INS Chapter 44.1

Tao Ling gently sighed. “What do you mean? Xia Chaoyang never told you he was gay?”

“He told me,” Jue Xia laughed bitterly, “But I was aware of… everything he did. I know saying it like this may sound scary, but I have a somewhat strong desire for control. I just never showed it to him. Even though he never told me his orientation, I already know about it… I’ve known about it even before he told me the truth.”

 

Tao Ling nodded, not showing a strong reaction to what she revealed. This seemed to make her relieved.

“Before we divorced, he told me he was gay. He said he’d leave all the property and assets to me. I asked if there was a way for us to not divorce; I… I’d be willing to do that…” Jue Xia looked down at the crumpled tissue in her hands. “But he said he can’t. He wanted me to live a normal life.”

 

“Actually, I should’ve known from the start. We got married quickly after getting to know each other. He was too excellent and without a single fault, almost like he came straight out of a fairytale.” Jue Xia kept shaking her head. “Others all said that we mutually respected each other as husband and wife, almost treating the other as politely as a guest.[mfn]An idiom, where the “guest” part is the literal meaning and the “husband and wife” part is the figurative meaning. I used both so the next part would make sense[/mfn] They envied us for not quarreling. It was only after we got married that I realized that we really were just guests to each other.”

 

Silence. Tao Ling lowered his head and played with Wen Qingying’s fingers, gently bending them one by one. After a long time, he finally spoke, “Can you talk about the ring next?”

Before Jue Xia responded, he spoke again, “Jue Xia jie, you’re quite great, so there’s no need to belittle yourself like this, putting yourself in such a position.”

 

Jue Xia was stunned and only answered after a while. “That’s just how some will feel about themselves. You and your boyfriend love each other, so you probably won’t experience how I feel. I sometimes feel that I’m worshipping him, and I know this kind of mindset isn’t healthy, but I can’t do anything to change this situation.”

Tao Ling was suddenly startled, and the hand that pinched Wen Qingying’s fingers also stopped. He carefully thought about this sentence and then suddenly realized something about its deeper meaning.

 

Jue Xia rubbed the tissue and followed up on the previous topic. “The store where he went to get the ring was in Huai City. When I went there and asked, the boss said the rings were ordered by a gay couple. I didn’t ask any further beyond that.”

 

After getting to this point, there wasn’t anything else that could be discussed. Tao Ling finally asked, “Are you still going to look for him? It’s almost the new year.”

“I don’t know.” Jue Xia said in a daze.

 

After a few minutes, Tao Ling and Jue Xia opened their mouths at the same time—

“Can I go visit your gege?”

“Can you tell me the approximate location of that store?”

 

“Okay.”

 

In the afternoon, they closed up shop early. Tao Ling was worried about Wen Qingying and didn’t want him to come, but in the end, he decided to not speak up.

Afraid of reopening Wen Qingying’s bandaged wound, the three of them took a taxi to the suburbs.

 

After standing in front of Tao Jun’s grave for a long time, Jue Xia said, “Actually, you’re still different from your ge.”

Tao Ling nodded. “There is a big difference.”

 

After staying silent for a while, Jue Xia asked, “Your ge… how did he…”

Tao Ling had no expression on his face, but the blue veins on his neck were highlighted. Wen Qingying tacitly raised a hand, but Tao Ling pinched his wrist and feigned calmness as he replied, “Illness.”

 

“The doctors didn’t know why.[mfn]In Chinese, the subject of a sentence can be implicitly implied. In this case, it was kind of vague, but I think the meaning is closer to “it was inexplicable/ it just happened all of a sudden.” I wrote it that way though, to keep the parallel between this sentence and Tao Ling’s next dialogue. [/mfn] It started as just a cold, but he never got better, so after a while, I forced him to go to the hospital. Then suddenly they said his heart had problems, and then suddenly they said… he couldn’t be resuscitated.”

Tao Ling spoke with a shallow smile, “I don’t know why either.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Jue Xia said.

Tao Ling leaned against Wen Qingying, and Wen Qingying held his shoulder.

“It’s fine,” he replied.

 

After exiting the cemetery, Jue Xia immediately bid goodbye to the two of them. Neither of them asked where she was going and what she planned to do.

On the way back, as they sat side by side in the back seat, Tao Ling sent a message: “I want to go to Huai City.”

Wen Qingying nodded.

 

Tao Ling looked at Wen Qingying’s right hand wrapped in gauze, feeling distressed, thinking that it’d be even harder to communicate now.

Wen Qingying seemed to want to prove that he was fine and used one hand to take out his phone and type. His speed was still very fast.

“Sir, you see, my left hand is very agile too.” He wrote.

 

Tao Ling smiled, “But now you can’t hug me.”

