[dropdown title=”TW:”] mentions of suicide [/dropdown]
The message was sent out, but there was no response for a long time.
Tao Ling waited quietly, listening to the sound of boiling water in the kitchen. He thought about it a bit then sent another message: “Yun Nan, sorry, I was too abrupt. But this question isn’t something I can just ask your ge directly. It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it.”
After several minutes, the phone vibrated. Just as he was about to check, Wen Qingying walked out with a pot of freshly boiled water.
Tao Ling quickly put his phone on the table and reached for a cup.
“What are you doing?” Wen Qingying poured the water and gestured.
Tao Ling smiled and shook his head, indicating that he was thirsty and waiting for water to drink.
The water in the kettle had gone cold earlier, and Wen Qingying was worried it would upset Tao Ling’s stomach, so he had boiled more. Mixing the hot water with the cold made it just the right temperature. Wen Qingying tested it with the back of his hand and handed it to Tao Ling.
Tao Ling took a sip and noticed Wen Qingying picking up another cup, so he naturally passed his own cup to him.
As Wen Qingying reached for the kettle, Tao Ling suddenly pulled his hand back, stood up, and placed a hand behind Wen Qingying’s neck, then kissed him directly.
When their lips parted, Wen Qingying was stunned. Tao Ling saw his Adam’s apple bob uncomfortably and suddenly felt he had gone too far. Too wild, too impulsive, almost like he had done something unthinkable to a delicate work of art.
He wanted to retreat to the sofa and reflect, but just as he turned around, Wen Qingying grabbed his wrist.
Tao Ling was forced to turn back, lowering his eyes, not daring to meet his gaze.
Wen Qingying pressed his lips together tightly, lifted the cup to him, and took half a step closer. His not-yet-fully-healed right hand wrapped around Tao Ling’s waist.
Tao Ling’s mind was spinning, his head flushed with heat, but part of his thoughts still clung to the unread message.
Finally pulling away from Wen Qingying, he leaned against his chest to catch his breath for a moment, then pointed to the bathroom and said, “I’ll help you shower and change your bandages.”
He had helped Wen Qingying shower a couple of days ago too, but he had played the part of a gentle gentleman back then. Today’s impulsiveness felt like double — no, triple — the intensity.
Forget it. It can’t be quantified. Either way, it was a wildfire.
By the time they emerged from the steamy bathroom, it was already late at night. Tao Ling’s eyes were tinged red, his lips carried an unusual deep color, and it felt like the scent and warmth of Wen Qingying still lingered in his palms.
Back in the bedroom, Tao Ling said he was going to the study to read. Wen Qingying sat on the edge of the bed, blinked, and nodded obediently.
If not for what had just happened in the bathroom, Tao Ling would’ve thought he was easy to push around.
Thinking that made the fire flare up again, so Tao Ling hurriedly turned to leave, but after two steps, he suddenly couldn’t bear to go. He turned back, bent down, and gave Wen Qingying a soft kiss on the lips before heading out for real.
Once inside the study, Tao Ling shut the door behind him and nervously opened his chat with Yun Nan. A long message awaited him:
“Teacher Tao, it’s nothing like that. I know you care about my ge. I was just organizing my words because I’m not really sure how to talk about this either. And back then, I wasn’t there, so I don’t know exactly what happened.
The reason my ge was hospitalized is actually a long story. It was the year I took the college entrance exam. My ge had a tumor on his vocal cords and had surgery. About six months later, he returned home from school for a follow-up. By then, he could barely speak. One day, mom suddenly had something serious to tell him. I don’t know what they talked about, but after that she… jumped off the roof, right in front of him…
After that, my ge couldn’t hear or speak. He stayed in the hospital for a while. The doctors said he didn’t cry or scream. He had no outlet for his emotions. Maybe he just shut himself off.”
The more Tao Ling read, the heavier his breathing became. After a long while, his fingers trembling, he finally replied: “Sorry, Yun Nan. I didn’t mean to bring up something so painful. Something came up just now, so I didn’t respond immediately.”
Yun Nan replied quickly. “It’s okay, Teacher Tao. I also want my ge to be happier. Since you’re his friend and he trusts you, and you care about him, it’s only right that I tell you these things.”
Tao Ling: “So the reason he can’t hear or speak now is psychological? Since he could talk before the incident.”
