Ji Yunting had been extremely cheerful lately, eagerly awaiting the day the dating show would begin. Zhu Lianzhen couldn’t help but ridicule him, “I’ve never seen you this dedicated to our group’s work.”
Koty asked, “Have you figured out how you’re going to introduce yourself to the female guests? First impressions matter, and your flirting skills are terrible.”
“What flirting? This is a variety show, not a matchmaking session,” Ji Yunting said. “I’ll just go with the flow. I don’t want to come off as too calculating.”
Zhu Lianzhen snorted while biting his chopsticks and said, “Stop pretending. You’re obviously going there for the matchmaking. Take out your phone and show us—your browser history must be full of searches for the invited female guests, right?”
Fu Rong didn’t even look up, but he joined the conversation anyway. “What kind of persona are you planning to present? The innocent virgin type?”
“That’s up to Pei-jie.” Ji Yunting was clearly reluctant to talk about it. “She seems to want to portray me as someone who keeps getting scammed by love but never learns and ends up doomed to be single…”
Zhu Lianzhen: “Oh, isn’t that just how you are in real life?”
“Why are you always so enthusiastic about calling me out?” Ji Yunting looked at Zhu Lianzhen, then suddenly gasped as if struck by a realization. “Hey, I always thought you were just pretending to know about this stuff. Don’t tell me you’ve secretly dated before?”
Zhu Lianzhen picked up the cup beside him, took a big sip of orange juice, and only after slowly swallowing did he respond with a question, “I’m your teammate. Isn’t it my job to call you out?”
Ji Yunting stared at his face and then burst out laughing. “Zhu Lianzhen, do you know you get super obvious when you’re guilty?”
As he said that, the others at the table all turned to look at Zhu Lianzhen.
Zhu Lianzhen raised his eyebrows slightly. “What’s there to feel guilty about?”
“So have you or haven’t you dated behind our backs? Tell the truth. If you lie, I’ll know right away,” Ji Yunting pressed again.
Zhu Lianzhen gave him a look full of disdain and resignation, then sighed and said, “How old were we when you met me? Do I really need to answer such a dumb question myself?”
Fu Rong suddenly sneered and continued eating without paying them any more attention.
“That was back then. These past couple of years, we haven’t seen each other every day,” Ji Yunting said. “Don’t I know you? If the answer was really ‘no,’ you’d have just said it. But instead, you dodged the question. Clearly you’re hiding something.”
“Yeah, yeah, I dated a ghost.” Zhu Lianzhen immediately nodded.
“Tch. Forget it if you don’t want to say.” Ji Yunting looked away and went back to eating.
Ji Yunting was feeling a bit more talkative than usual today. After a while, he said, “I just remembered a really old lame joke. Do you guys know what the opposite of Spider-Man is?”
Zhu Lianzhen: “The Hulk?”
“Nope, it’s ‘success,’ because Spider-Man is a ‘Failure-Man.’”[mfn]”Spider” sounds similar to “失败”, meaning “failure.” This is a meme from when a Bilibili content creator bought a cheap Spider-Man costume, and it looked so bad that netizens joked he wasn’t “Spider-Man” but “失败的man”, which literally means “Failure-Man.”[/mfn]
Everyone frowned. Zhu Lianzhen reminded him with disdain, “That’s not an old joke… whatever, just don’t tell it to any of the female guests.”
Ji Yunting: “Was it really that bad?”
Koty tried to save his dignity. “I thought it was pretty funny, hahahaha.”
Ji Yunting: “Alright, yeah, it was terrible.”
Koty: “?”
Once the meal was over, they could finally take a break from living together as a group. There was still some time before the official production of their new album began, and most of their upcoming schedules would be solo activities.
Zhu Lianzhen didn’t have much to take with him; most of it was Naisi’s stuff, and it was all scattered around. Tan Qing helped him pack. The two of them sat on the carpet, surrounded by cat toys.
When Tan Qing picked up a toy with a bell, Naisi was drawn to it, trotted over, and curled up in a fluffy ball on his lap.
