Lu Heng had prepared for everything, but no matter what happened, Song Xiaozhou had to stay by his side, there was no other choice.
Yet he never expected that Song Xiaozhou would lightly overlook it all, calling his actions indulgent.
For a moment, Lu Heng was stunned.
He hadn’t touched normal emotions for a long time—there was no fear, no scheming, no falsehood, only pure reality, clear inside and out.
Lu Heng tentatively whispered, “Xiaozhou, aren’t you angry?”
Song Xiaozhou mumbled, “Angry, very angry. The one I care about most used me. How could I not be angry?”
Lu Heng silently watched him. Song Xiaozhou glanced at him and sighed, “Jinzhi.”
He called his name, and Lu Heng’s pupils reflected his image. Song Xiaozhou cupped Lu Heng’s cheeks and softly said, “If you comfort me, I won’t be angry anymore.”
Usually smooth-talking, Lu Heng now seemed like a clumsy youth. He was restless and slow-witted in his reactions.
Watching him, Song Xiaozhou felt a strange sting in his eyes and whispered, “I’m upset. Hold me.”
In the next instant, Lu Heng pulled him into a chilly embrace, his grip almost painful. Yet Song Xiaozhou felt as if his heart had been suddenly filled.
Lu Heng’s cold lips brushed over his eyes. Song Xiaozhou’s eyelashes trembled as he said, “I know what you have to do. I like you. If you use me, so be it, even if you take my life once. But if it happens again and again, I’ll be truly hurt, and I won’t like you anymore.”
Lu Heng said, “That won’t happen.”
His voice was soft but firm. He cupped Song Xiaozhou’s jaw and kissed him. Between their lips and teeth, Song Xiaozhou heard him say, “I can’t bear to do that.”
Those few words reached his ears, and Song Xiaozhou thought, resignedly, that even if Lu Heng used him again, he would still like him.
He was hopeless, like an addiction.
He opened his eyes to see Lu Heng’s face close by—pale, delicate, it’s a ghost face.
Song Xiaozhou tilted his head up and bit Lu Heng’s lips as if venting frustration, not sure if it was at himself, at Lu Heng, or something else. He lightly ran his soft, wet tongue over Lu Heng’s cool lips. In that closeness, emotions seemed to spread. Lu Heng’s usually restrained kiss grew urgent, his breath heavier, as he held him tightly in his arms.
The two shared a deep kiss before Lu Heng’s grave, passion burning as if at death’s door. Song Xiaozhou’s cheeks flushed, his limbs growing weaker. When Lu Heng bit his neck, he gasped sharply, unable to hold back.
Lu Heng licked the bite marks again, lifting his slightly reddened eyes to look deeply at Song Xiaozhou beneath him. The youth’s face was flushed, eyes dazed, his open collar revealing a small patch of taut, dark skin, beautiful and vibrant.
He didn’t move. Song Xiaozhou flicked his tongue over his lips and leaned in for a kiss. The cold aura from Lu Heng made him feel good.
Lu Heng gripped the back of his neck and whispered hoarsely, “Feeling better?”
Song Xiaozhou blinked, realizing it was true. His lips curled slightly, but then he remembered something, and his expression fell. With effort, he flipped over and straddled Lu Heng, staring at him. “From now on, that curse—no using it on anyone else.”
Lu Heng paused, then slowly smiled. He raised a hand to touch his cheek and said, “Alright.”
Lu Heng took the jade pendant from Song Xiaozhou’s waist, thought for a moment, then traced a few strokes on it with ghostly energy. Song Xiaozhou saw the pendant flicker with a strange red glow before it vanished.
Song Xiaozhou fiddled with the pendant but didn’t ask what it was. Instead, he said, “Will they come after us?”
“They will,” Lu Heng replied calmly. “That pair of senior and junior brothers are quite skilled. The vengeful spirits in Jing’an Courtyard won’t be able to stop them.”
“Don’t be afraid.”
Lu Heng said, “I’m here.”
Song Xiaozhou mumbled, “I’m not afraid of them.” He clung to Lu Heng like a little kitten, “I’m only afraid you’ll get hurt.”
Lu Heng’s heart softened. The grip on Song Xiaozhou’s waist tightened with a little more force, as if he wanted to crush him, or eat him, or hide him inside his flesh and blood.
