“My Ah-ba is in that box.”
Subconsciously, I followed his gaze to the square box on the offering table and asked, incredulously, “Your father is in the box?”
Only then did I realize that Shen Jianqing was probably referring to the ashes.
The Shidi Miao village practices cremation, which naturally leaves ashes. After cremation, people usually choose to bury the deceased or scatter the ashes into mountains, rivers, and lakes. In any case, they don’t keep them by their side. From what Shen Jianqing had said before, the Shidi Miao village would likely scatter the ashes into the river, praying that the deceased would one day return to their homeland via the river.
But Shen Siyuan’s ashes had remained in the stilt house all this time?
Thinking of this, a chill ran down my spine, and I felt helpless and sad for Shen Siyuan.
“You should bury him or scatter him into the river according to custom.”
Shen Jianqing stepped forward, carefully wiped the urn, and placed it neatly on the offering table. He said, “I thought so too, but my mother couldn’t bear to.”
Shen Jianqing lowered his eyes, as if lost in a memory. He continued, “Since I can remember, my father was always bedridden. I rarely saw him because the door to his room was always closed, and my mother wouldn’t let me disturb him.”
The wind kept blowing in through the window, and I felt a bit cold, so I pulled my collar tighter.
“But I knew my parents must have been deeply in love, because my Ah-ma always loved to tell me stories about her and Ah-ba. She’d tell how she saved Ah-ba when he fell off a cliff, how they fell in love at first sight, and how Ah-ba built a special rope bridge to meet her. Every time she told these stories, Ah-ma’s eyes would sparkle, like there were stars in them.”
Shen Jianqing paused, then turned to look at me intently. He continued, “When I was young, I didn’t understand Ah-ma’s feelings, but now I seem to gradually understand.”
Through Shen Jianqing’s dark eyes, I vaguely saw that paranoid yet beautiful Miao woman.
“If they loved each other so much, why didn’t she let your father move freely? Why was he confined in the stilt house?”
Shen Jianqing said, “Confined? That wasn’t confinement. Father later fell ill, and his mind had some issues; he was always prone to wandering off and getting lost. My Ah-ma said she was worried that one day she wouldn’t see Ah-ba again, which is why she protected him that way. My Ah-ma couldn’t bear to leave Ah-ba even on her deathbed, so she asked me to keep his ashes at home. That way, when she returns in the future, she can still see him.”
Just hearing this made me feel suffocated. Although I hadn’t met Ah Qing or Shen Siyuan, nor had I witnessed Ah Qing’s actions firsthand, simply thinking about it made me feel a bit of sympathy for Shen Siyuan.
It turns out love can truly be suffocating.
I said, “So unwilling to be separated, yet she was buried alone in the graveyard.”
Upon hearing this, Shen Jianqing’s expression darkened, shifting from reminiscence to a chilling coldness. He said, “I was still young then; I couldn’t argue with them. But it doesn’t matter, it won’t be long…”
His voice trailed off, and I didn’t catch the rest of what he said.
As he spoke, Shen Jianqing’s expression was very serious; he was definitely not making up a story. From childhood, the concept he had received from his mother was that his parents deeply loved each other.
But those involved are often blind, while bystanders see clearly; this was simply pathological possessiveness and control!
I suddenly thought of the famous Rashomon story. Even the same event, perhaps a not-so-complex one, can sound completely different when told by different people, sometimes even vastly divergent.
Because everyone tells a story with their own subjective thoughts, describing everything as they imagine it or in a way that benefits them.
Everyone instinctively defends themselves and beautifies their own image.
In the story, Ah Qing told Shen Jianqing repeatedly that she and Shen Siyuan loved each other and protected each other.
In Wan Ying’s mouth, however, Shen Siyuan was merely a pitiable creature trapped in a cage.
What was the truth of the matter? Did they truly love each other, or had they loved each other at some point? The protagonists of the story were all deceased, and so the answers died with them, unknown to anyone.
But at this moment, I suddenly understood all of Shen Jianqing’s actions.
It’s often said that parents are a child’s first teachers, and people unconsciously imitate their parents’ way of dealing with the world. Many people’s understanding and perception of this world are based on their parents’ words and deeds.
This also includes love.
But no one had ever taught Shen Jianqing how to love someone.
How to love normally and healthily.
The love he witnessed was all about possession, paranoia, and forceful imposition.
And so, he loved someone in the same way.
This was truly terrifying.
The relentless wind seemed to herald the coming of heavy rain. In the wind, Shen Jianqing stepped forward and said, “Why are you looking at me like that? Do you think I’m pitiful?”
I shook my head, changing the subject. “No, just a little cold.”
Upon hearing this, Shen Jianqing embraced me. Warm body heat suddenly enveloped me from all directions, keeping the wind at bay.
I heard Shen Jianqing’s voice: “It’s fine if you pity me; you’d better keep pitying me. That way, you won’t be able to bear to leave.”
