PSMD – Chapter 90

Qiu Yang noticed Shen Ningruo’s unusual behavior precisely because she had seen Shen Ningruo happy before. So, if Shen Ningruo was even slightly unhappy, she could tell.

Even just a little bit, even if Shen Ningruo tried to hide it from her, Qiu Yang’s thoughts were entirely focused on Shen Ningruo, allowing her to still pick up on it.

She didn’t know why, so she didn’t contact Shen Ningruo rashly. She also felt that Shen Ningruo needing to work wasn’t false, just not that urgent, but because she was in a bad mood, she had moved it up.

Qiu Yang kept getting distracted while editing photos at home. After much deliberation, she decided to call Shen Ningruo. By this time, any non-urgent work should have been finished.

But what she didn’t expect was to hear Shen Ningruo’s tearful voice, mixed with drunkenness, and that one sentence, “Xiao Yang, do you really like me too?”, made Qiu Yang’s chest ache.

Just that one sentence, and she knew what Shen Ningruo was thinking.

Qiu Yang stared at the computer screen, her eyelashes drooping slightly. Pingzi was sleeping on her lap. She stroked Pingzi’s head with her other hand before softly asking in return, “Are you home?”

“You…” Shen Ningruo took a deep breath, then said, “Sorry, Xiao Yang, I… I’ll calm down by myself for a bit.”

The next second, Shen Ningruo hung up the phone, and there was no sound.

Qiu Yang’s eyelids lifted slightly, and she let out a soft breath. She picked up Pingzi and placed her on the bed: “I’m going out for a bit. Eat cat food if you get hungry at home.”

Pingzi curled up, sleeping even more soundly. Qiu Yang’s lips curved slightly, and she picked up her shoulder bag and left.

After hanging up the phone, Shen Ningruo fell silent. It took her a few seconds to realize what she had done, and she wanted to call Qiu Yang back, but her fingertips froze, refusing to obey. In the end, she just put her phone aside.

Her vision was already blurry. She didn’t want this; she didn’t want Qiu Yang to hear her like this, but with her terrible alcohol tolerance, it was almost impossible to avoid.

Yao Yao came out with honey water and saw Shen Ningruo’s somewhat dazed expression, along with two streaks of tears on her face. Shen Ningruo had good skin and was fair, making the two tear streaks particularly noticeable.

Yao Yao sighed and sat down: “In the time it took to make some honey water, how did you end up crying like a fierce tiger?”

Shen Ningruo bent her knees and rested her chin on them. Hearing Yao Yao’s teasing, she raised her hand to wipe away her tears and sniffled: “It was an accident.”

Yao Yao knew she was sensitive about appearances and didn’t expose her: “Drink some honey water, sober up a bit, otherwise you’ll just get sadder the more you think.”

Shen Ningruo shook her head: “I don’t want to.”

“I’ll sleep for a bit, while I’m still drunk.”

Yao Yao: “…Then I made this for nothing?”

“You can drink it yourself.” Shen Ningruo’s thoughts returned a little, and she wasn’t as irrational as before, but the more sober she became, the more she remembered asking Qiu Yang a question and still not getting a response.

When had she ever asked someone like that?

Looking so humble, Shen Ningruo had never been like this.

But Qiu Yang still didn’t respond.

Was it that hard?

Shen Ningruo propped herself up and stood. Yao Yao hovered nearby, afraid she might fall. Her steps were a bit unsteady, but she could walk independently. It wasn’t far from the living room to the bedroom. Shen Ningruo walked to the bed with a heavy head and light feet and lay down.

-Xiao Yang, do you really like me too?

The question she had asked kept replaying in her mind, over and over, making her think more and more, and she began to fall into self-doubt—

Maybe Qiu Yang didn’t like her that much after all?

Was it really that hard to say it?

Even when she was like this, Qiu Yang wasn’t willing to coax her like a child and say “I like you”?

Shen Ningruo’s thoughts spread from one point into various lines, controlling her emotions, and she started to get tangled up again.

She shouldn’t think like this, because Qiu Yang’s liking for her was so obvious, but Qiu Yang still hadn’t responded to her confession. What kind of situation was that?

Could it be that the words “I like you” were so difficult to say in front of her?

What about in front of others?

Yao Yao had already left the bedroom, leaving the space to Shen Ningruo, but the door was left ajar so she could check on her at any time. If Shen Ningruo were to fall off the bed, she could rush in immediately.

Having been friends with Shen Ningruo for so many years, Yao Yao had almost never seen Shen Ningruo in such a state of distress. When Shen Ningruo’s mother committed suicide, the Shen Ningruo she saw was extremely haggard and tired, with vacant eyes, but she wasn’t distressed. At that time, some people at school who had always been jealous of Shen Ningruo thought they had finally found an opportunity to mock her, but unfortunately, they still saw a proud white swan, and those words remained unspoken.

However, after that, Shen Ningruo smiled less, and it wasn’t until recent years that she finally showed more expressions.

Yao Yao reminisced for a moment, looking at the photo of Shen Ningruo, Qiu Yang, and the fat cat on the coffee table, and a slight smile curved her lips.

Actually, maybe this wasn’t so bad? It finally made her feel that Shen Ningruo was a person with flesh and blood, not just a heartless work machine.

