QG Chapter61

A dangerous alarm jolted me awake.

 

My floor had two apartments per elevator, and there was also an emergency staircase. The apartment across from me housed a family of three. The sound-activated lights in the hallway were dim; something must have been wrong. I’d meant to call maintenance about it a while ago but kept forgetting.

 

“Li Yuze.” He called my name, it was very low and soft.

 

That voice and shadow was familiar. I’d seen it countless times in my dreams.

 

Was I dreaming now, too?

 

I didn’t turn around, as if not turning, not looking at him, could protect me.

 

I steadied my breath, quickly shoved the key into the keyhole, twisted it, and opened the door!

 

I slipped inside and instinctively tried to close the door behind me!

 

With a “thwack,” a slender hand braced my door, preventing me from shutting it.

 

My hand trembled with the sound, and he immediately pulled the door open a bit more.

 

We stood there, silently confronting each other across the doorway, until I heard a very soft, low sigh.

 

“Yuze Ah-ge…”

 

His tall, slender frame stood in front of the door, and the distance between us felt incredibly close again. I calmed the instinctive panic in my heart and finally raised my eyes to look at him.

 

But that one glance froze me in place.

 

Behind Shen Jianqing was the pitch-black hallway, and he stood under the dim light.

 

Only now, he was completely unlike the person I remembered. His Miao clothing was filthy, completely unrecognizable in its original color, and his arm was scraped, revealing his fair, slender arm. The sole of his cloth shoes was almost worn flat, ridiculously exposing a toe. The jingly ornaments he used to wear were gone, and even the silver adornments he often wore in his hair were missing.

 

If his face hadn’t been somewhat clean, I would have almost thought a homeless person was standing in front of us.

 

Was this still the Miao youth from my memories?

 

While I was momentarily stunned, Shen Jianqing finally pushed the door wide open, and the barrier between us completely vanished.

 

My first instinct was to retreat, but I ultimately suppressed the urge. I told myself silently, Here, he can’t do anything to me anymore. This isn’t his Miao village, it’s not a place where he has absolute control. If he truly acts out, I can call for help; he might not even make it out of our residential complex.

 

I don’t need to be afraid of him anymore, do I?

 

Shen Jianqing didn’t step inside. He just leaned against the doorframe, stubbornly refusing to let me close the door.

 

Feeling a little more settled, I switched on the lights.

 

Instantly, light illuminated our surroundings.

 

We were silent for a long time, neither of us speaking, like two ridiculous statues. After a while, I finally gave in and said, “How did you find me?”

 

When it came to stubbornness, I could never win against him.

 

Shen Jianqing was outside the door, his dusty, travel-worn appearance almost the best answer.

 

He lowered his eyes to look at me, the emotion and obsession in his gaze just as they were before. I suddenly remembered the day we parted, how he lay sprawled on the ground, gritting his teeth and uttering those harsh, vicious words.

 

I thought he would rush in to get revenge on me, but he didn’t. I thought he would utter some terrifying pronouncements again, but this time, he still didn’t.

 

“I missed you so much. An Pu said you’d gone home and told me not to bother you anymore, but I couldn’t control myself… I really missed you too much, so I came by myself.”

 

As Shen Jianqing spoke, his expression softened, and his tone carried cautious pleading and tentative hope, completely devoid of the obsessive, forceful demeanor he had when he was out of control.

 

He even reminded me of how he was when we first met.

 

At the time, I thought he was a frail but strong youth without the protection of his parents.

 

Was that also something he faked to deceive me?

 

But he no longer had any need to deceive me.

 

I asked, “How did you find your way here by yourself?”

 

Shen Jianqing didn’t speak, he just raised his hand. From his tattered sleeve, a bright red figure emerged.

 

Hong Hong crawled onto his visibly veined hand, lethargically raising its front limbs towards me. Its black-bean-like eyes shifted from me to Shen Jianqing.

 

“The scented sachet?” I immediately thought of the item that should have been thrown into the trash.

 

Shen Jianqing’s brow twitched, a fleeting expression of surprise. Just when I thought I had guessed wrong, he continued, “Yuze Ah-ge, why do you still keep the scented sachet I gave you after you clearly knew the meaning of the scented sachet?”

 

The answer was on the tip of my tongue.

 

I turned my head, not answering.

 

Shen Jianqing didn’t press for my answer. He said sullenly, “Yuze Ah-ge, I’ve walked for so, so long; my legs hurt so much. Can I come in and sit down?”

 

Given his tattered state, I couldn’t imagine how Shen Jianqing had made it here.

 

The highway from Dongjiang to Yancheng is over three hundred kilometers, and he had no identification, so he couldn’t take any transportation… Did he just walk all the way, guided by Hong Hong?

 

An unprecedented feeling washed over me.

 

Seeing that I still didn’t move, Shen Jianqing continued, “The outside world is truly strange, it’s so hard to move around. And Hong Hong always disobeys, leading me in circles. Luckily, I met good people. After my dried food ran out, they exchanged the useless collars and chains on me for food. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have been able to make it here.”