Wen Qingying glanced at the driver in the front, then lowered his head and replied, “I can.”

 

He put away his phone and stretched his hand behind Tao Ling. Tao Ling was sitting behind the driver’s seat, and in a place where the driver couldn’t see, Wen Qingying turned his hand slightly, just enough to hold Tao Ling.

They stayed like this the entire time.

 

Even though they’ve been dating for quite some time, at the end of the day, they still went back to their own homes. But the situation today was special. The two of them didn’t even discuss it as Tao Ling told the driver the address, and the taxi arrived at the community where Wen Qingying lived.

After going up to the apartment, Tao Ling took the key from Wen Qingying’s pocket to open the door. After going in, before they even changed into slippers, he immediately turned around and hugged Wen Qingying’s neck for a kiss so long that it was almost suffocating.

 

 

Avoiding Wen Qingying’s injury as he leaned over to hug him, Tao Ling let out a long breath and quickly pressed his eyes on his shoulder.

Wen Qingying held him in his embrace with one hand and kept kissing the top of his head to calm his emotions.

 

After a long time, Tao Ling finally pulled away. He bent down to help Wen Qingying pull off his shoes, but Wen Qingying was startled and immediately grabbed him.

He was bent at the waist and couldn’t move further. Tao Ling struggled for a while but couldn’t get free. After a moment of stalemate, he grabbed the hand that blocked him and kissed Wen Qingying’s fingertips.

 

When he looked up, Wen Qingying seemed a little nervous, as if he were a bad student whom the teacher suddenly “paid attention” to. Tao Ling couldn’t help but smile.

He squatted down stubbornly and said to himself, “I’m willing, you know? If it’s for you, I’m willing to do anything. Don’t look at me like that; you’re seducing me to sin, you little rascal.”

 

When Wen Qingying looked down, he could only see the top of Tao Ling’s head. Tao Ling had already made his move. In order to prevent him from kneeling on the ground for too long, Wen Qingying could only cooperate.

In a moment when Tao Ling wasn’t prepared, his eyelashes drooped, and a dense yet soft light appeared in his eyes, as if in an instant, the mist would condense into rain.

 

When they ate together, it was usually Wen Qingying who cooked. But since he hurt his hand today, the important task could only be handed to Tao Ling, and became a pot of noodles.

Fortunately, Wen Qingying wasn’t picky.

 

After dinner, Tao Ling briefly told him what Jue Xia said, and the two of them remained silent for a long time.

He tilted his body and leaned his head on Wen Qingying’s shoulder, letting his thoughts run wild. Finally, Wen Qingying sent a message and asked, “Sir, are we going to Huai City tomorrow then? How are we getting there?”

“What about the store?” Tao Ling asked.

 

Wen Qingying: “It’ll only take two days to go there and back anyways. Sir, don’t you want me to go with you? I want to go with you.”

Tao Ling sighed, “This period of time is the best season for business.”

Wen Qingying just smiled.

Tao Ling said, “Then let’s drive.”

 

They were alone together, but their personal space was still the same as before. Only at night would the peace be broken, and when they leaned against each other, they couldn’t help but want to embrace and kiss.

Today’s intimacy felt more gentle than before, but Tao Ling always felt that something was missing.

 

It was time to wash up before going to bed, and Tao Ling just began to worry about the issue of Wen Qingying washing up.

He asked, “What are you going to do about showering?”

Without waiting for Wen Qingying to respond, he sent another message, “I’ll help you?”

 

Wen Qingying was surprised, propped up the phone on the coffee table, and typed, “Sir, I can handle it myself. You only need to help me take off my clothes.”

“But you can’t let your wound get wet at all.” Tao Ling wrote.

 

Both parties fell silent at the same time due to the disagreement. If Tao Ling really were to help Wen Qingying shower, he would be too embarrassed. Finally, he could only make a suggestion: “Why don’t you just not shower today? I’ll help you wipe your body and wash your feet.”

 

Wen Qingying pursed his lips. Tao Ling rose to pull him up, saying, “Then it’s settled.”

 

They entered the bathroom one after another. Wen Qingying became like a large toy doll, letting Tao Ling do whatever he wanted.

Tao Ling took off his outer layer of clothes and was able to keep his face calm, but Wen Qingying had on an inner layer of sweater that he just couldn’t take off.

The two of them panicked for a while, and when their gazes accidentally met, they began laughing at the same time.

 

Tao Ling couldn’t stop laughing. He leaned into Wen Qingying’s arms and kept laughing for a long time.

Strangely enough, after laughing, he didn’t seem to be so embarrassed anymore. His actions went smoothly this time.

Then, Tao Ling wrung out the hot towel.

 

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TL: yes, they did exactly what you think they did ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) author really went and gave us depression and horny in the same chapter… and there’s still more in the second half