He Lindi had liked Chi Shuo for four years. In those four years, she hadn’t heard anything about Chi Shuo dating and naturally assumed Chi Shuo had always been single.
Before deciding to make a move, she was actually quite nervous. The fact that Chi Shuo had never had an ex wasn’t encouraging; on the contrary, it felt rather serious.
What if Chi Shuo had someone unforgettable in her heart? What if Chi Shuo had absolutely no interest in romance? What if Chi Shuo didn’t like the same sex, or was even slightly repulsed by it?
All of the above made He Lindi feel anxious and uneasy. So, to test Chi Shuo’s attitude, her behavior seemed both normal and abnormal.
Asking Chi Shuo to drive her home, taking pictures of Chi Shuo, celebrating Chi Shuo’s birthday, teaching Chi Shuo photography—all these proactive actions were groundwork she laid to determine Chi Shuo’s attitude.
Even later, when her relationship with Chi Shuo was clearly ambiguous, He Lindi still wasn’t entirely certain, until she learned the secret about Shen Qu and Chi Shuo from Shen Qu on New Year’s Eve.
He Lindi’s feelings were hard to describe; she was happy yet sad. Later, the sadness grew until Shen Qu called to say they wouldn’t contact each other anymore, pushing this feeling to its saturation point.
And she and Chi Shuo got together.
He Lindi didn’t think of herself as a saint; she just didn’t want to feel so guilty. She didn’t want to hide anything from Shen Qu or Chi Shuo.
But she couldn’t contact Shen Qu now, so some things couldn’t be said. But Chi Shuo was available.
Honesty between lovers is very important; otherwise, it’s deceit. If trust is depleted, the relationship won’t last long.
Since starting to date Chi Shuo, He Lindi had been hesitating about how to bring it up. She just wanted to lay things bare with Chi Shuo, but the purpose wasn’t out of pity for Shen Qu being unable to tell Chi Shuo the truth, nor would she push Chi Shuo away.
Shen Qu’s feelings certainly made her sad and uncomfortable, but it was limited to that. Love is selfish, and plus, Chi Shuo did like her now, and had liked her before. She had no reason to do something so foolish.
But confessing required courage. He Lindi hadn’t found the right time until Shen Qu’s Weibo post came out, triggering her need to address it, like a switch being flipped.
The day before New Year’s Eve, Shen Qu posted news that shocked major forums, and Chi Shuo and the others felt the tremors too.
They were basically just experiencing the aftershocks; the epicenter was Shen Qu.
Hearing He Lindi’s words, Chi Shuo froze. She asked, “She told you?”
There was no need to guess who “she” was.
“No.”
“I guessed.”
Chi Shuo exhaled deeply, clasping her hands together, wondering how to continue the conversation.
She coughed lightly twice, then slowly said, “I told you I was her anti-fan.” She also sat down on the sofa, but on the other side, some distance from He Lindi. “Not because of her acting, nor because she has any scandals, simply because she’s my ex-girlfriend.”
Chi Shuo paused here, staring at the water glass on the coffee table. Her lips parted, and she continued, “An ex-girlfriend who cheated on me.”
He Lindi shifted her position. She had been leaning against the sofa, but now, because of the topic, she hugged her knees. She didn’t look well, still looking worn out.
“If…” He Lindi buried her face, leaving only the top of her head visible to Chi Shuo. Her voice became muffled. “What if she had her reasons?”
Chi Shuo glanced towards her: “Reasons for cheating on me?”
He Lindi didn’t answer immediately. The room fell silent, only the continuous sound of the air conditioner remaining.
He Lindi composed herself before looking up at Chi Shuo again. “Yes, reasons.” Her eyelashes lowered slightly. “On New Year’s Eve, I had dinner with her at a Chinese restaurant.”
“I didn’t know why she suddenly wanted to tell me about her past relationship, so I just listened quietly.”
