time, Cen Lingqiu herself had almost forgotten this name.
And now, murmuring this name again, she felt as if a lifetime had passed.
“I’m twenty-nine this year, eight years older than you.”
“And like you, I’m a woman.”
Yu Mingjiao murmured, “…Cen Lingqiu.”
“Should I call you—” Yu Mingjiao lowered her eyes. “Sister Lingqiu?”
Cen Lingqiu felt a sense of relief. She smiled slightly. “Call me whatever you like.”
“Sister Lingqiu.”
Yu Mingjiao called her.
For some reason, Cen Lingqiu suddenly felt the urge to cry. She curved her lips into the gentlest of smiles and hummed in acknowledgment.
“Sister Lingqiu.”
“Mm.”
“Sister Lingqiu.”
“Mm.”
The two of them were like machines in a dialogue, repeating back and forth, yet not growing tired of it.
“Sister Lingqiu, can you not leave me?” Yu Mingjiao sat propped up in bed, her head wrapped in gauze, her face pale. Her eyes were red from crying, which made her skin seem even whiter, like a lifeless, broken yet beautiful doll.
She pleaded with Cen Lingqiu in a calm, begging tone.
“I want to be happy. I don’t want to be in pain. I want to live. If you leave, I’ll have nothing left.”
Her voice was so faint, pitiful, and sad, like an abandoned kitten.
Cen Lingqiu closed her eyes for a moment. She stood at the doorway, only a few meters from Yu Mingjiao, yet it felt as if an entire world separated them.
A dead silence flowed through the air.
After a long while, she finally spoke.
“Jiao Jiao, people live for themselves. I came to this world hoping that you could live a good life.”
“I hope you can listen to me. I’m not a very important person.”
Yu Mingjiao’s face turned ashen. She went crazy again, sweeping everything off the table onto the floor. “Why!”
“Why would you make me rely on you and then leave me!” Yu Mingjiao gritted her teeth, her eyes bloodshot. She wanted to get to Cen Lingqiu’s side, but as she moved, she tumbled off the bed.
“Jiao Jiao—” Cen Lingqiu strode forward and caught her. Yu Mingjiao clutched her clothes tightly, speaking in a tone filled with utter hatred.
“Do you know? It’s all because of you that I actually had the disgusting thought, ‘Maybe living like this wouldn’t be so bad.’ It’s all because of you, Cen Lingqiu. You’re the one who gave me this terrible idea.”
Cen Lingqiu was stunned.
“…And now you’re leaving me and saying things like that. How could you do this?”
“It hurts so much, Cen Lingqiu.” Yu Mingjiao’s head rested heavily and slowly on Cen Lingqiu’s shoulder. Her gaze was vacant, and tears flowed numbly from her eyes, leaving crystalline trails on her pale cheeks, like the watery tracks of a dying snail crawling across glass. “I hate you, Cen Lingqiu. I hate you so much.”
“I’ve actually always wanted to die, can you understand that? And why haven’t I died, can you understand that either?” Her gaze was vicious, and she gritted her teeth, but she couldn’t hide the sorrow in her eyes.
Cen Lingqiu felt an immense despair. She had no words to express her helplessness.
She could only say, in a tone filled with guilt and heartache, “I’m sorry…”
“I’m sorry, Jiao Jiao…”
It was her fault.
She shouldn’t have been so indecisive and stayed by her side.
She was the one who chose this mission.
She was the one who had pushed Yu Mingjiao to this point.
It was her fault.
Cen Lingqiu was in so much pain she wanted to vomit.
In the end, it was the middle of the night.
Cen Lingqiu settled her in, covered her with the blanket, and said hoarsely, “Jiao Jiao, get some rest.”
Then, she left.
The door closed, and Yu Mingjiao was alone in the room again.
Yu Mingjiao didn’t sleep. No matter how hysterically she screamed, she never got a response from Cen Lingqiu. She had rejected her in a more subtle way.
Yu Mingjiao’s lips trembled morbidly. She covered her face with her hands, curled into a ball, and a few desperate whimpers escaped her throat.
One after another.
Cen Lingqiu hadn’t left. She stood outside the door, silently listening to the suppressed, heavy sobs from inside the room.
Her heart began to ache too. She couldn’t even stand up straight and could only hunch over, quietly keeping Yu Mingjiao company from the other side of the door.
The curtain hiding Cen Lingqiu was torn down, but their relationship only grew more rigid. Cen Lingqiu didn’t know how to face Yu Mingjiao; she couldn’t look directly into her sorrowful eyes.
