LMMY chapter 73

This answer was truly unexpected. Li Xuan glanced at him but said nothing, instead reaching straight for his phone. The text notification sound quickly chimed. Qi Boyuan looked at the number displayed in the message and said, “I don’t need that much.”

“It’s better to have more than less. If you need more, just let me know.”

“This is enough. It’s not anything too complicated…” Qi Boyuan glanced toward the door before turning back, his expression unexpectedly shy. “Jia Jia said that once the materials are submitted this time, her position at the school will be confirmed. I’m planning to propose to her on the day she gets the job offer. I was thinking of using these next couple of days to buy a ring. But all my money is tied up in the stock market… Hey, hey, don’t give me that look… And don’t tell Jia Jia, alright?”

For a moment, Li Xuan said nothing, staring at him for so long that Qi Boyuan started to feel uneasy. Finally, Li Xuan grabbed a cup of water, only to find it too hot to drink. He set it back down, frowned, and asked, “You’re proposing? Now?”

“Keep your voice down. Of course not now, I haven’t even bought the ring yet, and Jia Jia hasn’t received the offer… Next week, maybe.” Qi Boyuan seemed genuinely delighted, his joy reflected in the lift of his eyebrows and the lightness in his tone. He even had the presence of mind to tease, “I don’t think our company has a rule that employees can’t get married before a certain age, right?”

“We could always make one now.” Li Xuan forced himself to focus, coughing lightly as if to compose himself. “You’re not asking for marriage leave, are you?”

“Of course not. Gotta keep working for you, boss.” Qi Boyuan laughed. “Thanks for the loan. Just deduct it from my salary starting next month, okay? I’ll head back to work now?”

Li Xuan nodded, but two seconds later, he changed his mind and called him back. “Qi Boyuan.”

Qi Boyuan paused. “What is it?”

Li Xuan stayed quiet for a moment before shaking his head. “Never mind.”

“What…”

“It’s nothing. Go on, get back to work.”

……

That year’s weather seemed particularly strange. Even though the peak of summer had passed, the sun was still harsh, and sudden downpours were frequent. Li Xuan stood on the balcony, smoking two cigarettes, watching as rain clouds gathered, unleashed their fury, and then dispersed.

As he reached for a third cigarette, the sliding glass door opened behind him.

“Is the diamond ring you want too expensive?” Li Xuan didn’t even turn around. “There’s a card in the second drawer of my desk. Just go ahead and borrow your salary for the whole year.”

“You make it sound like I’m going around borrowing money everywhere,” Qi Boyuan retorted, placing a cup of coffee in front of him. Having calmed down from the excitement of preparing his proposal, he seemed to notice other things. “But on second thought, I don’t feel entirely reassured. Wanna talk?”

“I thought you were already over the moon. I’m not a wedding planner—what is there to talk about with me?”

“I thought you were the one who wanted to talk to me,” Qi Boyuan said cautiously.

“I don’t.”

Li Xuan lowered his head slightly, lit the cigarette between his lips again, and exhaled a smoke ring that quickly dissipated. His face remained expressionless, making him seem particularly impenetrable. Just as Qi Boyuan was starting to think this visit had been pointless, he suddenly heard Li Xuan murmur, voice soft, “How can you be sure she’s the one?”

“Hmm?” Qi Boyuan blinked in surprise and turned to look at him. Li Xuan immediately looked away.

“What kind of question is that?” Qi Boyuan bumped his shoulder, then laughed. “Is this why you’ve been so distracted these past few months? … When I joked about your ‘iron tree blooming,’ I didn’t think I’d be right. Who is it?”

“We’re talking about you right now. Don’t try to shift the focus to me.”

“Fine, fine.” Qi Boyuan raised his hands in a mock gesture of surrender. “Let’s talk about me… Let me think… How do I know? Do I even need to?”

Li Xuan didn’t answer. He leaned back against the railing, tilting his head slightly to look at the faint sunlight peeking through the clouds. After a long silence, he started speaking again, his opening unexpectedly odd: “When I first started learning to program, the first thing I wrote was ‘Hello, World.’”