“Originally, I didn’t know her ex was you, because she never said her ex was a girl. Until she mentioned her ex sang very well and even won the school singing competition—that competition was the start of my liking you…”
“How could I not have figured it out?”
As He Lindi spoke, the corners of her mouth turned down, a hint of sadness entering her expression.
Chi Shuo thought for a moment and asked, “So, what were the reasons?”
“Something happened to her family, she urgently needed money, and entering the entertainment industry was the best way for her to earn money quickly.” He Lindi summarized the facts. “To enrich her public persona, the company arranged for a cannon fodder to be her ‘boyfriend,’ then logically broke them up, promoting him to ‘ex-boyfriend’.”
Chi Shuo suddenly felt a headache coming on. She raised her hand to rub her temples and said, “Is this the truth?”
“Mm.” He Lindi replied, looked at her, exhaled, and momentarily didn’t know what else to say.
After a moment, Chi Shuo lowered her hand and stood up. “I’ll go wash the dishes in the kitchen.”
He Lindi reached out and grabbed her wrist. “Let me go.” She put on her slippers and said softly, “You should digest this first.”
Digesting not the food, but the truth about Shen Qu.
After speaking, He Lindi released her hand and went into the kitchen.
Chi Shuo sat down on the sofa again, her head lowered, thinking about herself three years ago when she learned Shen Qu had cheated.
Chi Shuo had hardly ever seen the guy Shen Qu cheated with. She only heard he was from the neighboring college, labeled as taciturn and low-key. When Chi Shuo found out, she initially didn’t believe it, because the dull guy and the always lively Shen Qu didn’t look like they would be together at all.
She didn’t believe it. She went to Shen Qu for confirmation, thinking her girlfriend would explain or deny knowing the guy well.
What was Shen Qu’s answer? Nearly four years had passed, but Chi Shuo still remembered it clearly—”That’s right. You’re my girlfriend, and he’s my boyfriend.”
It was like someone saying aliens were invading Earth, but people thought the news was fake. Then, soon after, the aliens really came, with advanced weapons, immense destructive power, almost destroying the Earth.
Chi Shuo was that Earth.
She thought that even though Shen Qu wouldn’t acknowledge their relationship, besides that, Shen Qu was faultless. But the result was a blow to the head that knocked her out.
Later, Shen Qu entered the entertainment industry. And now today, she posted on Weibo temporarily leaving the entertainment industry.
Chi Shuo felt her mind was a tangled mess, filled with everything, leaving her completely clueless.
She suddenly remembered a crucial question. She walked to the kitchen doorway, watching He Lindi, who was wearing an apron and diligently washing dishes, and asked with a frown, “Then…” She swallowed. “Does she know we’re together?”
He Lindi tilted her head to look at her. “Don’t know.” She added, “I don’t know if she knows.”
“Then she probably knows.”
He Lindi was puzzled: “Is that so?”
Chi Shuo nodded but didn’t explain why. She scratched her hair, walked back to the living room, and called Han Yu.
Han Yu answered quickly. Chi Shuo glanced towards the kitchen and said to Han Yu, “Xiao Yu, do you have time now?”
“Yes.”
“My girlfriend went back to her hometown, won’t be back until the sixth day of the Lunar New Year.”
“Then… you come over?”
“Okay, since you’re going home tomorrow anyway.”
Without further words, they hung up. He Lindi had finished washing the pots and bowls by then. Wiping her hands, she looked at Chi Shuo. “Is a friend coming over?”
“Mm,” Chi Shuo said. “It’s Han Yu, do you remember her?”
He Lindi’s eyes looked somewhat blank. Chi Shuo watched her shake her head. “Don’t know her.”
Right, He Lindi had many pursuers; it would be strange if she could remember everyone.
Chi Shuo pursed her lips. “She’s… the girl who confessed to you before.”
“Still don’t know her.” He Lindi tossed the paper towel into the trash. “In that case, I’ll step aside when she arrives.”
