Once certain hidden feelings were declared, all the affection between the two of them surged forth like a tide.
Cen Lingqiu and Yu Mingjiao were no longer just ordinary friends. Perhaps from very early on, Yu Mingjiao had never been her friend in the literal sense.
They were people who loved each other.
They didn’t hide their emotions. They kissed and held hands openly, doing the most normal things like any ordinary couple.
Cen Lingqiu would bring Yu Mingjiao home to spend time with Zhang Li. Zhang Li had no objections to their relationship; she was only delighted by their visits.
She would also take Yu Mingjiao to many places to see many beautiful sights she had never seen before.
In just one short month, they watched many sunsets together.
Sometimes, Yu Mingjiao felt like she was dreaming.
It was too blissful now.
When they were together, while feeling joyful, she also felt extremely uneasy.
Or perhaps happiness itself was a dangerous thing, something that could not last forever.
The longer happiness lingered, the more severe the lingering drawbacks became.
Yu Mingjiao slowly began to notice that something was wrong with Cen Lingqiu.
The first abnormality she noticed was in her most basic cooking skills. Cen Lingqiu was a very good cook; no matter the dish, the flavor was always just right.
But these past few days, she kept making mistakes.
It was either too salty or completely tasteless.
Yu Mingjiao thought she was doing it on purpose, but that day, she made sweet and sour pork tenderloin and looked forward to her reaction. Yu Mingjiao tasted it.
A mouthful of salt, without a hint of sweetness.
“How is it?” Cen Lingqiu propped her chin on her hand. “Is it too sweet?”
Yu Mingjiao’s expression was normal. “You can try it yourself, Sister Lingqiu.”
“Does it not taste good? Let me see.” Cen Lingqiu picked up a piece and ate a little. A fleeting stiffness and confusion crossed her face, but in the next instant, her expression was as calm as mist again.
“I think it’s fine.” Cen Lingqiu said lightly, in a subtly probing tone, “What do you think?”
Yu Mingjiao smiled faintly. “I like it very much.”
As she spoke, she took the initiative to pick up the dish and kept putting it in her mouth.
This wasn’t the first time Yu Mingjiao had eaten such a strangely flavored dish. Cen Lingqiu’s cooking had been very odd lately, but no matter how bad it tasted, Yu Mingjiao ate it all.
Seeing that she ate it all, Cen Lingqiu let out an almost imperceptible sigh of relief.
She had discovered that she could no longer taste anything. She couldn’t taste that last dish at all. She liked to taste as she cooked, but she always felt like she couldn’t sense anything, so most of the time, she could only rely on her instincts.
She knew this was the process of this body slowly breaking down. First, her sense of taste, and later, perhaps her sight and hearing. She really didn’t have much time left.
Perhaps she choked. Yu Mingjiao covered her lips and began to cough violently. She coughed so hard that tears streamed down her face.
Cen Lingqiu panicked, quickly running over to pat her back and hand her some water.
“Here, drink some water.”
Yu Mingjiao took it and drank a few sips. She stopped coughing, but the tears were still flowing.
“It’s okay now, breathe slowly.” Cen Lingqiu stroked her back again and again, using her free hand to wipe away her tears.
“Don’t cry, Jiao Jiao.”
Yu Mingjiao’s eyes were red, and tears slid uncontrollably down her cheeks. She covered her lips and turned her face away, not looking at Cen Lingqiu.
They were clearly physiological tears, but it looked just as if she were crying.
Yu Mingjiao already had a vague premonition in her heart, but she didn’t dare to believe it, nor did she dare to ask. She just remained silent, waiting for Cen Lingqiu to tell her personally.
But Cen Lingqiu never said anything.
This hidden danger was finally unmasked on a later day.
Cen Lingqiu really wanted to go to the aquarium. She picked a day with good weather to take Yu Mingjiao there. Just as the two were about to leave, Cen Lingqiu realized she had forgotten her bag in the bedroom.