“Me too,” Qi Boyuan replied, a bit confused. “That’s how it is for all programmers, right?”

“Back then, I was broke. I can’t remember who told me coding could make money. I bought a secondhand book for three and a half yuan and started teaching myself at an internet cafe.” Li Xuan pressed his fingers against his temple, continuing, “I didn’t know anything then, but I knew that if I followed the instructions and pressed each key one at a time, the program would output the correct result. I also knew what the standard answer should look like.”

Qi Boyuan began to understand. “No, Li Xuan, this is different. Love—”

“I know it’s different…” Li Xuan cut him off, but he didn’t continue.

“Now you’re clamming up again.” Qi Boyuan clicked his tongue in frustration.

“There’s nothing more to say.” Li Xuan rubbed his temple, his eyes dropping to watch the flow of traffic below. “Go back to work.”

“What am I supposed to do out there? Leave you here to stew in your own thoughts?” Qi Boyuan gestured toward the nearly finished cigarette and patted him on the shoulder. “Come on, just talk. I’m not that curious, but think of it as venting. Or let me put it another way—why this person? Why aren’t you questioning if you have feelings for me instead?”

“What kind of dream are you having?” Li Xuan shot him a glance.

“Or why not Xiao Ding, Jia Jia, or anyone else in our company?” Qi Boyuan added, completely serious. “I’m just making a point. I’m about to get married, squeaky clean over here.”

“Finish your wedding prep before you brag,” Li Xuan snapped, stubbing out his cigarette. He turned to leave but was stopped by Qi Boyuan hooking an arm around his neck. “What are you doing? Let go.”

“My wedding prep is almost done. Don’t leave yet. Finish what you were saying. You have to admit, my question was spot-on.”

“What’s there to admit?” Li Xuan shook him off and reached for another cigarette, but the lighter failed to ignite after several tries. He leaned on the railing and, after a moment of silence, spoke in a faint voice, “Emotions are, at the core, biochemical reactions—hormones, dopamine, adrenaline… I can’t be sure if it’s just our hormones influencing each other…”

“Wait, hold on.” Qi Boyuan cut him off with a look of utter disbelief. “Whose hormones are influencing you? No, wait… Are you talking about sex hormones or pheromones? This is beyond my understanding of biology. Is it me misunderstanding you, or are you explaining it poorly? How are these things supposed to influence each other? Are you two living in some kind of ABO world?”

“What nonsense are you on about now?” Li Xuan looked at him, bewildered.

“You’re the one who brought it up,” Qi Boyuan retorted, still shocked. He couldn’t help but add, “ABO is… how should I explain… Jia Jia told me about it…”

“Stop right there,” Li Xuan cut him off, realizing this wasn’t going anywhere productive. “You wouldn’t get it.”

“Take your time. I’m in no rush,” Qi Boyuan said with a grin.

“I’m in a rush!”

After Li Xuan said this, he fell silent again under Qi Boyuan’s surprised gaze.

After a long pause, he sighed in defeat and slumped down, lowering his head slightly with a bitter smile. “…I’m afraid he’s in a rush too. I used to think that everything worked best when planned. And even if there was no prearrangement, it didn’t matter. Mistakes could always be corrected, and nothing ever went drastically wrong…”

He paused for a moment, his voice tinged with fatigue. “But he’s different… I don’t know what it should look like. But if—just if—we’re both wrong, and one day I realize it’s not right, what happens to him? The decision I make now is one I won’t change for the rest of my life. But he won’t accept something forced, and I don’t want this relationship to have any moment that makes him feel uneasy.”

His tone was soft, yet his expression was serious, as though discussing an important business matter. “The last time I saw him, there were moments when he felt unfamiliar to me. Later, I realized it was myself who seemed unfamiliar. The more I try to find the correct solution and untangle all the questions, the more lost I become. Day by day, until eventually, everyone ends up unrecognizable.”