Xie Quan was indeed afraid of thunder — but he hadn’t been afraid since childhood.
It started the summer when he was ten years old.
When Xie Quan was ten, Yuncheng experienced an unprecedented torrential rainstorm.
The drainage system back then was poor, and the old city areas were quickly submerged in water up to an adult’s knees.
Xie Quan remembered it clearly — it was a Friday.
Xie Yuanqiang came home, reeking of dampness and stench.
He slammed the door shut with a loud bang, and then kept staring at a corner of the dining room.
Xu Qian, trembling, emerged from the kitchen, clutching her hands to her chest, trying her best to force a smile:
“You’re back… Dinner’s almost ready, I’ll serve it right now.”
Xie Yuanqiang pointed at the trash bin in the dining room and asked casually,
“Why hasn’t the trash been taken out?”
Xu Qian’s legs gave out in fear. She instinctively backed away two steps and forced herself to explain:
“It’s raining heavily today, and look — outside it’s all flooded, and there’s thunder…”
Then — while Xie Quan was doing homework in his room — he heard a loud crash, followed by a woman’s piercing scream and wailing.
He rushed out and saw Xie Yuanqiang yanking Xu Qian’s hair, smashing her head violently against the wall.
Xu Qian struggled desperately, her legs kicking helplessly.
Seeing this, Xie Yuanqiang stomped hard on her ankle, and Xu Qian cried out in pain.
Xie Quan threw himself at Xie Yuanqiang’s leg, using all his strength to try and stop him.
“Stop it! Dad, stop it! I’ll take the trash out, okay? I’ll do it!”
But when Xie Yuanqiang got sick, he was completely impossible to communicate with. He kicked Xie Quan away with one foot, and Xie Quan pounced on him again. After a few repetitions, Xie Yuanqiang finally became annoyed, let go of Xu Qian, and grabbed him.
“You want to leave, huh? Fine, go.”
Xie Yuanqiang opened the front door, and the pouring rain and strong wind immediately rushed inside. Xu Qian, beaten black and blue, suddenly went mad and lunged at Xie Yuanqiang, trying to stop him. However, Xie Yuanqiang kicked her in the chest, making her lose the last bit of strength she had.
Despair flashed through Xu Qian’s swollen eyes as she shouted desperately, “Don’t worry about me, Ah Quan, just run!”
But it was already too late. Xie Yuanqiang grabbed Xie Quan by the hair, like picking up a chick, and amidst Xu Qian’s screams, he threw Xie Quan out the door along with the trash can.
The door slammed shut with a bang and was locked.
Xie Quan was thrown into the puddle by the roadside, choking on several mouthfuls of water before he struggled to climb up. The sky grew darker and darker, and the rain showed no signs of stopping—instead, it became heavier. He banged on the door and shouted for help, but in such a torrential downpour, there was no one passing by.
Water—water was everywhere. He was completely surrounded by freezing water, and could only sit at the door, curling up his limbs as tightly as possible.
That night, lightning struck again and again, some bolts so close they made the ground tremble. Xie Quan didn’t know how long he cried, how long he was afraid. Sometimes he was so terrified he even wished lightning would strike him—better yet, strike the house and kill Xie Yuanqiang along with it.
He was found and sent to the hospital by a sanitation worker in the second half of the night. Later, when Xie Yuanqiang rushed over, the doctors and nurses in the ward all praised him, saying he had raised such a strong and sensible son—what a good father he was.
From then on, Xie Quan became afraid of thunderstorms. Every time thunder exploded near his ears, it would drag him back to that night years ago—soaked in cold water, burning with fever, struggling to breathe, yet no one opened the door, no one responded to his cries.
…..
The kiss was a little too intense.
Xie Quan was like someone gasping for oxygen, desperately absorbing it, like a drowning person clinging to his last straw. Lu Nanyang tried to lift his head slightly, but was grabbed by the back of the neck and pressed down harder.
As if confirming the contours of his mouth, Xie Quan’s lips and tongue carefully swept over every part, reminding Lu Nanyang of the butchers in the market, grabbing chickens and ducks by the neck and inspecting the fat and thinness under the feathers inch by inch.
And he hated being treated so nakedly like prey.
Suddenly, Xie Quan’s aggressive rhythm was disrupted. The tongue that had been suppressed by him turned and pinned him instead, prying open his lips and teeth. Before he could fight back, he was spun around, and when he regained his senses, Lu Nanyang was already pressing down on him.
The python had coiled around the leopard’s neck, but the leopard’s sharp teeth were simultaneously aimed at the python’s vital point.
Sticky sweat clung to their skin. Only the burning breath and chaotic intimacy remained by their ears. Xie Quan viciously bit the corner of Lu Nanyang’s lips, immediately tasting the metallic flavor of blood. Lu Nanyang recoiled in pain, and his knee happened to bump into something hard.
Xie Quan pulled his wrist downward, leaning in close to his waist, but suddenly froze.
Other than the folds of denim, he felt nothing.
Lu Nanyang tilted his head, bit the corner of Xie Quan’s mouth, and let his palm follow the pull downward, his voice low and hoarse: “Need some help?”
Xie Quan frowned, suddenly finding it boring. He flung Lu Nanyang’s hand away, released him, and turned over to sit at the edge of the bed.
The room quieted down, with only the monotonous sound of rain accompanying their still uneven breathing.