 

So he traded his silver ornaments for food?

 

Then he really did meet “good people.”

 

“And the stilt houses near here are so tall, and those things called ‘cars’ are so fast, faster than the water under the stone arch bridge, they almost hit me…”

 

“Stop talking!” I cut him off abruptly.

 

Shen Jianqing stood at the doorway, as dirty as a stray puppy. “Can I come in?”

 

I sighed inwardly and stepped aside.

 

Shen Jianqing finally showed his first smile and walked in openly.

 

Once he was inside, I noticed he had a cylindrical object wrapped in cloth slung over his shoulder. Shen Jianqing carefully placed it down, looking worried that it might get damaged.

 

He was in rags, yet that cloth package was perfectly intact. I couldn’t help but be a little curious about what was inside.

 

Shen Jianqing placed the object on the table, looked around with great novelty, and said, “So your home is so different from my stilt house.”

 

I pointed to the cloth package and asked, “What’s in there?”

 

Shen Jianqing then untied the package, revealing a neatly sealed bamboo tube. He took it out and handed it to me.

 

“What is this?” I cautiously didn’t take it.

 

Shen Jianqing said, “Yuze Ah-ge, do your feet still hurt?”

 

I froze.

 

I think I knew what was inside.

 

Shen Jianqing pulled off the bamboo tube’s lid, and a sweet, mellow aroma of wine wafted out.

 

“You actually…” I stared at him blankly, as if struck by an invisible hammer, my chest aching dully, and then the pain gradually spread from my chest all the way throughout my body.

 

Inside the bamboo tube was the wine infused with the medicinal herbs that Shen Jianqing had risked his life to collect back then.

 

Shen Jianqing’s expression was relaxed and serious, as if what he was doing was nothing more than a trivial matter.

 

My vision suddenly blurred, and a misty haze filled my eyes.

 

That complex feeling surged in my chest again.

 

At this moment, I actually felt an urge to cry my heart out.

 

I once thought that Shen Jianqing’s feelings for me were merely temporary possessiveness and obsession at play. The more unattainable something was, the more it would stir in one’s heart.

 

He had confessed to me many times, but deep down, I still didn’t believe him. How could a child like him, who hadn’t truly grown up himself, speak of love?

 

People are always fickle; what they love in youth might bore them a few years later.

 

Moreover, Shen Jianqing’s personality was strange and obsessive. I didn’t dare to gamble on what kind of love he claimed to feel.

 

Rather than gaining and then losing, it was better not to believe from the start.

 

I admit, I’ve always been someone who lacked love. Love, for me, has always been very distant. I learned to grow up alone and to live alone long ago. I used to comfort myself by thinking I didn’t truly need such a thing.

 

But now, I suddenly and genuinely felt that I was indeed loved by someone like this. Perhaps obsessively, but undeniably loved.

 

So, this is what it feels like to be deeply loved from afar, across vast distances.

 

Yet, there still seemed to be many things separating us.

 

Shen Jianqing suddenly said, “Yuze Ah-ge, actually, on my way here, I intended to take you back by force.”

 

My heart skipped a beat, waiting for him to continue.

 

“But along the way, I saw many things, and I thought about many things as well,” Shen Jianqing said very seriously. “I used to only live in the small Miao village. When I left the Miao village, I only went to another Miao village. I thought the world was just one Miao village after another. But after I truly came out, I realized that the world you’ve been pursuing all along is like this. And that the world my father always longed for is also like this.”

 

As he spoke, he moved closer to me. I didn’t dodge, I just listened silently.

 

“The outside world is truly amazing, something I’d never even seen in my dreams. I also met many people along the way, more than in the Miao village, and I suddenly understood some things. When I was little, Ah-ma always said that Ah-ba always wanted to run around, that Ah-ba was sick. But now I think Ah-ba was never sick. Pursuing freedom and the world you desire isn’t a sickness. If anything, Ah-ma was sick.”

 

If Shen Siyuan could hear these words, he might find considerable comfort.

 

Shen Jianqing seemed to have changed significantly from before.

 

“If you can truly think that way, then your Ah-ba would be happy too.” I said.

 

Shen Jianqing asked, “Yuze Ah-ge, do you still hate me very much?”

 

Hate him? Of course.

 

But that hatred had long since become less simple.

 

Seeing that I didn’t answer, Shen Jianqing said forlornly, “I’ll leave. Don’t worry, I won’t do those things again, don’t be afraid of me.”

 

His submissive, downcast look made him seem even more like a stray dog abandoned by its owner.

 

I couldn’t help but soften inside and said, “You can stay here for one night first.”

 

He had no money and no ID; going out would mean sleeping on the streets.

 

Shen Jianqing’s eyelids flickered, and the red mole on his right eye briefly appeared and disappeared. A faint smile flashed across his face; I wasn’t sure if I had seen it correctly.

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T/N: I decided to use the original terms such as “Ah-ba”, “Ah-ma” instead of “Father” and “Mother” cuz I want to keep that tribe-like feeling, and I really love it when Shen Jianqing called Li Yuze, “Ah-ge”.