“Okay.”
Chi Shuo’s reaction was within He Lindi’s expectations; on this point, He Lindi felt she understood Chi Shuo relatively well. However, she also felt a bit guilty. If not for her relationship with Chi Shuo improving steadily, she definitely wouldn’t have brought this up so soon.
Although she spoke of being honest, He Lindi knew she wasn’t that straightforward.
Half an hour later, Han Yu arrived. Chi Shuo had originally wanted to go to Han Yu’s family KTV but didn’t want to leave He Lindi home alone, so she had to call Han Yu over.
As soon as the door opened, Han Yu asked, “What’s up?”
Chi Shuo pointed towards her bedroom door. “Keep it down, He Lindi is drawing inside.”
Han Yu indeed softened her breathing. She changed her shoes and walked inside with Chi Shuo. “Anything urgent?”
Chi Shuo poured her a glass of water and replied, “Yes.” She placed the glass in front of Han Yu. “Just want you, my psychological consultant, to clear up some doubts for me.”
Seeing her demeanor, Han Yu’s expression grew serious, no longer joking. “Go ahead.”
“My ex-girlfriend… actually didn’t cheat on me.”
“Huh?” Han Yu’s mind filled with question marks. “After all these years, the truth only comes out now?”
Chi Shuo leaned back against the sofa, staring at the ceiling, voicing her worries. “And it was my girlfriend who told me.”
Han Yu: “…”
Han Yu scratched the back of her head. “Wait, Shuoshuo, what did you say?”
Han Yu’s expression gradually turned terrified. “Fuck, He Lindi and your ex-girlfriend know each other?”
“Mm.”
“…Then I can only say what a coincidence.”
“Yeah, what a coincidence.”
“So what exactly are the doubts you want cleared up?”
Chi Shuo closed her eyes and said softly, “I don’t know either.”
“…”
“I just wanted to talk to someone about it.” Chi Shuo’s voice held fatigue. Mindful of He Lindi still in the bedroom behind her, she kept her volume low. “I know my ex-girlfriend too well. She’d rather be stubborn than come tell me her difficulties. But she felt bad, couldn’t hold it in, so she conveyed it to me through He Lindi. Should I say she’s smart or stupid?”
“Smart.”
“Yeah, definitely a bit smarter. She must have known that once I knew the truth, I’d figure it out.”
“Once I figured out the real situation, I’d definitely soften up, at least not be as harsh as before.”
Han Yu was a bit stunned. “So conflicted.”
“A little.”
“But the general meaning is, neither of them wants any lingering awkwardness/unresolved issues in their hearts.”
“Both want a clean break with me, just the nature is different.”
Shen Qu wants a clean break with her current self, while He Lindi wants her to end her past relationship chapter.
Han Yu didn’t really act as a psychological consultant on this trip, just a listener. Chi Shuo cooked her a bowl of noodles as payment.
That evening, after showering, He Lindi said, “I want to sleep in the guest room tonight.”
“Okay.” Chi Shuo didn’t stop her. The two went into different rooms.
Two hours later, the last day of 2018 arrived. When Chi Shuo woke up in the morning, He Lindi was still sleeping. She went to the guest room to wake He Lindi.
The matter confessed yesterday seemed to have no impact on them.
He Lindi was a bit reluctant to get out of bed. She hugged Chi Shuo, still sleepy, her voice sweet and small. “I still don’t want to get up…”
Chi Shuo gently brushed her slightly messy hair. “You still need to go back and pack. This afternoon, we’re going back to our respective homes, to our respective mothers.”
He Lindi still didn’t want to get up. “But I’m sleepy.”
Chi Shuo sighed and let He Lindi hug her like that. As a result, Chi Shuo ended up being hugged to sleep, and both fell soundly asleep.
Nothing happened last night, yet they were unbearably sleepy. This puzzled Chi Shuo.
When they woke up, it was already 1 PM, and they had been woken by He Lindi’s phone ringing.