Yu Mingjiao became even more silent, sometimes not speaking for an entire day. Her appetite also plummeted. She couldn’t manage more than a few bites, and no matter how Cen Lingqiu tried to persuade her, she wouldn’t eat any more.
She was using a more silent, resolute method to force Cen Lingqiu to make a choice.
In just a few days, Yu Mingjiao had lost a significant amount of weight. Her wrists were thin, and her skin was so pale it was bloodless.
Cen Lingqiu’s heart ached with helplessness as she watched. “Jiao Jiao, do you have to be like this?”
Yu Mingjiao sat in the living room, silently sketching, not saying a word or even looking at her.
She hadn’t eaten a proper meal in two days. From yesterday to today, she had only eaten a little fruit and nothing else.
She didn’t speak, just maintained a deathly silence.
“You still don’t want to talk to me?”
“…”
“Not even a single word?”
“…”
“Are you really going to ignore me? Even if I leave, you won’t say a single word?”
Yu Mingjiao’s gaze suddenly turned cold. She violently threw her pen to the ground and stared at her with a look of extreme hatred, her eyes red, looking as if she was about to cry again.
Cen Lingqiu felt she had been too harsh. “I’m sorry.”
“You’re still injured. Don’t stop eating,” Cen Lingqiu said with concern.
“I don’t need you to care!” Yu Mingjiao said coldly. “Whether I live or die is none of your business. Since you’re leaving, then don’t bother with me anymore. Whatever happens to me has nothing to do with you!”
Cen Lingqiu sighed heavily.
She didn’t know what to say anymore.
Seeing her silence, Yu Mingjiao couldn’t help but feel sad again. Tears streamed down her face. She bit her trembling lip and turned her face away.
“Why are you crying again?” Cen Lingqiu’s heart ached, and she wanted to wipe away her tears, but Yu Mingjiao slapped her hand away, her tears flowing even more fiercely.
“Sister Lingqiu, you’re even more hateful than Lin Qiu.”
Yu Mingjiao said this hatefully, then returned to her room without looking back, slamming the door shut with a bang.
The sound was so loud it made Cen Lingqiu’s heart jump.
She sighed heavily again.
Things were so difficult between her and Yu Mingjiao.
Yu Mingjiao had thrown a tantrum. She was even less willing to talk to her and no longer even waited for her after work.
“Has she left?” Cen Lingqiu asked her colleague.
“Yeah, she left as soon as work was over. She left really quickly.”
“Got it, thanks.”
Cen Lingqiu got back in her car and called her over and over, but the line just showed that the phone was off.
It was another snowy day, and the white snow had barely stopped falling.
Cen Lingqiu was very worried about her.
Yu Mingjiao had difficulty walking, wasn’t going home, and had nowhere else to go. On a snowy day like this, where would she be?
Cen Lingqiu was as anxious as an ant on a hot pan, thinking of all sorts of possibilities.
Suddenly, a possibility flashed through her mind.
Cen Lingqiu started the car and stepped on the gas.
She arrived at the community playground area. There were many facilities for children to play on—a slide, swings, everything. In the past, when she and Yu Mingjiao went for walks, they would always unconsciously end up here. Yu Mingjiao liked to watch the able-bodied children jump around.
She could always watch for a very, very long time.
Sure enough, she had come here again. She was sitting quietly in a corner by herself. Because of the snow, no children were around. Yu Mingjiao’s gaze was fixed silently and vacantly on the red slide.
She wasn’t holding an umbrella. Snow had collected on her hair and shoulders.
Cen Lingqiu walked over and held the umbrella over her.
Yu Mingjiao’s gaze didn’t move. She just softly called out, “Sister Lingqiu.”
“Mm, I’m here.”
“Do you have a reason why you absolutely must leave this place?” she asked.
Cen Lingqiu was silent for a moment, then hummed in affirmation.
Yu Mingjiao blinked. “Will you come back?”
“Like a year ago, will you come back?”
Cen Lingqiu’s gaze fell on the snow on the slide. “Probably… won’t be coming back.”
Yu Mingjiao’s eyelids trembled slightly, her lips white from the cold.
“I’ll wait for you, Sister Lingqiu.”
“No matter how long I have to wait, I will wait.”
Cen Lingqiu didn’t speak, just stroked her ice-cold hair.
“Don’t wait for me, Jiao Jiao.”
“I will wait.” Yu Mingjiao became stubborn again, almost paranoid.