And the person with flesh and blood was currently rummaging through drawers, taking out the photo of Qiu Yang and Tao Sixian from back then. She placed the photo under the desk lamp, trying hard to keep her vision from blurring.

She saw Qiu Yang’s smile and Qiu Yang’s happy expression clearly, and at the same time, she saw that the person Qiu Yang was holding was not herself.

Perhaps the person Qiu Yang liked wasn’t herself either.

She gave a self-mocking smile, stared at it for a long time, and then put the photo back in the drawer.

She had brought her phone into the room, but there was no sound from it. Shen Ningruo’s heart sank little by little. She lay down, pulled the blanket over herself, and closed her eyes, ready to fall asleep.

As long as she was asleep, she wouldn’t feel sad or upset.

When her mother was gone, she had relied on this method to get through a long period, but back then, she would have nightmares and wake up drenched in sweat.

This time it definitely wouldn’t be like that, but her disappointment was like a storm, engulfing and drowning her. She didn’t even have time to take measures to save herself; her whole body was frozen in place, letting herself overthink.

Overthinking was not advisable, Shen Ningruo knew this, but she couldn’t control it now. The alcohol was also kicking in. She was completely surrounded by negative emotions. One moment she was thinking about the photo of Qiu Yang holding Tao Sixian, the next she was thinking about Qiu Yang’s lack of response.

Her mind was a mess until someone tugged at her blanket. Her thoughts paused, and she said in a muffled voice, “Yao Yao, I don’t want honey water.”

But what she heard was Qiu Yang’s voice: “Sister Yao Yao left a moment ago.”

Hearing that soft voice, Shen Ningruo sobered up considerably. She even raised her hand and clutched the blanket, not wanting Qiu Yang to pull it off: “I’m sleeping.”

Shen Ningruo’s tone was cold. Qiu Yang pursed her lips when she heard this: “Then how long will you sleep?”

“I don’t know.”

“Don’t worry about me.”

The next second after she finished speaking, Qiu Yang still lifted a corner of the blanket, and her appearance came into Qiu Yang’s view.

“Then I’ll sleep with you,” Qiu Yang tilted her head. “Okay?”

Qiu Yang was currently silhouetted against the desk lamp, making it hard for Shen Ningruo to see her expression clearly, but she could tell from Qiu Yang’s tone that she had come to coax her.

Actually, could this even be considered her throwing a tantrum?

Shen Ningruo couldn’t help but start thinking.

Unrequited affection really could push a person off a cliff.

Shen Ningruo didn’t say anything, just quietly moved over a little, making space for Qiu Yang. Qiu Yang didn’t immediately get in; she first took off her clothes and pants before getting under the covers.

Shen Ningruo knew clearly that this was Qiu Yang’s habit; she would never get into bed while wearing casual clothes.

She knew quite a bit about Qiu Yang. Besides this habit, she knew many others, all of which she had silently kept in mind. What about Qiu Yang?

Had Qiu Yang remembered her habits too?

Shen Ningruo had been certain of the answer before, but now she felt a trace of confusion. She turned over, facing away from Qiu Yang, and closed her eyes.

After a few seconds, Qiu Yang hugged her from behind, resting her face against her back, and softly said, “I’m here, and you’re still unhappy.”

Shen Ningruo didn’t say anything. She was actually happy, but at the same time, she felt a little sad.

It felt like she was being unreasonable now, even though she was a grown woman, she was acting like a child who cried because she didn’t get a little red star.

Shen Ningruo despised this side of herself, but she couldn’t help but accept it.

Qiu Yang hugged Shen Ningruo a little tighter and spoke to herself: “I noticed the change in your mood, but I didn’t know why.”

“I was very worried about you. I called you, and I rushed over.”

“On the way, I kept thinking about the question you asked me, and I realized that my ‘punishment’ for you was this.”

This was indeed the real punishment, tormenting Shen Ningruo as well.

When Shen Ningruo first told her she liked her, Shen Ningruo hadn’t given her a satisfactory explanation, so she hadn’t responded.

When Shen Ningruo told her she liked her for the second time last night, she still didn’t respond, focusing all her attention on what Shen Ningruo said.

But the first time was intentional, the second time was unintentional.

“You told me before that people say hurtful things when they’re in a negative mood. You didn’t say those things to me, but I couldn’t stop thinking about what you were thinking,” Qiu Yang said, while gently turning Shen Ningruo’s body around. She wanted Shen Ningruo to face her. Fortunately, Shen Ningruo didn’t resist, and after a few movements, they were face to face, but Shen Ningruo refused to open her eyes, as if she were truly asleep.

“I was scared the whole way here.”

“I was afraid you’d think I didn’t like you, I was afraid you’d start doubting yourself, I was afraid you were jealous of Tao Sixian, I was afraid you had no confidence in our relationship. I was afraid of so many things, but what I feared most was losing you.”

As Qiu Yang spoke, her eyes welled up with a sour feeling: “I’m sorry, I knew what it felt like for affection to go unrequited, yet I still treated you this way and retaliated against you.”

“But I don’t dislike you.”

Shen Ningruo’s eyelashes trembled slightly, and then she heard Qiu Yang say: “I only like you, and I like you the most.”

“Do you want me to be just your Xiao Yang?”

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