“Are you afraid they’ll find out?” Tan Qing lowered his head, gently stroking the cat’s head.
Zhu Lianzhen was a beat late in realizing he wasn’t talking to the cat. After a brief pause, he replied, “It’s not like telling them would do any good. None of them can keep their mouths shut.”
Tan Qing laughed. “Why not just admit you’re scared? Nothing wrong with that answer.”
Zhu Lianzhen paused what he was doing and looked at him. “Then I could just say you’re projecting. Go ahead, tell them yourself, and prove you’re not hiding anything.”
“What would I say? That I am the ghost?”
Zhu Lianzhen couldn’t help but laugh through his nose. “A ghost wouldn’t be as clingy as you.”
Tan Qing looked down and saw his fingers covered in cat fur. He slowly brushed it off and said calmly, “Don’t worry, you’ll get your peace soon. I won’t be around to bother you.”
Zhu Lianzhen questioned his choice of words. “Did I say you were bothering me? Did I use that word?”
Tan Qing didn’t respond. He pulled out his phone and swiped through it. Zhu Lianzhen noticed he was scrolling through chat logs by date, clicked his tongue, and admitted on his own, “Fine! I said it! But not today!”
Tan Qing silently put away his phone, gave him a long look, then coaxed Naisi into the pet carrier, picked it up, and carried it downstairs.
Zhu Lianzhen opened the car door but didn’t get in. He stood there watching Tan Qing load his luggage into the trunk and shut it, all done smoothly and silently.
Maybe it was because Zhu Lianzhen looked suspicious just standing beside the car, but before going back inside, Tan Qing finally turned around to look at him and reminded, “Drive safe.”
Zhu Lianzhen, who had been waiting for just those words, didn’t respond. He got into the car and drove off. He hadn’t gone far when he glanced in the rearview mirror—there was no one in sight.
Back home, it did feel a bit more comfortable than the dorm.
Zhu Lianzhen curled up on the sofa, trying to find the movie they hadn’t finished on the streaming platform, but he didn’t know the title or the actors’ names. After pressing the remote for a while, he lost both patience and interest, and gave up on watching it.
In the end, he randomly clicked on a recommended crime mystery film from the homepage but didn’t pay much attention, distracted now and then by his phone.
Ah-Xu sent him next week’s work schedule. He skimmed it and replied with a voice message: “Got it. Help me check who I’ll be working with, and let me know if there’s anything I should be aware of.”
Soon, Ah-Xu sent him photos of two groups of artists, telling him to memorize their faces and not mess up their names. Zhu Lianzhen found the faces a bit familiar. When he looked up, he realized they were the leads in the movie currently playing.
“You’re only watching this now? It blew up during the New Year. The two leads are still really popular, and their teams work together to hype things up. On the show, you’d better be careful not to get in the way of their CP. Your fans had a fight with theirs not long ago.”
Zhu Lianzhen paused the movie, turned his focus to Ah-Xu, and asked, “I have zero connection with them, so how would our fans even get into a conflict?”
“It’s probably a CP fan war.”
She explained the situation in detail. The two actors had been relatively unknown before. This year, they caught a lucky break with a New Year release. One played a cop, the other a criminal, and their characters had a backstory of once being childhood friends who turned into enemies. Their acting was average, but the film itself was solid. Not long after the release, young audiences paired them up as a love-hate CP, and tons of fan-made content popped up.
“The top’s surname is Shen, the bottom’s Yu, and their CP name is ‘Upholding Purity’.[mfn]守身如玉 (shǒu shēn rú yù) idiom means to remain chaste/pure; it has characters “shen” and “yu”[/mfn] Gotta admit, the name’s pretty clever,” Ah-Xu said. “Their agencies aren’t really good at promoting anyone, so when they finally struck gold, they did everything they could to keep hyping the CP. They bought a ton of marketing posts pushing stuff like ‘The most sexually charged CP in showbiz’ or ‘The hottest pairing right now,’ and constantly ran polls asking netizens whether ‘QingZhen: True Affection’ or ‘Upholding Purity’ is the better ship.”