“I’ll go get my bag, I’ll be quick.” Cen Lingqiu strode towards the bedroom. After grabbing her bag and walking out, her vision suddenly went black. Her body instantly felt as if all its strength had been drained, and a violent, dizzying sensation of being top-heavy swept through her limbs. The bag she was holding fell to the floor with a thud.
She could barely stand. Her legs gave way, and she collapsed to the ground as if all her strength had been sapped.
She opened her weary eyelids, looking weakly in Yu Mingjiao’s direction.
She saw Yu Mingjiao frantically turning her wheelchair and rushing towards her, her expression filled with panic.
Cen Lingqiu had no strength at all; she couldn’t get up. Yu Mingjiao was in such a hurry that she fell out of her wheelchair onto the floor. Her hands trembled, and her voice shook.
“Sister Lingqiu…”
She frantically touched Cen Lingqiu’s face, enveloped by a huge sense of unease. She started to ramble incoherently.
”What’s wrong with you… Are you too tired… You fainted…“ Her voice was trembling. “Why is this happening, Sister Lingqiu? Weren’t we going to the aquarium…”
Cen Lingqiu couldn’t say a single word. Her whole body was exhausted, and even her bones felt as if they had been corroded, limp and powerless.
She could only look at Yu Mingjiao with a hazy gaze.
Yu Mingjiao was a fool, only knowing to touch her heart to see if she was still alive.
Helpless, like a child.
Cen Lingqiu’s head was spinning violently. She couldn’t hold on any longer. The moment she closed her eyes, she saw a face filled with despair and sorrow.
When Cen Lingqiu woke up again, she found herself in a hospital, with white walls and the pungent smell of disinfectant.
She turned her head, and this slight movement quickly caught the attention of the person by her bed.
Yu Mingjiao was resting with her eyes closed. She had been watching over Cen Lingqiu for nearly a day.
“Sister Lingqiu…” A glimmer of light appeared in Yu Mingjiao’s eyes. “You’re awake.”
Cen Lingqiu propped herself up on the bed and sat up. She rubbed her temples. “How long was I out?”
“Over nine hours.” Yu Mingjiao’s voice trembled slightly.
“That long?” Cen Lingqiu tried to use a lighthearted tone to soothe Yu Mingjiao’s anxiety. “I didn’t sleep well last night, so I made up for it today.”
Yu Mingjiao’s mood didn’t change at all. She pressed her lips together, her expression cold and indifferent, desperately suppressing her immense, restless anxiety.
“Sister Lingqiu, why did you suddenly faint?”
Cen Lingqiu replied with a calm expression, “Maybe I just didn’t sleep well last night. It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.”
“Cen Lingqiu!”
Yu Mingjiao’s tone hardened, her face cold and fierce. In her agitation, she even dropped the honorific.
“Don’t brush me off! Tell me the truth.”
Cen Lingqiu sighed lightly, still not answering the question properly.
“Such disrespect. I’m eight years older than you. Call me Big Sis.”
Yu Mingjiao bit her lip, her eyes rimmed with red. Her face was cold, and her dark eyes held a contradictory and sorrowful chill.
Without blinking, she stared fixedly at Cen Lingqiu.
A sharp coldness, a scarlet, damp sorrow.
Cen Lingqiu knew she couldn’t hide this any longer.
Some things had to be said.
She cupped the back of Yu Mingjiao’s head, kissed the corner of her mouth, and whispered softly, “Jiao Jiao, let’s go home.”
“I’ll tell you everything when we get back.”
The tests on Cen Lingqiu’s body revealed no problems, and the doctors couldn’t explain why she had fainted.
Seeing that she was fine, Yu Mingjiao took her home that evening.
On the way, Yu Mingjiao was silent and sullen. Even after they got home and washed up, Yu Mingjiao didn’t say a word.
After Cen Lingqiu came out of the shower, Yu Mingjiao was sitting on the bed, her head turned to look out the window. It was as if she was covered in a dark, oppressive shell that made it difficult for anyone to get close.
“Jiao Jiao.”
