My mother and younger sister are at home. If I don’t return, how will they manage?
“But your father will beat you.”
“He beats me because I made a mistake. He doesn’t beat me every day. Besides, my mother loves me very much. She will be sad if I don’t go home.” I replied while applying medicine.
After a moment of silence, he asked again, “How does your mother love you?”
I pursed my lips and smiled: “There are so many things to say, my mother…” I chattered on and on about my mother’s good qualities, from childhood to now, from summer to winter. There was a dead silence behind me, and I suddenly choked, thinking of his masked “mother”.
The woman didn’t seem to care about him at all.
When I turned around, he was standing there in a trance, listening intently, with red eyes.
“Nalin!” I was startled and rushed towards him. Without thinking, I hugged him. “I’m sorry…”
He was a head taller than me, and his chin could just rest on my shoulder.
I couldn’t see his face, but I could feel the coldness on his temples, as if they were wet.
It was his tears.
“My mother doesn’t love me.” He said hoarsely, his voice was very light, “She only knows how to force me to practice all day long, hoping that I will ascend to become a god one day, but she has never asked me if I am willing to become a god or not.”
I don’t understand: “What’s wrong with becoming a god? Aren’t gods omnipotent and immortal? Gods can also fly, so they can go wherever they want and do whatever they want?”
“Gods may live forever, but that also means eternal loneliness. When everyone they love is gone, they’re left behind, alone in a world that keeps moving on. I don’t want that kind of existence.”
My heart jolted. Yes, if Nalin ascended to become a god, would I never see him again? I couldn’t help but tighten my arms around his waist. I whispered, “How about you be lazy and practice only when your mother is checking on you? When she leaves, you can play with me. If you fish for three days and dry the net for two days[mfn]Lack perseverance[/mfn], you will definitely not be able to ascend. Then we can be friends for a long time.”
His chest trembled, as if he was amused by me, and he turned away with his face covered: “Will you come tomorrow?”
I nodded: “I will come to accompany you every day in the future. If I don’t come…”
He continued, “I will send Bai Ha’er to look for you. Where can I find you?”
I smiled: “Bai Ha’er is so big, he will scare people wherever he goes. If I didn’t come, it means that I had something to do at home or was in class. I still have to learn painting in the future. I will come to see you as soon as I am done with it.
There was a creaking sound from the eaves of the wall. Bai Ha’er glanced at me sideways as he heard me saying bad things about him. I stuck out my tongue at him, but at that moment I heard a series of muffled rumbling sounds coming from my stomach.
“Isn’t this pastry too exquisite?”
Looking at the stack of red flower-shaped pastries that Nalin brought, I couldn’t help but open my eyes wide. I picked one up and took a bite. My throat was filled with fragrance, and the taste was sweet and sour, which made my mouth water. I ate several in one breath.
“Is it delicious?” Nalin looked at me, his eyes like the surface of the water under the moon, shimmering with light.
I puffed my cheeks and nodded repeatedly.
I was an unfavored illegitimate child. I was not allowed to have delicious food at home. It is common to go hungry one day and full the next. How can I have ever eaten such delicious pastries?
Is this a palace pastry?
I guessed, wiped my mouth, and asked him, “Did your family make it?”
“I… made it myself.”
I was stunned: “You… are so good at cooking? Why did you prepare your own food? Don’t you have servants?”
“Yes.” He lowered his eyes and looked at the ground. “You haven’t been here for three days, and the rose flowers have begun to wither. I finished my practice and had nothing to do, so I collected some and asked the servants to teach me how to make them.”
I was startled, looked up, and found that the flowers on the tree had indeed withered a lot.
We met in midsummer, and in the blink of an eye, it was already late summer.
I couldn’t help but think of the poem about the tea flower — the flowers are in full bloom.
A trace of sadness rose in my heart for no reason, and I subconsciously grabbed his hand: “Nalin, let’s go out? Can you go out?”
His eyes lit up: “I… can’t cross the river. Where do you want to go?”
“Go walk around the area. I want to take you to see the flowers, birds, insects, and fish that I usually paint. Do you want to go and see? I’ll send you back as soon as it gets dark.” I glanced at the corridor. I had never run into the two red-robed priests every time I came here. Besides, they had promised Nalin that they would not watch him too closely. As long as he didn’t cross the mountain boundary, they would turn a blind eye.
He hesitated for a moment and nodded.
I jumped three feet high and climbed onto the top of the wall. Just as I was about to pull him up with my belt, I saw him jump lightly and reach the edge of the wall. He climbed up very skillfully, and it didn’t seem like it was his first time.
I was a little surprised. This seemingly well-behaved young saint lord was actually not very obedient!
I laughed, grabbed his hand, and ran in the woods for a while until we reached the river at the foot of the mountain.
I was very thirsty. I just leaned over to drink some water when I heard a rustling sound coming from far away. I looked up and saw that the birds that were startled by us all landed near the rock where we were sitting. The deer, goats, and monkeys drinking water by the river all gathered around Nalin and rubbed their heads against his hands, as if they were all his devout believers; no, more like friends.
Nalin was not surprised. He touched the heads of the little animals and murmured something, as if he was singing a language I could not understand. I stared at his reflection in the water and could not help but crawl over with the animals and gently rub his hand.
