It felt like there was a sharp knife twisting in my chest, making it hard for me to breathe. I didn’t dare open my eyes, for fear that crying would expose my wounds. I was even more afraid to look directly into his eyes and his face.
“You are willing to believe me, but I… don’t want to lie to you anymore. Nalin, I’m sorry, someone like me… is not worthy of your concern, let alone your forgiveness and love…”
“Shut up,” he said hoarsely with trembling breath, “That’s not what I’m asking… What I’m asking is how you got your head injured!”
“Ah,” I smiled, “That has nothing to do with you. It was just that one day when I went out to paint the scenery, I climbed a mountain and fell into the river. I was hit on the head by a rock in the river. Now that I think about it, maybe it was my retribution… for what I had done to you. I regret it so much…”
He held my arm with increasing force, and his voice became hoarse: “What do you regret?”
I curled up my fingers: “I regret meeting you.”
After a moment of silence, he said, “What did you say? Say it again?”
I regret… breaking into your world. I regret… letting you fall in love with me. I regret… hurting your heart. I regret… this bad relationship has become your inner demon, your karma.
I regret I picked the moon but let it break into pieces in the water.
If I could, Nalin, I would rather never have met you.
“I regret…”
Before I could finish my words, I was pressed heavily on the bed. The smell of burning incense was like a cloud of haze. His voice was so hoarse that it didn’t sound like a human voice: “What do you regret? Didn’t you use my blood to save your mother? Didn’t you get a thousand gold coins? Why do you still regret meeting me? Isn’t this your luck for ten lifetimes? Open your eyes and look at me!”
I closed my eyes, but I could no longer hide my tears, which flowed freely down my face.
“Yes, I saved my mother, thanks to your blood… It was worth it. I tried so hard to get close to you, but I damaged my head and even forgot my relatives. It was not worth it… So, I regret it. If I can live again, I will never provoke you…”
I spoke incoherently and confusedly, and I didn’t even know what I was saying either. I just wanted to break his heart as much as possible once and for all so that he would hate me from now on and stay away from me.
The path I will take and the things I will do in the future will be different from his.
If there is any result, it will only be the bad result of destroying him.
But after I finished speaking, he just remained silent. After a long while, I heard him laugh. The laugh was cold, like a broken ice ridge: “Mi Jia, if you want to teach me to give up and let me let you go, there is no need to waste your breath and say so much.”
I breathed a sigh of relief, but my heart also fell into a bottomless abyss, empty.
“Whether you are sincere or false to me, I will not let you go.”
I was startled and opened my eyes. I saw his blue eyes were as dark as a bottomless abyss: “You will have to use the rest of your life to redeem what you owe me. This is the retribution you deserve. Be mine in life and in death… No, I will not allow you to die. I want you to live forever and pay me back for eternity.”
“What did you say?” I was stunned. Live forever?
“I just remembered that Mother has always wanted to find a goddess consort for me to practice dual cultivation with, saying that I have not been able to break through the final barrier in my cultivation because of obstacles in my heart. Who else can be this goddess consort except you? It’s just right, while she is still in seclusion…”
“What’s dual cultivation, what’s goddess consort?” I didn’t understand, but I saw that his eyes were extremely scary. I knew that what I said just now not only did not push him away, but had the opposite effect. I curled up nervously, and he grabbed my wrist, lifted me up horizontally, and got off the carriage.
After entering the palace gate, there is a long and narrow palace road, and I don’t know where it leads to.
“Where are you taking me?”
“My bedchamber.” His voice was cold, but his breath was unusually hot.
I didn’t know what dual cultivation was, but I knew exactly what would happen if he took me to his bedchamber like this, I didn’t want to be entangled with him more deeply and closely. I gritted my teeth, raised my hand, and slapped him hard in the face. While he was still paused and hadn’t recovered yet, I suddenly broke free from his arms and took a few steps back.
“I won’t be your goddess consort!” I stared at him. “Listen carefully, Saint Lord. You and I are worlds apart. From the beginning to the end, I have never liked you. I just want to paint for the rest of my life and live freely. If it weren’t for my mother’s illness, I would never approach you and try to please you. Now that I have been summoned to the palace to be a court painter, it is not my own will. I just want to complete my mission and leave the palace quickly. Please don’t pester me.”
After saying that, without even daring to look at his expression, I ran away.
I had not run far when I got lost in this huge, maze-like palace city. After wandering around for a while, I bumped into a patrolling guard and was caught. I was interrogated and almost taken away as an assassin when I was seen by a passing eunuch.
“Aren’t you the painter who accompanied His Majesty to the garden yesterday?”
After hearing this, the guards let me go.
“Ah, en, thank you, My Lord. Is… His Majesty alright?” I saw a white figure walking out of the darkness from afar. I took a step forward and followed closely behind the eunuch.
“He caught a cold and is still asleep, but before he went to bed, he was still worried about your whereabouts. When His Majesty wakes up, he will summon you immediately. Go back and get ready.”
My heart skipped a beat when I heard his ambiguous tone, which was suggestive.
This is really…
I pursed my lips and whispered, “Excuse me, My Lord, have you seen a girl named Mi Luo in this palace? She looks a bit like me.”
The old eunuch glanced at my face and said, “I don’t remember. Why are you asking?”