Chi Shuo, still groggy, felt He Lindi getting up and heard her answering the phone.
“Dad.”
“4:30?”
“Okay.”
Just those few words, and He Lindi finished the call. Chi Shuo squinted her eyes, looking at He Lindi’s back. “Home by 4:30?”
Hearing this, He Lindi turned around, then fell back onto the bed. One lay flat, the other lay facing up, their faces very close.
“Yeah.” He Lindi hugged Chi Shuo again. “See you in a few days.”
The two got up, tidied up, had a simple meal, and then, just as Chi Shuo had said, went “back to their respective homes, to their respective mothers.”
At 5 PM, Chi Shuo arrived outside her apartment complex.
The complex was decorated everywhere, looking festive and lively. Chi Shuo carried a large bag in one hand and her suitcase in the other, arriving at her doorstep.
She didn’t have a key and had to knock. But before her mother came to open the door, there was movement from the Tong family across the hall.
Tong Jinjin opened the door. Looking at Chi Shuo, whom he hadn’t contacted much since National Day last time, he spoke calmly, “Shuoshuo Jie.”
Chi Shuo turned around and smiled at him. “Happy New Year’s Eve.”
Tong Jinjin walked towards her. “Grandpa asked me to help you with your things.”
Chi Shuo glanced towards the Tong family’s apartment and saw Grandpa Tong inside, watching them. Chi Shuo smiled at him, then nodded. “Thanks.”
Tong Jinjin was expressionless, looking as if this New Year had nothing to do with him. “You’re welcome.”
As soon as he finished speaking, Chi Shuo’s door opened. Seeing Tong Jinjin there, Chi Shuo’s mother suppressed the slight frown she had started to form and put on an amiable face. “Xiao Tong is here too?” She invited him in. “Must have been tiring helping Chi Shuo with her things. Come in, sit for a bit, have some fruit.”
Chi Shuo, ignored, pressed her eyebrows down slightly but said nothing, bypassing her mother and going inside herself.
Tong Jinjin seemed to have grown taller again. And the skin that had tanned during his military training had returned to its previous state; he even looked a bit more handsome than before.
With Chi Shuo’s mother present, Tong Jinjin put on a smile. “Auntie, not tired, I just started carrying them.” He also declined her mother’s invitation. “Shuoshuo Jie rarely comes back. You two chat first, I’ll come again another day.”
After speaking, without waiting for Chi Shuo’s mother to say anything more, Tong Jinjin put the things down in the living room and turned to leave.
Once the main door closed, Chi Shuo pulled her suitcase, wanting to go into the bedroom.
“Wait.”
“Why didn’t you call me again?”
Chi Shuo turned around, looking helpless. “Wouldn’t calling you disturb you?”
Chi Shuo’s mother kept a straight face, shook her apron, said nothing, and went into the kitchen herself.
Chi Shuo entered the bedroom and exhaled. This New Year, it seemed, wouldn’t go very well.
Wearing headphones, she called He Lindi, chatting while tidying up her things.
“Going out with two or three high school classmates tomorrow.”
“I’ll just stay at home.”
“Won’t you be bored?”
He Lindi replied, “No, we have everything at home. Ah Ke and the others and I have already decided to play basketball at the sports field.”
Chi Shuo was surprised. “You play basketball too?”
“A little.” He Lindi laughed. “Otherwise, how do you think I grew taller than you?”
“Isn’t that very normal?”
“I don’t care.”
“I just exercise more than you, so my physical fitness is better than yours.”
The corners of Chi Shuo’s lips, already lifted, didn’t come down. “Are you trying to say something?”
But the call only lasted a few minutes before they had to hang up, because He Lindi’s dinner was about to start. Chi Shuo heard a female voice urging her to the dining table.
“Miss you.” Before hanging up, He Lindi softly said these two words to Chi Shuo.
