Yu Mingjiao had a meeting at her company today, so Cen Lingqiu went with her.
She waited for Yu Mingjiao in the lobby’s waiting area. Perhaps due to the dry, hot weather, Cen Lingqiu started getting a nosebleed halfway through her book. She covered her nose with one hand and reached for a tissue on the table with the other, but her head suddenly grew dizzy. Cen Lingqiu’s vision blurred, and she could barely see where she was going.
Just then, a large hand offered her a tissue. Without thinking, Cen Lingqiu took it and wiped away the blood.
She took a moment to recover, and the dizzy spell slowly faded.
“Thank you…” Cen Lingqiu hadn’t seen who it was and thanked them instinctively.
“It’s nothing.”
It was a man’s voice.
Cen Lingqiu looked up and saw the person clearly.
He looked a little familiar, but she couldn’t place him right away.
He Hanzhou smiled and sat down across from her. “What, we haven’t seen each other in five years, and you’ve already forgotten me?”
Only then did Cen Lingqiu remember who he was.
“Oh, it’s you,” Cen Lingqiu said casually, taking a sip of water.
He Hanzhou looked at her curiously. “How miraculous. I thought you were dead. To be injured that badly and still be alive, you’re really lucky.”
Cen Lingqiu quirked her lips. “Me, lucky?”
She had never once considered herself lucky.
He Hanzhou shrugged. “Aren’t you? Who knows when that kid Lin Dong will get out. As for Ning Jia…”
He paused, then said in a mocking yet helpless tone, “She’s a thoroughly foolish woman. Speaking of which, the lot of you are truly a twisted fate.”
Cen Lingqiu said nothing. She couldn’t refute it.
“I never thought I’d see you again,” He Hanzhou remarked with a sigh.
Cen Lingqiu gave an emotionless smile. She checked the time; Yu Mingjiao should be finishing up soon. She stood, intending to go find her.
He Hanzhou stood up as well. He was only here today to order custom jewelry for his mother and had happened to see Cen Lingqiu. He no longer had feelings for her, but seeing her again, he couldn’t help but think of all the people who had fallen apart and been destroyed five years ago.
“Leaving already?” He Hanzhou asked.
“Yes.” Cen Lingqiu walked past him. Perhaps because she had stood up too suddenly, her head spun again. This body was truly in poor shape. Her steps faltered, and He Hanzhou instinctively reached out to steady her.
When Cen Lingqiu recovered, she nodded at He Hanzhou. “Thanks.”
Seeing she was fine, He Hanzhou let go. He stuck one hand in his pocket and said casually, “Well then, since you managed to survive, that’s your good fortune. I’m off.”
Just as Yu Mingjiao came out of the conference room, she saw the scene of He Hanzhou and Cen Lingqiu talking. She saw Cen Lingqiu smile at him, and He Hanzhou even touched her arm. The atmosphere was inexplicably harmonious.
Her expression instantly turned incomparably gloomy, her eyes cold and menacing.
An inexplicable agitation swept through her entire body.
She couldn’t bear Cen Lingqiu smiling at some irrelevant person.
She hated Cen Lingqiu showing her smile to others.
Hated anyone touching her.
Cen Lingqiu was hers.
Her gaze, her smile, any physical contact could only be for her.
Only she could touch her body.
Yu Mingjiao remembered He Hanzhou’s past feelings for Cen Lingqiu, and a storm of unease surged within her.
Her mind was too frantic and fragile, a landscape of wounds. She couldn’t tolerate the slightest unexpected event; even the rustle of a weed could make her tremble with fear.
Cen Lingqiu was her only lifeline.
She had to hold on tight.
She couldn’t be abandoned by her.
She couldn’t let anyone take her away.
Not allowed.
Absolutely no one was allowed to divert her attention.
Not allowed.
Not allowed.
Absolutely not!
Cen Lingqiu could only be hers.
Her breath, her smile, all belonged to her.
Anyone could leave her.
But not Cen Lingqiu!
