Zhao Rugu’s appearance was like a fleeting meteor, briefly streaking across the sky before vanishing. After I firmly rejected her that day, she disappeared from my sight.
This is probably for the best, I thought. Perhaps this is simply human nature. Life is inherently short, and once one has seen this beautiful world, they wouldn’t choose to cling to a single tree.
Just like my parents, who chose to marry due to a momentary passion. When the passion faded, they realized they weren’t worth wasting more time on each other, and they decisively walked away.
This is simply human nature.
This weekend, our class leader organized a “class birthday” event. Our classmates come from all corners of the world, and eventually, we are all destined to return to the masses. But since freshman year, we had decided on a “class birthday” and celebrated it annually. I always felt it was just an excuse for a class activity, but everyone else thought it was deeply meaningful.
The “class birthday” was set for late autumn each year, roughly when autumn transitions into winter.
This year’s celebration would be the last. Zhang Xu, our class monitor, said he wanted to make it a grand one. He booked a campsite on Mount Qu, where we could enjoy activities and camp.
He was also one of my former roommates, and we’ve always had a pretty good relationship, so I naturally supported the event he organized.
I remember there’s a very old Taoist temple on Mount Qu, with a strong flow of worshippers. I’d always wanted to visit but hadn’t been able to for various reasons. This time, I could visit it.
Mount Qu is not far from our school, about a ten-minute walk. However, the climb was quite strenuous, and a few classmates secretly took the cable car. When the class leader turned back to count heads, he was surprised to find a few missing. After figuring out where they went, he feigned anger and playfully scolded them.
“I say, Ah Ze, you’re truly impressive. After climbing for so long, you’re not even breathing heavily!” Zhang Xu finished scolding and then turned to me, giving a thumbs-up.
He was a southerner, with the typical delicate and gentle features of the South, yet he possessed a robust physique, which often earned him the nickname “King Kong Barbie” in class.
I looked at the various sizes of luggage hanging on him and said with a smile, “How about I carry a few for you?”
With all those bags, how could he not be tired?
Zhang Xu immediately shouted, “Aiyo! Ah Ze is still the most reliable! You guys just boss me around!”
A few girls giggled, and some, not content to let things be, mercilessly slung another backpack around his neck. The class leader immediately put on an exaggerated expression of anger, drawing more laughter from the group.
I couldn’t help but smile too.
Zhang Xu continued to walk, burdened, but still didn’t forget to chat with me: “Ah Ze, let me tell you, I really think you’re amazing!”
I was momentarily stunned: “Why?”
Zhang Xu said, “Before, I thought you were delicate and frail, being a literature student… In ancient times, you’d definitely be a handsome scholar who couldn’t carry anything heavy or lift anything! Ai, I’m not like you; you genuinely like it, I was just assigned to our major.”
He adjusted the bags on his shoulders, then took a breath and continued, “When I heard you went missing in the deep mountains, I thought you were definitely dead! What kind of place is that? Snakes, insects, rats and ants, crawling all over the place!”
I said, “Not really, they weren’t crawling all over.”
But Zhang Xu gave me another thumbs-up: “But you actually came out alive, by yourself! Do you know, I think you’re a real man!”
I was speechless for a moment.
He grew more excited as he spoke, almost jumping: “Hey! Tell me about your survival experience in the mountains! Maybe I’ll need it someday! How did you make fire? How did you determine direction? And insect repellent — insect repellent is very important!”
When he mentioned the words “insect repellent,” my heart skipped two beats. I instinctively reached for my neck, but it was empty.
Oh, I forgot. That sachet was left at home.
But memory was like a button; once triggered, all those things behind it would gush out uncontrollably.
The moment Shen Jianqing handed me the sachet, the way he gently fastened it around my neck—those images lingered. His slender fingers, his deep, expressive eyes, and that striking red mole on his eyelid.
Those memories I thought I had long forgotten now surged before me. It was then that I suddenly realized that not only had I not forgotten, but I remembered every single detail clearly.
“Why aren’t you talking?” Zhang Xu suddenly leaned close to me.
I snapped back to attention and said, “It’s nothing. Just… just good luck.”
Zhang Xu was about to say something else, but a cheer suddenly erupted from ahead.
We had, unknowingly, reached halfway up the mountain and arrived at our destination.
The camping company had already set up the activity area. Several tents were on the spacious lawn, and we needed to pitch them ourselves.
Zhang Xu, as the class monitor, immediately stepped forward to take charge, saying, “We need to pair up now, two people per tent!”
Upon hearing this, everyone immediately started discussing and finding their partners.
Zhang Xu chuckled, deliberately putting on a mischievous expression, rubbed his hands together, and said, “Then I won’t be polite, I’m taking our Ah Ze for myself!”
A few girls covered their mouths, huddling together and whispering about something.
Another one of my roommates, however, laughed and exposed him: “Oh, he already has someone in his heart, calling out their name every day! Class monitor, you want to be the third wheel, a male homewrecker?”
As soon as he finished speaking, I knew he meant no harm, but I still felt the smile on my face instantly stiffen.
Another roommate immediately elbowed him, then hooked his arm around his neck and pulled him into the tent they had already pitched.
Zhang Xu and I silently set up our tent. He dropped the smile from his face, looking a bit serious: “Don’t mind him, he’s just really gossipy. If you don’t want to talk about it, then don’t. Who says you have to announce a relationship to the whole world?”
How could I tell them that I wasn’t even in a relationship?
If I did, it would only attract more unnecessary glances and gossip.
I said, “I remember there’s a Taoist temple nearby. I’m going to go check it out.”
Zhang Xu slapped his forehead: “I know! The Qingjing Temple, I hear it’s incredibly effective!”
