Lying down in the hot water, I breathed a sigh of relief, and my tense nerves gradually relaxed. But as soon as I closed my eyes, the lonely figure in the narrow alley and the figure standing in the darkness on the snow-capped mountain appeared in front of me, and a sense of inexplicable sadness arose in my heart.
Tunshe Nalin…
What kind of existence is he?
The time I spent with him in the forest and snow-capped mountains flashed through my mind, as vivid as a movie. Finally, the memory of the night he violated me also came back. I took a deep breath with a confused heart, trying to drive his figure out of my mind.
My cheeks felt cold, and I felt the touch of fingers. I opened my eyes in shock and found that Ming Luo had sat on the edge of the bathtub without me noticing, looking down at me. I couldn’t help but get startled and sat up: “When did you come in? Why didn’t you make any sound?”
Isn’t the door locked?
“You haven’t been out for a long time… I’m worried that something happened to you.” He said softly, his eyes sliding from my face to my chest, his eyes gloomy.
I knew what he was looking at. I stood up, grabbed the bath towel beside me, and wrapped it around myself, but he immediately pulled me into his arms. My foot slipped, and I sat back down into the water. He lowered his head as if to kiss me, and I jolted, pushing him away with all my strength.
“Leave,” I panted, my breath heavy. “I’ve told you what my boundaries are.”
I had been certain Ming Luo would storm off in anger, but to my surprise, he merely gave a faint smile instead: “You’ve drawn every inch of my bare body… but now, when it comes to showing me yours, it’s not allowed? We’ve been together for four years. You’re unwilling to sleep with me, unwilling to marry me, and I’ve been waiting… I’ve waited so long until I… but now, what have I got? Ah Ran, tell me, am I waiting for your change of heart?”
I lowered my voice, staring at him: “I’ll say it one more time—go, now.”
His light brown eyes stared at me, reflecting the shifting water, like the depths of the ocean.
A chill suddenly spread through my heart, and I tightened my grip on the bath towel around me.
—It seemed like Ming Luo was different from before.
Although his change had been gradual, from the carefree attitude when we first met to tenderness and romance, then to insecurity, obsession, and irritability, even during the last argument that caused our separation a year ago, he never treated me with this attitude. He only slammed the door and told me to think things through, repeating words like if I wanted to keep drawing him, I should marry him, or else we should break up. But never had it been like this, quietly invading my space and crossing boundaries.
I was even a little afraid, afraid that he might do the same thing as Tunshe Nalin.
“Ah Ran, in the year since I left, you have regretted and felt sorry, right?”
He released his arms around me and did not try to pull off the towel.
I let out a sigh of relief. Indeed, after learning about the plane crash, I regretted it, but not because I didn’t accept his proposal. That was something that was never up for debate, no matter what happened. What I regretted was my own pride, not softening my attitude enough, even if it meant deceiving or placating him, to keep him in Jiangcheng so that he wouldn’t have gotten into that accident. But thankfully, he didn’t die. Yet, our relationship had returned to that unsolvable knot.
I nodded and said softly, “Of course I miss you. But why does it have to be marriage or s*x? We spend every day together, you play your music, and I paint my art, isn’t that perfect? I’ve told you, if you really have needs, I don’t mind you…”
A cold, damp hand suddenly gripped my shoulders tightly. “Ah Ran, do you love me?”
I was stunned for a moment and looked up to meet his light brown eyes.
“To love someone means to have a desire to possess them, to want their commitment, to want to be with them forever. Haha, yet you’re offering me this freedom…” He stared at me, smiling, his hand tightening on my shoulders little by little, “And I… I only want…”
He didn’t finish his sentence, but I felt a suffocating pressure from the bone-deep intensity in his eyes.
I shrank into the water, but he hugged me and pulled off the towel.
“What are you doing?”
I exclaimed, my chest pressed against Ming Luo’s without any obstruction, but I immediately felt him shudder, let me go, and take a step back. I immediately noticed that his chest, which was exposed by his open bathrobe, was red, as if it was burned. It was my “bridal mark”! Realizing this, I hurried to check his chest, but he seemed not to want me to look closely, so he grabbed his bathrobe as well as holding my hand.
“Ah Luo… I’m sorry, my body…” I shook my head, not knowing how to explain.
