This time, they didn’t make a reservation in advance, but their luck was still good. When they arrived, the freshly made osmanthus candy was just out of the oven. The owner remembered them, and they bought two servings of the candy and some water chestnut cake. The owner also gave them freshly made lotus seed pastry to try.
Sheng Min smelled the fragrance of the osmanthus candy and couldn’t resist. He ate a piece as soon as he got in the car, but since he had just eaten lunch, his appetite wasn’t great. With a sigh, he put the rest of it away reluctantly.
“Why do you like their candy so much?” Li Xuan found his childish behavior amusing and couldn’t help but laugh, teasing him, “It doesn’t seem that special to me.”
“You don’t like sweet things. Any shop would be the same.” Sheng Min glanced at him, paused for a moment, then softly said, “The first time I had their candy, my dad bought it for me.”
Li Xuan’s smile froze. Sheng Min squeezed his hand to signal that it was alright.
“I was only about four, I think. Every time I tell you about the past, it seems to be from that age,” he rested his hand on the car window. “I can’t help it. From when I first remembered things, until he passed away, there was just such a short time… It was our kindergarten’s Children’s Day performance, and our class won first place. They gave every child a little red flower and a box of small cakes. At that time, Sheng Hui had just started calling me ‘Ge,’ and I wanted to take the cake home to eat with him… I didn’t know children couldn’t eat it, so I fed him a bit, and my mom saw it. She was really angry and threw it out, even the flower. I ran downstairs to pick it up, but below our building was a drainage ditch, and I couldn’t reach it. I fell in and cried. My dad was called back by the neighbors.”
He turned his face and looked out the window. “He didn’t know where the cake came from. He carried me for a long way but couldn’t find it. Eventually, he bought me osmanthus candy from a shop near Binjiang Road. The little red flowers wouldn’t fold, so we passed by a new clothing store that had a flower basket for its grand opening. He asked the owner for a red African daisy. I didn’t understand, but I thought the sunflower in the basket was big and pretty, so I kept staring at it. My dad had to ask the owner for another one… Actually, his personality was very shy, and he hated bothering people. If you’d met him, you’d know…”
Sheng Min’s voice lowered, and Li Xuan stopped the car at the side of the road, pulling him close around the shoulder.
“I’m not crying,” Sheng Min turned his head and gave a dry smile, his eyes still dry, “I just wish I wasn’t his child, really.”
For the second time, he brought up this topic with a sincere expression.
“I understand,” Li Xuan choked up a little but quickly responded.
“I used to think about him a lot. When I thought of him, things didn’t seem that bad. But recently, I rarely think about him. The other day, I realized I can’t even remember what he looked like. It’s really been too many years…” Sheng Min paused and then smiled, “He was a good person. He just picked me up, and then with Sheng Hui, having two children in that kind of family was hard. For my mom, I was indeed a burden. Even though they were husband and wife, it didn’t mean she had to take on all that responsibility.”
“You are not a burden,” Li Xuan said quietly.
“Of course not to you, you’re biased toward me. But you can’t expect everyone to see me the way you do.” Sheng Min raised his eyebrows slightly. “Selfishness isn’t a fault, it’s human nature and a flaw. It shouldn’t be something that gets judged as a sin. It’s like the trolley problem: if it was someone you cared about on the other track, sacrificing the people on the other train would be the choice most people would make.”
“Would that be your choice too?”
“If it were you, then yes.”
Li Xuan gazed at his slender cheek for a long time. Finally, his hand that had been resting on Sheng Min’s shoulder slowly withdrew, but Sheng Min quickly grabbed it.
“You’re trying to persuade me again,” Li Xuan sighed.
“Don’t you always listen to me?” Sheng Min held his hand and shook it gently.
“I want to,” Li Xuan’s expression remained unchanged, “But it’s too late.”
Sheng Min’s hand froze for a moment, but Li Xuan firmly held it. He unbuckled his seatbelt with one hand and pulled him into his arms.
“They won’t show up in front of you again,” Li Xuan whispered in his ear.
Sheng Min suddenly looked up, his voice still calm. “What did you do this time?”
What did he do this time.
The same question was asked last night on the other end of the phone.
“What were you planning to do?” Li Xuan asked in return.
“Tell me first, you didn’t kill anyone, right?” The bloody outcome of Qin Zhengchen still fresh in his mind, Sheng Min’s brain was buzzing.
“No.”
Sheng Min closed his eyes for a moment, bit his lip, and said, “I’ll give them one last sum of money, the rest of Sheng Hui’s school fees and living expenses.”
“Will they agree?”
Sheng Min didn’t answer immediately, remaining silent for a moment. “I’ve done my part.”
“I understand, but they don’t. Besides, Sheng Hui doesn’t need your money. He was expelled from school last week for getting into several fights… I guess you didn’t know.” Li Xuan glanced at Sheng Min and spoke in a low voice, “This has nothing to do with me. He got himself expelled. As for Wang Shuying, she has too much gambling debt and can’t pay it. She’s moved away with her useless son. I think N City isn’t suitable for them anyway. This is probably for the best.”