Cen Lingqiu walked to her side, leaned down, and gazed at her face. “Let’s dry your hair.”
Yu Mingjiao lowered her eyes, not making a sound.
So Cen Lingqiu picked up the hairdryer herself and helped her dry her hair.
After her hair was dry, Yu Mingjiao spoke abruptly.
“Sister Lingqiu, will you always be with me?”
Cen Lingqiu was silent for a second.
Then, Yu Mingjiao spoke again.
“Or rather, will you leave me again?”
Yu Mingjiao finally asked the question she had wanted to ask. Ever since Cen Lingqiu had returned to her side, she had always avoided this question as if running from it, until Cen Lingqiu’s recent abnormalities made it unbearable to hold back any longer.
She was afraid that Cen Lingqiu’s abnormalities were the reason she would leave.
Cen Lingqiu sat on the bed, stroking her face, her tone very light and soft.
“Jiao Jiao, haven’t you always been curious about my past?”
“Let me tell you about my life.”
Cen Lingqiu said a great, great deal.
She told Yu Mingjiao about her lonely, numb childhood, about dying again and again, the endless missions, and why she had come to this time, why she always left.
She told Yu Mingjiao all of her unbearable, tedious past.
And then, she finally said the words Yu Mingjiao wanted to hear the least.
“Jiao Jiao, I… will still have to leave.”
It was such a short sentence, yet it was so heavy that Cen Lingqiu couldn’t even straighten her back.
Yu Mingjiao’s expression was vacant. Her face was motionless, and her whole body was as stiff as a broken-down machine.
Slowly, a bit of reason returned, and her lips trembled pathologically.
“It’s like this again…” Yu Mingjiao covered her face with her hands, her voice trembling. A sob escaped from between her lips and teeth. She began to laugh, almost manically, her shoulders shaking nonstop.
“I knew it, it’s like this again…”
“Why!”
Yu Mingjiao couldn’t understand.
“Why!”
She raised her scarlet eyes and questioned hoarsely, “Why is it like this every time, Cen Lingqiu! You tell me!”
She found it hard to breathe, so she took a deep breath.
“I’ve only known you for a little over a year, why do I have to wait for you for so many years!”
Cen Lingqiu closed her eyes and turned her face away slightly. She didn’t dare to look directly at Yu Mingjiao’s weeping face.
Yu Mingjiao’s voice was hollow. “Sister Lingqiu, sometimes I really wish you were dead.”
Cen Lingqiu suddenly hugged her tightly, coaxing her over and over again: “I know, Jiao Jiao, I know, Jiao Jiao.”
“I’d rather you die, and I’d die with you. It’s better than making me wait again and again. I don’t want to wait for you, Cen Lingqiu.” Yu Mingjiao’s pupils were unfocused and lifeless. “Why do I have to keep waiting for you? I could have just died. Why do I have to live and wait for you? Why, Cen Lingqiu?”
Cen Lingqiu kissed her wet eyelids again.
“Cen Lingqiu, don’t leave me again… I’ll really die.” Yu Mingjiao clutched her collar tightly, her head bowed low, pressing tightly against Cen Lingqiu’s chest. Tears streamed down uncontrollably as she choked out a near-desperate sob.
“Do you want me to die… How can you be so heartless? Didn’t you say you would cherish me? Why… why… why do you have to leave me again and again? I’m really… in so much pain.”
It hurts so much, Lingqiu.
Cen Lingqiu felt a huge wave of pain envelop her. She was about to drown in Yu Mingjiao’s suffering. It was as if a water-soaked sponge was pressed over her mouth and nose, making it extremely difficult to breathe.
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry.”
She could only keep saying sorry.
I’m sorry for appearing in your life.
I’m sorry for giving you despair again and again.
I’m sorry for letting you fall in love with me.
I’m sorry for abandoning you.
Jiao Jiao, I’m sorry.
No matter what, it’s all my fault.
Making you wait for me in a state worse than death.
I’m truly… sorry.