Yun Nan: “That’s probably a big part of it. But he also had a perforated eardrum. After his vocal cord surgery, he developed acute inflammation. I’m not sure if that caused it, but it turned into acute otitis media[mfn]infection of the middle ear[/mfn]. When it started oozing pus, the eardrum got punctured. Technically, this is something that can heal on its own, and even if it doesn’t, it can be treated. But he refused surgery, and we couldn’t force him.”
At this point, Tao Ling helplessly raised his hand, unconsciously tapping his forehead twice with his index finger, pressing on his brow as he continued to ask: “So he can’t hear due to both psychological and physical causes?”
Yun Nan: “That should be it.”
Tao Ling thought for a long time before asking the most important question: “Yun Nan, do you know what your mom said to your ge before it happened?”
Yun Nan: “I don’t know. No one knows. My ge can’t hear and wouldn’t talk to anyone. When he finally could communicate, he wouldn’t say. He won’t tell anyone, not even me.”
“There was one time when he said he wanted to take me away. I asked where, and he said to Yunnan, to find our mom. But then he said he was being impulsive. Mom was gone, so he stayed to take care of me.”
Tao Ling leaned back in his chair, let out a long breath, and finally said: “Thank you, Yun Nan. And I’m sorry. Stay happy. If you’re happy, your ge will be too.”
Yun Nan: “It’s okay. Thank you, Teacher Tao.”
Tao Ling sat in the study until midnight before he finally forced himself to suppress his emotions and return to the bedroom.
As usual, Wen Qingying was lying on his side. When he saw Tao Ling come in, he immediately moved back a little to make space.
Tao Ling felt a sting at the tip of his nose. He quickly climbed into bed and immediately hugged him. Wen Qingying wanted to return the embrace.
After a moment of silence, Tao Ling moved closer and kissed Wen Qingying on the forehead. Then he traced down between his brows, kissed his eyes and the bridge of his nose, and moved on to kiss his lips and neck.
Wen Qingying was dazed at first. After a while, he regained his senses and easily pulled Tao Ling’s lips down to his own. Tao Ling tilted his head up to meet him instinctively.
In the entangled moment, Tao Ling’s emotions surged with nowhere to go. He almost wished he could consume Wen Qingying whole.
This time, his kiss was too intense. Wen Qingying reacted almost immediately—
Feeling the clarity of his emotions, Tao Ling was inwardly startled but also stirred. Still, he didn’t go any further. Instead, he changed to a more composed posture, wrapped his arms around Wen Qingying, and pressed his forehead against his neck, breathing heavily.
Wen Qingying had always respected him. Sensing that he didn’t want to continue, he gently relaxed his hold.
Tao Ling couldn’t even tell what emotion he was feeling. He only knew that a wave had risen in his heart, as if ocean tides stirred and made him want to cry.
“Baby, I love you. I love you so, so much,” he said softly.
It took a long time for them to calm down. They closed their eyes very late. The next day was Lunar New Year’s Eve, and the flower shop was closed, so the two of them slept until noon.
When Tao Ling fully woke, Wen Qingying was no longer in the bedroom.
He’d heard him leave the room earlier but wasn’t sure if he was in the living room or the kitchen. As soon as Tao Ling sat up, he received a message: “Sir, what happened to you last night?”
Rubbing his temples with his left hand, Tao Ling felt he had been too impulsive, too emotional. After thinking a bit, he replied, “Watched a tragic story, got a bit reflective about how short life is. What are you up to?”
It took a while before Wen Qingying replied: “Then you better not reflect like that too often, okay?”
Tao Ling was stunned for a moment and slowly put down his hand. Wen Qingying sent another message: “The congee’s ready. Sir, hurry out of bed!”
When Tao Ling stepped out of the bedroom, he was immediately drawn to the coffee table. On it was a small bouquet of purple flowers, looking a bit like mist from afar.
He glanced toward the kitchen with a smile and sat on the sofa, picking up the card attached to the flowers. It read:
“Sir, this is forget-me-not, of the Boraginaceae family. Trim the stems evenly and place in water—not too much—and be mindful of excess leaves. Also, happy Lunar New Year’s Eve. Please take me along in your happiness.”
In the lower right corner was a simple sketch of a forget-me-not and the signature “Wen Qingying.”
