FQ chapter 61

The flight was long, but Luan Ye only slept a few hours. He didn’t even know what he was doing—aside from closing his eyes to rest, he just kept flipping through the photos he’d taken recently on his phone.

The camera was with Xu Song, but he still had plenty on his phone: snow mountains, villages, trees and hills, horses and cows he’d come across while hiking… and Fan Qing.

Fan Qing on the hike, Fan Qing in the studio, Fan Qing asleep, and that time in Shangri-La when he held a little lamb for a photo.

The sunlight had fallen just right on his face, making him shine so brilliantly.

The longer Luan Ye looked at it, the more he couldn’t help but smile, so he set it as his lock screen.

When the plane landed, his phone hadn’t updated the time yet—it still showed 1:15 a.m. back home.

The airport had free WiFi. Luan Ye hesitated for a moment and didn’t immediately message Fan Qing.

Fan Qing usually slept on time, rarely past midnight. And now he was living in a dorm with six people.

After a few minutes of thinking, Luan Ye opened their chat and decided to just tap on his avatar.

After all, he had promised before leaving that he’d send a message once he arrived. He’d wait for that automatic “Don’t poke me, just say what you need” reply to pop up, then leave a note saying he’d landed…

He tapped the tree, and the next second, the auto-reply popped up.

“I poked Fan Qing and said: Have you arrived? Remember to eat something.”

…What the hell?

Luan Ye stared at those words for three seconds, then burst out laughing.

So he had predicted this, huh?

The next second, Fan Qing’s real message appeared.

Fan Qing: [Just got off the plane?]

Still laughing, Luan Ye replied: [Mm.]

Luan Ye: [When did you change your auto-reply?]

Fan Qing: [The night you left. Figured you’d definitely poke me when you landed.]

Luan Ye could practically picture him typing that reply. Smiling, he sent back a thumbs-up sticker.

Luan Ye: [Why aren’t you asleep?]

Fan Qing: [Haven’t slept at all. Too hot. Everyone’s still chatting.]

Fan Qing: [I figured you’d be landing about now.]

Luan Ye: [How are your roommates?]

Fan Qing: [Pretty friendly. Talkative, too.]

Of course they were talkative—at this hour, still chatting away.

Luan Ye: [Any good-looking guys?]

After he sent that, Fan Qing went silent for quite a while. Just as Luan Ye had walked a bit further, his phone buzzed twice.

Fan Qing: [The most handsome one is talking to you right now.]

That made Luan Ye laugh again—so much so that he stood in the airport chuckling for ages, people passing by even turning their heads to glance at him.

What was going on? Smiling at photos, smiling at auto-replies, now grinning endlessly over a two-minute chat.

Was his withdrawal this bad?

[Go to sleep already—] Luan Ye replied after he’d laughed enough. [If I keep chatting with you, I’ll never make it out of the airport.”]

Fan Qing: [Got it.]

Fan Qing: [You should nap too. Bet you didn’t sleep much on the plane.]

Another prediction.

And another one right.

But even though he’d barely slept, after chatting with Fan Qing a little, Luan Ye didn’t feel tired at all. Before leaving, he’d already exchanged currency, and while waiting for his ride, he grabbed a coffee.

The taste was just so-so—not as good as at Li Ge’s shop.

When he opened his front door, he first stood there and glanced inside.

Nobody upstairs or downstairs. Looked about the same as when he’d left—even the coat still tossed on the sofa was in the exact same place.

On the coffee table sat an invitation from a magazine, asking him to do a special feature on landscape photography. If he accepted, he’d be out wandering for over a year.

By the time he saw it, someone had already turned it down on his behalf.

Aside from the necessary furniture, the place felt lifeless, no trace of anyone around. Only upstairs, in his equipment room, two big glass cabinets were packed full of gear. Luan Ye glanced inside. No one had touched them. But someone must have been cleaning regularly—no dust.

He didn’t look further. Just grabbed clothes and showered. When he came out, he heard light footsteps downstairs.

Towel in hand, drying his hair, he glanced down from the staircase. It was Nora—the assistant Bai Mingchuan had assigned to him.

Though “assistant,” they weren’t very familiar. Luan Ye’s travel schedule was erratic, so usually they only communicated by email. Nora showed up only when Bai Mingchuan had something to pass along, or when Luan Ye’s episodes needed to be reported.

She was typing on her phone, but when she looked up and saw him, she quickly put it away and asked, “You’re back?”

“The door camera showed movement,” Nora explained. “Where have you been these past few months? Mr. Bai’s been looking for you.”

Luan Ye didn’t answer. Instead, he asked, “Did you tell Bai Mingchuan I’m back?”

She froze a little, looking guilty, clutching her phone and opening her mouth without managing to say anything.

Luan Ye was calmer than she was. “Let him know,” he said evenly. “I happen to need to talk to him.”

“Okay.” Nora looked visibly relieved. “But he’s not in California right now. He said he’ll be back in three days.”

That pretty much confirmed she’d just been messaging him. Luan Ye only nodded and took a sip of water.

“Is Aunt Bai sick?” he asked.

“…I’m not sure,” Nora said carefully. “Want me to ask?”