Lu Nanyang wasn’t hard.
What about last time? And the time before that?
What about when they first met at the bar?
Surely it wasn’t that he had never been hard?
Just as this thought arose, Xie Quan irritably cut it off—when had he ever cared about a bed partner’s reaction?
After about two minutes, Lu Nanyang also sat up from the bed, leaned against the headboard, his shoulder touching Xie Quan’s. Silence became that night’s bitter but effective medicine—slowly taking effect.
“Seems like the thunder stopped,” Lu Nanyang finally broke the silence.
Xie Quan looked out the window. The rain was still heavy, but there was indeed no more thunder. The dark clouds still pressed down heavily, and the glass had been washed clean.
At times like this, saying anything seemed unnecessary. Their relationship was far from close enough to ask for explanations or reasons.
How did this kind of relationship even start? Why did Lu Nanyang endure his episodes and reckless behavior again and again? Giving so much without asking for anything in return?
It made him uneasy, made him unable to understand, made him want to run away, and at the same time, made him addicted.
“Are you feeling a little better?” Lu Nanyang reached out and touched Xie Quan’s forehead. It was still burning, but at least he wasn’t sweating cold anymore, and his breathing had stabilized.
“Do you have fever medicine?” Lu Nanyang asked.
“You’re the one renting this place, and you’re asking me?” Xie Quan didn’t even bother to lift his eyelids.
“Then I’ll have to go out, right?” Lu Nanyang said. “What if it starts thundering again when I’m gone?”
“…”
Crazy.
There had been so many heavy storms since he was a kid, and not once had thunder scared him to death.
“Right drawer of the desk. There’s a first-aid kit,” Xie Quan pointed irritably.
Lu Nanyang flipped through it for a while, found the fever medicine, and also found a thermos. Xie Quan lowered his gaze slightly, watching him busy under the dim ceiling light, his shadow stretched long across the wall.
Lu Nanyang poured a cup of warm water and handed it to him, stuffing the pill into his hand, and watched him swallow it.
“The thunder really was scary today,” Lu Nanyang said, sitting beside him. “Chen Zige originally wanted to drag us out all night, but because of the damn weather, he canceled. There was a girl who studies meteorology who said the clouds were especially low today. Tomorrow morning we might even see trees that got struck by lightning.”
Xie Quan frowned. He really didn’t like Lu Nanyang’s calm and indifferent attitude, as if nothing had happened. The distance he kept was just right—polite to the point of making people inexplicably irritated.
“Next time, don’t bother with me,” Xie Quan roughly shoved the cup of water back into Lu Nanyang’s arms.
Lu Nanyang hurriedly steadied the cup and placed it back where it belonged. “What are you talking about? If I hadn’t come back just in time—”
“Yuncheng rains every year, thunders every year, and I’m still alive and well!” Xie Quan raised his voice.
“That’s different.” Lu Nanyang grabbed Xie Quan’s wrist, his expression growing serious. “Earthworms in the mud are alive too. Do you want to live like them?”
Xie Quan seemed like he had been muted. After a while, he shook off Lu Nanyang’s hand. “What’s it got to do with you?”
Lu Nanyang adjusted his position, sitting cross-legged on the bed, his shoulder pressed lightly against Xie Quan’s. The warmth silently passed between them.
“I used to be really afraid of thunder too when I was a kid,” Lu Nanyang said, looking out the window. “The city I lived in before didn’t rain as much as here, so whenever it thundered, it was pretty scary. One day, I stayed out playing in the park until late, and suddenly there was a downpour. Not long after, the thunder struck so close, it was like firecrackers exploding right beside my ear. I was so scared I curled up in a pavilion, shivering.”
Lu Nanyang scratched his nose. “The rain was so heavy that even now I’m not sure if I peed my pants that day.”
“…” Xie Quan couldn’t help but cast a look of disgust at him.
“I was only five years old back then, completely terrified,” Lu Nanyang complained. “I cried and screamed, but no one came to help. But later, guess what happened?”
“Not guessing,” Xie Quan said listlessly.
Ignoring Xie Quan’s response, Lu Nanyang continued, “In a corner of that broken pavilion, I found a little kitten, only about a month old. Its mother was nowhere to be seen, and it was hiding in the bushes, crying out in fear. I took off my jacket and wrapped the kitten in it. I thought, since no one was keeping me company and I was already so scared, at least I could stay with the kitten and make it a little less afraid.”
“…” Xie Quan turned his head to look at him. “That just proves you were an incurable soft-hearted idiot from a young age.”
“Unfortunately, I’m still the same soft-hearted idiot now,” Lu Nanyang said with a smile. “As long as you live here, you’ll have to put up with someone like me. Otherwise, you could find another place and move out.”
“…”
Xie Quan’s response was to turn his back to Lu Nanyang, lie down, and tug the blanket over himself, wrapping up like a long strip.
He didn’t know how much time passed before he heard the rustling sound behind him. Lu Nanyang reached out to turn off the light and then lay down next to him.
The blanket was tugged slightly. Xie Quan loosened his grip and allowed half of the blanket to be shared.
In a daze, he vaguely heard thunder rumble again outside the window. But sleepiness overwhelmed everything, making it impossible for him to open his eyes. Just before losing consciousness, he heard Lu Nanyang’s low, soothing voice in his ear.
“Go to sleep, don’t be afraid, I’m right here.”