Sheng Min didn’t respond right away, feeling a little confused. “What debt? I already paid off her gambling debts.”
“I said she owes, so she does.” Li Xuan spoke bluntly, “Don’t worry about her coming to find you. Human trafficking carries a long sentence, and at her age, she might not even make it out.”
“Human trafficking?”
Li Xuan smirked, unconcerned, and didn’t forget to flatter him. “I always listen to you, really. So I’ve been holding myself back. You know that, don’t you?”
“Yeah, I know.” After a long pause, Sheng Min lowered his eyes, sighed wearily. “You never planned to hide this from me, just never asked me.”
“It’s only the second time.” With that expression, Li Xuan’s casual smile faded.
“Will it be any different next time?” Sheng Min gently pulled away from his embrace, shook his head, his tone not exactly disappointed, “I’m a bit tired. I’ll head back first. You should be heading to your meeting.”
On the way back, they didn’t speak. Li Xuan knew why Sheng Min was silent, just as Sheng Min knew him well.
However slow Li Xuan drove, the car still stopped at the garage downstairs. Sheng Min said, “Be careful on the road,” reached for the car door, but couldn’t open it.
He pressed his fingers to his forehead and looked at Li Xuan, but Li Xuan simply stared straight ahead, seemingly oblivious.
“Waiting for me to beg you?” After a two-second pause, Sheng Min said softly.
Li Xuan didn’t expect him to say that and turned his head. For a moment, his expression seemed a bit flustered as he opened the main control switch.
Sheng Min didn’t look at him, got out of the car, and the elevator happened to stop on the first basement floor. He entered without looking back. Li Xuan watched his slender figure and couldn’t help but curse himself. He was very much aware of how mentally drained Sheng Min had been lately, so why provoke him like this?
In a hurry, he also got out of the car, instinctively trying to catch up. But to his surprise, the elevator button hadn’t moved. After a long few seconds, the door opened, and Sheng Min stepped out with a cold face.
They stared at each other for a moment. Li Xuan circled around to the other side, opened the passenger door, and looked at him nervously. After a long pause, Sheng Min sighed softly and slowly walked back.
“Forgot your key?” Li Xuan, feeling relieved, made a light joke. He pulled Sheng Min’s hand and kissed it, “You said you wouldn’t be mad at me for someone so unimportant.”
“Is the unimportant person worth all this trouble?” Sheng Min didn’t want to talk to him, but when facing Li Xuan, he couldn’t even maintain a cold face for long.
“Because you’re not unimportant to me.”
“Then are you?” Sheng Min swatted his hand away but couldn’t shake him off. He threw another question at him, “Do you really think I’m worried about anyone coming back for me?”
Li Xuan decisively replied, “No.”
“You’re always like this.” Sheng Min knew his quick acknowledgment was just surface-level, but he had no way to deal with it. He bit his lip and muttered softly, “Every time she asked me for money, I always thought… She never raised me, but she did give birth to me. I crawled out of her belly, so I naturally had to lower my head in front of her. Like Nezha cutting his bones for his father and flesh for his mother, I couldn’t do that. It was just money. If I could’ve earned more back then, maybe my dad could’ve lived a few more years, and I would’ve given that to her too… Now I know it’s not that simple, but at least, after my dad died, she didn’t throw me away.”
In fact, this was also because, at a young age, Sheng Min had already been acting, earning money. But Sheng Min didn’t say this, and Li Xuan couldn’t bring himself to say it.
Because what he said next was, “If she really threw me away, then I wouldn’t have met you. Thinking about it, I’m quite lucky.”
At this moment, Li Xuan felt a pang of regret, and his heart ached. He had to cough to cover up his awkwardness: “That wouldn’t have happened. We would’ve met eventually… Maybe I would have found you earlier, or you would have picked me up earlier.”
“I wish, but there’s no way to go back earlier.” Sheng Min looked at him, his brow still furrowed, but his voice finally softened. “I want my luck to last longer, for a lifetime. Yesterday you said we’d live to be a hundred. But if you always act like this, how can I dare to live a hundred years with you? You’re always worrying about me. I’m afraid I might shorten your life.”
As he spoke, his anger flared up again, mixed with some unclear grievance. Yet Li Xuan responded, “That won’t happen. I’m tough, even if the king of hell comes, he’d have to wait…”
Before he could finish, Sheng Min quickly covered his mouth, “Stop talking nonsense… If there’s a next time, I’ll really be angry. Don’t do anything behind my back… Okay? Who would pick you up? I’ll just throw you away.”
“You’re too soft-hearted, that’s why you can’t let go. Isn’t that why you’re back again?” Li Xuan kissed his palm. As Sheng Min withdrew his hand, Li Xuan firmly intertwined their fingers, lowered his head, and kissed him again.