He looked down at me, his eyes revealing reluctance, his adam apple moving, and after a long while, he asked softly, “Ah Ran, do you still want to draw me? Since the Burial Series, you haven’t painted a new work, even if it’s complete, right? Next week is the YICCA International Art Festival, and as a special guest, your new work will attract everyone’s attention. During this time, let me stay here, and I will help you with your rehabilitation, okay?”
I was stunned for a moment, hesitated, and let out an “en”.
I don’t care about the joint exhibition or the media, but I really want to know whether Ming Luo’s return can bring me back to life or not.
Coming out of the bathroom, the table was filled with familiar dishes, all of which were Ming Lou’s specialties, with authentic Thai flavors. After taking a sip of the hot Tomyum Goong soup, I realized that he hadn’t moved his chopsticks: “Why aren’t you eating?”
“You came back late, I’ve already eaten.” He smiled, “Is it delicious? I learned a new trick this time when I went back. If you like it… eat more.”
“Indeed, your cooking skills are better than before.” I praised him without hesitation and picked up a piece of tapioca cake and swallowed it in one gulp. Somehow, I remembered the time when I swallowed the breakfast that Tunshe Nalin prepared for me.
It’s plain and simple, and not to my taste, but when I think about it, it makes the food taste like chewing wax. I lost my appetite for a moment, and when I raised my eyes, I found Ming Luo staring at me, and I couldn’t help feeling a little weird.
“What’s wrong?”
“Are you… thinking about someone else?”
“No, I am immersed in your skill.”
Ming Luo laughed again, turned, and went into the kitchen. After a while, he returned to the table with a bottle of dark oil in his hand and walked to my side: “This is the secret seasoning oil I brought back from Thailand. You have a strong taste, so this fish is a little bland, isn’t it? I may have put too little in. I’ll add some more, try it?”
Smelling a strange and tempting aroma emanating from the bottle, my mouth immediately began to water. I also felt that the lemon fish was indeed a little bland, so I nodded.
After he added oil and I took another bite, it tasted much better indeed.
I was eating with gusto when I heard a familiar guitar sound beside me. I glanced sideways and saw Ming Luo tuning the guitar that I had put in the storage room for a long time. He was humming a tune softly, occasionally singing two or three lines of lyrics, then looking up and smiling at me.
He is most attractive when he is immersed in music, which often brings me a lot of inspiration. This tune is full of sadness, and the chords pouring down are like sand that cannot be grasped between fingers and flows away. I was slightly startled, and my chopsticks froze. I listened for a moment: “Is this a new song… you wrote?”
“I wrote this for you. During this year of separation from you, whenever I think of you, a melody comes into my mind, and I’ve been wanting to come back early and play it for you. Do you like it?”
I nodded, but for some reason, the ethereal and enchanting sound of a flute from the depths of the snow-capped mountains, like the cry of an eagle flying towards the sun, seemed to echo in my ears, it’s the sound of Tunshe Nalin’s flute. I couldn’t help but recall that unique melody. I didn’t hear anything Ming Luo played next until he called my name several times, and then I woke up from my dream.
“Ranran, what do you think of this?”
“Sounds good, record it once. Later, when I paint you, I’ll listen to it.” I whispered, praising softly as I opened the recording app on my phone and smiled at him.
“Then use your chopsticks to beat the rhythm for me, alright?”
I nodded, picked up the chopsticks, and placed them on the glass. Ming Luo looked at me and sang softly. This scene made me feel as if I was in another world for a moment. My life seemed to have returned to the time when I was with him, without any change.
It seems like this is not bad either?
After dinner, Ming Luo cleaned up the dishes as usual, and I went to change into painting clothes.
Suddenly, the new phone Irene bought for me rang, and I remembered that I hadn’t contacted anyone since I came back. After living in isolation for a while, I was able to get used to not having a phone. I smiled by myself, picked up the phone, and sat on the sofa.
Needless to say, I missed a lot of calls. I sent a message to my parents and my agent. When I opened WeChat, I saw a little red dot in the address book column. Who added me?
T/N: The chapter title literally is quicksand and can also be used metaphorically to refer to something that is unstable or constantly changing, like a fleeting situation or a feeling that is difficult to grasp or maintain. The term is often used to describe a situation that seems to pull someone in, leaving them unable to escape, much like the physical characteristics of quicksand.