“Don’t be like this, Jiao Jiao.” Cen Lingqiu softened her tone. “I hope you can forget about me as soon as possible.”
Yu Mingjiao was very stubborn: “I won’t.”
“You’re too willful, Jiao Jiao.”
“Come back with me.” The snow was falling harder and harder, and both of them were shivering from the cold.
When they got home, Yu Mingjiao’s face was already stiff and white from the cold. There was no telling how long she had been out there.
Cen Lingqiu used a hot towel to wipe her face, unable to resist saying, “Next time, don’t go running outside to sit in the snow. You’re not in good health; you’ll get sick.”
“If I get sick, I’ll just die,” Yu Mingjiao said neurotically. “No one’s taking care of me anyway. If I die from sickness, no one will even notice.”
Cen Lingqiu: “…There you go again.”
She was truly at her wit’s end with the current Yu Mingjiao. Her health was poor, she wouldn’t eat properly, the stitches on her head hadn’t even been removed, the wounds on her body hadn’t healed, and she had a terrible temper. At the slightest disagreement, she would abuse her own body. She was simply a delicate, spoiled little lunatic.
This kind of person could only be kept under one’s nose, watched twenty-four hours a day, and tolerated infinitely. Perhaps only then would she slowly come back to life.
And yet—
She couldn’t take her with her.
If she could, Cen Lingqiu really wanted to shrink Yu Mingjiao into a tiny person and hang her on her body.
To prevent Yu Mingjiao from having a breakdown and running into her room in the middle of the night, she slept with Yu Mingjiao tonight. For the past few days, she would often come into her room in the dead of night, not saying a word, just watching her. It had nearly scared Cen Lingqiu to death several times.
As they were going to sleep, Yu Mingjiao suddenly broke her silence and asked, “Sister Lingqiu, what kind of person were you before? Did you have a good life?”
“Not very good.” Cen Lingqiu closed her eyes to rest. “I’m a very boring person.”
Yu Mingjiao pressed her lips together. In truth, she had many questions. She wanted to know everything about Cen Lingqiu.
There were too many questions; for a moment, she didn’t know where to start.
In the end, she just said, “Sister Lingqiu, can you tell me your birthday?”
“Why?”
“I want to give you a gift.”
Cen Lingqiu smiled and told her.
She was too tired and fell asleep quickly.
Yu Mingjiao looked at her face, not the least bit sleepy.
She traced Cen Lingqiu’s face, from her eyes to the corners of her lips.
What did Cen Lingqiu’s face look like?
Would it look similar to Lin Qiu’s?
I really want to know.
Ever since she learned that the person before her was Cen Lingqiu, the beast inside Yu Mingjiao had swelled even larger. Those dark desires now had a more legitimate reason to ferment.
From beginning to end, she had never cared about that harsh woman, Lin Qiu.
Yes, the one she liked was only ever Cen Lingqiu.
Cen Lingqiu was the person who treated her best in this world.
She needed Cen Lingqiu.
She wanted Cen Lingqiu.
But she had to leave.
She would leave her.
Just thinking about this gave Yu Mingjiao a sense of despair, as if she were being submerged in a lake.
She could no longer bear the thought of Cen Lingqiu leaving her side again.
But how could she keep someone who was determined to leave?
I don’t want her to leave me.
I don’t want her to leave me.
I don’t want her to leave me.
I will definitely die.
Why do you have to leave!
Yu Mingjiao’s eyes were savage. Her hand slowly moved towards Cen Lingqiu’s fragile neck, her fingers gradually encircling the pale throat.
If I kill her now, she won’t leave, right?
Since she’s going to leave anyway, I might as well kill her and let her die by my side.
Yu Mingjiao’s expression was twisted and crazed. Her fingers pressed slightly against Cen Lingqiu’s throat, her palm applying force, but in the next second, she released her grip.
She couldn’t do it.
She didn’t want Cen Lingqiu to die.
Yu Mingjiao’s expression was pained and suppressed. She pressed her forehead against Cen Lingqiu’s back, biting her lip to stifle a sob.
Perhaps sensing it, Cen Lingqiu turned over and, as if by habit in her sleep, hugged her, gently soothing her, “Be good, Jiao Jiao. Let’s sleep.”
Yu Mingjiao completely broke down. She clutched the fabric on Cen Lingqiu’s chest and wept softly.
“Sister Lingqiu…”
She gritted her teeth, utterly grief-stricken.
“I hate you.”
I hate you, Cen Lingqiu.
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