Chi Shuo’s lips curved. The slight sadness she had felt from the stiff and cold start with her mother instantly vanished.
About ten minutes later, Chi Shuo carried the gift she bought for her mother out of the bedroom.
“Mom.”
“This is for you.”
Her mother was sitting on the sofa, her phone screen showing a spy drama currently playing. Hearing Chi Shuo’s words, she didn’t pause the phone and said, “Just put it aside.”
“Okay.” Chi Shuo placed it beside the coffee table.
Inside was a complete set of skincare products. Before her parents divorced, her mother cared quite a lot about her face. Back then, Chi Shuo saw her patting things onto her face every day, not knowing what they were. Later, when her mother wasn’t around, she mimicked her, taking things from the table and patting them onto her own face.
If this happened now, Chi Shuo felt she might get a beating. But back then, her mother was still very gentle. At least after seeing Chi Shuo waste her skincare products like that, she only said, “You can only use these things when you’re grown up.”
Recalling these things, Chi Shuo pursed her lips, then spoke again, “Mom, is there anything else you need me to do?”
“Go bring the food from the kitchen to the table.”
“Okay.”
Chi Shuo turned around. The next second, she heard words from her mother she hadn’t heard in a long time, words tinged with concern: “Be careful, it’s hot.”
Chi Shuo’s cooking skills were decent, and her mother’s were even better. Just the two of them, yet her mother made seven dishes. Chi Shuo went back and forth from the kitchen, taking some time to bring all the dishes to the dining table.
Just the two of them at home, each eating quietly, her mother’s spy drama becoming background noise.
After swallowing the food in her mouth, Chi Shuo glanced at her mother’s phone and asked, “Mom, should I buy you a tablet? It’d be convenient for watching dramas.”
Her mother shifted her gaze to her face, then shook her head. “No need.” She said, “If I need it, I’ll buy it myself.”
Chi Shuo didn’t insist further. “Okay.”
Her relationship with her mother seemed to have changed slightly again. Since Chi Shuo had been “fierce” with her mother before, her mother spoke a little less. But judging by the current situation, it was likely just because her mother couldn’t be bothered with her.
Not sure if this was good or bad, Chi Shuo ate silently until she was full.
7:30 PM, the Spring Festival Gala began.
Chi Shuo put down her chopsticks, said “I’m full,” sat down on the sofa, and started watching the annual program that everyone praised yet complained about.
The unchanging opening, the unchanging colors, the unchanging applause—Chi Shuo watched for a bit, then lowered her head to look at her phone and started complaining with Xia Zhou and the others.
【Here it comes again, the tomato-and-egg color scheme is here again.】
【Hahaha, the camera just caught someone about to fall asleep!】
He Lindi took much longer to eat dinner; Chi Shuo knew this from before they separated. Because He Lindi had a large family, the New Year’s Eve dinner involved several tables, like attending a banquet. It was very boring, and more importantly, like a company annual meeting, relatives would go on stage to give long, stinky speeches.
Chi Shuo casually asked, “Did you ever go up and say anything?”
“No.”
“I just listened from below the stage.”
He Lindi paused here, her expression softening slightly. “My grandpa said I wasn’t presentable enough for the stage.”
He Lindi’s grandfather was a very negative figure in Chi Shuo’s mind. Hearing He Lindi’s words made her feel somewhat uncomfortable. In the end, she just hugged He Lindi to comfort her.
Thinking of this, Chi Shuo grew somewhat worried about He Lindi and missed her even more.
Another performance ended. Her mother walked over, glanced at Chi Shuo, and handed her a bag.
Chi Shuo paused. “What’s this?”
“For you.” Her mother didn’t wait for her to take it, placed it on the sofa herself, then went into her own bedroom.
Chi Shuo watched her retreating back, somewhat stunned, then took the small bag and saw an envelope inside.
Chi Shuo took it out, opened it, and inside lay a piece of letter paper with only five short words: Daughter, sorry.
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