As the class monitor, Zhang Xu had a lot on his plate, including ensuring everyone’s safety, so he couldn’t come with me. I set off alone, following the navigation, feeling lighthearted as I searched for that supposedly very effective Taoist temple.
It was the weekend, and Mount Qu was bustling with people, with many hikers, trekkers, and tourists from out of town slowly making their way forward while taking photos.
My pace also slowed down.
I leisurely strolled to the outside of Qingjing Temple.
The temple itself wasn’t much different from ordinary Taoist temples; perhaps all statues look somewhat similar. In any case, the statues of the Three Pure Ones here were no different from elsewhere.
Many devout men and women bought incense and offered prayers, each looking very pious. A few elderly women on the plaza earnestly proclaimed how effective the temple was and how many times they had returned to fulfill vows. They were surrounded by many people, whose attention spurred them to speak even more vigorously.
Regardless of their daily beliefs, everyone who stepped into this place believed at least a little at this moment and joined in the prayers.
I had no wishes in my heart and didn’t believe in these things, so I casually walked around and then left the temple.
Something outside the temple, however, caught my interest. An elderly man, who appeared quite old, sat leisurely on his own small stool, with a white cloth spread in front of him. On the cloth were words such as “Yijing[mfn]The Book of Changes[/mfn],” “Fortune-telling by character analysis,” “Resolving Doubts and Dispelling Confusion,” and “Cure the Body, Soothe the Mind.”
Seeing “Resolving Doubts and Dispelling Confusion, Cure the Body, Soothe the Mind,” I couldn’t help but walk closer.
“Elder, are your readings accurate?”
The old man, slightly displeased, opened his lazily closed eyes just a slit. He pouted and said, “Not effective, not effective. If you ask, it’s not effective. If your heart is sincere, then it will be effective.”
He was mumbling some mystic nonsense.
I said, “First, tell me, how do you ‘resolve doubts and dispel confusion’?”
The old man held up five fingers.
I froze for a moment.
“Fifty,” the old man said mercilessly. “Electronic payments accepted.”
I had intended to try it, so I transferred fifty to him. Once he received the payment, he immediately opened his eyes wide and said with a smile, “Young man, tell me what’s bothering you, and then write a character. I’ll take a look for you.”
“I…” Realizing the old man didn’t know me, I simply said, “There’s a person, and I’m unsure about my feelings for him. I used to hate him, but now, I just can’t stop thinking about him.”
The old man subtly rolled his eyes, which I caught.
He said, “Write a character.”
I thought for a moment and then wrote a perfectly square character, “qing”.
The old man held up the paper, first sighing, “Good handwriting!” Then, he scrutinized it carefully. I watched his gaze darting left and right, the furrows on his face appearing and disappearing with his effort. His eyes, unlike the cloudy ones common in old age, were sharp and shrewd.
I suddenly thought, Why did I spend fifty here of all places? To give it to this old man who looked like a con artist…
“This character of yours is too square, lacking in sharpness, and not smooth enough. I noticed that you, young man, care too much about what others think, yet you don’t know the true direction of your own heart.”
Perhaps he wasn’t wrong, but it wasn’t hard to deduce this from what I had just told him.
“This character ‘qing’, the top and bottom parts are inherently separate, and you’ve split them too far apart. I fear it suggests scattering like shrikes flying apart…”
My heart stirred. I wondered if he was referring to Shen Siyuan and Ah Qing, or me and…
“But!” The old man took a breath and then added, “The world’s verdant hues, they only achieve such unique beauty through a process of refinement. Perhaps there’s a turning point after all.”
“What about my problem then?” I asked.
The old man smiled and said, “When you wrote this character ‘qing’, your strokes were light and firm, without any confusion. I see that you already have the answer in your heart.”
I sharply raised my eyes, meeting the old man’s meaningful gaze.
This old man, it seemed, wasn’t as unreliable as he looked.
I then asked, “How about ‘Cure the Body, Soothe the Mind’?”
The old man leisurely held up a fist, signifying one hundred.
I transferred the money without hesitation.
The old man said, “You’re so young, and you’re asking about illness?”
I whispered, “Elder, can you treat Gu?”
The old man was startled: “What?”
“I said, can you treat Gu?”
“Gu?” The old man raised his eyebrows. “I haven’t seen Gu yet. Hey, wait, don’t be so quick to ask for a refund! I can still help you!”
The old man said, he sized me up with his gaze and down twice, then he smiled and said, “Although I haven’t seen Gu, I see your thoughts are clear, your speech distinct, your body slender and well-proportioned, and your eyes clear. You don’t look like you’ve contracted any strange illness. Oh, except for the heavy dark circles under your eyes.”
So, that means there’s no Gu?
I felt an indescribable mix of emotions.
Suddenly, Shen Jianqing’s words, “I don’t cast Gu,” inexplicably echoed in my ears.
Perhaps he truly didn’t lie to me.
The old man saw me looking crestfallen and sighed, “Young man, I see your sincerity, so I’ll say a few more words. Life is inherently short. They say mayflies are born in the morning and die in the evening, but what’s the difference between humans and insects? See less, hear less, and make the most of the present!”
I felt a sudden realization in my heart and was about to express my gratitude when I saw the old man abruptly stand up, smiling: “Made a hundred and fifty today! Time to pack up and go home for dinner!”
I truly didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, once again unable to tell if he was a charlatan or not.
However, whether he was or wasn’t seemed to no longer matter that much.
The subsequent activities weren’t particularly special. Everyone gathered together, chatting about random things.
On Sunday night, we returned our tents and went our separate ways. After two days of activities and sleeping in tents, everyone was exhausted. I felt drowsy even while taking the elevator home.
I finally managed to reach my front door. As I inserted the key, I heard a faint sound behind me.
A dark shadow was cast on the wall.
