DREB CHAPTER 91

Li Yan picked up the ring and brought it inside. He sat there motionless for a long time.

Given Lu Lianning’s nature, he wasn’t the type to easily return something once he had gotten his hands on it.

It must have truly wounded him.

Li Yan leaned his head against the wall, his eyes falling on the sack of toys he had packed away for Lu Zerui.

Lu Zerui arrived cheerfully on Friday night. Kids were like that—he had sulked over something unknown last time, but now he entered all excited.

He asked Li Yan to make him fruit soup and to cook spare ribs.

Wearing a plush coat with a pure white sweater underneath, he gnawed on the ribs in his hands, rib sauce dripping onto his clothes. When he noticed the stain, he looked up at Li Yan.

Li Yan went to get the clothes Lu Zerui had changed out of during his last visit. After he finished eating, Li Yan took off the stained clothes and soaked them in the washbasin.

Li Yan barely ate, stopping after a small bowl of sweet soup. Most of the braised ribs ended up in Lu Zerui’s stomach.

After dinner, Lu Zerui climbed into bed, saying he wanted to grab a storybook, only to realize there were none left at the bedside.

Looking around, he noticed that all his “treasures,” which once filled half the room, were gone. He had been so focused on the ribs earlier that he hadn’t noticed until now.

“Where are my toys?!” Lu Zerui jumped off the bed.

Li Yan squatted by the door, hands submerged in cold water as he washed Lu Zerui’s clothes. He heard the “thump thump thump” of approaching footsteps.

“I put them away. They’re in the bag in the corner,” Li Yan told him.

He kept scrubbing the stain on Lu Zerui’s clothes vigorously, not turning around to look.

Lu Zerui went back into the house and noticed a large sack in the corner. He opened it, peeking inside, and found all his toys.

Feeling disappointed, he wondered if Li Yan thought his things were in the way—or maybe even saw him as a nuisance.

Frustration welled up, and, having just finished his meal, he started to make trouble. “I told you, your house is too old and too small!”

He pulled the sack down and began taking out his toys one by one, scattering them across the floor in an even bigger mess than before.

It was as if he wanted everyone who entered to see that there was a naughty child here who tossed toys everywhere.

When Li Yan came back in after hanging the clothes to dry, he was startled by the toys scattered across the floor.

He looked at Lu Zerui, who was drenched in sweat from all his efforts. Opening his mouth to speak, Li Yan stayed silent, stepping through the toys as though they were obstacles.

After all, it was probably their last night together. Let him do as he wants. Lu Lianning would likely come to pick him up tomorrow.

Seeing Li Yan ignore him, Lu Zerui felt a bit sulky. His mood dampened, he shuffled closer to Li Yan.

Li Yan reached out, wiping the sweat from his forehead. The contrast between Lu Zerui’s warm skin and his cool hand was striking.

He fetched some hot water, washed Lu Zerui’s face, and wiped it clean with a warm towel.

Then, he carried him to the bed to wash his feet.

Lu Zerui seemed to be in a better mood now, trying to press his wet feet against Li Yan’s knee, as if wanting to play around.

Li Yan caught his foot, dried it off, and pushed him to the inside of the bed.

Lu Zerui lay down, rolling back and forth. “It’s so early—who wants to sleep?”

“I’m not sleepy at all!”

“Li Yan, I want to watch cartoons.”

Li Yan finished tidying up and lay down beside him, saying, “I don’t have any cartoons here.”

“We can ask Dad to buy us a big TV and send it over!” Lu Zerui’s eyes lit up with his brilliant idea, and he kicked his legs excitedly on the bed.

Li Yan was about to say there was no need, but seeing his enthusiasm, he held back.

He pulled out a storybook and asked if there was a particular story Lu Zerui wanted to hear. Noticing Li Yan’s rare offer to read him a story, Lu Zerui tried his luck. “I’m not sleepy at all. I’m still full of energy. And after the story, there’ll be a lullaby too, right?”

Li Yan agreed, “There will be.”

It was a warm and peaceful moment. Lu Zerui rested his head on Li Yan’s arm, catching the light scent of soap on him.

Li Yan read three stories, then softly hummed a song.

Satisfied, Lu Zerui let his eyes droop halfway closed. Just then, Li Yan said, “Starting next week, you shouldn’t come here anymore…”

“It takes more than three hours to go back and forth, which is pretty inconvenient… Plus, there’s nothing interesting here… and my house is small. I can’t even fit all your toys…”

Lu Zerui, who had almost fallen asleep, suddenly opened his eyes wide.