Running polls would’ve been fine, but they rigged the votes, giving “Upholding Purity” an absurdly overwhelming victory. Unsurprisingly, QingZhen CP fans were furious, accusing them of shady tactics and clout-chasing.
“It’s all small stuff, but just to be safe, when you meet them, try to keep interaction to a minimum. Don’t give their teams a chance to stir something up.”
“Got it.”
–
He went to film an indoor reality show. The program mainly featured competitive games, with a small portion dedicated to conversations. There wasn’t anything particularly difficult to shoot. The guests only briefly went over the rundown with the producers before heading off for makeup and even skipped the rehearsal.
There were three hosts and three guests, forming two teams evenly. While reading the rundown, Zhu Lianzhen had thought today’s job would be a breeze. But once filming officially began, he realized that, as part of the guest team, he felt a little out of place.
After all, the other two guests were already close and had a CP to promote. Zhu Lianzhen had to be careful about when he spoke up, just like Ah-Xu had warned him. He couldn’t get in their way, but he also couldn’t let himself fade into the background.
As was standard for the show, it opened with the guests’ bags being brought onstage. They’d each talk about the items they carried and share a bit about their travel habits. The contents had already been checked by the staff, so no real private items would be shown to the audience.
Zhu Lianzhen didn’t carry much: phone, earbuds, car keys, mask, sunglasses, and a cardholder. He followed the script and gave his introduction. Then the camera moved to the next guest: Shen Lang.
It had to be said, movie lighting and styling really did wonders highlighting an actor’s features. Even standing this close to Shen Lang, Zhu Lianzhen had to hear him speak before realizing who he played in the film.
Unlike Zhu Lianzhen, who had simply dumped everything out in one go, Shen Lang took his time, patiently removing one item at a time from his bag. Two minutes in, he’d already filled half the table. One of the hosts exclaimed, “Wow, you carry so much stuff when you go out? Isn’t it a hassle?”
Shen Lang replied, “It’s not bad. I’ve gotten into the habit of organizing things, and I usually write out what I need to bring in my phone’s notes the night before.”
Just like that, his well-organized image was effortlessly established. Zhu Lianzhen nodded along with the hosts, offering praise. Then the guest beside him chimed in, “That’s impressive. I remember you were really organized back when we were on set too. Before leaving the hotel, you’d even fold the blanket.”
Zhu Lianzhen almost wanted to ask, “Who’s talking?”
The other guest was named Yu Dangjie. Zhu Lianzhen had clearly heard his real voice in the dressing room earlier, but now on stage, he was deliberately pitching it higher.
Some audience members were whispering among themselves and typing up posts on Weibo. They weren’t allowed to record the show, but dropping some text-based spoilers wasn’t really punished. Besides, this episode was all about promoting the “Upholding Purity” CP, and early online leaks from fans basically helped build anticipation.
[Folding the hotel blanket? Aaaaaaah?? How would you know he folded the blanket? You two were sharing a room?!]
[Xiao Jie you really… lol slipped up, huh? Watch out, or your hubby might come and punish you]
[You really know how to find an angle to praise him. Do you love him that much]
Yu Dangjie picked up a chunky black case from the table. It felt quite weighty in his palm. He tilted his head slightly and blinked twice, then looked at Shen Lang with a curious expression and asked, “What’s this?”
“A folding keyboard.” Shen Lang took it and unfolded it, showing it to the camera. “I like writing. Sometimes when inspiration strikes while I’m out, I want to record it right away. Using a keyboard helps me get into a creative flow better than typing directly on my phone.”
The host quickly chimed in supportively, “Wow, really, you’re so talented. With a figure like yours, I thought you’d be more of the outgoing and active type. Turns out you’re actually quite quiet and sensitive.”
Shen Lang smiled. “Every person is a complex polyhedron.”