“She is my relative. She came to the palace with the… Saintess more than ten years ago.”
“Saintess? Now she should be called Shengzun,” he said in a low voice. “Those who enter the palace with Shengzun must be converts to the religion. You should ask the priests; perhaps they know.”
A thought flashed through my mind.
Oh, by the way, godmother…
“Painter Tai, so you are here. We have been looking for you for a long time!”
I looked back and saw the fat priest who had escorted me to the palace, with the thin man with a gloomy face beside him. “Tonight is the full moon, and it is the day for you to paint the portrait of the Saint Lord.”
My breath tightened: “But there was an avalanche the day before yesterday, and all my painting tools were lost…”
“I’ve prepared new ones for you. Why are you still wasting time? Let’s go.”
“Excuse me, My Lord, where are we going to paint?”
“The Holy Temple.”
I breathed a sigh of relief. I wish I wasn’t going to Nalin’s bedchamber.
I walked up the long stairs for an unknown amount of time. I looked back and saw the entire palace below. This holy temple was even higher than the royal palace.
It was dark inside the door, with hundreds of candles burning on both sides. The air was filled with a unique smell of incense, which made me feel dazed, this was Nalin’s smell, and I guess it was because he had been staying here for so many years and was stained by the smoke here.
Priests dressed in red, blue, and purple pointed robes were coming in and out, holding all kinds of sacrificial vessels in their hands. I only took a casual glance and could see human skulls decorated with gems among them. I felt my hair stand on end and dared not look sideways.
“Is the holy cloth and holy oil prepared? Before Shengzun went into seclusion, she reminded us to use a specific holy cloth, and the holy oil should be prepared as well.” Suddenly, the plump priest ahead stopped in front of a door and inquired with the guard beside it.
“Rest assured, Priest, it was prepared yesterday.”
The curtain was lifted, and my gaze froze.
Going up several steps is a circular altar surrounded by candlelight. A ray of moonlight falls from the hollow dome, enveloping the stone base surrounded by a canal in the center of the altar.
Nalin was bare-chested, adorned with gold jewelry and arm rings, with only a strip of white cloth wrapped around his waist. His hands were forming seals in front of his chest, and a deep crimson flower-shaped mark was imprinted on his brow. The silvery moonlight fell upon him, casting a halo of dawn-like iridescence around his figure. I had seen his appearance during meditation several times, but this was the first time I had witnessed him in his altar.
On the altar, he had lost the presence of a living being, both real and illusory, no different from a statue of a god.
I gazed at him from a distance, only wanting to rush up and pull him down from the altar.
But how could I? He was only one step away from ascension. If someone as compassionate and kind as him were to become a deity, the sky above us would surely clear, and the moon would shine brightly from then on.
Nalin, this is what you wish for in your heart, isn’t it?
As if he heard my approaching footsteps, his closed eyes suddenly opened, and his gaze quietly fell on me. After slapping him last night, I couldn’t bring myself to meet his eyes and lowered my eyelashes.
“Why are you daydreaming? Why don’t you paint for the Saint Lord?”
A scolding voice came from beside me, snapping me back to my senses. I lowered my head and noticed the canvas laid out on the stone table before me. The fabric was smooth and white, with a faint layer of moisture on the surface, its material unknown. I half-knelt down, taking out the brushes and paints from the painting box one by one, setting them on the stone table, and grabbing a cotton cloth to wipe the canvas.
As my fingers touched the surface of the canvas, its delicate texture felt almost like the skin of a young animal. My heart tightened, and I dared not touch it again.
“Before painting, you must brush the canvas with this holy oil.” The thin priest beside me instructed. I followed his words, picking up the brush and coating the canvas from top to bottom. The oil softened the fabric, and the taut canvas immediately relaxed. In the upper right corner of the canvas, something subtly protruded.
I reached out to wipe it, and as I clearly saw the shape of the protrusion, my head felt as though it had been struck, and a ringing sound echoed in my ears. There, in that spot, was a light-colored stain in the shape of a grain spike, about the size of a fingernail.
It looked strikingly similar to the birthmark on Mi Luo’s right shoulder.
When we were children, we often bathed together, and I had seen it many times.
No, I must be mistaken.
This is just a canvas. How could it possibly have Mi Luo’s birthmark on it?
A terrifying thought flashed through my mind, and I trembled all over, as if the world were spinning around me.
I hesitantly reached out with my finger to touch the birthmark and immediately felt a familiar flutter in my chest, as if I were falling into an abyss.
—This is a unique bond of twins, it can’t be wrong. This is Mi Luo. My Mi Luo.
My sister, who was born on the same day, month, and year as me, grew up with me and depended on me for everything, is gone.
She couldn’t wait for me to save her and has become this canvas.
I didn’t want to believe this fact, but my heart seemed to be pierced by a sharp knife. A fishy and sweet taste rose up in my throat. I covered my mouth with my hand to suppress the blood that was about to spurt out, but I still couldn’t stop gagging.
“What are you doing?” The thin priest next to him asked, “Get out of the way! Don’t damage the canvas!”
“Bandan, Sangbuluo, get out.”
“Saint Lord?”
“This lord said, ‘Get Out’. If you guys stay here, the painter might get nervous.”