“Not come anymore?” He sat up abruptly, shouting, “Do you think anyone really wants to come to your dump of a place?!”

“You just don’t want me here, right!” His mouth quivered, and his eyes quickly reddened. He climbed over Li Yan, jumped off the bed, ran to the door, and burst outside. “I don’t want to be here at all!”

“I want to go home right now!” he cried as he ran.

Li Yan shot up and quickly followed, surprised by such a strong reaction. He had honestly thought Lu Zerui was bored of coming here.

He chased him out to the courtyard, where Lu Zerui, running too fast, tripped and fell to the ground, unable to get back up.

Li Yan rushed over to help him, but Lu Zerui slapped his hand away.

With red eyes, like an immature little beast struggling to stand, he told Li Yan not to touch him.

But Li Yan still lifted him from the ground, and immediately, Lu Zerui began kicking and hitting him, finally letting out his sobs. He screamed at Li Yan, “I know! You… you don’t like me at all, do you! You never wanted me! My grandpa said you wanted to strangle me when I was born…”

His small body, a warm little bundle, thrashed in Li Yan’s arms as he tried to break free, his face crimson from crying. His breaths came in uneven gasps, and his tears soaked the fabric on Li Yan’s shoulder.

Hearing these words, Li Yan’s grip involuntarily tightened, his pupils narrowing. So he knew…

“You’re the worst mom in the whole world!” Lu Zerui raised his tear-streaked face, yelling at Li Yan.

Li Yan was shattered by the words, nearly losing the strength to stand.

His breathing faltered. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Lu Zerui’s face. His throat felt blocked, suffocating him, leaving him unable to utter a single comforting word.

Stumbling, he carried Lu Zerui back into the house, his clothes marked by the boy’s kicks.

Lu Zerui had tripped on a stone outside, scraping his knee and drawing blood.

Li Yan set him down on the stool and rolled up his pajama pants. As he went to get the disinfectant, his legs nearly gave out beneath him.

By now, Lu Zerui had calmed down, though he was still sniffling, his face flushed from crying.

Li Yan fetched the medicine and crouched down to apply it with a cotton swab. As he stared at the small cut on Lu Zerui’s pale knee—such a tiny wound—his hands trembled as if he were having a seizure.

Lu Zerui noticed that the floor beneath Li Yan’s bowed head was damp, and Li Yan applied the medicine with the gentlest of touches.

Suddenly, Lu Zerui was overwhelmed by an inexplicable sadness. Remembering the words he’d just said to Li Yan, tears welled up in his eyes again. “Dad said you didn’t mean it. He said you were sick at the time, and you thought you couldn’t take care of me properly, so you wanted to take me with you…”

He began to cry again. “I don’t know… I don’t know if any of them are telling the truth…”

“But… even if what Grandpa said is true, I… I still forgive you.”

He reached out and hugged Li Yan, feeling deeply hurt. He couldn’t understand why Li Yan would treat him this way, why he wanted to push him away. Obviously… obviously he had tried so hard—why did Li Yan still seem to hold such a natural aversion toward him?

As he clung to Li Yan, crouched on the floor, his mouth twisted as he cried so hard he could barely speak. “I’m not afraid… I’m not afraid to die…”

Even if Li Yan truly wanted to kill him, he would still come to find him.

But even so, Li Yan still didn’t want him.

Li Yan remained crouched on the ground, held tightly by Lu Zerui, unable to break free from the five-year-old’s grip.

He didn’t understand why.

It was one thing for Lu Lianning to be incomprehensible, but Lu Zerui was only five, too young to understand much of anything. With the resources of the Lu family, he could have three nannies doting on him at all times.

At his age, Lu Zerui didn’t even fully understand what “death” meant. He couldn’t grasp its weight. His idea of “motherly love” came from hearing other kids talk, from his teachers, or from snippets of cartoons.

He had seen others with it.

So, he asked for the same from Li Yan. He wanted him to read stories, sing lullabies, recreate those scenes from the cartoons—where he could listen, nestled in the crook of his arm.

Li Yan thought, why should any of this matter? Those highly paid nannies could do all of it. They could sing more lullabies and read stories more gently than he ever could.

But still, Lu Zerui insisted on coming to him, determined that Li Yan be the one to do these things.

It was like an ingrained obsession, rooted deeply in their family’s veins, brought about by a lack of warmth and affection.

He was only five years old, yet he clung to Li Yan, saying he wasn’t afraid to die—he just wanted love.