The night in the forest was long and dark. The sky was black with few stars, only faintly burning ghost fires, silent and heavy, as if daylight would never come.
Song Xiaozhou had been sitting close to Lu Heng but then edged toward the tombstone. After hesitating, he reached out to touch the cold stone. The tablet was nameless, small, and plain.
Lu Heng felt a rare discomfort at the touch. Song Xiaozhou murmured, “When I came here looking for you that time, you were here.”
Lu Heng responded with a low sound.
Song Xiaozhou couldn’t help but ask, “Why does Lu Xuan hate you so much?”
Lu Heng glanced at him, then stared at his tombstone for a while before saying, “Because his mother died in front of me.”
The past felt distant. Lu Xuan’s mother, a renowned courtesan from Jinling, was clever and well aware of the Old Master Lu’s indifference, he would never care for her or her son. So she took Lu Xuan straight to Lu Heng’s mother.
It was the depths of winter that day. Lu Heng accompanied his mother to a temple to offer incense as light snow drifted down, the bell tolling loudly across the mountains.
After the ceremony, they left the main hall. That woman, clutching a child and leaning on each other, knelt outside the hall. She lifted her face; it was a pitiful, delicate face, with undeniable signs of a life hardened by hardship.
She said, “He is Master Lu’s bloodline. Madam, please have mercy and give him a place to belong, for he carries the Lu family blood.”
Madam Lu’s face went pale, but before she could speak, Lu Heng stepped forward. The boy, around eight or nine, frowned coldly, clad in brocade and fur, exuding an undeniable nobility.
“Go ask my father for this kind of thing.” Lu Heng said calmly.
The woman’s shoulders trembled as she held Lu Xuan’s hand and lifted his face. His brows and eyes resembled Lu Heng’s a little. She said, “Young Master, please look, this is your brother, Ah Xuan.”
The two boys’ eyes met. Lu Xuan looked timid and lowered his gaze. Lu Heng said, “My mother has only one son. I have no brother.”
Lu Xuan’s eyes reddened. Tears fell with a plop onto the ground.
Lu Heng pressed his lips together and glanced at Madam Lu, who said, “You should all stand up. It’s too cold. Don’t freeze.”
The woman bowed again, holding Lu Xuan down, and said, “Madam, I ask for nothing else, only that you have mercy and give Lu Xuan a way out. As he grows older, he can’t spend his whole life following me on the Qinhuai River.”
Lu Heng’s expression grew darker. His mother was truly patient and kind, but he couldn’t stand others pushing her like this with soft cruelty. He said, “His future is none of our concern. Go back where you came from.”
Fortunately, it was snowing, and few people were at the temple, there were only two or three onlookers there.
The woman looked up at Lu Heng, begging mournfully, “Young Master, Ah Xuan is very good. He won’t compete with you. Please, accept him.”
Lu Heng’s eyes fell on Lu Xuan’s hand, a red, frozen fist clenched tightly against the ground. He gripped his mother’s cool hand, preventing her from showing any leniency. With impatience, he turned to them and said, “The Buddhist temple is a place of peace. I’ll give you some dignity. Don’t bother us anymore. Please leave.”
As they started descending the stairs past the two boys, a muffled sound reached them. Lu Heng heard Lu Xuan tremble and cry out, “Mother!” He turned sharply and saw the woman plunge a dagger into her own abdomen; bright, shocking red blood spreading around.
She smiled faintly at Lu Heng and said hoarsely, “Young Master Lu, I won’t fight with your mother. Ah Xuan will behave. From now on, he has no mother. Please pity him; after all, he is your brother.”
In Lu Heng’s eyes, he thought he saw her smile once more, and a sharp pain pierced his head. He said, “Lu Xuan believes I forced his mother to die.”
“Over the years, he has been cautious and submissive in the Lu family,” Lu Heng said, “but all along he has secretly wished I were dead.”
Song Xiaozhou stared blankly at him. Lu Heng said, “I’m no good person. Lu Xuan says I look down on him, and indeed, I do.”
“He’s just an illegitimate child.”
“The only right thing he’s done in his life,” Lu Heng looked at Song Xiaozhou and said, “is to bring you to me.”