“No need,” Luan Ye replied. “I’ll go see her tomorrow.”

Nora stared at him in surprise for a while before saying, “Oh.”

No wonder she was surprised. In recent years, Luan Ye had rarely seen the Bai family—especially their mother. Only during New Year or birthdays would he ask Bai Mingchuan to send gifts on his behalf.

He didn’t dare face her.

Every second in her presence, that anxious, panicked guilt threatened to drown him.

But before leaving, he felt he had to see her at least once.

He even considered taking some medicine first, just to prevent a sudden episode.

In the end, he decided against it.

….

She was still in the same house as always. By the time Luan Ye arrived, it was afternoon. He hadn’t known what to bring, so he carried two boxes of flower cakes Granny Mu had insisted on giving him before he left.

At the doorstep, he didn’t go in right away. He sat on a bench not far away for half an hour.

He wasn’t as panicked as those first years, but still tense and uneasy, fiddling with his phone the whole time.

After returning, he had reinstalled his U.S. SIM card along with his domestic one. But even now, the phone stayed silent.

No messages from Fan Qing either—probably asleep by now.

Luan Ye glanced at his lock screen, smiled faintly, sighed, then got up to knock.

When the door opened, an odd calmness came over him.

“Auntie,” he greeted.

Bai Jin froze. “What brings you here?”

“I heard you haven’t been well,” Luan Ye said. “I came to see you.”

She collected herself and stepped aside to let him in.

“Nothing serious. Just old problems.”

The house looked unchanged, exactly like when Luan Ye used to stay there. Sunlight streamed in, bright as ever.

In the living room, the atmosphere softened a little as she poured him water. “You weren’t in California these past few months?”

“Mm. Went back home for a bit.”

Luan Ye placed the two boxes of flower cakes on the table and slid them toward her.

She glanced at them, then looked up at him. “You didn’t tell Mingchuan?”

“…No,” Luan Ye answered after a pause.

“He even called to ask if I’d heard from you,” she said.

Luan Ye took a sip of water.

“You went home?”

“No,” he replied. “Found a place to stay for a few months.”

“Why didn’t you go home?”

After a ten-second hesitation, he answered, “Maybe… I didn’t dare.”

The living room went quiet. After a while, she spoke again.

“Mingchuan said you left without taking anything, without telling anyone—”

“I thought you weren’t planning on coming back.”

Luan Ye looked up at her.

Her bluntness made him both tense and oddly relieved.

“I—” His voice was a little hoarse. Luan Ye licked his lips. “At first, that’s what I thought.”

Bai Jin looked at him.

“Find a place where no one knows me, hide away, not go home, not come back.” With time gone by, even saying it out loud now, Luan Ye himself found it a little ridiculous.

“Best if no one ever looked for me.”

“Then why did you come back?” Bai Jin also smiled faintly.

“Just wanted to see you.” Luan Ye paused. “And to tell you… I’m sorry.”

Whether it was hiding the fact that he had dated Bai Mingcheng back then, or failing to stop Bai Mingcheng’s death—

He had never properly said “sorry” to her.

“I should’ve told you a long time ago, but I never dared to face you.” Luan Ye said. “I thought you probably wouldn’t want to see me either.”

Bai Jin was silent for a while. “At the very beginning, I didn’t want to see you. Later I heard you’d been sick for quite a long time… I asked Mingchuan, if you were willing, you could come over to the house, so we could talk.”

“He said your condition was unstable, and you probably wouldn’t want to.”

Luan Ye froze.

Bai Jin studied his expression. “Now you look much better.”

“These past few months away… I do feel a lot better.”

After a moment, Bai Jin spoke again. “Do you want to leave here?”

Luan Ye’s Adam’s apple bobbed. A single “mm” stuck in his throat, unable to come out.

It felt like saying it aloud would be a betrayal of the past, a betrayal of this mother before him who had lost her son—saying: I have to leave you all behind and move on to a new life.

In the end, it was Bai Jin who spoke first.

“Go.”

Luan Ye looked up at her.

“A long time ago, I really did… resent you. If you had come back with him, or convinced him not to go…”

The woman in front of him paused, tugged at the corner of her lips.

“Every single day, I thought about it. Over and over again.”

“But honestly, if you had gone, would the accident not have happened? More likely… you would have died there too.”

In the quiet room, her voice was soft. “I can’t let my own son die, and then drag someone else’s son to die as well.”

Luan Ye’s Adam’s apple trembled. He lowered his head and blinked hard, holding back the moisture in his eyes.

“But I can’t control myself not to think that way, and I can’t stop… resenting you.” Bai Jin gave a small laugh. “So just go back. Go far away.”

Sunlight spilled over the two of them, the living room falling silent.

“If I have the chance,” Luan Ye tried to keep his voice steady, “I’ll come visit you…”

Bai Jin cut him off: “Don’t come.”

Luan Ye jerked his head up.

“Don’t come. Don’t see me again. If you come often, I… still won’t be able to stop myself from thinking that way.”

She took a deep breath.

“The best way is not to meet at all. Don’t come see me again, and don’t see Mingchuan either.”

Luan Ye looked at her. Her gaze was like the still surface of a lake.

“He’s not the same as Xiao Cheng.”