Since Lu Ze couldn’t figure out his feelings, he avoided contacting Liang Xiao for several days. Liang Xiao, on the other hand, didn’t reach out to him at all.
This made Lu Ze a bit annoyed. They were friends, weren’t they? If he didn’t contact Liang Xiao, couldn’t Liang Xiao take the initiative to contact him? Or did Liang Xiao not even consider him a friend?
Feeling frustrated, Lu Ze went to the third cafeteria for some beef noodles. As he looked up, he spotted Jiang Yijie holding a bowl of noodles and searching for a seat.
Jiang Yijie noticed him too. The two of them stared at each other from a few meters away before Lu Ze waved him over.
Jiang Yijie silently sat down across from him. Looking at him, Lu Ze felt as though they hadn’t seen each other in ages—even though they’d been friends for years. Yet, in this moment, they felt like strangers.
It was an unpleasant feeling.
So Lu Ze broke the silence first. “You look like you’ve lost a lot of weight.”
Jiang Yijie lowered his head to eat and mumbled, “Really? I didn’t notice.”
Lu Ze didn’t say anything more and buried his head in his bowl, shoveling noodles into his mouth.
Jiang Yijie glanced at him and hesitated for a long time before finally saying, “Aren’t they hot? Slow down.”
“You don’t even want to talk to me…” Lu Ze’s words sounded petulant, and Jiang Yijie picked up on it immediately. He sighed and gave a bitter smile. “How could I not want to talk to you?”
Lu Ze finally put down his chopsticks and looked at him. Jiang Yijie only met his gaze for a second before quickly looking away. “Lu Ze, I’m actually scared of seeing you because I know you see me as just a buddy—nothing more than that. You know I like you, but it probably feels unreal to you.”
Lu Ze listened quietly and gave a soft “Mm” in response.
“So… I’m afraid that if I show up in front of you, you’ll sense it—you’ll feel that something’s off about me, that I’m disgusting.”
Lu Ze was silent for a long time before saying, “Jiang Yijie, if you really like me, then you should know what kind of person I am. Do you think I’d find my buddy disgusting just because he likes me?”
Jiang Yijie froze for a moment. After a while, he let out a sigh of relief and said, “Sorry—I’ve been overthinking it.”
Lu Ze picked up his chopsticks again and continued eating. “I still see you as my buddy now. If one day you stop liking me… then…”
Jiang Yijie suddenly smiled and shook his head. “Ze-ge, doesn’t this feel awkward to you? Having someone who used to like you continue being your buddy?”
“…Not awkward,” Lu Ze replied.
Jiang Yijie clicked his tongue. “Impressive.”
Lu Ze laughed too, and the tension between them eased. They finished their noodles just like old times—even drinking the soup until the bowls were empty.
After wiping his mouth and clearing his throat, Lu Ze said, “Jie-ge, I have a question for you.”
“Ask,” Jiang Yijie said.
“How did you start liking me? Or… how did you realize that you liked me?”
Jiang Yijie frowned as he thought about it. “It was so long ago… I…”
Jiang Yijie hesitated for a moment, feeling a bit embarrassed. “Do I really have to say it? It’s kind of awkward.”
Lu Ze wanted to nudge him with his knee but then realized that might not be appropriate anymore. Instead, he awkwardly said, “You don’t have to tell me… I’m just curious.”
“Fine, I’ll say it,” Jiang Yijie sighed. “I can’t really explain it in detail. Before meeting you, I was definitely into girls and never thought I’d like a guy. But during that time, I just really enjoyed being around you. Watching you date someone else made me super upset, and even in class, I’d zone out and just want to look at you…”
At this point, Jiang Yijie glanced at Lu Ze’s expression. Lu Ze nodded encouragingly. “Go on.”
“Go on my ass—that’s it. That’s pretty much how I realized I liked you,” Jiang Yijie said.
Lu Ze tapped his fingers lightly on the table and asked after a moment, “So… do you like guys now?”
“I don’t think so,” Jiang Yijie replied uncertainly. “You’re the only guy I’ve ever liked. I don’t feel anything for other guys.”
Lu Ze sat there with a blank expression, deep in thought. So… did I ‘bend’ Jiang Yijie? But not completely? He only likes me as a guy?
Does that mean his orientation changed or not?
Jiang Yijie waved a hand in front of his face. “What’s up?”
Snapping out of his thoughts, Lu Ze said, “Jie-ge, what if I…”
Jiang Yijie waited for him to finish, but after a pause, Lu Ze smiled and said, “Never mind, it’s nothing.”
—
After talking with Jiang Yijie, Lu Ze felt less frustrated than before. Back in his dorm room, he started working on homework while mulling things over.
When Mao Xin and Sun Zhuoyu returned, Lu Ze put down his pen and called out, “Mao Mao…”
“Yeah?” Mao Xin answered.
Lu Ze looked at him for a moment before changing his mind. “Never mind… Xiao Sun.”
“Yeah?” Sun Zhuoyu responded enthusiastically. “Master, what can I do for you?”
“I have a question,” Lu Ze said. “If someone used to like girls but later liked a guy—just one guy—does that mean their sexual orientation changed or not?”
Sun Zhuoyu put his hands on his hips and stood next to him. “Master, just admit that the ‘someone’ is you—it’ll save us all some trouble.”
Lu Ze froze for a second. “I—what the hell? I didn’t say it was me!”
Sun Zhuoyu laughed for a while before saying, “Come on, isn’t it obvious? Don’t deny it. I think it counts as changing.”
Lu Ze gave up arguing with him and asked instead, “How so?”
“It’s like going from straight to bi,” Sun Zhuoyu explained matter-of-factly. “You used to only like girls, but now it’s girls plus Liang Xiao.”
Lu Ze glared at him while Sun Zhuoyu chuckled mischievously. “Master, no need to overthink it—you’ve already turned bi.”
“No,” Lu Ze frowned deeply. “I’ve been straight my whole life—can someone just ‘bend’ that easily? Changing orientation this quickly feels way too sudden!”
Sun Zhuoyu stared back at him. “You’re asking me? I was about to say—you did change pretty fast.”
He scrolled through his phone, pulled up a photo, and shoved it in front of Lu Ze. “Look, look—look at how happy you are with your boyfriend. I honestly thought you’d be sulking for a month after breaking up with Han Jing, but nope! Within a few days, you found yourself a boyfriend and seem to like him a lot. If you didn’t change fast, then who did?”
What nonsense.
Who’s “happy” now?
Who’s “head over heels”?
He was just treating Liang Xiao as a friend.
A friend he’d only known for one month.
But at least now, Lu Ze had found a reason to message Liang Xiao.
Before going to bed that night, he sent him a message:
[Xiao-ge, been busy lately?]
Liang Xiao replied surprisingly quickly, but it was just one word:
[Yeah.]
That’s it? Just that?
Lu Ze stared at the single word “Yeah” for several minutes. There wasn’t even the telltale “typing…” indicator on the other side.
Frustrated, Lu Ze tossed his phone aside. Damn it.
After lying there with his eyes closed for two minutes, he grabbed his phone again and typed:
[Are you free this Saturday?]
Liang Xiao replied instantly:
[Yes.]
Lu Ze:
[Come to our school. Renting you for the day.]
Liang Xiao:
[Ok.]
Lu Ze put his phone down. Liang Xiao on WeChat and Liang Xiao in person were like two completely different people.
If thinking about it doesn’t help me figure things out, Lu Ze thought, then I’ll just see him in person and think about it then.