Sensing a crisis, Yu Mingjiao’s beautiful face twisted slightly.
But as Cen Lingqiu walked toward her, Yu Mingjiao quickly concealed her ferocious expression, reverting to her usual calm and docile demeanor.
“Sister Lingqiu,” Yu Mingjiao called softly.
“Are you finished?” Cen Lingqiu stroked her face.
“Mhm.” Yu Mingjiao nuzzled her palm and, seeing no one around, kissed her fingers.
Cen Lingqiu was already used to her kisses. “Wen Zhi invited us to dinner. Let’s go to her place tonight.”
Yu Mingjiao didn’t want to go anywhere; she only wanted to be alone with Cen Lingqiu. But she wouldn’t voice her selfish thoughts. She knew her overly selfish desires would make Cen Lingqiu unhappy.
She didn’t want Cen Lingqiu to be angry with her.
“Okay,” Yu Mingjiao said with a slight smile.
How annoying.
Why can’t I be the only one by Sister Lingqiu’s side?
After all, she’s the only one I have.
Wen Zhi was already immune to the sight of the two of them stuck together. When she saw Cen Lingqiu appear before her, alive, Wen Zhi was simply incredulous.
“Lin Qiu, are you even human?”
Cen Lingqiu smiled. “Am I a ghost, then?”
Wen Zhi clicked her tongue. “Hard to say. I really thought you were going to die this time. I can’t believe you’re alive again.”
Yu Mingjiao didn’t like that remark. Her tone was prickly. “Is it bad that she’s alive? Are you disappointed?”
Five years had all but erased any trace of politeness in Yu Mingjiao. She had never been an especially courteous person to begin with, and five years of mental torment had made her almost give up on social interaction entirely. Her words had become even harsher.
Cen Lingqiu squeezed her neck. “Hey, what kind of way is that to talk?”
Yu Mingjiao instantly deflated like a punctured ball. She pressed her lips together, her eyelids drooping listlessly. “Sorry.”
Wen Zhi was big-hearted and didn’t mind. She was very happy today; after all, Cen Lingqiu was alive.
She pulled Cen Lingqiu aside and talked her ear off.
Cen Lingqiu had to reply to her while also tending to Yu Mingjiao’s mood. It couldn’t be helped; Yu Mingjiao was a delicate little kitten who got upset easily.
Wen Zhi suddenly asked her, “I’m moving to Iceland. You once said you liked Iceland, want to come with me?”
Cen Lingqiu had mentioned it offhandedly in a previous chat. She was quite curious about the scenery in Iceland, but she couldn’t go now.
Her body had become very weak. She was practically running on fumes and could no longer endure the fatigue of travel.
Most importantly, she didn’t have much time left.
She just wanted to spend what time she had left with the person who mattered to her.
Cen Lingqiu refused.
Wen Zhi had expected it. She sighed, “I figured.” Her gaze fell on Yu Mingjiao, and she smiled teasingly. “Is it because you have to stay with your beloved?”
Cen Lingqiu smiled, raised an eyebrow, but remained noncommittal.
“Sigh, alright then.” Wen Zhi sighed again. “Lin Qiu, I probably won’t be coming back to the country. My family has immigrated there. I won’t be back, so try not to get into any more trouble.”
Cen Lingqiu’s lips curved. “Can’t you wish me something good for a change?”
Wen Zhi laughed heartily. “You have to invite me to your wedding!”
Before leaving, Wen Zhi hugged her. “Lin Qiu, a person who has died twice becomes a different person. I hope you won’t have any more disasters. Live well with your Jiao Jiao.”
Cen Lingqiu hugged her back. “Thank you, Wen Zhi. Remember to be happy over there.”
“Remember to send me wedding candy.”
Wen Zhi saw them downstairs and then turned to leave. Cen Lingqiu looked back at Wen Zhi’s retreating figure.
“What’s wrong?” Yu Mingjiao asked.
Cen Lingqiu shook her head and murmured, “I wonder if I’ll ever have the chance to see her again.”