Zhu Lianzhen added a shallow “wow” to play along, but couldn’t help wondering just how much inspiration this guy had if he insisted on carrying around a keyboard. With the time spent connecting Bluetooth, he could’ve already finished writing it in his phone’s memo app.
He couldn’t resist asking, “So what do you write, a diary? Or novels?”
Shen Lang’s mouth opened slightly. “Uh, it’s… just some of my thoughts and feelings… uh, also my conversations with the world, with the universe. It might be kind of stream-of-consciousness, leaning toward a philosophical style. Something the average person might not easily understand.”
Zhu Lianzhen: “Then could you read us a bit? Like your chat logs with the universe or something.”
The room fell silent for a few seconds. Shen Lang’s gaze drifted, and he gripped the microphone tightly, saying, “Uh, actually, my editor prefers I keep things under wraps for now. When the time is right, we’ll release the work.”
“You mean you’re going to publish a book?” As soon as the host asked the question, the audience burst into excited shouts, “Make sure to give us a signed copy when it comes out!”
“I will, I will.” Shen Lang breathed with a sigh of relief, setting down the folding keyboard and continuing to introduce the personal items he carried with him.
The host pointed. “Your headphones are so pretty.”
Shen Lang spoke confidently, “Mm, but what’s even more beautiful is the sound quality. I believe music isn’t meant to be merely listened to, but to be enjoyed. When I put them on in the car, it feels like I’m completely cut off from the world, and I can follow the melody to reflect on my future plans.”
This happened to fall within Zhu Lianzhen’s area of expertise. With just a glance, he recognized the brand and model. He thought the headphones’ high price was all for the design. The noise cancellation and bass probably didn’t perform as good as some headphones that cost only a few hundred yuan.
But the most important thing about a product was whether the buyer liked it. Who cared if it was worth the price? It was just for listening to music. Too bad he didn’t plan on getting closer to Shen Lang. Otherwise, after the show, he definitely would’ve given him a better pair of headphones as a gift.
The host said, “I’ve noticed you carry a lot of electronic gadgets when you go out?”
Shen Lang: “Mm, I have even more at home. I’m really into external devices.”
Yu Dangjie once again showed a genuinely inquisitive expression and tilted his head, asking, “External? What does it mean?”
“They’re devices connected to a computer, like keyboards, mice, and headphones.”
“Oh.” Yu Dangjie nodded. “Then what are internal devices?”
As soon as he said that, the whole venue fell silent.
Shen Lang’s facial features froze, and he didn’t dare look back. The audience began to doubt their own hearing.
Zhu Lianzhen was a little late to catch on, but based on the atmosphere around him, he also picked up on the innuendo caused by the pun. He quickly glanced at Yu Dangjie’s expression—this was what happened when someone spoke without thinking: his face had gone pale from pure mortification.
The host decisively changed the subject. “Ahem, Shen Lang’s on-screen and off-screen personas are really different. He usually plays villainous roles, but in real life, he’s actually a serious and introspective person. Alright, let’s take a look at what Xiao Yu carries in his travel backpack—”
Yu Dangjie felt as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders and walked to the center with an awkward laugh.
Everything that had just happened in those thirty seconds was already being shared by the live audience, quickly becoming a hot topic across major fan platforms. It probably wouldn’t be long before it hit the trending charts.
[?! What kind of vulgar language was that?!]
[Totally misjudged you, Xiao Jie. I thought you were just a naive, silly beauty. Didn’t expect you to publicly flirt with your hubby like that.]
[Time to start the fic: After the show, Shen Lang pins Yu Dangjie against the dressing-room mirror, grips his waist, and demands with reddened eyes, “You little fool, are you asking to be internally configured? Huh?”]
[If he says that on stage, I can’t imagine what they get up to in private]
[Please don’t cut this part, I need to see the host and ZLZ’s reactions!]
At that moment, Zhu Lianzhen just wanted the recording to end so he could go home.
During the earlier interview segment, it wasn’t too bad since everyone was just doing their own thing, but now they had to cooperate in a game, and he truly felt the loneliness of an outsider and gained a whole new understanding of the phrase “queerbaiting.”