Tao Ling stood up. Wen Qingying happened to be coming out of the kitchen. Tao Ling walked over, and Wen Qingying beamed, showing his small tiger teeth, and opened his arms wide.
“Happy Lunar New Year’s Eve. I’m only happy because you’re here.”
Tao Ling and Tao Jun had been orphans since childhood, with no relatives to visit during the Lunar New Year. Wen Qingying had a family he couldn’t go back to. So neither had a place to return to, making their Lunar New Year quiet but deeply relaxing.
During the day, they leaned against each other reading books or stumbled through conversations using sign language. At night, they entrusted themselves to each other’s lips and hands. Though they had yet to go further physically, it was already a joy neither of them had ever experienced before.
It had been so long since life had felt so real. The happy times passed too quickly, and when the new school term began, Tao Ling barely had time to react.
This year, the Lunar New Year came very late, and by the time it ended, the campus was already blooming with spring flowers. The day before returning to work, at Tao Ling’s place, Wen Qingying brought out the velvet box meant for the rings and took his off.
Tao Ling felt a pang in his heart and held his hand, stopping him: “Just keep wearing it, it’s okay.”
Wen Qingying looked at his lips, understanding what he meant, and gently pulled away, typing:
“My place is right across from the school. Teachers and students all shop for flowers there. If someone who knows you sees us wearing the same ring… You’re a teacher. It’ll make things hard for you.”
Tao Ling recalled the school forum always buzzing about Wen Qingying, and finally nodded.
Wen Qingying smiled, took his hand, and placed a reverent kiss on Tao Ling’s ring.
The start of the school year was busy. The two of them returned to their own homes.
About a week later, before class, Tao Ling received a call. It was the publishing house where he had submitted his PhD thesis. The proposal had already been approved long ago, so he assumed the call was about getting the book registered. The efficiency pleased him.
After some pleasantries, the editor said, “Mr. Tao, I’m very sorry. Your manuscript didn’t pass the third review.”
Tao Ling was taken aback. “Didn’t you say last time it would get a serial number soon?”
“Your academic ability is beyond question, and your work is excellent, no doubt. But there’s been a bit of an issue.” The editor apologized. “I’ve sent you an email. Please take a look and see if you can revise it. There’s a sensitive issue with one of the positions you take…”
Tao Ling frowned. The editor continued, “Religious studies are more likely to cross a line than other subjects, as you know. Some issues aren’t up to us to decide. Publishing carries responsibility, and we simply can’t risk it.”
“I understand,” Tao Ling said. “I’ll check the email. Thank you.”
After the call, he opened his email and carefully reviewed the part the editor had highlighted. It was a historical viewpoint issue.
The problem wasn’t huge, but it also wasn’t minor. Since it involved ancient history, it didn’t align with current accepted views. If nitpicked, it could be considered legally problematic. Publishing it could spark controversy.
The hardest part was that this viewpoint was a foundational part of his research. Changing it would basically undermine half of everything he’d built.
His face grew colder than usual. Teacher Zhang asked, “Teacher Tao, is everything okay?”
“It’s nothing,” Tao Ling smiled. “Thanks for your concern. It’s about the paper. It looks like it might not get published.”
Teacher Zhang knew he couldn’t help with this and nodded, dropping the topic.
After class, Tao Ling didn’t leave immediately.
Wen Qingying was too good at sensing his emotions. He needed to sort himself out first. It wasn’t to hide things from him, but to get himself in a better place before talking.
Once most people on the floor had left, Tao Ling walked toward the end of the corridor near the Religious Studies Department. He looked at the flower shop for a moment, then headed toward the courtyard, where he saw someone sitting near a flower bed in the corner.
Tao Ling turned to leave, but behind him came the sudden sound of a sob.
TL: I have to say I wasn’t expecting something that dark… but it does fit, given the topics so far. Also seems like we’ll be getting down to the root of the issue soon. I haven’t read ahead, but I’d say to prepare your tissues. But on the other hand, the two of them are so sweet and domestic it’s giving me diabetes
And thank you guys for your patience! I’m sure you might be tired of seeing this by now, but uh ya updates will probably be coming at this pace for the foreseeable future. I’ll definitely finish the novel + the extras though, so please just bear with me ><
Thank you for the update!