Yu Mingjiao said softly, “As long as you’re alive, there will always be a chance.”
Cen Lingqiu didn’t respond to her words, just smiled. “Let’s go, Jiao Jiao. Let’s go home.”
Yu Mingjiao was all too used to Cen Lingqiu’s evasiveness. Every time she gave such a light, perfunctory response, it concealed an unspeakable, painful truth.
She was terrified of this kind of reaction from Cen Lingqiu.
She always felt like she was about to lose Cen Lingqiu again.
Cen Lingqiu discovered that Yu Mingjiao seemed to be controlling her social interactions. She wouldn’t allow anyone to talk to her for too long. Sometimes, even if a neighbor just wanted to chat a bit more, Yu Mingjiao would become unhappy.
Even if she gave someone a polite smile, Yu Mingjiao would grab her hand and neurotically demand to know why she was smiling at someone else.
“Sister Lingqiu, don’t you love me? Why are you smiling at others? You can only smile at me.”
“That’s too willful, Jiao Jiao.”
“Are you rejecting me?” Yu Mingjiao’s expression was panicked.
Seeing that she was about to have another episode, Cen Lingqiu could only placate her. “No, I’m listening.”
She wasn’t actually afraid of Yu Mingjiao’s extreme possessiveness. She herself was indifferent to social relationships, so it didn’t matter much.
She had always thought Yu Mingjiao was just a bit extreme, but she never expected her to have become this unhinged.
One day, she came home and found that Yu Mingjiao wasn’t in her room. She wasn’t in the kitchen or the bathroom either, so Cen Lingqiu decided to look for her in the study.
She had rarely been in Yu Mingjiao’s study. It was kept locked, and Cen Lingqiu didn’t have a key. She hadn’t minded, assuming it contained valuable items and her finished design drafts. Having no desire to pry into Yu Mingjiao’s privacy, she had never gone inside.
But today, the door seemed to be open. Thinking Yu Mingjiao was inside, she opened it.
“Jiao Jiao, are you in—”
Cen Lingqiu’s words caught in her throat. Her gaze froze, fixed on the wall without blinking.
The study walls were covered with her photos, as well as various paintings of her.
The photos must have been from this recent period. There were all kinds—of her sleeping, cooking, reading, drinking water. Like stills from a silent film, the photos hung mutely on the cold walls.
Besides those, there were also various portraits of her.
Countless nude sketches of her.
The person in the paintings had a seductive expression, a blend of desire and bewitching allure.
Cen Lingqiu had never seen herself like this. She felt like a stranger.
These paintings seemed to have been done over a very, very long time.
Photos, sketches, densely packed, covered the entire study.
Cen Lingqiu stood amidst the countless portraits, feeling as if she would be devoured in the next second.
She almost forgot to breathe.
Behind her came the soft sound of a wheelchair rubbing against the floor.
“Sister Lingqiu.”
Yu Mingjiao’s voice was very light, hollow, like a ghost’s.
Cen Lingqiu didn’t turn around.
Yu Mingjiao hugged her waist from behind, pressing her forehead against her skin. Her voice was lingering and spectral.
“Are you afraid of me?”
“I’m a pervert. I’m not the Yu Mingjiao you see. Just like they say, I’m a psycho.”
Yu Mingjiao closed her eyes, her beautiful tone laced with an immense madness.
“I don’t like you talking to anyone else. I hate you smiling at others. I wish I could lock you up, so that for twenty-four hours a day, you could only look at me.”
Yu Mingjiao was a madwoman.
She had gone mad long ago.
With each of Cen Lingqiu’s departures, she had been taking another step down the path to insanity.
She had just been suppressing her twisted mental state. The day she saw Cen Lingqiu with He Hanzhou, her precarious sanity finally collapsed completely.
She finally realized the ferocious and pathological nature of her feelings for Cen Lingqiu. The suppressed beasts began to howl. She didn’t want to endure it any longer. In a fit of self-abandonment, she wanted to let Cen Lingqiu know what kind of person she truly was.