For example, the guest team and the host team were about to play a buzzer game. Each time someone answered incorrectly, the opposing team would get to hit them on the head with a toy hammer. Yu Dangjie was so nervous that he kept stammering, inevitably letting the other side gain the upper hand. But the moment the toy hammer lightly tapped his head, Shen Lang reached over with concern, gently touching his head and softly asking, “Did it hurt?”
Then, to top it off, he thoughtfully adjusted Yu Dangjie’s hair.
Zhu Lianzhen: “…”
He thought even a falling leaf landing on his head would’ve made a louder sound than that. If they played this kind of mini-game on Acemon’s group variety show, they’d be going in with the determination to smash their teammates’ heads open.
Take another example: they changed into waterproof athletic bodysuits with shirts and shorts over them, then went into an inflatable pool to play a racing game. Zhu Lianzhen reached the finish line first. When he looked back, he saw that at some point, Shen Lang had fallen and was now standing up, completely drenched. Yu Dangjie laughed and patted his body. “Why do you look like a soaked dog? Haha.”
After being touched like that, the water-soaked shirt clung tightly to Shen Lang’s body, clearly outlining his muscle definition. Yu Dangjie steadied him and softly said, “Don’t fall again.”
Zhu Lianzhen: “…”
He really wanted to shout, “Can you two hurry up?”
After realizing that those two came on the show just to act like a couple for the fans, Zhu Lianzhen gave up on trying to blend into their dynamic. He quietly stayed off to the side, interacting with the hosts. But he couldn’t fully control his eyes and kept sneaking glances to see what new antics they were up to.
After the game, Zhu Lianzhen noticed the two of them whispering to each other behind him. But their mics were still on, so weren’t their whispers going to be picked up anyway?
It wasn’t until they got closer that Zhu Lianzhen realized they weren’t even making any sound. Their lips were just moving. So they were just pretending to whisper to make the fans go crazy over the couple moments!
By the time the episode finally wrapped, Zhu Lianzhen left in a hurry without even taking off his makeup, worried that the teams of those two guests might approach his own staff for his WeChat. It wasn’t that he disliked them, but he just trusted Ah-Xu’s instincts. She’d told him to steer clear of teams like that.
Unfortunately, he had underestimated the marketing tactics of this industry. If someone really wanted to use him as part of their promo plan, there was nothing he could do to avoid it.
That very night, the “Upholding Purity” CP made it onto multiple trending searches, all due to viewer reports from the day’s taping.
Both celebrities had played along with the fanservice so well, it was natural for fans to be excited. It was unclear whether the idea came from one of their teams or a mutual agreement, but either way, every trending post ended up featuring Zhu Lianzhen too.
Several audience members who went viral described it in pretty much the same way: they’d start by excitedly describing how sweet the “Upholding Purity” moments were, then strongly urge everyone to watch the show at a specific time and date, and finally add a seemingly casual line: “Even Zhu Lianzhen was stunned watching next to them.”
[Hahahaha, I was in the audience too. When “Upholding Purity” starts flirting, it’s like everyone else stops existing 😂. If I were Zhu Lianzhen, I’d be climbing Kongtong Mountains by nightfall]
[Also saw it live +1. Every time Zhu Lianzhen looked at them, his expression just screamed: I’m shipping this.]
[If Tan Qing had been there today, no way would Zhu Lianzhen have had to third-wheel so hard. It would’ve been a dream crossover for both fandoms]
Later, some fans released edited photos taken during the recording. Due to certain camera angles and the fact that the hosts had been cropped out, a few of the pictures gave off a vibe of “a three-person movie where I’m the nameless extra.”
But that wasn’t the end of it. When Zhu Lianzhen saw the trending tag “Poor Zhu Lianzhen”, he was completely confused. He thought maybe fans had exaggerated the old injury he got while practicing dance. But when he clicked into it, he realized it had absolutely nothing to do with that.
Ah-Xu messaged him in anguish: “Bad news. You’ve been roped into their queerbaiting act…”
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