Was this also a trick he learned from Ah Qing?
He always showed weakness while forcefully rejecting everything he disliked.
My body stiffened, not fully relaxing into the embrace. But Shen Jianqing didn’t mind, holding me stubbornly.
My peripheral vision suddenly caught sight of the Gu container on the offering table, which I had seen once before. My heart stirred, and I couldn’t help but ask, “Shen Jianqing, is that your Gu container?”
Shen Jianqing replied, “Yes.”
“Then, can you cast gu?”
“Hehe.” Shen Jianqing chuckled softly, his breath warm and humid on my cheek. He said, “Li Yuze, I don’t cast gu.”
Is that so? This answer was identical to before, but I was no longer the easily deceived Li Yuze I once was.
If he couldn’t cast Gu, then what was the Gu container for?
Naturally, I didn’t believe him.
The sun was gradually setting in the west, already perched on the mountaintop. The room was filled with a raging wind, as if someone truly might arrive unexpectedly carried by it. Muffled in Shen Jianqing’s embrace, I said, “Let’s go down, it’s getting dark.”
Shen Jianqing let out a low, ambiguous “En,” and his body didn’t move. I felt curious, noticing he was looking down at something.
Following his gaze, I saw that the wooden splint bracing my right ankle, which held my fractured bone, had somehow snapped its ties and fallen off. Now, the wooden piece hung ludicrously by my foot, signifying its mission accomplished.
It must have happened when Shen Jianqing hurried me up earlier; we hadn’t paid much attention during the movement.
I was truly too careless.
Shen Jianqing said meaningfully, “Your foot is healed.”
I quickly explained, “It was still a bit painful a few days ago, but it’s recovered quite well these past two days…”
“Then we should celebrate!” As I felt uneasy, unsure if he believed me, Shen Jianqing’s long eyebrows relaxed, and a smile reached his eyes, as if he were genuinely happy for me.
I braced myself, afraid he’d see that I had been hiding my condition, and forced myself to calmly say, “Celebrate?”
“Yes, we should celebrate!” Shen Jianqing grew excited.
I hesitated, asking, “How should we celebrate?”
In the strong wind, Shen Jianqing’s long hair danced wildly, some strands brushing his face unnoticed. Without a moment’s thought, he blurted out, “Since Ah-ba and Ah-ma are both here today, let’s get married!”
What did he say?
Get… get married?
I thought my ears were playing tricks on me; otherwise, how could I hear something so preposterous? I blinked, somewhat bewildered. “Do you know what you’re saying?”
Shen Jianqing looked at me steadfastly, his slender eyelashes casting a deep, affectionate shadow beneath his eyes. He said, “Of course I know. We’ll get married today, alright?”
I widened my eyes and asked, “Do you know what marriage means? You’re still so young… it’s not a child’s game!”
He was still so young; how could he possibly understand what marriage was?
Shen Jianqing said, “I always thought everything I’ve done was enough to show my feelings. Li Yuze, I will never let go, not even to my death.”
Like his mother, Ah Qing? Who wouldn’t let Shen Siyuan’s ashes be buried even after her death?
But marriage isn’t a one-sided fervent desire; it requires mutual willingness and understanding between both parties.
I was willing to believe that Shen Jianqing’s burning affection for me was not feigned. To be honest, no one facing such an ardent heart wouldn’t be moved.
But being moved is one thing, love is another, and marriage is yet another.
I wasn’t ready to get married, let alone marry a man.
“You’re unwilling?” Shen Jianqing gripped my shoulders.
“I…” No words came out.
Lie to him, Li Yuze. A voice screamed in my heart. Anyway, nothing here has a legal effect! Lie to him, and your life will be a bit easier!
I knew that from a practical standpoint, I should answer “Yes.” But I just couldn’t say it.
An inexplicable sense of morality restrained me. I always felt that if I answered “Yes,” I would truly be giving Shen Jianqing some kind of promise.
Seeing my prolonged silence, Shen Jianqing’s excited and fervent expression gradually cooled, and the stars in his eyes extinguished. He sighed, saying forlornly, “It’s fine. It’s fine if you’re not willing today.”
After a pause, he added, “It was inconsiderate of me. There’s no glutinous rice cake, no ceremony, no lusheng pipes; nothing is prepared today. How could we get married so hastily?”
Upon hearing this, I momentarily breathed a sigh of relief.
But before I could fully relax, I heard Shen Jianqing say, “But you have to compensate me.”
Compensate? I didn’t owe him anything.
But compared to something as absurd as getting married immediately, compensation seemed somewhat acceptable.
“What compensation do you want?”
“Hmm…” Shen Jianqing looked me up and down, mused for a moment, then suddenly his eyes lit up, narrowing into slits, and two rows of pearly white teeth appeared between his lips.
Seeing his brilliant smile, I had an ominous premonition.