Will she be afraid, or will she leave me?
She desperately wanted to know.
Like an act of self-torture, Yu Mingjiao ripped off her own disguise, revealing the maggots and filth beneath her skin for her to see.
Will you be disgusted by me?
Do you think I’m repulsive?
Do you think I’m a pervert?
Will you be disappointed in me?
Will you stop loving me?
Yu Mingjiao was afraid.
More afraid than ever before.
Her body was trembling.
“Sister Lingqiu, you belong to me.”
Yu Mingjiao’s tone was as cold as ice, but her eyelids trembled violently.
“You can only be with me. If you get married, I’ll kill your husband. If you’re with anyone else, if it’s not me, I’ll kill them.”
“I’m capable of anything. My purpose in life was never just to live. For you, I could even kill myself.”
Yu Mingjiao held her tightly, as if to crush her bones, her teeth clenched and the rims of her eyes crimson.
She said, word by word, “Cen Lingqiu, meeting me was your misfortune. Your life is over. Remember this: I will kill anyone who is intimate with you, no matter who it is.”
She spoke with such ferocity, her words sharp and pathological. It should have been a chilling threat, yet Cen Lingqiu could feel Yu Mingjiao’s body trembling.
She was afraid.
Cen Lingqiu had no particular thoughts. She turned, lifted Yu Mingjiao’s face, and saw a pair of moist, crimson eyes that looked as if they were about to cry.
“Don’t be afraid. I love you, Jiao Jiao,” Cen Lingqiu coaxed her softly.
Yu Mingjiao’s eyes were already a hazy blur, as if filled with a thick mist. Tears streamed silently down her cheeks, but her expression remained cold and calm.
“Do you think I’m disgusting?”
“I’m a complete and utter pervert. Aren’t you afraid?”
Cen Lingqiu wasn’t the least bit frightened. She even started to laugh.
“Of course not, Jiao Jiao. I love you no matter what you’re like.”
I love your physical imperfections, I love your base nature, I love your gloomy face. I love you. You are whole, and you will always be my healthy and lovely Jiao Jiao.
To be honest, upon seeing so many photos of herself, Cen Lingqiu had felt a moment of shock.
But that feeling of astonishment vanished the moment she saw Yu Mingjiao’s tears.
Cen Lingqiu was not an entirely normal person.
She wasn’t panicked by these photos; in fact, she felt a strange, exhilarating sense of satisfaction.
These photos allowed her to completely and utterly come into contact with Yu Mingjiao’s feelings.
Cen Lingqiu and Yu Mingjiao were, in essence, the same kind of person. They were both drowning puppies who had never known love.
Yu Mingjiao needed love to survive.
Cen Lingqiu also relied on love.
In her past life, she had experienced too little love. She had always been the one who was abandoned, never anticipated by anyone. No one affirmed her value, and no one needed her.
Much of the time, she felt she was a person without meaning.
She wanted to be acknowledged. Deep down, she longed for someone to need her. She anticipated and enjoyed the feeling of being relied on, of being needed.
Cen Lingqiu had to be needed—needed deeply and madly—in order to feel her own worth.
In her relationship with Yu Mingjiao, she also had her own selfish and repulsive side. She loved Yu Mingjiao, but at the same time, she thoroughly enjoyed Yu Mingjiao’s dependence on her.
This was a selfish, ugly truth hidden in her heart, one that even she was unwilling to admit.
She said she didn’t want Yu Mingjiao to depend on her, but only she knew that she loved the way Yu Mingjiao’s eyes were filled with nothing but her.
Yu Mingjiao was hers.
Her puppy, her doll, her everything.
Cen Lingqiu’s heart was desolate and empty, but Yu Mingjiao’s love, like a torrential downpour, moistened her withered heart.
She needed this kind of intense emotion.
So, how could she be afraid?
She only knew that Yu Mingjiao liked her very, very much.
And she liked Yu Mingjiao very much, too.
What could be more wonderful than that?