His hands froze, and he looked down at me: “What are you doing?”
I pouted: “I don’t understand what you are saying to them, but I also want to listen.”
His eyes were filled with helplessness, and he said with a half-smile, “This is animal language, you naturally can’t understand it.”
“I am also an animal.” I meowed and stared into his blue eyes. I was mesmerized by his beauty and my brain heating up. I even imitated the elk next to me and licked the back of his hand.
Suddenly, I saw a blush spreading from his neck to his ears, and his hands froze in mid-air. I was shocked by myself and covered my mouth with my hands: “I’m sorry, I just wanted to tease you… Don’t be angry! I’ll wash it for you!”
I frantically scooped up a handful of water to wash his hands, but he pulled his hands back and turned his face away. His ears were red and seemed about to drip blood. It was thrilling. I stared at his profile stupidly, my heart pounding. He was silent for a long while, and then his adam apple moved slightly: “You don’t look like a cat at all.”
He didn’t answer but raised his hand and patted the head of one of the deer, then stood up. I followed him like a lost soul and walked a short distance along the river. I saw a white object lying not far ahead. Upon closer inspection, it turned out to be a wolf, with its back slightly heaving, still alive, its mouth half open, and its long purple-black tongue hanging outside its fangs.
“Nalin!” I held the corner of his clothes. “You’d better not go over there, it’s a wolf.”
“It’s fine. I’ve fed it.” Nalin walked over and half-knelt down by the river. He gently lifted up the wolf’s head and placed it on his knees. He pulled open its half-open eyelids and took a look. He lowered his head with a look of compassion and kissed the center of its brows.
The wolf panted heavily, its dim eyes turned to him, as if it wanted to tell him something, and whinnied softly. Nalin nodded, as if he understood the wolf’s last words, closed its eyes, and stood up to walk into the woods again. I followed him curiously, and after a few steps, I saw him stop in front of a tree, half-squatted down, and pull away the bushes.
I noticed at a glance that the place covered by the bushes was actually a tree hole.
—In the hole, several pairs of green eyes looked out timidly, and several furry balls huddled together shivering.
“Ah!” I screamed. Nalin looked back at me, gestured for silence, bent down, and took out the fur balls. The little wolf struggled desperately, screaming and biting his hands. I rushed over, trying to grab one or two, but saw that the cubs were holding his bloody fingers and sucking them, as if his blood was nutritious and delicious breast milk. I felt so sorry for his hand that I tore off my sleeve to bandage it, but Nalin shook his head and stopped me with his eyes: “All things have spirits. Their mother gave them to me, and they are destined to be with me.”
“Feeding the wolves with your own body… How can you do that?” I muttered, rolling up my sleeves. “You and I found these little wolves together. I’ll feed some too.”
“No.” Nalin turned around and didn’t let me touch the wolves. I had no choice but to sit down with him by the tree and help him coax and feed them.
“Great, great… hahaha…”
At this time, a series of laughter floated from not far away. I looked in the direction of the sound and found that there was a row of rafts floating on the river. On the raft sat an old man with white hair and a beard, his sleeves fluttering, holding a long staff with a gourd hanging on it, and standing next to him was a child of about seven or eight years old. When the raft floated close to us, I realized that he was looking at Nalin and smiling, and his eyes seemed to admire him very much. He stroked his beard and nodded and said, “In ancient times, Sakyamuni fed the tiger with his body, and now the Young Saint Lord is feeding the wolf with his blood. This is truly the most benevolent and kind.”
“Thank you for the compliment, Daozhang.” Nalin touched the wolf cub that was about to fall asleep in his hand and smiled at him faintly, as if he knew the old man well. “Daozhang, are you passing by again today?”
Taoist priest? I looked at the kind-looking, thin old man in front of me with curiosity. I thought he was from the Yao Sect. I heard from my master that Yaojiao was the state religion of the previous dynasty. After the Tusheng Sect became the state religion, all Taoist priests of the Yao Sect were required to join the Tusheng Sect and change from worshipping the Compassionate One to worshipping Tunshe Tianzun as their god. Those who refused to submit were either expelled from the country or persecuted to death. It is rare to see Taoist priests nowadays.
The old man shook his head: “I am going south, and I came to see you. I have said that the Young Saint Lord is born with a spiritual vein, a heart with seven orifices, and can understand the language of all beasts. You are also kind-hearted and have a destiny to be an immortal. You should not be trapped in hell. Come with me.”
Nalin glanced at me and shook his head: “This place is not completely hell for me.”
The old man stopped smiling and bowed deeply to Nalin. Although I didn’t understand what Nalin said, but it looked like the old man admired him. When he stood up, he patted the head of the child beside him and said, “If you can have such a heart of Dao, I will have no regrets in my life.” After that, he looked at Nalin again and sighed, “Well, well… all living beings suffer. If I don’t go to hell, who will?”
After saying that, he used the long stick in his hand to push the shore and float down the river.
After watching the raft go away, I scratched my head and asked Nalin, “What was he saying just now? I don’t understand… what does he mean by hell…”
“Shouldn’t you be surprised why he calls me Young Saint Lord?” He put the little wolf in my arms, raised his eyebrows and asked, “Have you known who I am for a long time?”
